Butcher's Masquerade Quotes

I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.

Trauma does that, I thought. It’s an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.

I still can’t believe,” Michael said, sotto voce, “that you came to the Vampires’ Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.” “Not just a vampire,” I said, “a cheesy vampire. Do you think they got the point?

And I was so stupid, because I thought since I loved you, that meant you loved me.

Wait for my signal this time or you won’t be allowed to go to the party.” “I will kill your mother.

My beautiful boy,” Miriam whispered as she turned to dust. “My beautiful boy.

The moment anybody becomes a citizen, the Syndicate bends them over and fucks them. I can’t stop you from getting fucked. But I am the condom. You guys have condoms on your world? Of course you do. Everybody has condoms. Your ass is gonna hurt no matter what, but at least you won’t have tryptic genital mites after.

I have never claimed to be a smart person. We all do stupid things. A lot of times, people do stupid shit not because they are stupid, but because in the heat of the moment, they make rash decisions. It’s a different sort of thing. That’s my excuse here. Heat of the moment. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Everybody likes carnage when it’s not them.

We will all have to work together to make sure you're incompetence doesn't continue.

They have a strong dislike for people named Josh and ska music.

But then they’ll just run away,” Donut said. “I’d run away if some crazy guy showed up at game night and pulled out a gun and said, ‘Let’s play Russian Roulette instead of spin the bottle.

New Achievement! This little piggy made a boom boom! You deployed a bomb with the supple, curved sole of your foot. You took your perfectly-perfect, 30.004861 centimeter-long right foot and compressed it against an explosive device—a device named after me no less—and you gave it a naughty little shove before you pushed it out the door and detonated it. You killed them. You killed them all for your daddy.

Sergeant-at-Arms. “Well, that’s a lie, now isn’t it? It should just be Sergeant-at-Arm, not arms,” Donut quipped. “The next time we see him, I hope you rip his other arm off, Carl. Then he’ll just be a Sergeant.

the Syndicate bends them over and fucks them. I can’t stop you from getting fucked. But I am the condom. You guys have condoms on your world? Of course you do. Everybody has condoms. Your ass is gonna hurt no matter what, but at least you won’t have tryptic genital mites after.

I know. What we went through just now was only a taste of what’s coming, especially on the ninth floor. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. We’re going to lose more friends. We’re going to have to do some pretty horrible things just to survive. So I need you to keep that mask on. But one day... One day you’ll find yourself someplace safe and without worries and without everyone watching, and it’ll just fall right off. And it will hurt. You will cry for Firas and Gwen and Yolanda and Brandon and everybody else we’ve lost along the way, and you’ll be glad you had it on the whole time.

rules.

There’s no other decent looking people in the party for the sex sacrifice. Other than myself, of course. I’m pretty sure she’s not a lesbian, though. Even those bush elf guys all look like they’ve just been released from a hard labor work camp. I thought elves were supposed to be sexy.

They’re called goodwill ballrooms,” Samantha said from the edge of the table. “Everybody knows that. They’re quite common. It’s so visiting ambassadors and other dignitaries can be entertained without the danger of assassination. You can touch one another if you wish, but it is a light touch. It’s in such a room where I met my king. We had to wait until after the party before we could be together.” She sighed dramatically. “When I reunite with my body and find my sweet child, I’ll get back to him one day. We’ll have a happy, normal family.” She suddenly rolled across the table and stopped in front of Louis and started making weird, growling noises up at him. He started to back away, surprised. “My king is a fan of swapping partners, just so you know,” she said up to Louis. “Maybe we can talk your fiancée into portraying my bitch of a mother. Then we can have some fun.” Then she did some Hannibal Lecter thing with her tongue, causing everyone in the room to stop and look at the talking sex doll head.

I’d just gotten a cat,” Dmitri added sadly. “His name was Kapitan Whiskers, and he was orange. I got him the day before... before it happened.

If you gain a little bit of power, they take it away.

parents just love to romanticize mass-casualty events.

I tumbled like a sack of doorknobs

Reward: Your reward is advice. Fatherly advice. Don’t be a little bitch. There’s your reward.

Here’s the thing. A vampire kill scene usually looks like the Wal-Mart toy aisle on Black Friday. In other words, vampires are notoriously messy when they get to a’slaughtering.

The day I take a bribe from some pig-faced imperialist fuck is the day I wither.

He is prone to self-aggrandizing behavior. He doesn’t understand the concept of being told no. He doesn’t understand the concept of not being worshipped.

they just sit in a circle around him while he screams, and they scream back.

You ever go to one of those arcade pizza joints as a child? You’re usually there because it’s some other kid’s birthday, or worse, because your parent hates raising you so much they’d do anything just to keep you distracted for ten minutes in exchange for a pitcher of watered-down beer. The whole place is chaos. There’s flashing lights, blaring music, a colorful carpet that hides the vomit stains. Not to mention the norovirus-infested ball pit, the rickety merry-go-round, the workers with dead eyes, and the pizza that tastes like it was cooked in a Soviet-era microwave? All the while an animatronic rodent holds court on stage, blinking and rotating and telling you that he is now your god.

Once trust is broken, it can never be replaced. That’s an important life lesson, Carl.

This is a depiction of Scolopendra. She’s dreaming. It’s said when she finally awakens, she will destroy everything and free us all.

What is it called again, Carl?” “A mullet,” I said. “Yes, that’s right. Business in the front, party in the back. Tell me, is it a cultural thing? Where I’m from, it’s a cultural thing. It means you’re from a people who like to say ‘Yeehaw’ a lot and listen to music about trucks and cheating girlfriends and you eat things like corndogs and fried butter. And you like to blow things up.” She looked at me. “Carl, maybe you should grow one.

Clint turned on the other were-castor. “It couldn’t have been Imogen, ya turd burger.

When one values coin above life, you should target the coin, for it hurts them more.

Samantha: DON’T SLUT SHAME ME. I’M GOING TO KILL YOUR MOTHER.

Donut: OH, HONEY. YOU USED TO BE A SEX DOLL. I’M QUITE CERTAIN YOU CAN HANDLE ALL MANNER OF INDIGNITY. Samantha: DON’T SLUT SHAME ME. I’M GOING TO KILL YOUR MOTHER.

Watch it,” Moxo called from the corner. “Oh, I am terrified,” the frisbee robot replied. “My servos are quaking.” To me, it added, “The panel will commence in approximately three minutes.

So they’re holy water grenades? Cool.

Louis turned to Donut. “I had Juice Box do this Ursula thing once, you know, from Little Mermaid, and you wouldn’t believe how awesome it was.

Uh, do you know what Tina’s mother’s name is?” I asked. “It is Kiwi,” Prudence said. Donut gasped as I reached over and scratched Mongo’s head. “Hey, buddy. It looks like you banged Tina’s mom.

Not that one, Carl. Up higher. And on the other side. If I’m going to be permanently disfigured further, it might as well be on the top right. And hurry it up and get it over with. The last thing we need is more Carl and Princess Donut sexy time fan snicks floating around.” “More?” I asked. “You know what, I don’t want to know. Okay, I’m going to count to three.

I knew this was going to be amateur hour, but once you see it up close, you don’t fully appreciate the level of ineptitude it required to make something look this nice yet be so functionally inefficient at the same time.

lecherous,

Thanks everyone for all your continued support. A special thanks to the dude who sent nudes. It’s not necessary, but I appreciate it. I hope you get the help you need.

You beat a quest before I could even give it to you! Anticipating what’s going to happen is one thing, but this is just ridiculous. It’s like arriving in your pants before your date can even untie their shoelaces.

New Achievement! Mass Casualty Event. Okay. Calm your man-tiddies. Did your mother not love you? Is your god promising you unlimited handjobs in heaven or something? You planted and then detonated an improvised explosive device within an urban population center that resulted in more than 250 non-mob casualties. You’ve done this a few times now, but this was a big one. And on purpose. You really know how to paint the town red. Reward: You’ve received a Platinum Asshole’s Box. “Damnit,” I growled. That meant we’d killed more than 200 NPCs.

This was also something that trauma could do. It could make you blind, and it could open your eyes wider than they’d ever been, all at the same time.

New Achievement! Sex Pervert! A nipple ring? Really? The next thing you know, you’ll be waxing your perineum and attending those parties where you have to put your keys in a bowl. You’ll have to grow out your sideburns, buy a Trans Am, and you’ll no longer be able to make eye contact with your child’s orthodontist. Reward: Whores don’t get rewards.

What is this supposed to be?” I asked. “It’s you getting eaten by a brindle grub,” the boy, Keith, said. “My dad says if you weren’t the AI’s toy, that’s probably how you would’ve really died. He says you’re a cheater and you whore yourself to the macro AI and to the mudskippers. He says now that the brain worms have taken over, you’re going to die any day now.” “Ask your dad why that other guy is always coming over when he’s not home,” I said. I reached over and clicked the number one on the virtual tablet that hovered in front of me. “Next.

You’re wearing a mask right now, Donut, and you don’t know how to remove it. That’s okay. You don’t need to. Not yet. That mask is protecting you.

The naiad kingdom wasn’t very big. The naiad people had fallen to anarchy. The usurpers occupied the castle, no longer maintaining it or the kingdom. They were so obsessed with the idea of being “free” that they lost sight of what it meant to actually run a government. Like

They ain’t just dead. They dead dead. Their children are now orphans. Their mothers are gnashing their teeth and cursing your name. And you’re just sitting there all alive and shit, and girlfriend, I am all in.

And even though she wasn’t that bad of a dancer, when it came to making a song emerge from that tone-deaf gullet of hers, her rhythm was that of a drunk, three-legged donkey trying to negotiate its way down a set of ice-covered stairs.

Just Wait Until Your Daddy Gets Home – Wheeled Bomb. Type: High Yield Thermobaric Explosive. Also imbues Fear within blast radius. Effect: I hope you’re paid up on your homeowner’s insurance.

BUT IT’S OKAY BECAUSE I ALREADY GOT A NEW CLASS JUST FOR THIS FLOOR, AND IT IS GREAT. Carl: What did you get? Donut: I’LL TELL YOU BUT ONLY IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO GET MAD. KATIA SAYS YOU’RE GOING TO BE MAD. Carl: Donut. What did you pick? Donut: I’M A BARD! ISN’T IT GREAT! IT’S NOT A NECROBARD LIKE THEY OFFERED ME BEFORE, BUT IT’S BETTER. I’M A LEGENDARY DIVA. THAT’S WHAT THE CLASS IS CALLED. LEGENDARY DIVA. I SING! Carl: You sing.