Breaking Family Cycles Quotes

Sometimes, the heart must break in order to open.

On Generosity On our own, we conclude: there is not enough to go around we are going to run short of money of love of grades of publications of sex of beer of members of years of life we should seize the day seize our goods seize our neighbours goods because there is not enough to go around and in the midst of our perceived deficit you come you come giving bread in the wilderness you come giving children at the 11th hour you come giving homes to exiles you come giving futures to the shut down you come giving easter joy to the dead you come – fleshed in Jesus. and we watch while the blind receive their sight the lame walk the lepers are cleansed the deaf hear the dead are raised the poor dance and sing we watch and we take food we did not grow and life we did not invent and future that is gift and gift and gift and families and neighbours who sustain us when we did not deserve it. It dawns on us – late rather than soon- that you “give food in due season you open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.” By your giving, break our cycles of imagined scarcity override our presumed deficits quiet our anxieties of lack transform our perceptual field to see the abundance………mercy upon mercy blessing upon blessing. Sink your generosity deep into our lives that your muchness may expose our false lack that endlessly receiving we may endlessly give so that the world may be made Easter new, without greedy lack, but only wonder, without coercive need but only love, without destructive greed but only praise without aggression and invasiveness…. all things Easter new….. all around us, toward us and by us all things Easter new. Finish your creation, in wonder, love and praise. Amen.

Humans are capable of so much more. Power mongers like you have stripped away what is most valuable to us, the importance of our heritage and family values. We have been robbed of this, blinded by your authority, while you encourage us to burry ourselves in debt and rely on our corrupt governments. Men and women around the world have been forced to work long hours to keep up with inflated debts, all the while abandoning the families they struggle to support. History repeats, and repeats. It’s time to break the cycle and start anew.

Healing generational trauma takes courage and strength. It’s common for dysfunctional families to deny their abuse. They silence victims and dump toxic shame onto them. Complicit families keep abuse alive from generation to generation, until one brave survivor boldly ends the cycle of abuse.

This toxic pattern within the broken family system will continue from one generation to the next, until one brave survivor finally ends the cycle of abuse. The dysfunction, bullying, and abuse didn’t start with you, but it most certainly can end with you.

I wish I'd gotten to know my dad better too," Kent nodded, "because when I did know him, he already wasn't himself. But the thing is, I never blamed him." "Why's that?" "I suppose because trying to place blame on someone always seemed like an impossible task. Like trying to find the start of something that's actually an endless cycle. I just figured it was better to be hard on myself and to make sure that I was a better person to those I loved. That way I could break the cycle." Did you hear that, Dad? That's the kind of wisdom older brothers are put on this earth to dispense.

Fake smiles and hellos are not something I want to be a part of. I watched my mother do it, and I despised it. I want real. I know I’m young, but losing my mother, whom I never really knew, made me think about what I want from life. I don’t want to have to do something to please someone else. I want to break the cycle and not get trapped in their kind of life. I want love, a family, bake sales, date nights, fighting over not taking out the stupid trash.

My mom gave me life When I gave her back silence not a grandchild, She reconsidered the entire cycle of life… (July 1, 2015)

I’ve noticed that if several siblings have breaks in the mother-child bond, they’ll often express anger or jealousy, or feel disconnected from one another.

As psychologist Annie Rogers says, “The unconscious insists, repeats, and practically breaks down the door, to be heard. The only way to hear it, to invite it into the room, is to stop imposing something over it—mostly in the form of your own ideas—and listen instead for the unsayable, which is everywhere, in speech, in enactments, in dreams, and in the body.

The family has been sacrificed on the altar of economic and social success, and only the church can break that cycle, because it has found a better and more humane way to live: for God.

ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) Counseling can break the cycle in your family. Did you parent your parents? Chaos seem normal? Unhappiness is expected? http://marlana.org/spiritual-healing

I often think that parenting is really an exercise in our own development and growth; when we have kids, we are confronted with so many truths about ourselves, our childhoods, and our relationships with our families of origin. And while we can use this information to learn and unlearn, break cycles, and heal, we have to do this work while also caring for our kids, managing tantrums, getting by on limited sleep, and feeling depleted. That’s a lot.

The ACA program allows us to acknowledge our parents’ support and positive contributions in our lives. With the help of ACA, we are offering our parents fairness as we look at the family system with rigorous honesty. We are looking for the truth so that we can live our own lives with choice and self-confidence. We want to break the cycle of family dysfunction.

All the best and worse things in us are bound up in the legacy of our family. As children we ardently trust in the stability or, in some cases, the instability we were born into. No matter which...we embraced what was decent while simultaneously suppressing what was deficient yet both traits weaved roots of faithfulness and consternation into the very fabric of who we've become. This now plays significantly into how we nurture our own families and how we relate to others. Our love, our fears, our insecurities, and our loyalties all draw from how we were raised as well as our inherent desire to shift its paradigm to optimistically better the life of not just our children...but our children's children. That's the gift and or the curse of a legacy. Which will you leave behind?

After graduating from college, I was expected to find a good job. I didn't and instead dove into entrepreneurial ventures. My family thought I was crazy and proclaimed, “You're wasting a five-year education!” Peers thought I was delusional. Oh dear, delivering pizza and chauffeuring limousines while two business degrees hung from the wall?! Women wouldn't date me because I broke the professional, “college-educated” mold the fairy tale espoused. Going Fastlane and building momentum will require you to turn your back at the people who fart headwinds in your direction. You have to break free of society's gravitational force and their expectations. If you aren't mindful to this natural gravity, life can denigrate into a viscous self-perpetuating cycle, which is society's prescription for normal: Get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch a few episodes of Law and Order, go to bed … then repeat, day after day after day.

Many of us from dysfunctional families are struggling. We need more help, it takes a village and we're trying to find ours. We are looking to family and possibly some friends who are still displaying destructive patterns of behavior that we don't want passed on to our children. How do we break the cycle? It starts with us, we have to create new circles and change the people we surround ourselves with. It's not easy letting go but necessary for our personal growth and well being, as well as generations to come. Our children will embrace what we accept as the norm because they are looking to us for guidance and direction. We set the tone for what's okay acceptable and unacceptable. We are the leaders and they will follow suit.

are worthy of being met, you’ll have trouble attracting help and certainly trouble receiving it when it shows up. So how do you break the cycle and start feeling worthy of support so you can call it in and embrace it when it shows up? I’d start with having a dialogue with yourself in a journal or meditation, or simply on a walk, about what makes you feel like you’re not worthy of support. How did your mother express her needs? Was it directly, passive-aggressively, or not at all? How did you witness her getting her needs met? Through direct, kind communication, through having breakdowns, through manipulation, or some other way? What happened in your family growing up when you asked for a need to be met or you asked for help? What kind of response did you get? Answering these kinds of questions will start to shed some light on your blueprint around receiving

Add Healthy Coping Mechanisms Regardless of how much work we do to heal our root issues, we will always need to deal with life, people, our family, assholes, emotions, pain, disappointment, anxiety, depression, loss, grief, and stress. So we need to not only work on the root causes and break the cycle of addiction, but also to replace our crappy coping mechanisms with healthy and constructive ones. Some examples of healthy coping mechanisms are: breathing techniques, spiritual practices, essential oils, chants and sound therapies, supplements, meditations, positive affirmations, and so on. We need to learn how to incorporate these healthy substitutes—not just know what we “should do.” We need to create an existence where we naturally and impulsively reach for something that builds us up or reinforces us or heals us (a poem or mantra, a meditation, a cup of hot water with lemon) instead of something that just takes us down further (a cigarette, a text to an abusive ex-lover, a bottle of wine, a new pair of shoes we can’t afford).

When my dad became an adult, he had to decide if he would repeat the sins of his father or break the cycle. He really wanted to break the cycle,” Pat recalls. “So when Dad had four boys of his own, our family joined a church for help. Unfortunately, our church had a vision to put my dad to work, but no vision to disciple him to be a godly man, husband, and father. As a result, my dad became successful as a worker, but as a disciple he got left behind. So, at the age of forty, when my dad was the top lay leader in the church (I was in the tenth grade, my younger brothers were in the seventh, fifth, and third grades), he and my mother just got burned out and we left the church.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:4-6 A gentleman who had read One Heartbeat Away emailed me one day. He said he was a WWII veteran. He made the fatal error of putting his phone number in his email, so I called him! We had the neatest chat. He was a machine gunner at the Battle of the Bulge! I told my mom that I had history on the telephone. So I picked his brain for a while. He said he had seen a copy of One Heartbeat Away lying on a table at a VA hospital and perused it a bit. He also told me he loves to read, so he figured that if it was left on the table, then he could take it! When he emailed me, he had already read the book once and was half way through it for the second time. He said, “I have three hundred years of Catholicism in my family. After reading this book, I am now trusting Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ alone, for my salvation.” All I could say was, “Wow!” Then he said, “My mind is sharp as a tack. I love to read. You got any more books?” Well, we sent him everything I had at that time. In his next email, he let me know that he had read One Heartbeat Away three times through, front to back, and he was telling everyone he could about Jesus! If you live in Ohio, there is an 89-year-old evangelist roaming around, so you better watch out! This veteran made the decision to break the cycle of Catholicism in his family. No more rituals. No more good works to get to Heaven. No more, I hope I get there. No more infallibility. He is trusting in the blood of Christ, and nothing else, for the washing away of his sins. He now wants everyone else to have that same blessing as well!

Many of us from dysfunctional families are struggling. We need more help, we need stronger villages. We are looking to family and possibly some friends who are still displaying destructive patterns of behavior that we don't want passed on to our children. How do we break the cycle? It starts with us, we have to create new circles and change the people we surround ourselves with.

when we understand why we are so reactive—what old patterns and wounds are being triggered for us—we can begin to heal and choose a different way of being, rather than repeating dysfunctional family patterns

The unconscious insists, repeats, and practically breaks down the door, to be heard. The only way to hear it, to invite it into the room, is to stop imposing something over it—mostly in the form of your own ideas—and listen instead for the unsayable, which is everywhere, in speech, in enactments, in dreams, and in the body.

It's possible to honor your family and your ancestors by breaking the intergenerational cycle of trauma.

The work is moving away from emotional reactivity and moving toward emotional tending. It’s the only way to end the cycle.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. A father's evil ways can shape a son's future, but it's never too late to break the cycle and choose a path of goodness, becoming a better husband and father, and cultivating a family tree that bears fruit of love and kindness.

The pause is where you begin to ask yourself questions like: What’s familiar about this? What’s the origin story here? How do I normally respond? What opportunity is in front of me? What is something healing I can offer myself right now? and What is one shift I can make to step out of the cycle?

When evil manifests through a father's criminal actions, it can leave a legacy of darkness, transferring like a curse to future generations. But know this the power of redemption and forgiveness can break the cycle, shattering the chains of inherited evil and freeing you to forge a new path.

One of my subjects was Child Protection, and the more I learnt, the more I wanted to know. During this time, I did a paper on youth suicide. I was absolutely horrified at the rate at which our young people slipped through the cracks of all services that were available to them, which resulted in very tragic circumstances. Because of this, our young feel rejected, and if they do not have a loving, supportive family structure, this can often make them targets to the undesirables, drugs, sexual abuse, and homelessness, which often leads to suicide. Even adults fall through the cracks of the mental health system, and if they have children, this often becomes a reoccurring cycle, and it continues until a service can find a way to break the cycle, and it is often easier said than done.

Imagine this garden; one you’ve planted from seed, cultivated with love. When the seeds break the ground, they seek sunshine, warmth, and nutrients. The seeds have no control over the weather. They are as dependent on it as we are on our minds. You may have control over the location of your garden, the frequency with which you tend to it, and the amount of care you give it, but you can’t control the weather. It may be sunny one day, rainy the next. You prop the vines in the hopes they will flourish once the rain passes. And they may, until the next rain comes. The weather changes, sometimes without warning. Sometimes you can see it coming, much like the triggers a depressed person avoids, and you try to protect the plants before the storm. The intensity of the labor can get frustrating, especially if there is no relief in sight. One day, a tornado or hurricane passes through. Even though you see it on the horizon, you can’t stop it and you may not be able to seek shelter soon enough. The plants are torn from their roots, the garden completely destroyed. You may have thought you could protect it yourself, that the storm wouldn’t be that bad, or you simply didn’t know how or were afraid to ask for help. Your neighbors and family couldn’t help or didn’t know you needed help. The garden is gone. This is the way of depression; if you don’t have it, it’s very difficult to understand this cycle.

With River, our youngest, I was playing tennis during the summer. It was about 100 degrees, and with the humidity it felt like about 110. “I’m seeing stars,” I told my friend. “I’m gonna sit down now. I feel like I’m going to pass out.” By now I was familiar with the feeling, and I knew it was because of being pregnant, so I didn’t worry. “It’s just a heat thing. I can’t breathe. The heat got to me. Just bring me some water, and I’ll be okay.” When I told Jep what happened, he said, “You’re not playing tennis anymore because you’re carrying my baby.” Even though I learned not to worry about fainting when I’m pregnant, I do tend to be a worrier. My mom is a major worrier, a hundred times more than me. My grandma is too. I want to break that cycle.

You'll let go of everything that doesn't serve you. You'll break every soul tie and spiritual bonds that hold you down and you will rise. You will save yourself and your family from cycles and curses. Your descendants will live free and redeemed all because you woke up on the right side and made everything right.

Sinful parents often produce children who follow in their footsteps, both lost and wandering in the darkness of ignorance. But God's grace can intervene, breaking the cycle of sin and restoring hope. Let us cry out to Him for mercy and wisdom to raise our children in His love and truth.

Patience in your life. Remember that we don’t have to fill up every moment with entertainment, distractions, and activity. Life gets better when we make space and time to absorb each moment rather than rushing to the next thing. When we allow some spacious, unstructured time around activities, we enjoy them as a family even more. Downtime is a good thing.

Transformational Accountability requires that we take honest inventory of the harm we have caused, assess our commitment to transforming these behaviors, and to be willing to actively and consistently build trust through vulnerability. (It) must begin at the personal level because if we cannot handle the small things between us, how will we be able to hand the big things? ...We practice being accountable so we can disrupt the harmful conditions we have been raised in, and learn new ways to be in relationship to each other. We practice accountability because it is something we often are not taught. We practice so we can have joyful and healed relationships. We practice accountability so we can break cycles of harm caused in our families and communities.

If your ancestors themselves were the cause of the trauma, you can break the cycle of suffering by interacting with them. After all, if unpleasantness runs in your family, isn’t it about time for it to run out? We can’t change the past, but we sure can face it head on and refuse to let it define us.

People like to pretend there's nothing more important than family. That they'd sacrifice anything for it. But parents abandon their children every day. Kids forsake their parents. Brothers betray each other. There's nothing sacred about blood. Family isn't sacred, it's an ideal. We all have to break our ideals sometime. But having them gives us something to live up to.

Let's imagine we're standing together on the launch pad at NASA's Cape Canaveral facility near Orlando, and staring up at the stars together. As I write this, the last constellation above the horizon is Centaurus. The centaur's front head is a bright star. In fact, it's three stars—a pair called Alpha Centauri A and B, and, dimmest of the trio, Proxima Centauri. Here, look through this telescope. See? You can tell them apart. But what we can't see is that there is, in fact, a planet circling the faint light of Proxima Centauri. Man, I wish we could see it. Because that planet, Proxima Centauri b, is the nearest known exoplanet to Earth. [...] If we were to board a spacecraft and ride it from the outer edge of our atmosphere all the way to Proxima Centauri b, you and I, who boarded the ship fit and trim, chosen as we were from billions of applicants, would die before the voyage reached even 1/100th of the intervening distance. [...] At a speed of 20,000 miles per hour—the speed of our top-performing modern rockets—4.2 light years translates to more than 130,000 years of space travel. [...] So how will we ever get there? A generation ship. [...] the general notion is this: get enough human beings onto a ship, with adequate genetic diversity among us, that we and our fellow passengers cohabitate as a village, reproducing and raising families who go on to mourn you and me and raise new of their own, until, thousands of years after our ship leaves Earth's gravity, the distant descendants of the crew that left Earth finally break through the atmosphere of our new home. [...] A generation ship is every sociological and psychological challenge of modern life squashed into a microcosmic tube of survival and amplified—generation after generation. [...] The idea of a generation ship felt like a pointless fantasy when I first encountered it. But as I've spent the last few years speaking with technologists, academics, and policy makers about the hidden dangers of building systems that could reprogram our behavior now and for generations to come, I realized that the generation ship is real. We're on board it right now. On this planet, our own generation ship, we were once passengers. But now, without any training, we're at the helm. We have built lives for ourselves on this planet that extend far beyond our natural place in this world. And now we are on the verge of reprogramming not only the planet, but one another, for efficiency and profit. We are turning systems loose on the decks of the ship that will fundamentally reshape the behavior of everyone on board, such that they will pass those behaviors on to their progeny, and they might not even realize what they've done. This pattern will repeat itself, and play out over generations in a behavioral and technological cycle.

If your family has gotten used to having devices at the table, it can be difficult to break the cycle... Find a starting point that works for you and use it as an opportunity to reset the relationship between meals and devices.

Yes Person. Tends to be agreeable with no expressed preferences in relationships, and is often referred to as a people-pleaser or “pushover.” Regularly engages in codependent dynamics, neglecting their own needs to drop everything for others. Prides themselves on acting “selflessly” (or being a “martyr”) by showing up for others no matter what and often ends up over-giving and under-receiving support and care within their relationships. Regularly adopts the beliefs, habits, and even hobbies of their partners, friends, or family and can feel lost or helpless without others to direct them. The Yes Person’s nervous system is often hypervigilant and in Pleaser mode, constantly putting others before themselves.

Beginning Anew: A Tool for Bringing Closeness out of Conflict No matter how skillful and grounded we are, there will still be conflicts and problems in our families. The tools of mindfulness meditation, loving-kindness, reflective listening, I-messages, and more will greatly reduce the number and severity of those conflicts, but we will still have them. Conflicts can, however, bring us even closer together if we use these moments as opportunities to be real and vulnerable, and to come together to repair the damage done. On a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh, I learned the Beginning Anew framework for repairing a relationship—including a relationship with a child. It teaches us to look deeply and honestly at ourselves and our past actions, speech, and thoughts. We take this moment as a fresh beginning for ourselves and in our relationships with others. Beginning Anew has three parts: offering appreciation, sharing regrets, and expressing hurts and difficulties. You can do this in person, or write a letter of Beginning Anew if your child reads. Part 1: Offering appreciation. This is an opportunity to shine light on the other’s strengths and contributions, and to encourage the growth of his or her positive qualities. You may mention specific instances when the other person said or did something that you appreciated. This first step shows that you see the wonderful things about this person. Part 2: Sharing regrets. This is your chance to mention any unskillful actions, speech, or thoughts that you feel bad about and haven’t yet had an opportunity to apologize for. For example, you might say, “I’m sorry that I said you were selfish. I was wrong to do that. I realize how my comment hurt you, and I shouldn’t have spoken in that way.” Part 3: Expressing hurts and difficulties. Now you share how you felt hurt by something the other person did or said. Use your I-messages here. Don’t attack or blame. Speak or write about your hurts in a calm way, never in an exaggerated, reproachful, accusatory, or desperate manner

Mankind,’ however, has no aim, no idea, no plan, any more than the family of butterflies or orchids. ‘Mankind’ is a zoological expression, or an empty word. But conjure away the phantom, break the magic circle, and at once there emerges an astonishing wealth of actual forms the Living with all its immense fullness, depth and movement hitherto veiled by a catchword, a dryasdust scheme, and a set of personal ‘ideals.’ I see, in place of that empty figment of one linear history which can only be kept up by shutting one’s eyes to the overwhelming multitude of the facts, the drama of a number of mighty Cultures, each springing with primitive strength from the soil of a mother region to which it remains firmly bound throughout its whole life-cycle, each stamping its material, its mankind, in its own image; each having its own idea, its own passions, its own life, will, and feeling, its own death Here indeed are colours, lights, movements, that no intellectual eye has yet discovered. Here the Cultures, peoples, languages, truths, gods, landscapes bloom and age as the oaks and the stone-pines, the blossoms, twigs and leaves but there is no ageing ‘Mankind.’ Each Culture has its own new possibilities of self-expression which arise, ripen, decay, and never return. There is not one sculpture, one painting, one mathematics, one physics, but many, each in its deepest essence different from the others, each limited in duration and self-contained, just as each species of plant has its peculiar blossom or fruit, its special type of growth and decline. These cultures, sublimated life-essences, grow with the same superb aimlessness as the flowers of the field. They belong, like the plants and the animals, to the living Nature of Goethe, and not to the dead Nature of Newton. I see world-history as a picture of endless formations and transformations, of the marvelous waxing and waning of organic forms. The professional historian, on the contrary, sees it as a sort of tapeworm industriously adding on to itself one epoch after another.

Conflicts are a normal, natural part of family life, and we should expect them frequently. In fact, research has shown that siblings have a conflict on average once an hour, and, on average, parents have a conflict with their adolescent once a day (Bögels and Restifo 2014). We have so much resistance to conflict, but when we accept that conflicts are normal, it becomes easier to let go of the irritation that arises. Remember that equation, pain x resistance = suffering? It’s time to expect conflict and accept that it’s an inevitable part of human relationships. We don’t have to feel guilty or that it’s somehow our fault when children fight or when we have a conflict with our partner. Conflict is normal.

The unconscious insists, repeats, and practically breaks down the door, to be heard.

With a break in the mother-child bond among siblings, each child might express his or her disconnection with the mother differently. One child might become a people pleaser, fearing that if he’s not good, or he makes waves, he’ll lose connection with people. Another child, believing that connection is never hers to have in the first place, might become argumentative and create conflict to push away the people close to her. Another child might isolate and have little contact with people at all. I’ve noticed that if several siblings have breaks in the mother-child bond, they’ll often express anger or jealousy, or feel disconnected from one another. For example, an older child might resent the child born later, perceiving that the younger child received the love that he or she did not get. Because the hippocampus—that part of the brain involved in creating memories—isn’t fully operational until after the age of two, the older child may not consciously remember being held, fed, or cuddled by the mother, but remembers the younger child receiving their mother’s love. In response, the older child, feeling slighted, can unconsciously blame the younger child for getting what he or she did not. And then, of course, there are some children who don’t seem to carry any family trauma at all. For these children, it’s quite possible that a successful bond was established with the mother and/or father, and this connection helped to immunize the child from carrying entanglements from the past. Perhaps a window of time opened in which the mother was able to give more to one particular child and not the others. Perhaps the parents’ relationship improved. Perhaps the mother experienced a special connection with one child, but couldn’t connect deeply with the others. Younger children often, though not always, seem to do a bit better than first children, or only children, who seem to carry a bigger portion of unfinished business from the family history. When it comes to siblings and inherited family trauma, there are no hard and fast rules governing how each child is affected. Many variables, in addition to birth order and gender, can influence the choices siblings make and the lives they lead. Even though it may appear from the outside that one sibling is unscathed by trauma, while another is encumbered, my clinical experience gives me a different perspective: Most of us carry at least some residue from our family history. However, many intangibles also enter into the equation and can influence how deeply entrenched family traumas remain. These intangibles include self-awareness, the ability to self-soothe, and having a powerful internal healing experience.

quote from Dr. Dan Siegel: “The best predictor of a child’s well-being is the parent’s self-understanding.” What this means is that when we understand why we are so reactive—what old patterns and wounds are being triggered for us—we can begin to heal and choose a different way of being, rather than repeating dysfunctional family patterns. We can have a chance to refrain from unwittingly passing this baggage onto our kids.

Anger is often called a secondary or “iceberg” emotion because underneath it is often a host of other feelings that are driving it: fear, sadness, embarrassment, rejection, criticism, stress, exhaustion, irritation, and more. Thus, when your child behaves wildly in a public place, embarrassment can set off your anger and trigger a response that perpetuates a pattern passed down in your family through generations.

I just want you to know," my father said, "I forgive you." "For what?" I said. "For everything." It was just unbelievable. I had taken care of my mother when she was ill. I had taken care of my father after his heart surgery. Had they paid me? Had they worried that this might be a hardship for me? Had they asked my brother to take time off the tenure track to help them? And now, here it was my winter break, I had friends going on trips, Hong Kong, Myanmar, but no, I'd told them all I couldn't go because my father had said he wanted to visit me. So I let him come and gave him my bed, and I drive him across the Bay to visit his crazy old friends and play the filial game, and now this! When I was a teenager, he'd spent money on my brother for a car, a motorcycle, a three-wheeler even, and I wasn't allowed to go out after dark, and the housework I'd done, and the cooking, and who had to work her way through college? I felt the old familiar anger settling into my stomach again, and I remembered why I'd wanted to move far away from my family in the first place, vowing to stay away. I took a deep cleansing breath, the kind the therapist recommended when she talked about family dynamics and repeating the cycle and breaking the cycle, and I exhaled slowly over my teeth. I tried to count to ten but only made it to five. "I forgive you too," I said tightly. "You're welcome," my father agreed. "No, I said I FORGIVE YOU. I didn't thank you.

BOND OR BONDAGE? Lauren has always rushed into relationships. When she met Tyler, she ignored his controlling behavior and the way he isolated her from family and friends. Soon, she was trapped in a vicious cycle of manipulation and emotional abuse followed by profuse apologies and showers of affection. In the past three years, Lauren has broken up with Tyler more than five times, but can’t seem to stay away. Tyler’s charm always convinces her that he has changed.

Transgenerational trauma keeps going until someone in the family recognizes and breaks the cycle by healing themselves, and in so doing, their ancestors.

Whatever the cause the crucial question is how to break the cycle of our neurotic suffering? If we are willing to acknowledge our conflicted way of life, what can we do to resolve it? In the next video we will explore Jung’s ideas regarding this question. As we will see his prescription did not involve digging through the events of our childhood or working through what he called the “boring emotional tangles of the “family romance”” (Carl Jung, Freud and Psychoanalysis). Rather, Jung maintained that the best way to conquer a neurosis is through the construction of something new – specifically a new attitude to life. We must look forward, not back.

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS Troubled families also tend to have unrealistic and rigid expectations. We’ll take a closer look at this in the next chapter, but in these situations, the family expects the child to behave like a little adult in all situations.

INVALIDATION Many codependents grew up in an environment where their truth was not supported. This may happen in a family in which children are not expected to be heard or are expected to stifle their emotions or perspectives to keep their parents comfortable

SWALLOWING EMOTIONS In some families, children are taught to hide their emotions. For example, many of my clients, when they were children, internalized the message that crying is weak.

DENYING THE SENSE OF SELF Children in troubled families can experience not only the minimization of their views and emotions but also the invalidation of their core sense of self. This happens when children are not only sent the message that their thoughts or feelings wrong, but also that who they are fundamentally is a problem.

Performing a role for our family can be incredibly draining,

When you are attached to a person, the love for them that you have is conditional and based on the needs you have that they can meet—the need of time and attention, affection, companionship, sex. So when you become dependent and attached and this relationship ends, you go through withdrawals and have a negative reaction, not because the person you loved is gone, but because your needs are no longer being met. “That’s why you see some people who suffer for long periods of time while others can hop into another relationship quickly. While the first person is unaware of the problem, the second person knows exactly what it is. They know that if they find another person to fulfill those needs accurately, they will no longer need their ex. “Often times we get attached to people solely because they satisfy our needs. “In order to break that cycle, you must be whole within yourself, lacking nothing, so that your partner isn’t expected to complete you but instead complement and enhance you. “And this isn’t just for romantic relationships, though this is where attachment happens most. It also happens within the relationships we have with our family and friends—especially our parents. From birth, they are fulfilling needs, and if we aren’t careful, we will begin to love their hands and not their hearts. That’s why it’s important to truly love and nurture our children, not just spoil them. “When you live like this, understanding that all things are temporary and won’t last forever, you are able to live and love freely without being dependent on anyone for anything because you have already mastered yourself, become aware of yourself, and satisfied yourself through wholeness. If a person dies, yes, it will hurt because we are human. If a relationship ends, yes, it will hurt, because we are human—but you will know, and trust, that life will go on. As Maya Angelou said, love liberates. If it bounds you and makes you feel trapped, that is attachment and a very dangerous type of love. “It’s not an easy way to love, but it’s the healthiest and one that we all need to work on establishing to maintain positive relationships of all kinds. We

You survive when you don't repeat the cycle, but you thrive when you create a new legacy and trajectory. Conscious awareness and effort are what separate someone who thrives from someone who survives. You can consciously create a different life, and those who do are known as "cyclebreakers.

when we have kids, we are confronted with so many truths about ourselves, our childhoods, and our relationships with our families of origin. And while we can use this information to learn and unlearn, break cycles, and heal, we have to do this work while also caring for our kids, managing tantrums, getting by on limited sleep, and feeling depleted.

The best predictor of a child’s well-being is the parent’s self-understanding.” What this means is that when we understand why we are so reactive—what old patterns and wounds are being triggered for us—we can begin to heal and choose a different way of being, rather than repeating dysfunctional family patterns. We can have a chance to refrain from unwittingly passing this baggage onto our kids.

USA, UK, AUSTRALIA TRADITIONAL HEALER Love spellcaster [+256707994890]. SANGOMA In Durban , Durban North , East Rand , Edenvale , Elliot , Empangeni , Engcobo , Estcourt , Flagstaff , Four ways , Gauteng , George , germiston , greytown , Harrismith , Heidelberg , Hennenman , Idutywa , Jeffreys Bay , Johannesburg , Kathu , Kempton park , South africa Papa Gift【+256707994890 Powerful Traditional Healer, Lost Love Sangoma Best Love Spell Caster, Love Spells Lost Lover Spells, Witchcraft Spells … / sangoma – Herbalist, TRADITIONAL HEALER, SPIRITUAL HEALER, SPELLS CASTER CAN GET YOU THROUGH YOUR PROBLEMS, CALL OR WHATSAPP【+256707994890 FOR; 1-Bring back your lost lover (even if lost for a long time) 2-Control cheating partners 3-Make him/her yours alone 4-Child bearing problems 5-Quick marriage 6-Divorce issues 7-Fincial problems 8-Defeat competitors/enemies She also offers long distance succeedful services Papa Gift [[+256707994890]] has experience of 27 years in helping and guiding many people from all over the world. His psychic abilities may help you answer and resolve many unanswered questions. He specialize in helping women and men from all walks of life….. ►Is your love falling apart? ►Do you want your love to grow stronger? ►We strengthen bonds in all love relationship and marriages, ►Is your partner losing interest in you? ►Divorce or Court issues, ►Preventing your partner from cheating on you ►We help to keep your partner faithful and loyal to you, ►We recover love and happiness when relationship breaks up. ►Making your partner love you alone, ►We create loyalty and everlasting love between couples, ►Get a divorce settlement quickly from your ex-partner, ►We could create everlasting love between couples. ►We help you look for the best suitable partner when you can’t break the cycle of loneliness, ►Are you an herbalist who wants to get more powers? ►Buy a house or car of your dream ►Unfinished jobs by other doctors come to me, ►I help those seeking employment, ►Pensioners free treatment, ►Win business tenders and contracts ►Do you need to recover your lost property? ►Promotion at work and better pay, ►Do you want to be protected from bad spirits nightmares? ►Financial problems, ►Why you can’t keep money or lovers? ►Why you have a lot of enemies? ►Why you are fired regularly on jobs? ►Speed up money claim spell, delayed payments, pension and accident funds ►I help students pass their exams/interviews ►Removal of bad luck and debts, ►Waterkloof, Sandton, ►Who is the best traditional healer in South Africa? ►What is the difference between sangoma and inyanga? ►What is an inyanga? ►What is an indigenous healer? Love marriage Problem Family disputes (disputes with in-laws) Divorce problem Gay spells to make your ex come back for good Obstacles in study Death spells death portions Son/daughter out of order Husband wife problem Enemy safety Health problem Childless Women problems Revenge spells Desirable job Get your ex back girlfriend How to get him back once he has moved on Get your ex back with the law of attraction Get my ex back after 6 months Ex back after 3 months How to get your ex-girlfriend back after no contact Getting back with ex after bad break up How to get an ex-boyfriend back after a year How to get your ex back after cheating on her Get my ex-girlfriend back fast Get him back by ignoring him Get ex back possible How to get her back after a break up Get her back after a year How to get my ex-boyfriend back after years Get ex-boyfriend back no contact Get ex back quickly Get your ex-boyfriend back spells How to get your ex back via text message How can i get my ex back when she has moved on lost loves spells caster Get him back with one text Get your ex back permanently How to get ex-boyfriend back after a bad break up How to get ex-love back after a break up Black magic spells. Love spell Three nights of hell Marriage destruction hex Voodoo spell of torment and pain Spell of protection giftpapa20@gmail.com

Good-enough parenting tells us that we don’t need to strive to be perfect parents, and we should not expect perfection from our children. Problems will occur in every family, and reacting with blame, shame, and harsh criticism does not help. Instead, can we remember that imperfections in all human beings are unavoidable—especially for kids? Can we expect our children to make mistakes? Can we let go of our own striving for perfection?