Bizarre Football Quotes

A year before Wenger’s appointment, Leyton Orient manager John Sitton had been the subject of a Channel 4 documentary that recorded him threatening to fight his own players in a famously bizarre dressing-room outburst. ‘When I tell you to do something, do it, and if you come back at me, we’ll have a fucking right sort-out in here,’ he roared at two players. ‘All right? And you can pair up if you like, and you can fucking pick someone else to help you, and you can bring your fucking dinner, ’coz by the time I’ve finished with you, you’ll fucking need it.’ That was the 1990s football manager.

As with all Torino stories, there was to be a final, weird, twist to this tale. In 2000 Torino appointed a new president. He was a life-long Torino fan and had worked as a spokesman for FIAT. His name? Attilio Romero. The same Attilio ‘Tilli’ Romero who had run over his idol – Gigi Meroni – in 1967. The club was now run by a man who had killed one of its most famous players, albeit by accident. This bizarre fact did not pass without comment. Some fans, unhappy at the performance of the team, took to shouting ‘murderer’ at Romero.

Religion can thus be defined as a system of human laws that is founded on a belief in superhuman laws. This involves two distinct criteria: 1. Religion is an entire system of laws, rather than an isolated custom or belief. Knocking on wood for good luck isn’t a religion. Even a belief in reincarnation does not constitute a religion, as long as it does not validate some concrete laws and norms. 2. To be considered a religion, the system of laws must claim to be based on superhuman laws rather than on human decisions. Professional football is not a religion, because despite its many rules, rites and often bizarre rituals, everyone knows that human beings invented football themselves, and FIFA may at any moment enlarge the size of the goal or cancel the offside rule.

paled on the bizarre-o-meter, however, compared with what happened on September 30, 1983, when the roster of the Chicago Blitz and the roster of the Arizona Wranglers were traded for each other. Yes, traded for each other. It was, unofficially, the largest singular professional sports transaction of all time. Wrote

Finley said that he chose green and gold in honor of his favorite college football team, Notre Dame.

Late at night I think that if I could write a list of the things I like, I could somehow write my way out of the mess I'm in. I don't know how this works or even how it occurs to me that it might work. How the fuck could it work? Write a list. It's a bizarre thought. But what would I write? I like reading. I like movies, especially in the early hours, when the rest of the city is sleeping. I like the American football on TV, strange and beautiful sport from another planet. I like Candy, Candy's warmth, Candy's pussy, Candy's eyes, breasts, sense of humor, attitude, legs, voice, laugh... I like a lot of things about Candy. I like sex. The list I'm trying to write should not include the statement I like heroin, because that won't help.

If you’re really thirsty for serious coffee culture and football, it takes nine hours to Melbourne and thirteen to Sydney. If you drive to my hometown from Sydney, you’ll find stretches of road that are so long and straight you could place a brick on the accelerator and take a twenty-minute nap without veering off the road or missing anything in the dry, lifeless landscape of red sand, with its scattered blue saltbush and thirsty mulga and Mallee trees as far as the eye can see. The only thing that might wake you from your snooze would be hitting a red kangaroo. After happily hopping across the land with no particular plan in mind, startled kangaroos usually stop and stand frozen in the middle of the road, curious about the strange machine rocketing towards them. What a way to go. Here’s a tip: attach a ‘roo bar’ – not a place where kangaroos will dance for money, but a very solid metal grill – to the front of your car; that way, the impact