Bethany Joy Lenz Quotes

I found out that when the numbness lasts for long enough it bears a striking resemblance to peace.

I think we’re all little cathedrals of contradiction. Terrifying darkness and shocking beauty coexist in everyone, and God doesn’t wait for us to clean out all the bad before celebrating the good. It’s scandalous, really—that kind of love.

hated myself. What a waste of space I was. A waste of talent. Of time.

I do not want ‘unity’ at the expense of truth.

If someone wants to label you against the loving truth of who you are, you are empowered to make the declaration ‘I don’t receive that.

There is one indisputable way to identify a cult, one characteristic they all share. If is not a belief in alien spacecraft or a plentiful supply of Flavor Aid. It is the notion that anyone who does not agree with the group's beliefs or choices, who expresses concerns, who simply dare to ask questions, is deemed "unsafe". Every good thing about that person must be subsumed by the fact that they disagree with me, so I can boil down their character into something vilifiable. For mind control to work, there has to be heroes and villains. It has to be us versus them. In a cult, it isn't good enough for you to say, "I love you, but I disagree with you." You must affirm my choices and beliefs. Only then can you be considered "safe". In a cult, safety means agreement. The irony of course, is that while you are not allowed to have your own opinions about my beliefs, I am allowed to have an opinion about yours.

I wish it had occurred to me in that moment to ask him one question: Who has spiritual authority over you? Such a simple and vital question to ask any leader - spiritual or otherwise. I didn't ask, though. Instead, I thought sincerely about who had invested the most in my life recently. Pam was becoming the warm, sweet mom I never had. Les was becoming the emotionally available father figure I always wanted. This whole group felt like the loud, fun, real family I had dreamed of. If anyone was going to help me figure out the right way to live, it would be them. - pp. 93

Metin Basoglu, a psychiatrist and trauma researcher, studied the psychological effects of torture on political POWs and war survivors from Yugoslavia and Turkey by comparing continuous versus intermittent torture. His findings showed that torture with breaks between abuses induced more severe psychological effects than continuous torture. Victims of intermittent torture had higher rates of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The unpredictability and anticipation of more abuse heightened stress and anxiety, which then caused "learned helplessness," making victims feel powerless and passive over time. This increased compliance because resistance seemed futile." - p. 215

There is one indisputable way to identify a cult, one characteristic they all share. It is not a belief in alien spacecraft or a plentiful supply of Flavor Aid. It is the notion that anyone who does not agree with the group's beliefs or choices, who expresses concerns, who simply dares to ask questions, is deemed "unsafe." Every good thing about that person must be subsumed by the fact that they disagree with me, so I can boil down their character into something vilifiable. For mind control to work, there has to be heroes and villains. It has to be us versus them. In a cult, it isn't good enough for you to say, "I love you, but I disagree with you." You must affirm my choices and beliefs. Only then can you be considered "safe." In a cult, safety means agreement." - p. 296

My husband's father had encouraged his three sons from a young age to take out their aggression against women on the drywall and furniture, and he set the example himself. "Right in front of the women, if needed," Les would coach, "so she can see how passionate you are about her and see how controlled you are to not harm her in spite of the fact that she makes you so angry." And boy, did I make my husband angry. Everything I did, said, thought - my very existence, it seemed.

...something ingrained in me from years of being in these charismatic environments was that Christians were supposed to have the ultimate answers, so we shouldn't take advice from nonbelievers.

Intelligent and ambitious people want to be challenged, and someone having high expectations of you is a turn-on. High demand is a motivator, success is a drug, and before you know it, you're rationalizing anything in order to meet the demand and get your high. The demand has become your god. There <\i>is one indisputable way to identify a cult, one characteristic they all share. It is not a belief in alien spacecraft or a plentiful supply of Flavor Aid. It is the notion that anyone who does not agree with the group's beliefs or choices, who expresses concerns, who simply dares to ask questions, is deemed "unsafe." Every good thing about that person must be subsumed by the fact that they disagree with me, so I can boil down their character into something vilifiable. For mind control to work, there has to be heroes and villains. It has to be us versus them. In a cult, it isn't good enough for you to say "I love you, but I disagree with you." You must affirm my choices and beliefs. Only then can you be considered "safe." In a cult, safety means agreement. The irony, of course, is that while you are not allowed to have your own opinion about my beliefs, I am allowed to have an opinion about yours.

The only way people change their perception of abuse survivors is if they are challenged—if they hear about what it’s really like from someone who experienced it, rather than have the usual cult stereotypes and clichés reinforced by whatever trashy true-crime podcasts they listen to and documentaries they love to watch.

...cults can come in multiple guises and anybody can fall for one...

I sat with her on the kitchen floor. Octonauts Band-Aid, Popsicle from the freezer, and she was laughing again. As I watched those bright eyes, the rage in me quelled. I thought of the last lines I’d delivered as Haley. It’s a magical place. I’ve seen that magic in your eyes. There’s only one Tree Hill, and it’s your home. I wanted Rosie to be able to feel that kind of magic and peace. I had her. I had her. Nothing else mattered.

Coldplay’s “Fix You” came on the radio like a ridiculous movie cliché, and I stared out the window trying to be strong and not succeeding.

I hated myself. What a waste of space I was. A waste of talent. Of time.

In a cult, safety means agreement. The irony, of course, is that while you are not allowed to have your own opinion about my beliefs, I am allowed to have an opinion about yours.

Metin Başoğlu, a psychiatrist and trauma researcher, studied the psychological effects of torture on political POWs and war survivors from Yugoslavia and Turkey by comparing continuous versus intermittent torture. His findings showed that torture with breaks between abuses induced more severe psychological effects than continuous torture. Victims of intermittent torture had higher rates of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The unpredictability and anticipation of more abuse heightened stress and anxiety, which then caused “learned helplessness,” making victims feel powerless and passive over time. This increased compliance because resistance seemed futile.

Let’s call him Pirelli, after the snake-oil salesman in Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd.

<\i> No expectations. That seemed impossible. There were always expectations. To prepare, to perform, to deliver, to speak up, to be quiet, to relax, to behave, to be intelligent. There were expectations to pay attention, be on time, be professional, be original but don't be weird, be creative but don't make anyone uncomfortable. Be collaborative but trust your instincts. Be tough. Be sweet. Smile.

As soon as we started complaining, no matter how justifiably, we caught ourselves, chastised ourselves for being so negative and spoiled and ungrateful, and turned it into a blessing - an opportunity for learning and growth.

I was generally more comfortable alone than with others precisely because of the expectations I often felt accompanied company.

I was angry with him for suddenly showing no interest in me besides my body, and he was angry that everything he'd been promised about wives being a personal blow-up doll was false.

I was terrified of being misunderstood by the people I loved the most.