Barrie Davenport Quotes

Intimacy is the ability to be close, to be authentic, and to feel safe as you reveal yourself to another.

We keep waiting for that amazing thing to happen in the future that will be the key to our happiness. But this is it. Right now. Life continues to be a series of right nows. So learn to love right now, and you’ll have an amazing life.

Yet behind the powerful, chemically driven feelings of love and attraction are the more practical desires for companionship, emotional intimacy, and a sense of belonging and security.

When someone chronically uses their words to put you down, control, or manipulate you—and then they deny it—they become true verbal abusers. The goal, whether or not the abuser recognizes it, is to gain dominance and control over you.

Finely Tuned: How to Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person or Empath - Barrie Davenport Simplify - Joshua Becker Psycho-Cybernetics, Updated and Expanded - Maxwell Maltz, MD, FICS The Mindset of Organization - Lisa Woodruff What is your WHAT? - Steve Olsher (follow the link to get a free copy!) Better Than Before - Gretchen Rubin Books

11)Get rid of toxic people from your life Evaluate all the people in your life. And then, keep off from people who are not worth the time and energy.

If the wounds on her heart and the bruises on her soul were translated on her skin, you wouldn’t recognize her at all.” —Verona Q   Maybe

75. Gives the silent treatment and stares you down. This is yet another childish reaction meant to intimidate or upset you. Your partner wants you to know how upset or angry she is, so rather than forthrightly discussing the matter, she stares you down with an angry smirk or a menacing glare to manipulate you into acquiescing.

Experiencing chemical sensitivity to food additives, dyes, perfumes, and household products Having keen fine motor skills Experiencing a weaker immune system, often due to the stress of overstimulation Needing more sleep than other people Having greater reaction to or awareness of changes in the natural environment, such as a shift in barometric pressure or the onset of seasonal changes

67. Acts indifferently to your feelings. No matter how wounded, insulted, offended, shamed, or angry you feel, your partner doesn’t seem to care. Your feelings aren’t justified and valid. In fact, your emotions are irritating to your spouse. You are overreacting, being ridiculous, or just trying to get attention in your abuser’s mind. Your emotions are met with a blank stare or a look of contempt.

54. Exhibits many double standards. The message is loud and clear: “I’m too good for that, but you’re not.” Your spouse can sit around and watch hours of TV, but if you do it, you’re selfish and lazy. Your partner can yell and curse, but if you raise your voice, you’re acting like a bitch or a bastard. This emotional abuser gets carte blanche to do whatever suits him or her, but the same rules don’t apply to you.

Action Steps:Make a list of relationship questions like those above. You can use this list of questions to help you. Write down your answers to the questions listed, thinking carefully about the mutual happiness and satisfaction of both people in the relationship. If you are currently married or in a serious relationship, do this exercise with your partner. If you are single, write the answers for yourself and hold on to them for the future when you are in a relationship.

Dismisses your feelings, thoughts, and experiences on a regular basis. “You’re too sensitive.” “Just get over it.” “You’re acting like a crazy person.” “That’s not what happened.” These kinds of dismissive comments are an attempt to diminish your essential self by making you question your emotions, judgment, and even reality. Not only does your abuser not listen to you, but she invalidates you by telling you that you’re wrong and misguided. It makes you question everything about yourself.

Thinking is necessary for solving problems, analyzing, making decisions, and planning.

You have every reason and right to feel angry. Use your anger for fuel, and ride the force of your anger to stand up for yourself and your basic, human right to be treated with love and respect.  

Sticky Habits Daily Habit Reporting Form Date__________________ Please fill out this form every day, right after you’ve done your habit. Try not to, but if you miss a day, fill out the form the next day for the day you missed and for the current day. Did you do your habit today? ____yes ____no Did you do your habit right after your trigger? ____yes ____no Did you use your accountability system? ____yes ____no If you didn’t do the habit, why not?   Was your habit easy or hard today? ____easy ____hard How do you feel today, either emotionally or physically?

Action is the cure for low confidence. Unfortunately, low confidence has a tendency to immobilize us.

Most people are perfectly capable of figuring out their own “stuff” given time. If not, they probably don’t want to figure it out. Others

Quite often, our internal world is the only thing holding us back from living passionately. We need to deal with these internal limitations before we can find our passion.

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Because introverts are inward turning, we tend to be more self-examined and self-aware. We know when our lives are misaligned with our values, integrity, and longing for meaning. That awareness can be a prickly thorn in our sides until we do something about it. Whether it’s through our work, relationships, or any other aspect of our lives, meaning needs to be a driving force for our actions and choices.

Why are introverts naturals at being spiritual? It’s because we’re quiet enough to hear the spirit, whether it’s in the form of one god, many gods, the universe, or life itself.” Our contemplative natures make us the perfect vessels for spiritual insights and communion with something greater than ourselves.

Put any guilt or hesitancy aside, knowing that taking care of yourself means that you are also doing your best for your family, friends, and work associates. Self-care is a good thing. Put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others, right?

To keep the body in good health is a duty . . . otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.” —Buddha

exercise is an introvert’s best friend, helping you out of your head and into your body for a short period of time.

mindfulness helps you stay present and engaged in what you are doing so your overactive mind doesn’t distract and agitate you.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. —Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker

As relationship experts Linda and Charlie Bloom remind, “The real catastrophe is to come to the end of your life only to realize that by playing it safe and trying to avoid risk, you took the biggest risk of all, and lost the most valuable thing that you could lose: a life that was rich with meaning, feeling, and joy, one that not only filled your own cup to the brim, but spilled over to fill the cups of others who were moved and inspired by you.

How would you describe yourself? 2. What was the happiest moment of your life? 3. What was your most embarrassing moment? 4. What is your first childhood memory? 5. Who has been the most influential person in your life and why? 6. What is something you did as a teenager that your parents never learned about? 7. What’s your favorite time of year and why? 8. If you were asked to give yourself a new name, what would it be? 9. If you were asked to give me a new name, what would it be? 10. If we hadn’t met each other, where would you be right now? 11. What was on your mind the last time we were having sex? 12. What is your favorite sexual memory of us? 13. What movie reminds you of us? 14. Which of your parents are you most like and in what ways? 15. What is your favorite thing I ever did for a special occasion for you? 16. What’s your favorite physical feature on you? 17. Who was your favorite teacher when you were a child? 18. Which significant other before me had the biggest impact on you? 19. What’s the angriest you ever felt? 20. Which of your personality traits do you wish you could change? 21. Which of your parents did you go to when you wanted to talk and why? 22. Which of your friends would you choose if you had to be on a desert island with just one? 23. When you were a kid, did you feel that you fit in? Why or why not? 24. If you could go back in time, what age would you be again? 25. If you could see into the future, what would you want to know? 26. What is the best thing about our relationship? 27. Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist? 28. What things about me make you know I’m the one for you? 29. If our house was on fire and you had a chance to grab only five things before leaving, what would they be? 30. If you could be born again as someone else, who would you be and why? 31. What is your favorite song of all time and why? 32. What is the worst decision you ever made? 33. If you could hand-pick the leader of our country, who would it be and why? 34. What kind of animal do you see yourself as? 35. What kind of animal do you see me as? 36. If you could boil down your life philosophy into one sentence, what would it be? 37. If you could remain one age forever, how old would you be? 38. Would you be willing to live a year in another country where we don’t speak the language? Why or why not? 39. If you had one magical superpower, what would it be? 40. How do you think other people perceive you? 41. Aside from me, who really knows you the best? 42. What is the wackiest thing you’ve ever done? 43. Have you ever had a supernatural or unexplainable experience? If so, what was it? 44. What do you believe happens immediately after we die? 45. In what situations do you feel the most confident and sure of yourself? 46. In what situations do you feel the least confident? 47. What is the best thing you learned from your mom and dad? 48. What one major life regret do you have? 49. On an average day, what do you think about most? 50. What makes you feel most fulfilled in our relationship?

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. ~Thomas Merton

By exercising some self-control, even when strong feelings make us want to say unspeakable things, we create a safe space for open communication, understanding, and deeper connection.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “Psychological abuse involves trauma to the victim caused by verbal abuse, acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Perpetrators use psychological abuse to control, terrorize, and denigrate their victims. It frequently occurs prior to or concurrently with physical or sexual abuse.” Psychological abuse in intimate relationships is not an infrequent occurrence.

89. Blames you for life difficulties, problems, or unhappiness. Whatever bad things happen in your abuser’s life, whatever difficulties or unhappiness he or she experiences, it’s your fault. If he loses his job, it’s because you weren’t supportive enough. If she’s feeling depressed, it’s because you don’t make her happy. All these negative events are exacerbated by your partner’s blame, anger, and negativity.

Shows boredom when you talk, using crossed arms, head down, and deep sighs. Everything about your partner’s demeanor suggests that he or she has no use for what you are saying or doing. Body language speaks volumes, and the message is loud and clear here: “If you don’t shut up, I’m shutting you out.” 2. Says things to upset or frighten you. Maybe you are tender-hearted, sensitive, or easily upset. Your abusive partner has found your Achilles heel and is playing you for all it’s worth. If you don’t obey, go along, or toe the line, your partner is going to threaten and scare you into it.

Gives you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language. You know your partner all too well, and he or she doesn’t have to say much to get you to toe the line. You know that once his eyebrow begins to furrow or her arms start to cross, things can get really ugly. You’ve been trained by the slightest shift in expression or adjustment of the body that you better back down quickly or prepare for a blowup.

Creates circular, never-ending conversations to confuse and exhaust you. Some abusers seem to thrive on stirring the pot with exhausting, circular arguments. They can go on and on with confusing, long-winded tirades that ultimately leave you so exhausted, you give up. You will say or do just about anything to avoid getting trapped in this vortex of confusion and contention—and that’s exactly what your abuser wants. 39.

Makes decisions that affect both of you or the family without consulting you or reaching agreement with you. An emotional abuser will attempt to put you in a secondary (or bottom-rung) position in the family by neglecting or refusing to include you in important decisions. He doesn’t want his position of power to be usurped or undermined if you have a differing opinion. She doesn’t really see you as an equal decision maker in the family, so why even consult you? Eventually you forget how to make decisions and rely on your abuser to manage things. 17. Withholds resources, such as money. If you have no means of getting help, standing up for yourself, leaving the relationship, or demanding your rights, then your abuser has gained the ultimate control. It’s hard to hire a counselor, retain a lawyer, buy your own car, or open a bank account when your abusive partner manages and controls all the money.

13. Monitors your telephone calls/texts or email contacts. This kind of monitoring is just another way of controlling you and crossing your personal boundaries. You feel like a child whose parent suspects you’re up to no good—except you aren’t a child. You’re an adult with a right to privacy and a right to contact whomever you wish without interference.

Demanding and Selfish Expectations Your emotionally abusive partner is far more focused on his or her needs and wants than yours. In fact, she doesn’t have much respect for your time and life priorities, especially if they conflict with hers. The expectation is that you put your abusive partner first, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Many emotional abusers view themselves as the dictator of the home. They think they are so above you and your children that they are excused from housework, childcare, or other tasks they find beneath them or simply don’t want to deal with. They require you to handle everything, or they passively leave it in your hands by refusing to participate. These abusers often need regular praise and attention from you to boost their egos and reinforce their power. But you will rarely receive the same attention from them. They can’t or won’t recognize your emotional needs or respond to your requests for support. If you point this out, the abuser will suggest you are being selfish or unloving.

An NCADV report offers these statistics: •     48.4% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner. •     4 in 10 women and 4 in 10 men have experienced at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime. •     17.9% of women have experienced a situation where an intimate partner tried to keep them from seeing family and friends. •     18.7% of women have experienced threats of physical harm by an intimate partner. •     95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also psychologically abuse them. •     Women who earn 65% or more of their households’ income are more likely to be psychologically abused than women who learn less than 65% of their households’ income.

Belittling and trivializing you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams. Whatever successes you’ve enjoyed, whatever achievements you’ve obtained, whatever goals you set—your abuser will find a way to minimize them. You won’t see pride shining in his or her eyes for your success. Instead, you’ll see jealously, contempt, or passivity. The one person whose good opinion matters most to you refuses to give you a morsel of praise or support. 103. Regularly pointing out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. Rather than acknowledging and appreciating all your good qualities, your spouse has a way of honing in on every mistake you make and every perceived flaw you possess. He knows where you feel shame, vulnerable, or “lesser than,” and uses this knowledge as a weapon. During times when your partner feels insecure or angry, he will pick you apart until you begin to feel like you are worthless.

Makes you “earn” trust or kind treatment. All you want is to be treated with respect and kindness, but respect and kindness are conditional with your abusive partner. Maybe it doesn’t come until you have sex every night, buy her that new car she wants, or give in to his demands for control over everything. There’s

4. Presumes you are guilty until you are proven innocent. Rather than seeing you in the best light possible and assuming you have good intentions and judgment, your abusive partner begins with a presumption of guilt. You are forced to win your case in order to maintain his or her goodwill and faith in you. 5. Intentionally makes you so tired of arguing that you relent. Some abusers can and will argue endlessly. While you are exhausted and drained, he or she seems energized by fighting and pushing your buttons. They know you will eventually give in from sheer exhaustion. 6. Constantly “keeps score” to coerce you into doing what he or she wants. Your abusive partner knows exactly how many times who has done what and who owes whom. But it appears you are the one who is always in debt. If your abuser wants you to do something, he will dredge up some slight from the past or some “big favor” he’s done for you to guilt or shame you into action. 7. Makes you do humiliating or demeaning things. Her dog has once again pooped on the carpet, but somehow it’s your fault, and you have to clean it up. He’s not pleased with the waiter’s service, so he demands you both storm out of the restaurant after yelling at the poor server and humiliating you. You need the keys to the car, but he’s pissed you’re going out, so he throws them across the room for you to “fetch” like a dog.