β
My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
You are not Atlas carrying the world on your shoulder. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you.
β
β
Vandana Shiva
β
If you don't know, the thing to do is not to get scared, but to learn.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Books don't offer real escape, but they can stop a mind scratching itself raw.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems more awful than life is good.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.
β
β
Warsan Shire
β
Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Buy an atlas and keep it by the bedβremember you can go anywhere.
β
β
Joanna Lumley
β
Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don't believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it's good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
Travel far enough, you meet yourself.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What Iβve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders oneβs reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person oneβs master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that personβs view requires to be fakedβ¦The man who lies to the world, is the worldβs slave from then onβ¦There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Devotion to the truth is the hallmark of morality; there is no greater, nobler, more heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the responsibility of thinking.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
I am good at walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject.
β
β
Jeanette Winterson (Weight: The Myth of Atlas and Heracles)
β
She did not know the nature of her loneliness. The only words that named it were: This is not the world I expected.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
You say you're 'depressed' - all i see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
...there ain't no journey what don't change you some.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders - What would you tell him?"
Iβ¦don't know. Whatβ¦could he do? What would you tell him?"
To shrug.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
We are only what we know, and I wished to be so much more than I was, sorely.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year oldβs life:
The Lord of the Rings
and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."
[Kung Fu Monkey -- Ephemera, blog post, March 19, 2009]
β
β
John Rogers
β
We looked at each other for the last time; nothing is as eloquent as nothing.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
What greater wealth is there than to own your life and to spend it on growing? Every living thing must grow. It can't stand still. It must grow or perish.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
People pontificate, "Suicide is selfishness." Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one's audience with one's mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it - suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what's selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Souls cross ages like clouds cross skies, an' tho' a cloud's shape nor hue nor size don't stay the same, it's still a cloud an' so is a soul. Who can say where the cloud's blowed from or who the soul'll be 'morrow? Only Sonmi the east an' the west an' the compass an' the atlas, yay, only the atlas o' clouds.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Time is what stops history happening at once; time is the speed at which the past disappears.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Lily, Atlas says just keep swimming. βEllen DeGeneres
β
β
Colleen Hoover (It Ends with Us (It Ends with Us, #1))
β
Never think of pain or danger or enemies a moment longer than is necessary to fight them.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we lose, and depression is the mechanism of that despair.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
A man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions.... He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Fantasy. Lunacy.
All revolutions are, until they happen, then they are historical inevitabilities.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
What wouldn't I give now for a never-changing map of the ever-constant ineffable? To possess, as it were, an atlas of clouds.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
they were binary stars, trapped in each otherβs gravitational field and easily diminished without the otherβs opposing force
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
Let me give you a tip on a clue to men's characters: the man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
What is any ocean but a multitude of drops?
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
...now I'm a spent firework; but at least I've been a firework.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
If one's actions are honest, one does not need the predated confidence of others.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Have you ever felt the longing for someone you could admire? For something, not to look down at, but up to?
β
β
Ayn Rand
β
It is not death that we wish to avoid, but life that we wish to live.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
What is man? He's just a collection of chemicals with delusions of grandeur.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And he would be waiting for me there.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Imagine all the people you meet in your life. There are so many. They come in like waves, trickling in and out with the tide. Some waves are much bigger and make more of an impact than others. Sometimes the waves bring with them things from deep in the bottom of the sea and they leave those things tossed onto the shore. Imprints against the grains of sand that prove the waves had once been there, long after the tide recedes. That was what Atlas was telling me when he said βI love you.β He was letting me know that I was the biggest wave heβd ever come across. And I brought so much with me that my impressions would always be there, even when the tide rolled out.
β
β
Colleen Hoover (It Ends with Us (It Ends with Us, #1))
β
If you tell a beautiful woman that she is beautiful, what have you given her? It's no more than a fact and it has cost you nothing. But if you tell an ugly woman that she is beautiful, you offer her the great homage of corrupting the concept of beauty. To love a woman for her virtues is meaningless. She's earned it, it's a payment, not a gift. But to love her for her vices is a real gift, unearned and undeserved. To love her for her vices is to defile all virtue for her sake - and that is a real tribute of love, because you sacrifice your conscience, your reason, your integrity and your invaluable self-esteem.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
I understand now that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention if only one can first conceive of doing so.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
The better organized the state, the duller its humanity.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
The problem with knowledge, is its inexhaustible craving. the more of it you have, the less you feel you know
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
One fine day a predatory world shall consume itself.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
I never found beauty in longing for the impossible and never found the possible to be beyond my reach.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Who is John Galt?
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Power-lust is a weed that grows only in the vacant lots of an abandoned mind.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
& only as you gasp your dying breath shall you understand, your life amounted to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean!
Yet what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
A flaw of humanity,β said Parisa, shrugging. βThe compulsion to be unique, which is at war with the desire to belong to a single identifiable sameness.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, "Never real and always true," and that is how depression feels. You know that it is not real, that you are someone else, and yet you know that it is absolutely true.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves-or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Live and act within the limit of your knowledge and keep expanding it to the limit of your life.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone.
β
β
Ayn Rand
β
I take no pride in hopeless longing; I wouldn't hold a stillborn aspiration. I'd want to have it, to make it, to live it.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
It is important not to suppress your feelings altogether when you are depressed. It is equally important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally damaging behavior. People forgive, but it is best not to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is required. When you are depressed, you need the love of other people, and yet depression fosters actions that destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene. One is not helpless.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
Anticipating the end of the world is humanity's oldest pastime
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
There is no such thing as a lousy job - only lousy men who don't care to do it.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
- This isn't an interrogation or a trail. Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters.
-Truth is singular. It's 'versions' are mistruths.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
The moral of this story is:
Beware the man who faces you unarmed.
If in his eyes you are not the target,
then you can be sure you are the weapon.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
What is morality, she asked.
Judgement to distinguish right and wrong, vision to see the truth, and courage to act upon it, dedication to that which is good, integrity to stand by the good at any price.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Joy is the goal of existence, and joy is not to be stumbled upon, but to be achieved, and the act of treason is to let its vision drown in the swamp of the moment's torture.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Really, there was nothing more dangerous than a woman who knew her own worth.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
. . .my dreams are the single unpredictable factor in my zoned days and nights. Nobody allots them, or censors them. Dreams are all I have ever truly owned.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
In an individual, selfishness uglifies the soul; for the human species, selfishness is extinction.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
How vulgar, this hankering after immortality, how vain, how false. Composers are merely scribblers of cave paintings. One writes music because winter is eternal and because, if one didn't, the wolves and blizzards would be at one's throat all the sooner.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Belief, like fear or love, is a force to be understood as we understand the theory of relativity and principals of uncertainty. Phenomena that determine the course of our lives. Yesterday, my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today. These forces that often remake time and space, that can shape and alter who we
imagine ourselves to be, begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. Our lives and our choices, like quantum trajectories, are understood moment to moment. That each point of intersection, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction. Proposition, I have fallen in love with Luisa Rey. Is this possible? I just met her and yet, I feel like something important has happened to me.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
It's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know the unimportance of suffering. I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside, not to be accepted as part of one's soul and as a permanent scar across one's view of existence.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
She studied me with concern. She touched the new streak of gray in my hair that matched hers exactlyβour painful souvenir from holding Atlas's burden. There was a lot I'd wanted to say to Annabeth, but Athena had taken the confidence out of me. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.
I do not approve of your friendship with my daughter.
"So," Annabeth said. "What did you want to tell me earlier?"
The music was playing. People were dancing in the streets. I said, "I, uh, was thinking we got interrupted at Westover Hall. And⦠I think I owe you a dance."
She smiled slowly. "All right, Seaweed Brain."
So I took her hand, and I don't know what everybody else heard, but to me it sounded like a slow dance: a little sad, but maybe a little hopeful, too.
β
β
Rick Riordan (The Titanβs Curse (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #3))
β
Whoever opined "Money can't buy you happiness" obviously had far too much of the stuff.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
The most important thing to remember about depression is this: you do not get the time back. It is not tacked on at the end of your life to make up for the disaster years. Whatever time is eaten by a depression is gone forever. The minutes that are ticking by as you experience the illness are minutes you will not know again.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
In this world, either you're virtuous or you enjoy yourself. Not both, lady, not both.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
The day you are not a fire,β he said, βis the day the earth will fall still for me.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
History admits no rules; only outcomes.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
You're going to drive five miles just to give me a hug?"
"I'd run five miles just to give you a hug.
β
β
Colleen Hoover (It Starts with Us (It Ends with Us, #2))
β
The man who refuses to judge, who neither agrees nor disagrees, who declares that there are no absolutes and believes that he escapes responsibility, is the man responsible for all the blood that is now spilled in the world. Reality is an absolute, existence is an absolute, a speck of dust is an absolute and so is a human life. Whether you live or die is an absolute. Whether you have a piece of bread or not, is an absolute. Whether you eat your bread or see it vanish into a looter's stomach, is an absolute.
There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice. But the man in the middle is the knave who blanks out the truth in order to pretend that no choice or values exist, who is willing to sit out the course of any battle, willing to cash in on the blood of the innocent or to crawl on his belly to the guilty, who dispenses justice by condemning both the robber and the robbed to jail, who solves conflicts by ordering the thinker and the fool to meet each other halfway. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit. In that transfusion of blood which drains the good to feed the evil, the compromise is the transmitting rubber tube.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Knowledge is carnage. You canβt have it without sacrifice.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
We are the gods of our own universes, aren't we? Destructive ones.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
Three or four times only in my youth did I glimpse the Joyous Isles, before they were lost to fogs, depressions, cold fronts, ill winds, and contrary tides... I mistook them for adulthood. Assuming they were a fixed feature in my life's voyage, I neglected to record their latitude, their longitude, their approach. Young ruddy fool. What wouldn't I give now for a never-changing map of the ever-constant ineffable? To possess, as it were, an atlas of clouds.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
But you see, the measure of hell you're able to endure is the measure of your love.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Learn to distinguish the difference between errors of knowledge and breaches of morality. An error of knowledge is not a moral flaw, provided you are willing to correct it; only a mystic would judge human beings by the standard of an impossible, automatic omniscience. But a breach of morality is the conscious choice of an action you know to be evil, or a willful evasion of knowledge, a suspension of sight and of thought. That which you do not know, is not a moral charge against you; but that which you refuse to know, is an account of infamy growing in your soul. Make every allowance for errors of knowledge; do not forgive or accept any break of morality.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
If not for her, Nico might not have noticed most of the things he did, and probably vice versa. A uniquely upsetting curse, really, how little he knew how to exist when she wasnβt there.
β
β
Olivie Blake (The Atlas Six (The Atlas, #1))
β
You are constantly told in depression that your judgment is compromised, but a part of depression is that it touches cognition. That you are having a breakdown does not mean that your life isn't a mess. If there are issues you have successfully skirted or avoided for years, they come cropping back up and stare you full in the face, and one aspect of depression is a deep knowledge that the comforting doctors who assure you that your judgment is bad are wrong. You are in touch with the real terribleness of your life. You can accept rationally that later, after the medication sets in, you will be better able to deal with the terribleness, but you will not be free of it. When you are depressed, the past and future are absorbed entirely by the present moment, as in the world of a three-year-old. You cannot remember a time when you felt better, at least not clearly; and you certainly cannot imagine a future time when you will feel better.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
Finished in a frenzy that reminded me of our last night in Cambridge. Watched my final sunrise. Enjoyed a last cigarette. Didnβt think the view could be any more perfect until I saw that beat-up trilby. Honestly, Sixsmith, as ridiculous as that thing makes you look, I donβt believe Iβve ever seen anything more beautiful. Watched you for as long as I dared. I donβt believe it was a fluke that I saw you first. I believe there is another world waiting for us, Sixsmith. A better world, and Iβll be waiting for you there. I believe we do not stay dead long. Find me beneath the Corsican stars, where we first kissed.
Yours eternally, R.F.
β
β
David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)
β
Do you know the hallmark of a second rater? It's resentment of another man's achievement. Those touchy mediocrities who sit trembling lest someone's work prove greater than their own - they have no inkling of the loneliness that comes when you reach the top. The loneliness for an equal - for a mind to respect and an achievement to admire. They bare their teeth at you from out of their rat holes,thinking that you take pleasure in letting your brilliance dim them - while you'd give a year of my life to see a flicker of talent anywhere among them. They envy achievement, and their dream of greatness is a world where all men have become their acknowledged inferiors. They don't know that that dream is the infallible proof of mediocrity, because that sort of world is what the man of achievement would not be able to bear. They have no way of knowing what he feels when surrounded by inferiors - hatred? no, not hatred, but boredom - the terrible, hopeless, draining, paralyzing boredom. Of what account are praise and adulation from men whom you don't respect? Have you ever felt the longing for someone you could admire? For something, not to look down at, but up to?"
"I've felt it all my life," she said.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality and my life, as I write this, is vital even when sad. I may wake up sometime next year without my mind again; it is not likely to stick around all the time. Meanwhile, however, I have discovered what I would have to call a soul, a part of myself I could never have imagined until one day, seven years ago, when hell came to pay me a surprise visit. It's a precious discovery. Almost every day I feel momentary flashes of hopelessness and wonder every time whether I am slipping. For a petrifying instant here and there, a lightning-quick flash, I want a car to run me over...I hate these feelings but, but I know that they have driven me to look deeper at life, to find and cling to reasons for living, I cannot find it in me to regret entirely the course my life has taken. Every day, I choose, sometimes gamely, and sometimes against the moment's reason, to be alive. Is that not a rare joy?
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)
β
Productiveness is your acceptance of morality, your recognition of the fact that you choose to live--that productive work is the process by which man's consciousness controls his existence, a constant process of acquiring knowledge and shaping matter to fit one's purpose, of translating an idea into physical form, of remaking the earth in the image of one's values--that all work is creative work if done by a thinking mind, and no work is creative if done by a blank who repeats in uncritical stupor a routine he has learned from others--that your work is yours to choose, and the choice is as wide as your mind, that nothing more is possible to you and nothing less is human--that to cheat your way into a job bigger than your mind can handle is to become a fear-corroded ape on borrowed motions and borrowed time, and to settle down into a job that requires less than your mind's full capacity is to cut your motor and sentence yourself to another kind of motion: decay--that your work is the process of achieving your values, and to lose your ambition for values is to lose your ambition to live--that your body is a machine, but your mind is its driver, and you must drive as far as your mind will take you, with achievement as the goal of your road--that the man who has no purpose is a machine that coasts downhill at the mercy of any boulder to crash in the first chance ditch, that the man who stifles his mind is a stalled machine slowly going to rust, that the man who lets a leader prescribe his course is a wreck being towed to the scrap heap, and the man who makes another man his goal is a hitchhiker no driver should ever pick up--that your work is the purpose of your life, and you must speed past any killer who assumes the right to stop you, that any value you might find outside your work, any other loyalty or love, can be only travelers you choose to share your journey and must be travelers going on their own power in the same direction.
β
β
Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
β
Since I am writing a book about depression, I am often asked in social situations to describe my own experiences, and I usually end by saying that I am on medication.
βStill?β people ask. βBut you seem fine!β To which I invariably reply that I seem fine because I am fine, and that I am fine in part because of medication.
βSo how long do you expect to go on taking this stuff?β people ask. When I say that I will be on medication indefinitely, people who have dealt calmly and sympathetically with the news of suicide attempts, catatonia, missed years of work, significant loss of body weight, and so on stare at me with alarm.
βBut itβs really bad to be on medicine that way,β they say. βSurely now you are strong enough to be able to phase out some of these drugs!β If you say to them that this is like phasing the carburetor out of your car or the buttresses out of Notre Dame, they laugh.
βSo maybe youβll stay on a really low maintenance dose?β They ask. You explain that the level of medication you take was chosen because it normalizes the systems that can go haywire, and that a low dose of medication would be like removing half of your carburetor. You add that you have experienced almost no side effects from the medication you are taking, and that there is no evidence of negative effects of long-term medication. You say that you really donβt want to get sick again. But wellness is still, in this area, associated not with achieving control of your problem, but with discontinuation of medication.
βWell, I sure hope you get off it sometime soon,β they say.
β
β
Andrew Solomon (The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)