Alcatraz Quotes

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You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
So, you wrecked Alcatraz Island, made Mount St. Helens explode, and displaced half a million people, but at least you're safe." "Yep, that pretty much covers it.
Rick Riordan
By now, it is probably very late at night, and you have stayed up to read this book when you should have gone to sleep. If this is the case, then I commend you for falling into my trap. It is a writer's greatest pleasure to hear that someone was kept up until the unholy hours of the morning reading one of his books. It goes back to authors being terrible people who delight in the suffering of others. Plus, we get a kickback from the caffeine industry...
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Every window in Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco.
Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)
I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Personally, I say, "Out of the frying pan and into the deadly pit filled with sharks who are wielding chainsaws with killer kittens stapled to them." However, that one's having a rough time catching on.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
If you don't believe what I'm telling you, then ask yourself this: would any decent, kind-hearted individual become a writer? Of course not.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Nobody knows how things will turn out, that's why they go ahead and play the game...You give it your all and sometimes amazing things happen, but it's hardly ever what you expect.
Gennifer Choldenko (Al Capone Does My Shirts (Tales from Alcatraz, #1))
Authors also create lovable, friendly characters, then proceed to do terrible things to them, like throw them in unsightly librarian-controlled dungeons. This makes readers feel hurt and worried for the characters. The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren't the case, all novels would be filled completely with cute bunnies having birthday parties.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Remember, despite the fact that this book is being sold as a 'fantasy' novel, you must take all of the things it says extremely seriously, as they are quite important, are in no way silly, and always make sense. Rutabaga.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
So, there I was, tied to an altar made from outdated encyclopedias, about to get sacrificed to the dark powers by a cult of evil Librarians.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes--unfortunately--it's hard to choose which one of the two I want to do. Sigh. LIfe can be so tough sometimes.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
They are presented attractively for the same reason that kittens are cute - so that they can draw you in, then pounce on you for the kill. Seriously. Stay away from kittens.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Not all librarians are evil cultists. Some librarians are instead vengeful undead who want to suck your soul.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
Regardless, I often wish that the two groups - adults and kids - could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is, the adults have one of the most effective recruitment strategies in the world. Give them enough time, and they'll turn any kid into one of them.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
I froze, shocked. (And don't try to claim that you did anything different the first time a government bureaucrat pulled a gun on you.)
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Yes, Bastille. I keep trying to get killed because it's inconvenient for you.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Now I understand. When you love someone, you have to try things even if they don't make sense to anyone else.
Gennifer Choldenko (Al Capone Does My Shirts (Tales from Alcatraz, #1))
Authors write books for one, and only one, reason: because we like to torture people.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
If you are anything like me --- Clever, fond of goat cheese, and devilishly handsome --- then you have undoubtedly read many books.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Now, I had been frightened on several different occasions in my life. The most frightening of these involved an elevator and a mime.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
So, when people try to give you some book with a shiny round award on the cover, be kind and gracious, but tell them you don't read "fantasy," because you prefer stories that are real. Then come back here and continue your research on the cult of evil Librarians who secretly rule the world.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Alcatraz actually knows a person named Brandon Sanderson. That man, however, is a fantasy writer and is therefore prone to useless bouts of delusion in literary form.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Entropy shakes its angry fist at you for being clever enough to organize the world. (p 2)
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
You want to be a better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. don't argue with them just listen. It's remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Life is amazing, isn't it? You can't ever tell what will happen. Nobody knows until they go ahead and play the game.
Gennifer Choldenko (Al Capone Does My Shirts (Tales from Alcatraz, #1))
Impossible things are really rough to do, you know.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
I am a fish.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Sometimes it was daunting, knowing how easily I could break things. This one simple curse seemed to dominate my entire life.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
I am a Smedry, and we do ridiculous, unexpected, eccentric things like this all the time! Ha-ha!
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
It's actually a rather romantic and dramatic story --- one I would eagerly tell you, except for the fact that I recently forgot it, based on it being far too long and having not enough decapitations.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
You get to Alcatraz by being the worst of the worst. Unless you're me. I came here because my mother said I had to.
Gennifer Choldenko (Al Capone Does My Shirts (Tales from Alcatraz, #1))
There is a story about a prisoner at Alcatraz who spent his nights in solitary confinement dropping a button on the floor then trying to find it again in the dark. Each night, in this manner, he passed the hours until dawn. I do not have a button. In all other respects, my nights are the same.
Jenny Offill (Dept. of Speculation)
Once there was a bunny. This bunny had a birthday party. It was the bestest birthday party ever. Because that was the day the bunny got a bazooka. THe bunny loved his bazooka. He blew up all sorts of things on the farm. He blew up the stable of Henrietta the Horse. He blew up the pen of Pugsly the Pig. He blew up the coop of Chuck the Chicken. "I have the bestest bazooka ever," the bunny said. Then the farm friends proceeded to beat him senseless and steal his bazooka. It was the happiest day of his life. The end. Epilogue: Pugsly the Pig, now without a pen, was quite annoyed. When none of the others were looking, he stole the bazooka. He tied a bandana on his head and swore vengeance for what had been done to him. "From this day on," he whispered, raising the bazooka, "I shall be known as Hambo.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know: 1) Women have feelings. 2) You will spend the next seventy years or so trying to guess what they're feeling and why. 3) You will be wrong most of the time. 4) I like French Fries.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
People can do great things. However, there are somethings they just can't do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort. I could, however, make myself insane, if I wished. (Though if I achieved the second, I might be able to make myself think I'd achieved the first....) Anyway, if there's a lesson to be learned, it's this: great success often depends on being able to distinguish between the impossible and the improbable. Or, in easier terms, distinguishing between Popsicles and insanity. Any questions?
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Now you may have gotten the impression that there are absolutely no uses for Librarians. I'm sorry if I implied that. Librarians are very useful. For instance, they are useful if you are fishing for sharks and need some bait. They're also useful for throwing out windows to test the effects of concrete impact on horn-rimmed glasses. If you have enough Librarians, you can build bridges out of them. (Just like witches.) And, unfortunately, they are also useful for organizing things.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Aspiring Asimovs!
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Sing!" Grandpa Smedry yelled, his voice echoing down a hallway to the right."Sing!" If he breaks into song I think I might have to strangle myself... I thought, cringing.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
I don't want to make people mad. I just... well, how can people get better if you don't tell them what you honestly think?
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
his mind's like Alcatraz. once something's in, it never gets out
Mary Elizabeth Summer (Trust Me, I'm Lying (Trust Me, #1))
Gack!
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
What you haven’t realized before is that all libraries are far more dangerous than you’ve always assumed.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Before we get to this, let me explain something about myself. I’ve been many things in my life. Student. Spy. Sacrifice. Potted plant. However, at this point, I’m something completely different from all of those—something more frightening than any of them. I’m a writer.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
You may have noticed that I began my story with a quick, snappy scene of danger and tension – but then quickly moved on to a more boring discussion of my childhood. Well, that’s because I wanted to prove something to you: that I am not a nice person. Would a nice person begin with such an exciting scene, then make you wait almost the entire book to read about it?
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
The ending of a book is, in my experience, both the best and worst part to read. For the ending will often determine whether you love or hate the book. Both emotions lead to disappointment. If the ending was good, and the book was worth your time, then you are left annoyed and depressed because there is no more book to read. However, if the ending was bad, then it's too late to stop reading. You're left annoyed and depressed because you wasted so much time on a book with a bad ending. Therefore, reading is obviously worthless, and you should go spend your time on other, more valuable pursuits.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Or you could be a serial killer who specializes in reading books, then seeking out the authors and murdering them in horrible ways. (If you happen to fall into that last category, you should know that my name isn’t really Alcatraz Smedry, nor is it Brandon Sanderson. My name is in fact Garth Nix, and you can find me in Australia. Oh, and I insulted your mother once. What’re you going to do about it, huh?)
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
I’d like to take this opportunity to point out something important. Should a strange old man of questionable sanity show up at your door – suggesting that he is your grandfather and that you should accompany him upon some quest of mystical import – you should flatly refuse him. Don’t take his candy either.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
That's Australia. She's not dim-witted, she just has trouble remembering to be smart.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Doing something brave is much like saying something stupid. You rarely plan on it happening.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Great success often depends upon being able to distinguish between the impossible and the improbable.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Frailty, thy name is Alcatraz
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
Laugh when good things happen. Laugh when bad things happen. Laugh when life is so plain boring that you can’t find anything amusing about it beyond the fact that it’s so utterly unamusing.
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
People are responsible for themselves. All you can do is try to inspire each person to be his best self.
Gennifer Choldenko (Al Capone Does My Homework (Tales from Alcatraz, #3))
At each corner, you expect to turn and see the withered, skeletal remains of some poor researcher who got lost in the stacks and never found his way out.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Brooke, I'm already gone. The only reason I tried to get away from you boneheads earlier was because I wanted a couple of hours to see the sights before I headed home. Crooked Street maybe. Or Treasure Island. That sweet little bridge you're all so fond of. I can't say I like the Alcatraz tour, though. It's a little too realistic.
Kim Harrison (Black Magic Sanction (The Hollows, #8))
Some people assume that authors write books because we have vivid imaginations and want to share our vision. Other people assume that authors write because we are bursting with stories, and therefore must scribble those stories down in moments of creative propondidty. Both groups of people are completely wrong. Authors write books for one, and only one, reason: because we like to torture people.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Wasing not of wasing is", Quentin added.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
The most important truths can always withstand a little examination.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
That third one is the most fun. Kind of like gym class for the murderously insane.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Growing up in America, I’d come to assume that everything I had—and did—was the newest, best, and most advanced in the world. It
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Some grow very attached to a modern diversion known as the ‘Crossword Puzzle.’ We’ve had several come here looking for answers. We have their souls now.
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
By now it is probably very late at night, and you have stayed up to read this book when you should have gone to sleep. If this is the case, then I commend you for falling into my trap. It is a writer’s greatest pleasure to hear that someone was kept up until the unholy hours of the morning reading one of his books. It
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
In LA, you can’t do anything unless you drive. Now I can’t do anything unless I drink. And the drink-drive combination, it really isn’t possible out there. If you so much as loosen your seatbelt or drop your ash or pick your nose, then it’s an Alcatraz autopsy with the questions asked later. Any indiscipline, you feel, any variation, and there’s a bullhorn, a set of scope sights, and a coptered pig drawing a bead on your rug. So what can a poor boy do? You come out of the hotel, the Vraimont. Over boiling Watts the downtown skyline carries a smear of God’s green snot. You walk left, you walk right, you are a bank rat on a busy river. This restaurant serves no drink, this one serves no meat, this one serves no heterosexuals. You can get your chimp shampooed, you can get your dick tattooed, twenty-four hour, but can you get lunch? And should you see a sign on the far side of the street flashing BEEF-BOOZE – NO STRINGS, then you can forget it. The only way to get across the road is to be born there. All the ped-xing signs say DON’T WALK, all of them, all the time. That is the message, the content of Los Angeles: don’t walk. Stay inside. Don’t walk. Drive. Don’t walk. Run!
Martin Amis (Money)
Somebody tell me that I should just go speak to the kings again." "uh," Sing said, "didn't I just do that?" "I need to her it again, Sing," Grandpa Smedry said. "I'm old and stubborn!
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Don’t be silly,” she said. “Why would elevators be more advanced than stairs? Obviously, stairs take more effort to climb, are harder to construct, and are far more healthy to use. Therefore, they took longer to develop. Don’t you realize how stupid you sound when you claim otherwise?
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
I was coming to realize something very difficult. I was slowly accepting that the way I did things – the way my people did things – might not actually be the best way. In other words, I was feeling humility. I sincerely hope that you never have to feel this emotion. Like asparagus and fish, it’s not really as good for you as everyone says it is. Selfishness, arrogance, and callousness got me much further than humility ever did
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
People don't read anymore. And, when they do, they don't read books like this one, but instead read books that depress them, because those books are seen as important. Somehow, the Librarians have successfully managed to convince most people in the Hushlands that they shouldn't read anything that isn't boring. It comes down to Biblioden the Scrivener's great vision for the world — a vision in which people never do anything abnormal, never dream, and never experience anything strange. His minions teach people to stop reading fun books, and instead focus on fantasy novels. That's what I call them, because these books keep people trapped. Keep them inside the nice little fantasy that they consider to be the 'real' world. A fantasy that tells them they don't need to try something new. After all, trying new things can be difficult.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
Summarizing is when you take a story that is complicated and interesting, then stick it in a microwave until it shrivels up into a tiny piece of black crunchy tarlike stuff. A wise man once said, "Any story, no matter how good, will sound really, really dumb when you shorten it to a few sentences.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
I’m proud of my heart. It’s been played, stabbed, cheated, burned, and broken…but somehow still works. And they said miracles do not happen...
Alcatraz Dey
Bastille has a talent for killing conversations. Basically, Bastille has a talent for killing anything.
Brandon Sanderson (The Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
You should try using one of Brandon Sanderson’s fantasy novels. They’re big enough, and goodness knows that’s really the only useful thing to do with them.
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
Please confine all assassination attempts to the school week, as I would rather not die on a Saturday.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
You could even scan to the end and read the last page. Know that by doing so, however, you would violate every holy and honorable story-telling principle known to man, thereby throwing the universe into chaos and causing grief to untold millions.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Meiner Erfahrung nach werden die meisten Probleme im Leben dadurch verursacht, dass entscheidende Informationen fehlen. Viele Leute wissen eben nicht das, was sie wissen müssen. Einige ignorieren die Wahrheit, andere verstehen sie ganz einfach nicht.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
the Law of Inevitable Occurrence. In layman’s terms, this law states that some things simply have to happen. If there’s a red button on a console with the words don’t push taped above it, someone will push it. If there’s a gun hanging conspicuously above Chekhov’s fireplace, someone is going to end up shooting it (probably at Nietzsche).
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
People ask, How did you get in there? What they really want to know is if they are likely to end up in there as well. I can’t answer the real question. All I can tell them is, It’s easy. And it is easy to slip into a parallel universe. There are so many of them: worlds of the insane, the criminal, the crippled, the dying, perhaps of the dead as well. These worlds exist alongside this world and resemble it, but are not in it.… …In the parallel universe the laws of physics are suspended. What goes up does not necessarily come down, a body at rest does not tend to stay at rest; and not every action can be counted on to provoke an equal and opposite reaction. Time, too, is different. It may run in circles, flow backward, skip about from now to then. The very arrangement of molecules is fluid: Tables can be clocks; faces, flowers. These are facts you find out later, though. Another odd feature of the parallel universe is that although it is invisible from this side, once you are in it you can easily see the world you came from. Sometimes the world you came from looks huge and menacing, quivering like a vast pile of jelly; at other times it is miniaturized and alluring, a-spin and shining in its orbit. Either way, it can’t be discounted. Every window on Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco.
Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)
Oh, you didn't want to hear that? I'm sorry. You'll just have to forget that I wrote it. There are several convenient ways to do that. I hear hitting yourself on the head with a blunt object can be very effective. You should try using one of Brandon Sanderson's fantasy novels. They're big enough, and goodness knows, that's really the only useful thing to do with them.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
I’d gone on such a rampage that I would have made the proverbial bull in the proverbial china shop look unproverbially good by proverbial comparison. (Personally, I don’t even know how he’d fit through the door. Proverbially.)
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
But you said I had to spend some time with them!" "A few hours, lad," Grandpa Smedry said, "to apologize for the trouble you'd given them. What did you expect? That I'd leave you here all summer, in the exact place where your enemies know where to look? With people that aren't even your family? In a place you don't really like, and that is depressingly normal compared to the world you've grown to love? Doesn't that sound a little stupid and contrived to you?
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
What does she look like?” “Glasses,” I said. “Snobbish face. Usually has her hair in a bun.” “The glasses,” Grandpa Smedry said slowly. “Did they have… horn rims?” “Usually.” “Hyperventilating Hobbs!” he exclaimed. “A Librarian! Quickly, lad, we have to go! Get dressed; I’ll go steal some food from your foster parents!
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Adults are not idiots often in books such as this one, the opposite impression is given. Adults in those stories will either (a) get captured, (b) disappear conspicuously when there is trouble, or (c) refuse to help. ( im not sure what authors have against adults, but everyone seems to hate them to an extent usually reserved for dogs and mothers. Why else make them out to make such idiots? "Ah look, the dark lord of evil has come to attack the castle! Annnd. ther's my lunch break. Have fun saving the word on your own kids") In the real world adults tend to get involved in everything whether you want them to or not. They won't disappear when the dark lord appears, though they may try to sue them. This discrepancy is yet another proof that most books are fantasies while this book is utterly true and invaluable. you see in this book, I will make it completely clear that adults are not idiots. they are however hairy Adults are like hairy kids who like to tell other what to do. Dispite what other books may claim they do have their uses, they can reach things on high shelves for instance... Regardless, i often wish that the two groups-adults and kids- could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is the adults have one of the most effective recruitment stratagies in the world. Give them enough time and they'll turn any kid into one of them.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))
Fame is like a cheeseburger. It might not be the best or most healthy thing to have, but it will still fill you up. You don't really care how healthy something is when you've been without it for so long. Like a cheeseburger, fame fills a need, and it tastes so good going down. It isn't until years later that you realize what it has done to your heart.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Three chapters is an awfully long time in book terms. You see, time moves differently in novels. The author could, for instance, say, “And I spent fourteen years in prison, where I obtained the learning of a gentleman and discovered the location of a buried treasure.” Now,
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Hey!' I called with an annoyed voice. 'Charles!' The little Pteradactyl looked up. 'Ah, my good friend!' 'What about the chaos?' I demanded. 'Done!' Charles said. 'We each moved six books out of their proper places,' called George the Stegosaurus. 'It will take them days to find them all and put them back.' 'Though we did put them into place backward,' Charles said. 'You know, so they could be seen more easily. We wouldn't want it to be too hard.' 'Too hard?' I asked, stupefied. 'Charles, these are the people who were going to kill you and bury your bones in an archaeological dig!' 'Well, that's no reason to be uncivilized!' Charles said.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Well, that was fun,” Grandpa said as he climbed to his feet. “Anyone dead?” “Does my pride count?” Draulin asked, dusting herself off. “I don’t think so,” Grandpa said. “I killed that years ago. Dif, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but shoving my grandson out of planes is usually my job. So next time, kindly refrain until I give the word.” “Sorry, sir,” Dif said, looking abashed.
Brandon Sanderson (The Dark Talent (Alcatraz, #5))
Since nothing I can say would be able to pierce your delusions, let the fact that I make no arguments stand as ultimate proof that I am right. As Plato once said that his friend Socrates once said, “I know that I’m right because I’m the only person humble enough to admit that I’m not.” Or something like that. I
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Hushlanders, I’d like to take this opportunity to commend you for reading this book. I realize the difficulty you must have gone through to obtain it – after all, no Librarian is likely to recommend it, considering the secrets it exposes about their kind. Actually, my experience has been that people generally don’t recommend this kind of book at all. It is far too interesting. Perhaps you have had other kinds of books recommended to you. Perhaps, even, you have been given books by friends, parents, or teachers, then told that these books are the type you “have to read.” Those books are invariably described as “important” – which, in my experience, pretty much means that they’re boring. (Words like meaningful and thoughtful are other good clues.) If there is a boy in these kinds of books, he will not go on an adventure to fight against Librarians, paper monsters, and one-eyed Dark Oculators. In fact, the lad will not go on an adventure or fight against anything at all. Instead, his dog will die. Or, in some cases, his mother will die. If it’s a really meaningful book, both his dog and his mother will die. (Apparently, most writers have something against dogs and mothers.)
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Authors write books for one, and only one, reason: because we like to torture people. Now, actual torture is frowned upon in civilized society. Fortunately, the authorial community has discovered in storytelling an even more powerful—and more fulfilling—means of causing agony in others. We write stories. And by doing so, we engage in a perfectly legal method of doing all kinds of mean and terrible things to our readers. Take, for instance, the word I used above. Propondidty. There is no such word—I made it up. Why? Because it amused me to think of thousands of readers looking up a cromulent word in their dictionaries.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
This book means whatever you make of it. For some it will be about the dangers of fame. For others it will be about turning your flaws into talents. For many it will simply be entertainment, which is quite all right. Yet for others it will be about learning to question everything, even that which you believe. For, you see, the most important truths can always withstand a little examination.
Brandon Sanderson (The Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
She was absolutely beautiful. She had long blonde hair, kind of the shade of a bowl of mac and cheese. She was smiling a wide, genuine smile—which was rather the shape of a macaroni and cheese noodle. She seemed to radiate light, much like a bowl of mac and cheese might if you stuffed a lightbulb into it. Her skin was soft and squishy, like— Okay. Maybe I’m too hungry to be writing right now.
Brandon Sanderson (The Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
(It should be noted that the Honorable Guild of Evil Warlords has worked very hard to counter the negative stereotype of its members. After several dozen bake sales and charity auctions, someone suggested that they remove the word evil from the title of their organization. The suggestion was eventually rejected on account of Gurstak the Ruthless having just ordered a full box of embossed business cards.) The
Brandon Sanderson (The Knights of Crystallia (Alcatraz, #3))
Yes. You read that right. Evil Librarians control the world. They keep everyone in ignorance, teaching them falsehoods in place of history, geography, and politics. It’s kind of a joke to them. Why else do you think the Librarians named themselves what they did? Librarians. LIE-brarians. Sounds obvious now, doesn’t it? If you wish to smack yourself in the forehead and curse loudly, you may proceed to do so. I can wait.
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
Writers—particularly storytellers like myself—write about people. That is ironic, since we actually know nothing about them. Think about it. Why does someone become a writer? Is it because they like people? Of course not. Why else would we seek out a job where we get to spend all day, every day, cooped up in our basement with no company besides paper, a pencil, and our imaginary friends? Writers hate people. If you’ve ever met a writer, you know that they’re generally awkward, slovenly individuals who live beneath stairwells, hiss at those who pass, and forget to bathe for weeklong periods. And those are the socially competent ones.
Brandon Sanderson (The Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz, #2))
I've never understood one thing: Why do all these megalomaniac dictators, secret societies, mad scientists, and totalitarian aliens want to rule the world? I mean really? Don't they know what a pain in the neck it is to be in charge? People are always making unreasonable demands of kings. "Please save us from the invading Vandal hoards! Please make sure we have proper sanitation to prevent the spread of disease! Please stop beheading your wives so often; it's ruining the rugs!
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Shattered Lens (Alcatraz, #4))
Some people assume that authors write books because we have vivid imaginations and want to share our vision. Other people assume that authors write because we are bursting with stories, and therefore must scribble those stories down in moments of creative propondidty. Both groups of people are completely wrong. Authors write books for one, and only one, reason: because we like to torture people. Now, actual torture is frowned upon in civilized society. Fortunately, the authorial community has discovered in storytelling an even more powerful—and more fulfilling—means of causing agony in others. We write stories. And by doing so, we engage in a perfectly legal method of doing all kinds of mean and terrible things to our readers. Take, for instance, the word I used above. Propondidty. There is no such word—I made it up. Why? Because it amused me to think of thousands of readers looking up a cromulent word in their dictionaries.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz (Alcatraz, #1-4))
These places tend to have row upon row of neat bookshelves, arranged nicely. They are presented attractively for the same reason that kittens are cute—so that they can draw you in, then pounce on you for the kill. Seriously. Stay away from kittens. Public libraries exist to entice. The Librarians want everyone to read their books—whether those books are deep and poignant works about dead puppies or nonfiction books about made-up topics, like the Pilgrims, penicillin, and France. In fact, the only book they don’t want you to read is the one you’re holding right now.
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
Da bambini ci si immagina che le comete s’inchineranno al tuo passaggio. Il futuro è un campo di girasoli. Da grandi ci si risveglia in un paesaggio essenziale: scadenze, appuntamenti, bollette da pagare. E’ questo che ti fa incazzare, fratello. Quel poco di puro, di grande, di bello che hai amato da bambino è come un quadro di Van Gogh chiuso in una cassaforte di cui hai perso la combinazione.
Diego Cugia (Alcatraz: Jack Folla un DJ nel braccio della morte)
There have been a lot of Smedries over the centuries," he said, "and a lot of Talents. Many of them tend to be similar, in the long run. There are four kinds: Talents that affect space, time, knowledge, and the physical world." "Take my talent, for instance," he continued. "I change things in space. I can get lost, then get found again." "What about grandpa Smedry?" "Time," Kas said. "He arrives late to things. Australia, however, has a Talent that can change the physical world--in this case, her own shape. Her Talent is fairly specific, and not as broad as your grandfather's. For instance, there was a Smedry a couple of centuries back who could look ugly any time he wanted, not just when he woke up in the morning. Other have been able to change anyone's appearance, not just their own. Understand?" I shrugged. "I guess so." "The closer the Talent gets to its purest form, the more powerful it is," Kaz said. "Your grandfather's Talent is very pure--he can manipulate time in a lot of different circumstances. Your father and I have very similar Talents--I can get lost and Attica can lose things--and both are flexible." "What about Sing?" I asked. "Tripping. That's what we call a knowledge Talent--he knows how to do something normal with extraordinary ability. Like Australia, though, his power isn't very flexible." I nodded slowly. "So...what does this have to do with me?" "Well, it's hard to say," Kaz said. "You're getting into some deep philosophy now, kid. There are those who argue that the Breaking Talent is simply a physical-world Talent, but one that is very versatile and very powerful. There are others who argue that the Breaking Talent is much more. It seems to be able to do things that affect all four areas. Legends say that one of your ancestors--one of only two others to have this Talent--broke time and space together, forming a little bubble where nothing aged. Other records speak of breakings equally marvelous. Breakings that change people's memory or their abilities. What is it to 'break' something? What can you change? How far can the Talent go?
Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones (Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, #2))