Alan Simpson Quotes

Grandchildren now don't write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pants with their cap on backward, listening to the Enema Man and Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog.

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.

Hatred corrodes the container it's carried in.

Are you sought out at parties? No. Sorted out sometimes, and then slung out.

Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain? That gallant Hungarian peasant girl who forced King John to sign the pledge at Runnymede and closed the boozers at half past ten?

Hancock: You're not particularly bothered about the impending stagnation of Western Civilization, are you? Sid: No, not really. As long as my horses don't stagnate I don't care what happens. Hancock: Exactly. The struggle of the human race is nothing compared with your struggle up to the two-bob window at Cheltenham, is it? Sid: No, it's not.

Get your hands off. You weren't a member of our regiment. You want some beer, you hold your own reunion. The King's Own Glasshouse Deserters weren't they?

The condition of my feet in those days was quite different from what they are today. Chasing the Hun across Europe, that's what flattened these, mate.

My old grandmother used to swear by Dr McConnell's Lung Syrup. She drank a bottle a day for the whole of her adult life. She couldn't give it up in the end. It's got morphine in it, you see.

Aha! Mine all mine. My life savings. Look at all that snow there. Very comforting. I've got enough here to buy everything I want in the world, but I'm not going to because I'd sooner have the money.

Sid: She laughed and said to her oppo, 'Oh dear, how plebian. Bill: What's 'plebian'? Hancock: Plebian! It's from the latin 'plebes', defined by Pliny as derivative from 'plebiscum'. Bill: Yeah, but what does it mean? Hancock: It means you're a scruffbag!

former U.S. senator Alan Simpson from Wyoming. Simpson had spent eighteen years in the Senate, including ten as the Republican whip, the second-ranking senator in his party. He had also been a former juvenile felon. He had been adjudicated as a juvenile delinquent when he was seventeen, for multiple convictions for arson, theft, aggravated assault, gun violence, and, finally, assaulting a police officer. He later confessed: “I was a monster.” His life didn’t begin to change until he found himself imprisoned in “a sea of puke and urine” following another arrest. Senator Simpson knew firsthand that you cannot judge a person’s full potential by his juvenile misconduct.

Hancock: I was talking about Olive, my sweetheart. Sid : And a load of old rubbish it was too. Hancock: Oh well of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand. How could a man like you hope to understand the sensitive world of two children who discover the wonders of innocent love for the first time. Sid: 'Innocent love'. If I'd been your old man I'd have given you a thump round the earhole and kicked you up to bed. Hancock: I don't think I've such a crude man in my life.

Gregory: Who are these persons? Hancock: They're friends of mine Gregory. Sidney James, here. William Kerr. This is the leader of our group, Gregory. Sid: Gregory what? Gregory: Just Gregory. We never use surnames in our group, they're very bourgeois. I suppose you'll be leaving shortly. Hancock: Well, actually, no. I've asked them to stop for the poetry reading. They, they live here with me, you see. Gregory: Good heavens! Still, I suppose it's quite an interesting experiment actually living with these people. Sid: He's gettin' up my nose this bloke. Gregory: I suppose you sort of watch them and make notes. Hancock: Well, I... Gregory: You're working on a thesis on the mental workings of the lower orders of the species. Sid: Oh, dear. He's gonna get my fist right through that beard in a minute.

Former U.S. senator Alan K. Simpson once said, “If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.”4

Sid: Don't they do any work? Hancock: Oh work. Please Sidney. Work work work. Work is the biggest restrictor of Man's mind. Can't allow themselves to be hampered by the menial soul-destroying labour of everyday jobs. Work to them represents the Establishment, and they're against that. Sid: What do they live on then? Hancock: National Assistance. Sid: Oh, they're not against that part of the Establishment then.

you can't forgive a person, it's like letting him live in your head rent-free.  Alan Simpson