Adulting 101 Quotes

When you blame others, what you are really saying is what is inside of you can’t be fixed, so you have no control of your own happiness. Therefore, you have made the conscience choice to give focus and fuel to a bad situation that will take you nowhere and give you nothing, but ignorance and pain.

Some days, Kaylin fervently wished that she had already passed Adult 101 and could get on with being the person she wanted to be.

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.

A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.

I solved world hunger.”
 “Yeah, right.” 
“Oh, ye of little faith.”
 “You realize that solving world hunger would mean you’d be doing something good for a change?”
 “Ah, but there’s the kicker: I destroyed my solutions.” He finally looks away from the window and gives me this cocky smirk. “Malevolence 101, Kirk.

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, no. I just burped.

Grounding 101 tips: Open your eyes. Put your feet solidly on the floor. Look at your hands and feet. Recognize they are adult hands and feet. Name five things you can see and hear and smell.

Your love life is insignificant when it comes to raising your children to be respectable human beings. The moment you see them suffer or lower their standards because of your selfishness, is the day you should realize that nothing matters more than them. You are not just the queen or king of your fairy tale. The real story of your life is the gift of time God gave you with them.

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.

Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!

Wearing a $1,000 suit and driving a Ferrari may be better than riding around in a beaten-up pickup truck, but when it’s all said and done, it’ll be the experiences you remember, not the stuff.

were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 2 million Euros, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 75 dollars (three cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

He just . . . Nick just wanted to be special. He wanted to be Luke, with a destiny. He wanted to be Frodo, with a quest. He wanted to be an unlikely hero and do something that mattered, but there are no quests in the real world, where everything is much bigger and more tangled and complex than in the stories he loves. In the real world, small people don’t get to be heroes, and Nick is the smallest person he knows.

Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit." ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

I love you," "I was wrong," and "I apologize" are powerful words. They can save marriages, deepen friendships, and change lives. Don't be afraid to use them.

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day.

guy walks into a bar, and another guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married. Did you?" The other guy says, "I don't know...what was her maiden name?

It was an accident?” Nick attempts. “An accident?” Chris huffs out. “An accident? You accidentally gave someone a blowjob?” If Nick never hears the word “blowjob” come out of his dad’s mouth again, he’ll die a happy man.

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit." ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

sex

Are we Netflix and chilling?” he asks. Jai makes a face. “I don’t know what that means.” “Are you twenty-five or are you eighty-five?” Nick asks, eyes bright. “Whippersnapper,” Jai grumbles, and Nick laughs.

Nick’s job is super dull. He mostly takes care of answering the phone and doing filing, and stapling things. Sometimes the things don’t even need stapling, but Nick does it anyway. He makes shiny little railroad tracks along the tops of documents. His record is thirty-eight staples on one thing. Then he picked thirty-seven of them out again because he remembered he was supposed to be professional. Adulting is hard. The struggle is real.

teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

If Nick were on a quest to return the One Ring to the fiery pits of Mount Doom, Jai Hazenbrook would totally be the hot-as-fuck elf in tight leather pants who could shoot the left testicle off an orc at a thousand paces. Whereas Nick, of course, would be the short hairy-footed guy who liked beer and fireworks and second breakfasts. Even in his fantasy worlds, Nick is a realist.

hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he shuffles back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean, 200 dollars an hour! ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Nick is also supportive. Once, when Devon was dating a girl back in high school, Nick had even helped him research how to give oral. Seriously, the internet knows everything. Except how to alleviate a cramped tongue, apparently, which had been Devon’s downfall in the end.

The key thing to keep in mind is that people do change, but they do it in their own time, for their own reasons. That's why you can hope for change, you can encourage change, you can communicate that you want change, but there are never any guarantees that it will happen.

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

man and a woman were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, the woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. On their anniversary night, at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." The man replies, "Madge, hon, that's because they are sitting in your soup. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

And to not burn out on Adult Every-Day-Ness you need to take some Nothing Vacations. What’s a Nothing Vacation? It’s a vacation where you do, well, nothing. Absolutely. No sightseeing. No family. No friends. Nothing. My wife and I just agreed we’re taking one. Next month. No baby. No itinerary. Just sleep. Food. Books. Sleep. Food. Rinse. Repeat.

Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults - and prefer blondes to brunettes! No-one knows why.

The Art of Time is NOT Wasting It!

As children, routine gives us a feeling of safety. As adults, it gives us a feeling of purpose.

What's the difference between sin and shame?

Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.

Hibernate? Shit, Ma, I thought you said 'masturbate'!

As children, routine gives us a feeling of safety. As adults, it gives us a feeling of purpose. Interestingly enough, those two feelings are more similar than you’d think (at least, their origin is the same). It’s the same thing as the fear of the unknown: As children, we don’t know which way is left, let alone why we’re alive or whether or not a particular activity we’ve never done before is going to be scary or harmful. When we’re adults engaging with routine-ness, we can comfort ourselves with the simple idea of “I know how to do this, I’ve done it before.

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

An old man and his wife are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the old lady bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super pussy!" And the old man says, "I'll have the soup.

shy but handsome fellow is sitting at a club, sipping a cocktail, and sees a beautiful woman seated alone at the bar. After an hour of screwing up his courage he finally heads over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, hi. Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar turns in unison and stares at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly

(At least one theory suggests that while great apes and adult Humans are sentient, young Human children are not.101 I admit to a certain fondness for this conclusion; if childen aren’t nonsentient, they’re certainly psychopathic). But

Seriously. Like, insanely adorable. Those little paws, that tiny nose, those great big eyes… And that belly! That glorious, fluffy, mushy little kitty belly! It’s enough to drive an otherwise sane and sober adult to helpless, babbling lunacy.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it? A last name! And shame on you for thinking it was something else.

If success were easy, everybody would do it. Because it’s not, you have the opportunity to distinguish yourself by solving problems. The more problems you solve, the more success you’ll have in life. Then, once you’re successful, you won’t have any more problems, right? Wrong. But if you’re lucky, you’ll have a better class of problems.

Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!

We’ve all experienced the frustration of our 20s going nothing as planned, so why do we still feel like we’re the only ones who are struggling? This lie that we’re all alone in our struggle is a powerful magnifier of depression, anxiety, and confusion in our 20s. It’s vital we blow this ugly lie up. So right now, if you feel like you’re stuck between being adult and child, neither growing nor grown. —you’re not alone. If you feel like you’re struggling through a Quarter-Life Crisis you swore you’d never have. —you’re not alone. If you’re wondering when you’ll ever feel like yourself again. —you are not alone. If you’re searching for a place to hang up your coat because it actually feels like home again. If you’re staring at your gray, cubicle walls wondering how the heck you ended up here. If you’re wondering if God changed His number and forgot to pass the message on to you. —you know what I’m going to say. Call a friend. It’s up to you to make the first move. Share war stories and strategies for dodging bullets. You’re not alone. And just knowing that fact can be enough to breathe life into that which has felt suffocating.

Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons! ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool. "Joe," Bill says, "I'm glad to see your wife finally let you out of the house." "Things have been different with my wife," Joe says. "In fact, just the other day, I decided to show her who was boss." "How did you do that?" asks Bill. "I simply said to her, 'Mabel, we are going to have it out right now, and I am going to show you who is the boss in this relationship'." "What happened?" "Well, I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees." "How did you do that?" "I was hiding under the bed at the time".

his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.

lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was...God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get really screwed! ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Needs that do not get met in childhood become adult needs.

One of the most important functions of monasteries was as schools. Monastic schools were well attended (mostly by boys). Some of the students were treated as foster children by the monks, living in the care of another family until they were ready to return to their homes and adult responsibilities. Many noble warrior fathers seem to have thought that their sons would be safer in a monastery than at home. Students had to find and prepare food for the monks and help out with the business of running the monastery. But most of their time was spent studying and working.

If a baby stork is not happy with the way it is being reared, it sometimes abandons its parents and wanders into another nearby nest to be fed by a new family! Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults - and prefer blondes to brunettes! No-one knows why.

The diet of mountain goats lacks an important ingredient - salt. With this in mind, goats seek out areas where it is present to lick, such as a piece of ground or particularly salty rock. However once they discovered that human urine is quite salty, they started hanging out around areas in which people were camping, waiting for a man to unbutton his flies, and would then run up to him and start drinking his pee. If a baby stork is not happy with the way it is being reared, it sometimes abandons its parents and wanders into another nearby nest to be fed by a new family! Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults - and prefer blondes to brunettes! No-one knows why.

Kids believe they will be different, stand out, change things. But then they become adults and give up such dreams. They learn how much easier it is to simply conform. And

It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults

write a

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny.

An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ''Why are you going to sleep on the floor?'' The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change.

An old couple were laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times.

A large family were going to have Thanksgiving dinner together. The two grandmas of the family were sick of people eating the pudding the night before, so they hatched a plan: They put BB-gun pellets in the pudding so they could see who ate it. The next morning, Little Johnny came down from his room and said, "Grannie, Grannie, there were BB-bun pellets in my pee pee last night." Then Little Sally came down and said, "Grandma, there were BB-gun pellets in my pee last night." Then Big Tom came down yelling, "Help! Help! I just shot my girlfriend in the mouth. She went down fine but came up with a hole going right through her tongue and out the side of her mouth!

A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see

A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake in the living room?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!

Three friends decided to bet each other 100 dollars on who could make their wives scream more during sex. They all went home to have sex with their wives and make them scream. The next day the met up again. The first friend said, "I made love to my wife for two hours and she was screaming for at least one-and-a-half hours." The second friend countered, "That's nothing. I started licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and a half-hour after that." Then the third friend said, "That's pathetic. I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times, I wiped my dick in the curtain, and she's still screaming

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car, and he willingly does. She says, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." He replies, "Breasts.

Kinky shit may be awesome and hot and incredible. It may also be blue cheese.

Beauty After Bruises claims that the way to fix these emotional flashbacks is to ground yourself. So the next time I found myself in a panicky and depressive state, I read the tips on Grounding 101: Open your eyes. Put your feet solidly on the floor. Look at your hands and feet. Recognize they are adult hands and feet. Name five things you can see and hear and smell.

(again potentially epigenetics). For instance, abused and/or neglected children have an incredibly high risk for addiction (and other adult-life psychological issues) regardless of genetic influences. Furthermore, the more times a child is traumatized, the greater the likelihood of adverse reactions, such as addiction, later in life. One study found that survivors of chronic childhood trauma (four or

Sadly, without some form of therapy or intervention, individuals like Denise often don’t make the connection between their childhood trauma and their adult-life sexual problems. Due to this lack of understanding and association, many of these folks think of themselves as

broken” or simply as “bad people,” using their adult-life sexual acting out as proof of how unlovable they really are. They simply don’t understand that their upbringing was lacking and left them without a positive sense of self or needed life skills, and that their problematic sexual behaviors are an adaptive response to what they experienced.

The show also gave me the opportunity to sing its theme song, “Follow Me,” which was cowritten by my sister. I recently produced and recorded a modern version of the song. In an effort to assuage the fans, I asked many of my original castmates to shoot a video for the song’s reboot. It was tricky because we did a one-day shoot complicated by the protocols of COVID-19. The shooting schedule for that day was insane, with temperature checks and sanitation requirements. Once we all got back into a room together, the years apart vanished. We arrived as adults but performing brought us back to 2004. The release of the song and video spurred new rumors about a Zoey 101 reunion show. I am excited at the prospect of working on another Zoey 101 project, whether that be a long-format movie or series. The cast is eager to reunite and bring the characters into the present. We have been in talks to reinvent the series. Producers and writers have shared some concepts that sound intriguing. Hopefully, a modern-day version will go into production soon.

Whether in person or on social media, I am constantly asked about a Zoey 101 reunion or a reboot of the show. Zoey connected with fans in such a powerful way that it’s as if they have to know how she turns out as an adult. I am actively working to bring Zoey back to the screen.

Jai almost laughs when, a few seconds later, Nick comes into view out the front window, punching the air in victory. He even does a weird little dance. "I can still see you," Jai calls out the window. Nick freezes like a raccoon caught in a porch light, then very slowly turns around to face the window. He gives Jai an awkward wave.

Nick's job is super dull. He mostly takes care of answering the phone and doing filing, and stapling things. Sometimes the things don't even need stapling, but Nick does it anyway. He makes shiny little railroad tracks along the tops of documents. His record is thirty-eight staples on one thing. Then he picked thirty-seven of them out again because he remembered he was supposed to be professional.

Devon's too scared to make a move because he's been crippled by the weight of his male privilege. He only discovered it a few months ago, and it's shaken him up pretty badly.

It was an accident?" Nick attempts. "An accident?" Chris huffs out. "An accident? You accidentally gave someone a blowjob?

Nick's not the kind of guy who can write sonnets or anything, mostly because he can't remember how to, but if he happens to have a page in his notebook dedicated entirely to ass-related haikus, that's his business, right?

After lunch he steals another pen from the office supplies. He calls it Gloria, and decides that it's his favorite.

I think that when we're little, they tell us stories about being heroes and saving the universe, and then when we get older, they tell us to grow up and stop believing in dumb stories anymore.

It's really hard to keep count of the minutes when we're fucking, Jai!" Nick counters, his voice rising. "I'm very easily distracted by your perfect ass and your incredible dick!" Someone downstairs drops something breakable. "Please tell me your dad doesn't have a shotgun," Jai whispers in the sudden, terrible silence.

Maggie wondered if heʻd been too nervous about seeing Madeleine to eat. She chided herself for failing Parenting 101: Blood Sugar, Enemy and Friend; and then remembered it wasnʻt her job any longer. All this knowledge sheʻd amassed over the two decades of child-rearing, all useless now. Like throwing out high school textbooks after graduation --wonʻt need these anymore.

Instead of saying there has to me more to the story, expecting me to give you something that you think you already know, why don't you just ask the question. If there is more to the story, there has to be another question, right?

The book, The Holy Longing, resulted from that conversation. And Eric Major’s instincts were correct; there was a crying niche for that kind of book. The book found a huge audience, inside of all Christian denominations. But while The Holy Longing is a solid book, one that offers a certain basic foundation in Christian spirituality, it remains precisely that, a foundational book, a needed Spirituality 101 course, but not a graduate or final course. The Holy Longing is a book that is intended to help us “get our lives together,” to help us achieve an essential discipleship. But where do we go from there? What lies beyond the essentials, the basics? Where do we go once some of the basic questions in our lives have been answered, or at least brought to enough peace that our focus can shift away from ourselves to others? Where do we go once the basic questions in our lives are no longer the restless questions of youthful insecurity and loneliness? “Who am I?” “Who loves me?” “How will my life turn out?” Where do we go once the basic questions in life become: “How can I give my life away more purely, and more meaningfully?” “How do I live beyond my own heartaches, headaches, and obsessions so as to help make other peoples’ lives more meaningful?” The intent of this book is to try to address exactly those questions: How can we live less self-centered, more mature lives? What constitutes deep maturity and how do we reach that place? And, not unimportantly, what constitutes a more adult, Christian discipleship? What constitutes a truly mature following of Jesus? This book will try to answer those questions. It will try to be true to what its subtitle promises: A Vision for a Deeper Human and Christian Maturity.

My mom and stepdad will be away, and since the last thing Lewis used the pool for was so his pastor could come over and, like, adult baptize people, I'm counting on you and Nick to get in the water and really gay it up.

passive-aggressive

Simple Regression   CHAPTER OBJECTIVES After reading this chapter, you should be able to Use simple regression to test the statistical significance of a bivariate relationship involving one dependent and one independent variable Use Pearson’s correlation coefficient as a measure of association between two continuous variables Interpret statistics associated with regression analysis Write up the model of simple regression Assess assumptions of simple regression This chapter completes our discussion of statistical techniques for studying relationships between two variables by focusing on those that are continuous. Several approaches are examined: simple regression; the Pearson’s correlation coefficient; and a nonparametric alterative, Spearman’s rank correlation coefficient. Although all three techniques can be used, we focus particularly on simple regression. Regression allows us to predict outcomes based on knowledge of an independent variable. It is also the foundation for studying relationships among three or more variables, including control variables mentioned in Chapter 2 on research design (and also in Appendix 10.1). Regression can also be used in time series analysis, discussed in Chapter 17. We begin with simple regression. SIMPLE REGRESSION Let’s first look at an example. Say that you are a manager or analyst involved with a regional consortium of 15 local public agencies (in cities and counties) that provide low-income adults with health education about cardiovascular diseases, in an effort to reduce such diseases. The funding for this health education comes from a federal grant that requires annual analysis and performance outcome reporting. In Chapter 4, we used a logic model to specify that a performance outcome is the result of inputs, activities, and outputs. Following the development of such a model, you decide to conduct a survey among participants who attend such training events to collect data about the number of events they attended, their knowledge of cardiovascular disease, and a variety of habits such as smoking that are linked to cardiovascular disease. Some things that you might want to know are whether attending workshops increases

Is there shame in living off your fellow man or being unable to take care of yourself? You bet. But a person who’s willing to work and pay their own way can at least take pride in that even if they can’t take pride in anything else.

Sometimes we get so caught up in appearing smart that we become afraid to ask the question that will actually make us smart.

I used to love the saying, 'If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door.' It sounds great, right? The only problem is that, as it turns out, it’s not even remotely true. Worse yet, it encourages people to passively wait for someone else to give them a break. Most people who do that will grow old waiting for someone to come along and recognize their genius.

You’re going to spend your life doing something; you might as well pay the price to get what you want.

Don’t ever feel sorry for yourself. Don’t ever seek pity from other people. Don’t ever play the victim, even if you are one. Why? It’s a mentality. If you wait for someone else to solve your problems, you’re usually in for a long wait. Even if you do get help, you probably won’t like the help you get.

Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults - and prefer blondes to brunettes!

Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

A screwdriver hops into a taxi cab and says to the driver, "Screw you! ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

If a baby stork is not happy with the way it is being reared, it sometimes abandons its parents and wanders into another nearby nest to be fed by a new family! Mosquitos prefer to bite children rather than adults

Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.