“
Until Mack finally bursts out, “What the hell is going on over there?” There’s no over there. I’m snuggled right up against him. But I know what he means anyway. “Nothing’s going on!” “Then why are you getting all upset for no reason! Are the cramps worse? Or are you sick again? Like yesterday?” It is kind of like yesterday when I was crying in the bathroom. “I’m not sick. I’m fine. I was trying to sleep. I thought you were asleep.” “Well, I was, but then I was getting hit by all these stressed vibes from you. It was very disturbing.” I sigh and give up trying to convince him of something that isn’t true. “I wasn’t really stressed. Just a bad memory. Sometimes they hit me, and I can’t push them away, and I feel it all again.” “Yeah. That happens to everyone, I think. What bad memory are you thinking about right now?” He asks the questions as if he’s absolutely certain that he has a right to the answer. I exhale deeply again. Stroke his hip. His lower back. His tight butt, completely bare as usual. “Honestly, I was thinking about when I broke up with you.” “Why were you thinking about that?” “I don’t know. Just a random, passing thought. But once it was lodged in my brain, it wouldn’t budge.” “And it upset you that much?” “Of course it upset me! It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” He’s fully awake now. He eases me onto my back and rolls over on top of me, propping himself up on his arms so he can look down at me. “It was hard for me too.” “I know it was. I felt like shit for doing that to you. And I felt like shit for not realizing the way things… things really were a lot sooner.” “No, that part is my fault. All mine. I’m the one who told you all I wanted was the casual thing. I had my own self half-convinced it was the truth. Why wouldn’t you have believed me?” “I don’t know. But I felt guilty anyway. Still do a little.
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