Witches Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Witches. Here they are! All 100 of them:

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Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
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Neil Gaiman
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If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.
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Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches, #4))
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So light a fire!" Harry choked. "Yes...of course...but there's no wood!" ... "HAVE YOU GONE MAD!" Ron bellowed. "ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT!
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J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
β€œ
People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us... It's people who claim that they're good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of.
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Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (The Wicked Years, #1))
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In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
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Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches, #4))
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DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?
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Mark Twain
β€œ
Remember this: Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny.
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Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (The Wicked Years #1))
β€œ
It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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Stay,” she panted. Tears leaked from her eyes. β€œStay till the end.” β€œAnd after,” he said. β€œAnd always.” β€œI want to feel safe again. I want to go home to Ravka.” β€œThen I’ll take you there. We’ll set fire to raisins or whatever you heathens do for fun.” β€œZealot,” she said weakly. β€œWitch.” β€œBarbarian.” β€œNina,” he whispered, β€œlittle red bird. Don’t go.
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Leigh Bardugo (Six of Crows (Six of Crows, #1))
β€œ
You are what you believe yourself to be.
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Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
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It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you.
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Roald Dahl (The Witches)
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An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
Remember: that giants sleep too soundly; that witches are often betrayed by their appetites; dragons have one soft spot, somewhere, always; hearts can be well-hidden, and you can betray them with your tongue. (from "Instructions")
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Neil Gaiman (Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders)
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Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
What a pity every child couldn't learn to read under a willow tree...
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Elizabeth George Speare (The Witch of Blackbird Pond)
β€œ
Witches didn't need blood to survive, but humans didn't need wine, either.
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Sarah J. Maas (Heir of Fire (Throne of Glass, #3))
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What is a teacher? I'll tell you: it isn't someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows.
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Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
β€œ
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
Never put your faith in a Prince. When you require a miracle, trust in a Witch.
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Catherynne M. Valente (In the Night Garden (The Orphan's Tales, #1))
β€œ
Magic Sandra’s seen a leprechaun, Eddie touched a troll, Laurie danced with witches once, Charlie found some goblins gold. Donald heard a mermaid sing, Susy spied an elf, But all the magic I have known I've had to make myself.
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Shel Silverstein (Where the Sidewalk Ends)
β€œ
Tis "the witching time of night", / Orbed is the moon and bright, / And the stars they glisten, glisten, / Seeming with bright eyes to listen β€”
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John Keats
β€œ
This book was written using 100% recycled words.
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Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches, #2))
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The sunset bled into the edges of the village. Smoke curled out of the cottage chimney like a crooked finger.
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Sara Pascoe (Being a Witch, and Other Things I Didn't Ask For)
β€œ
Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out afer they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; β€œdon’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? β€˜Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
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The future came and went in the mildly discouraging way that futures do.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am beautiful while basking on the ocean's waves and I know that I can eat flesh and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in white and wear a silver wig.
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C. JoyBell C.
β€œ
It begins with absence and desire. It begins with blood and fear. It begins with a discovery of witches.
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Deborah Harkness (A Discovery of Witches (All Souls, #1))
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Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house.
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Terry Pratchett (Witches Abroad (Discworld, #12; Witches, #3))
β€œ
Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a very dangerous enemy indeed.
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Anne Rice (The Witching Hour (Lives of the Mayfair Witches, #1))
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After all, what is happiness? Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.
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Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
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You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?' 'REVELATIONS. CHAPTER SIX.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
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Terry Pratchett (Equal Rites (Discworld, #3; Witches, #1))
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I hope no one who reads this book has been quite as miserable as Susan and Lucy were that night; but if you have been - if you've been up all night and cried till you have no more tears left in you - you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
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He's not safe, but he's good (referring to Aslan, the Lion, in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)
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C.S. Lewis
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She was my assignment." "From The Eye?" "No, from the Boy Scouts. That Witch Dating badge just kept eluding me." "Well, you must have at least three Total Douchebag badges by now, so that has to count for something.
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Rachel Hawkins (Demonglass (Hex Hall, #2))
β€œ
The witching hour, somebody had once whispered to her, was a special moment in the middle of the night when every child and every grown-up was in a deep deep sleep, and all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves.
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Roald Dahl (The BFG)
β€œ
One never learns how the witch became wicked, or whether that was the right choice for her~is it ever the right choice? Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil?
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Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (The Wicked Years, #1))
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A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.
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Terry Pratchett (Wintersmith (Discworld, #35; Tiffany Aching, #3))
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All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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Most witches don’t believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they don’t believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing in the postman.
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Terry Pratchett (Witches Abroad (Discworld, #12; Witches, #3))
β€œ
But the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in caverns and forests. Lonely one, you are going the way to yourself! And your way goes past yourself, and past your seven devils! You will be a heretic to yourself and witch and soothsayer and fool and doubter and unholy one and villain. You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame: how could you become new, if you had not first become ashes?
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Friedrich Nietzsche (Thus Spoke Zarathustra)
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In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
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Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches, #4))
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You don't have to test everything to destruction just to see if you made it right.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
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Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches, #2))
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So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?" "Not likely! I'm a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I'm not doing it!
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Diana Wynne Jones (Howl’s Moving Castle (Howl’s Moving Castle, #1))
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Where I'm from, we believe in all sorts of things that aren't true... we call it history.
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Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (The Wicked Years, #1))
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Progress just means bad things happen faster.
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Terry Pratchett (Witches Abroad (Discworld, #12; Witches, #3))
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Because humans are complicated beasts, the monster said. How can a queen be both a good witch and a bad witch? How can a prince be a murderer and a saviour? How can an apothecary be evil-tempered but right-thinking? How can a parson be wrong-thinking but good-hearted? How can invisible men make themselves more lonely by being seen? "I don't know," Connor shrugged, exhausted. "Your stories never made any sense to me." The answer is that it does not matter what you think, the monster said, because your mind will contradict itself a hundred times each day. You wanted her to go at the same time you were desperate for me to save her. Your mind will believe comforting lies while also knowing the painful truths that make those lies necessary. And your mind will punish you for believing both.
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Patrick Ness (A Monster Calls)
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Happy endings are still endings.
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Gregory Maguire (Son of a Witch (The Wicked Years, #2))
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If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?' 26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.' 27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. You can then take it down from some upper shelf, dust it, and tell me what you think of it. I shall probably be too deaf to hear, and too old to understand a word you say, but I shall still be your affectionate Godfather, C. S. Lewis.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)
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Love simply is.
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Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
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Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death, And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
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Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.
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Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches, #4))
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Just because something seems impossible doesn’t make it untrue,
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Deborah Harkness (A Discovery of Witches (All Souls, #1))
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When, however, one reads of a witch being ducked, of a woman possessed by devils, of a wise woman selling herbs, or even of a very remarkable man who had a mother, then I think we are on the track of a lost novelist, a suppressed poet, of some mute and inglorious Jane Austen, some Emily Bronte who dashed her brains out on the moor or mopped and mowed about the highways crazed with the torture that her gift had put her to. Indeed, I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman.
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Virginia Woolf (A Room of One’s Own)
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Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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She was also, by the standards of other people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't.
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Terry Pratchett (Equal Rites (Discworld, #3; Witches, #1))
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And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.
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Terry Pratchett (Carpe Jugulum (Discworld, #23; Witches, #6))
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FaΓ«rie contains many things besides elves and fays, and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants, or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted.
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J.R.R. Tolkien (Tolkien On Fairy-stories)
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Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad.
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Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies (Discworld, #14; Witches, #4))
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Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
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As far as I can tell there are only two emotions that keep the world spinning year after year...One is fear. The other is desire.
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Deborah Harkness (A Discovery of Witches (All Souls, #1))
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People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.
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Terry Pratchett (Witches Abroad (Discworld, #12; Witches, #3))
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Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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Witches are naturally nosy,” said Miss Tick, standing up. β€œWell, I must go. I hope we shall meet again. I will give you some free advice, though.” β€œWill it cost me anything?” β€œWhat? I just said it was free!” said Miss Tick. β€œYes, but my father said that free advice often turns out to be expensive,” said Tiffany. Miss Tick sniffed. β€œYou could say this advice is priceless,” she said, β€œAre you listening?” β€œYes,” said Tiffany. β€œGood. Now...if you trust in yourself...” β€œYes?” β€œ...and believe in your dreams...” β€œYes?” β€œ...and follow your star...” Miss Tick went on. β€œYes?” β€œ...you’ll still be beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy. Goodbye.
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Terry Pratchett (The Wee Free Men (Discworld, #30; Tiffany Aching, #1))
β€œ
All shall be done, but it may be harder than you think.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
β€œ
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
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Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches, #2))
β€œ
Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality waiting to be shaped.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
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Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
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Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches, #2))
β€œ
All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine! I have a duty!
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Terry Pratchett (The Wee Free Men (Discworld, #30; Tiffany Aching, #1))
β€œ
The true secret in being a hero lies in knowing the order of things. The swineherd cannot already be wed to the princess when he embarks on his adventures, nor can the boy knock on the witch's door when she is already away on vacation. The wicked uncle cannot be found out and foiled before he does something wicked. Things must happen when it is time for them to happen. Quests may not simply be abandoned; prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit; unicorns may go unrescued for a very long time, but not forever. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.
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Peter S. Beagle (The Last Unicorn (The Last Unicorn, #1))
β€œ
She walked quickly through the darkness with the frank stride of someone who was at least certain that the forest, on this damp and windy night, contained strange and terrible things and she was it.
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Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters (Discworld, #6; Witches, #2))
β€œ
Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion." "Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"..."Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
β€œ
If there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, it's the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best.
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Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
β€œ
The men in the room suddenly realized that they did not want to know her better. She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close. And she held her sword, and she smiled like a knife.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
He'll be coming and going" he had said. "One day you'll see him and another you won't. He doesn't like being tied down--and of course he has other countries to attend to. It's quite all right. He'll often drop in. Only you mustn't press him. He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
β€œ
If you've been up all night and cried till you have no more tears left in you - you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing was ever going to happen again.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
β€œ
Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
On the end of my bed. He’s short, round and bald, with a tartan loin cloth, and what looks like a spout on the top of his head,’ Bryony said. β€˜You flatter me,’ came the snide male voice. β€˜But it’s a valve.
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Sara Pascoe (Being a Witch, and Other Things I Didn't Ask For)
β€œ
He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
And girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise. They need to know when they say something that they will never back down, ever, ever.
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Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (The Wicked Years, #1))
β€œ
To the glistening eastern sea, I give you Queen Lucy the Valiant. To the great western woods, King Edmund the Just. To the radiant southern sun, Queen Susan the Gentle. And to the clear northern skies, I give you King Peter the Magnificent. Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. May your wisdom grace us until the stars rain down from the heavens.
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)
β€œ
There is darkness inside all of us, though mine is more dangerous than most. Still, we all have itβ€”that part of our soul that is irreparably damaged by the very trials and tribulations of life. We are what we are because of it, or perhaps in spite of it. Some use it as a shield to hide behind, others as an excuse to do unconscionable things. But, truly, the darkness is simply a piece of the whole, neither good nor evil unless you make it so. It took a witch, a war, and a voodoo queen to teach me that.
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Jenna Maclaine (Bound By Sin (Cin Craven, #3))
β€œ
I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed to yell at the werewolf as he ran at me were, 'BAD DOG!' Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of blue light on my left. Suddenly, the werewolf seemed to smack into an invisible wall just inches in front of me.... "You know," someone said off to my left, "I usually find a blocking spell to be a lot more effective than yelling 'Bad dog,' but maybe that's just me.
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Rachel Hawkins (Hex Hall (Hex Hall, #1))
β€œ
Once a King in Narnia, always a King in Narnia. But don't go trying to use the same route twice. Indeed, don't try to get there at all. It'll happen when you're not looking for it. And don't talk too much about it even among yourselves. And don't mention it to anyone else unless you find that they've had adventures of the same sort themselves. What's that? How will you know? Oh, you'll know all right. Odd things, they say-even their looks-will let the secret out. Keep your eyes open. Bless me, what do they teach them at these schools." -The Professor
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C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1))
β€œ
Love fills everything. It cannot be desired because it is an end in itself. It cannot betray because it has nothing to do with possession. It cannot be held prisoner because it is a river and will overflow its banks. Anyone who tries to imprison love will cut off the spring that feeds it, and the trapped water will grow stagnant.
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Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
β€œ
It's like you said the other day," said Adam. "You grow up readin' about pirates and cowboys and spacemen and stuff, and jus' when you think the world's full of amazin' things, they tell you it's really all dead whales and chopped-down forests and nucular waste hangin' about for millions of years. 'Snot worth growin' up for, if you ask my opinion.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
You are so young, Lyra, too young to understand this, but I shall tell you anyway and you'll understand it later: men pass in front of our eyes like butterflies, creatures of a brief season. We love them; they are brave, proud, beautiful, clever; and they die almost at once. They die so soon that our hearts are continually racked with pain. We bear their children, who are witches if they are female, human if not; and then in the blink of an eye they are gone, felled, slain, lost. Our sons, too. When a little boy is growing, he thinks he is immortal. His mother knows he isn't. Each time becomes more painful, until finally your heart is broken. Perhaps that is when Yambe-Akka comes for you. She is older than the tundra. Perhaps, for her, witches' lives are as brief as men's are to us.
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Philip Pullman (The Golden Compass (His Dark Materials, #1))
β€œ
He had heard about talking to plants in the early seventies, on Radio Four, and thought it was an excellent idea. Although talking is perhaps the wrong word for what Crowley did. What he did was put the fear of God into them. More precisely, the fear of Crowley. In addition to which, every couple of months Crowley would pick out a plant that was growing too slowly, or succumbing to leaf-wilt or browning, or just didn't look quite as good as the others, and he would carry it around to all the other plants. "Say goodbye to your friend," he'd say to them. "He just couldn't cut it. . . " Then he would leave the flat with the offending plant, and return an hour or so later with a large, empty flower pot, which he would leave somewhere conspicuously around the flat. The plants were the most luxurious, verdant, and beautiful in London. Also the most terrified.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
That is the idea -- that we should all be wicked if we did not hold to the Christian religion. It seems to me that the people who have held to it have been for the most part extremely wicked. You find this curious fact, that the more intense has been the religion of any period and the more profound has been the dogmatic belief, the greater has been the cruelty and the worse has been the state of affairs. In the so-called ages of faith, when men really did believe the Christian religion in all its completeness, there was the Inquisition, with all its tortures; there were millions of unfortunate women burned as witches; and there was every kind of cruelty practiced upon all sorts of people in the name of religion. You find as you look around the world that every single bit of progress in humane feeling, every improvement in the criminal law, every step toward the diminution of war, every step toward better treatment of the colored races, or every mitigation of slavery, every moral progress that there has been in the world, has been consistently opposed by the organized churches of the world. I say quite deliberately that the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world. You may think that I am going too far when I say that that is still so. I do not think that I am. Take one fact. You will bear with me if I mention it. It is not a pleasant fact, but the churches compel one to mention facts that are not pleasant. Supposing that in this world that we live in today an inexperienced girl is married to a syphilitic man; in that case the Catholic Church says, 'This is an indissoluble sacrament. You must endure celibacy or stay together. And if you stay together, you must not use birth control to prevent the birth of syphilitic children.' Nobody whose natural sympathies have not been warped by dogma, or whose moral nature was not absolutely dead to all sense of suffering, could maintain that it is right and proper that that state of things should continue. That is only an example. There are a great many ways in which, at the present moment, the church, by its insistence upon what it chooses to call morality, inflicts upon all sorts of people undeserved and unnecessary suffering. And of course, as we know, it is in its major part an opponent still of progress and improvement in all the ways that diminish suffering in the world, because it has chosen to label as morality a certain narrow set of rules of conduct which have nothing to do with human happiness; and when you say that this or that ought to be done because it would make for human happiness, they think that has nothing to do with the matter at all. 'What has human happiness to do with morals? The object of morals is not to make people happy.
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Bertrand Russell (Why I Am Not a Christian and Other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects)
β€œ
Crowley had always known that he would be around when the world ended, because he was immortal and wouldn’t have any alternative. But he hoped it was a long way off. Because he rather liked people. It was major failing in a demon. Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse. Over the years Crowley had found it increasingly difficult to find anything demonic to do which showed up against the natural background of generalized nastiness. There had been times, over the past millennium, when he’d felt like sending a message back Below saying, Look we may as well give up right now, we might as well shut down Dis and Pandemonium and everywhere and move up here, there’s nothing we can do to them that they don’t do to themselves and they do things we’ve never even thought of, often involving electrodes. They’ve got what we lack. They’ve got imagination. And electricity, of course. One of them had written it, hadn’t he…”Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.
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Terry Pratchett (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)
β€œ
Once upon a time,” I began. β€œThere was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought. But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out. β€œNow his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with. But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones. He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn’t know. Next he asked his father, but his father didn’t know. He asked his grandparents, but they didn’t know either. β€œThat settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him. Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it. β€œHe went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything. He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The boy asked arcanists, tinkers, and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it. β€œHe went to ask the Cealdim merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them. But the Cealdim merchants didn’t know. He went to the arcanists at the University, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would. But the arcanists didn’t know. The boy followed the road over the Stormwal to ask the witch women of the Tahl, but none of them could give him an answer. β€œEventually he went to the King of Vint, the richest king in the world. But the king didn’t know. He went to the Emperor of Atur, but even with all his power, the emperor didn’t know. He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything. β€œFinally the boy went to the High King of Modeg, the wisest of all the kings in the world. The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy’s belly button. Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk. On that pillow was a golden box. The high king took a golden key from around his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver. β€œThe high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer. Trembling with excitement, the boy did. Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy’s belly button.” I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. β€œThen the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.” There was a moment of stunned silence. β€œWhat?” Hespe asked incredulously. β€œHis ass fell off.
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Patrick Rothfuss (The Wise Man’s Fear (The Kingkiller Chronicle, #2))
β€œ
I mean, d'you know what eternity is? There's this big mountain, see, a mile high, at the end of the universe, and once every thousand years there's this little bird-" -"What little bird?" said Aziraphale suspiciously. -"This little bird I'm talking about. And every thousand years-" -"The same bird every thousand years?" -Crowley hesitated. "Yeah," he said. -"Bloody ancient bird, then." -"Okay. And every thousand years this bird flies-" -"-limps-" -"-flies all the way to this mountain and sharpens its beak-" -"Hold on. You can't do that. Between here and the end of the universe there's loads of-" The angel waved a hand expansively, if a little unsteadily. "Loads of buggerall, dear boy." -"But it gets there anyway," Crowley persevered. -"How?" -"It doesn't matter!" -"It could use a space ship," said the angel. Crowley subsided a bit. "Yeah," he said. "If you like. Anyway, this bird-" -"Only it is the end of the universe we're talking about," said Aziraphale. "So it'd have to be one of those space ships where your descendants are the ones who get out at the other end. You have to tell your descendants, you say, When you get to the Mountain, you've got to-" He hesitated. "What have they got to do?" -"Sharpen its beak on the mountain," said Crowley. "And then it flies back-" -"-in the space ship-" -"And after a thousand years it goes and does it all again," said Crowley quickly. There was a moment of drunken silence. -"Seems a lot of effort just to sharpen a beak," mused Aziraphale. -"Listen," said Crowley urgently, "the point is that when the bird has worn the mountain down to nothing, right, then-" Aziraphale opened his mouth. Crowley just knew he was going to make some point about the relative hardness of birds' beaks and granite mountains, and plunged on quickly. -"-then you still won't have finished watching The Sound of Music." Aziraphale froze. -"And you'll enjoy it," Crowley said relentlessly. "You really will." -"My dear boy-" -"You won't have a choice." -"Listen-" -"Heaven has no taste." -"Now-" -"And not one single sushi restaurant." A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
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Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)