β
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The very essence of romance is uncertainty.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays)
β
I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
We need the tonic of wildness...At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable. We can never have enough of nature.
β
β
Henry David Thoreau (Walden: Or, Life in the Woods)
β
If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I hate people who are not serious about meals. It is so shallow of them.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I never change, except in my affections.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Never speak disrespectfully of Society, Algernon. Only people who canβt get into it do that.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
How you can sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I canβt make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless."
"Well, I canβt eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."
"I say itβs perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I could deny it if I liked. I could deny anything if I liked.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I'll bet you anything you like that half an hour after they have met, they will be calling each other sister.
Women only do that when they have called each other a lot of other things first.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Oh! I don't think I would like to catch a sensible man. I shouldn't know what to talk to him about.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Oh! it is absurd to have a hard-and-fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Actions are the first tragedy in life, words are the second. Words are perhaps the worst. Words are merciless. . .
β
β
Oscar Wilde (Lady Windermere's Fan / A Woman of No Importance / An Ideal Husband / The Importance of Being Earnest / SalomΓ©)
β
Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I don't like novels that end happily. They depress me so much
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
My dear fellow, the truth isnβt quite the sort of thing one tells to a nice, sweet, refined girl. What extraordinary ideas you have about the way to behave to a woman!
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Gwendolen, it is a terrible thing for a man to find out suddenly that all his life he has been speaking nothing but the truth. Can you forgive me?
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.
That is exactly what things were originally made for.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Good heavens, I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden."
"But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins!"
"I said it was perfectly heartless of YOU under the circumstances. That is a very different thing."
"That may be, but the muffins are the same!
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
ever since I met you I have admired you more than any girl...I have ever met since...I met you.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Never met such a Gorgon . . . I don't really know what a Gorgon is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one. In any case, she is a monster, without being a myth, which is rather unfair.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays)
β
I know. In fact, I am never wrong.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
It is awfully hard work doing nothing. However, I don't mind hard work where there is no definite object of any kind. -Algernon
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays)
β
Jack: βGwendolen, wait here for me.β
Gwendolen: βIf you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
If one plays good music, people don't listen, and if one plays bad music people don't talk.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Now produce your explanation and pray make it improbable.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people. It is excessively boring.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Do you smoke?
Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.
I'm glad to hear of it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Every woman becomes their mother. That's their tragedy. And no man becomes his. That's his tragedy.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Even before I met you I was far from indifferent to you.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The simplicity of your character makes you exquisitely incomprehensible to me.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I've now realised for the first time in my life the vital Importance of Being Earnest.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I don't play accurately--any one can play accurately--but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, of physical weakness in the old.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I love scrapes. They are the only things that are never serious."
"Oh, that's nonsense, Algy. You never talk anything but nonsense."
"Nobody ever does.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays)
β
I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Oh, don't cough, Ernest. When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough. Besides, I don't know how to spell a cough.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
And, after all, what is a fashion? From the artistic point of view, it is usually a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I hope you hair curls naturally, does it?
Yes, darling, with a little help from others.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You canβt go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.
ALGERNON: We have.
JACK: I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?
ALGERNON: The fools? Oh! about the clever people of course.
JACK: What fools.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
This ghastly state of things is what you call Bunburying, I suppose?
Algernon. Yes, and a perfectly wonderful Bunbury it is. The most wonderful Bunbury I have ever had in my life.
Jack. Well, you've no right whatsoever to Bunbury here.
Algernon. That is absurd. One has a right to Bunbury anywhere one chooses. Every serious Bunburyist knows that.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
You can't possibly ask me to go without having some dinner. It's absurd. I never go without my dinner. No one ever does, except vegetarians and people like that.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
LADY BRACKNELL
To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter - a girl brought up with the utmost care - to marry into a cloak-room, and form an alliance with a parcel?
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane.
It never is, sir.
Lane, you're a perfect pessimist.
I do my best to give satisfaction, sir.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces false impression
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Nothing annoys people so much as not receiving invitations.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Lady Bracknell. Good afternoon, dear Algernon, I hope you are behaving very well.
Algernon. Iβm feeling very well, Aunt Augusta.
Lady Bracknell. Thatβs not quite the same thing. In fact the two things rarely go together.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
It is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a brief space of time. The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity, But even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Muffins should always be eaten quite calmly, as it is the only way to eat them!
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I have a business appointment that I am anxious... to miss.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Cecily. This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners. When I see a spade I call it a spade.
Gwendolen. [Satirically.] I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade. It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
One must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
I really don't see what is so romantic about proposing. One may be accepted - one usually is, I believe - and then the excitement is ended. The very essence of romance is uncertainty.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to every one as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying that your name isn't Ernest.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Come, dear, [Gwendolen rises] we have already missed five, if not six, trains. To miss any more might expose us to comment on the platform.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me. Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any one who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink. At the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
MISS PRISM
Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about with us.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Jack: Actually, I was found.
Lady Bracknell: Found?
Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag.
Lady Bracknell: A handbag?
Jack: Yes, it was...
[makes gestures]
Jack: an ordinary handbag.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Oh, I donβt care about Jack. I donβt care for anybody in the whole world but you. I love you, Cecily. You will marry me, wonβt you?
You silly boy! Of course. Why, we have been engaged for the last three months.
For the last three months?
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
It's absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
LADY BRACKNELL
Algernon is an extremely, I may almost say an ostentatiously, eligible young man. He has nothing, but he looks everything. What more can one desire?
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Yes; poor Bunbury is a dreadful invalid.
Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. This shillyshallying with the question is absurd.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.Β Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
JACK
Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.
ALGERNON
My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
there are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely - or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays)
β
Well, I don't like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them. Why on earth don't you go up and change? It's perfectly childish to be in mourning for a man who is actually staying a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest: And Other Plays)
β
LADY BRACKNELL
Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance in point. To my own knowledge she has been thirty-five ever since she arrived at the age of forty, which was many years ago now.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less then Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
Miss Prism: Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily. I wrote one myself in earlier days.
Cecily: Did you really, Miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are! I hope it did not end happily? I don't like novels that end happily. They depress me so much.
Miss Prism: The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays)
β
Jack? . . . No, there is very little music in the name Jack, if any at all, indeed. It does not thrill. It produces absolutely no vibrations . . . I have known several Jacks, and they all, without exception, were more than usually plain. Besides, Jack is a notorious domesticity for John! And I pity any woman who is married to a man called John. She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single momentβs solitude. The only really safe name is Ernest.
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)
β
LADY BRACKNELL. May I ask if it is in this house that your invalid friend Mr. Bunbury resides?
ALGERNON. [Stammering.] Oh! No! Bunbury doesn't live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead,
LADY BRACKNELL. Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.
ALGERNON. [Airily.] Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
LADY BRACKNELL. What did he die of?
ALGERNON. Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.
LADY BRACKNELL. Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
ALGERNON. My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean - so Bunbury died.
LADY BRACKNELL. He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians. I am glad, however, that he made up his mind at the last to some definite course of action, and acted under proper medical advice. And now that we have finally got rid of this Mr. Bunbury, may I ask, Mr. Worthing, who is that young person whose hand my nephew Algernon is now holding in what seems to me a peculiarly unnecessary manner?
β
β
Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)