Whitney Goodman Quotes

Contrary to popular belief, there are no negative emotions. There are only emotions that are harder to experience or that cause more distress for certain people, and the more you suppress those emotions, the harder they are to manage.

Live a life that challenges you, fulfills you, has meaning, and brings you moments of joy. Open yourself to all emotions and experiences. Discover what you value and follow it until the end, knowing that sometimes life is going to hurt and that’s what makes it worth living.

Many researchers have argued that the use of toxic positivity in healthcare is unethical and even dangerous. It leads to unfounded assertions of confidence, implies a lack of empathy for the patient, and can cause people to make uninformed decisions about their health.

In my work, I’ve noticed that people with invisible illnesses or disabilities are scared of acting too positive because then people won’t believe that they’re sick. They’re afraid of being too negative because then they aren’t being strong or fighting hard enough. They can’t win.

People often need to accept the reality of a situation before moving forward. Not all situations have a silver lining or a positive spin. Some things are just really, really hard, and that’s OK.

Money doesn’t necessarily make someone happier, but it can lead to more control over one’s life and ultimately less sadness.

Not everything you do has to be about improving your health, your knowledge, your job, or your body. It's OK to just be. There's no finish line or trophy for being the most improved.

Healthy positivity means making space for both reality and hope. Toxic positivity denies an emotion and forces us to suppress it. When we use toxic positivity, we are telling ourselves and others that this emotion shouldn’t exist, it’s wrong, and if we try just a little bit harder, we can eliminate it entirely.

Complaint loops usually feel very black-and-white and will include words like always, never, can’t, won’t, etc. When you notice that you’re using this language, look for loopholes.

Seriously, eat the cookie. Watch the movie. Read the book. Not everything you do has to be about improving your health, knowledge, your job, or your body. it's OK to just be.

Shame Disguised as Positivity So you lost your job, and your friend just told you that you shouldn’t be upset. The moment the words “At least . . .” left their mouth, the conversation was over. There was no more space for your emotions or your processing. You were being pulled into the land of positivity whether you were ready or not. So you shut down and tried to figure out how the heck you could become more grateful and positive without inconveniencing anyone with your stress, worry, or shame.

Directing someone to other resources or saying that you can’t help doesn’t mean that you don’t care or that you’re abandoning them. It means that you are trying your best to provide them with the right resources, while also giving yourself the ability to set limits and care for yourself.

A Value-Driven Life * Knowing the things, ideas, experiences, and people that we value in our life. * Knowing your values will motivate you and help illuminate your path. * Your pain, complaints, and distressing feelings often point directly to your values and can be accepted. * You can choose relationships based on your values and recognize that relationships aren't easy or good all the time. * Living in accordance with my values will lead me to moments of happiness and struggle. It can all exist at the same time.

We continue to see happiness and positivity used as weapons within communities of color and among immigrants. Responses like "Can't we all just love each other?" and "We're all just one human race" are typically used to silence and discontinue conversations about racism in favor of more "happiness" and cohesion. The problem is, we're only prioritizing one group's happiness and comfort while ignoring and silencing the other. We're effectively saying, "Sorry you're hurt, but your negativity and response to racism is really bumming me out, so could you stop?

Toxic positivity was also used regularly to silence and cast off Indigenous and Black citizens. Scientific studies were produced that argued Black people had smaller brains and that this is why they were prone to more emotional dysregulation and were ultimately a threat to happiness. The goal was to prevent "racially fit individuals from developing racially poisonous emotional states and behaviors, which could harm the hereditary stock of future happy and healthy societies." This meant separating racial groups in an attempt to "protect" white people from the poisonous nature of other groups.

Helpful Positivity * Recognizes the value of seeing the good and allows people to arrive at their own beneficial conclusions and to take their time getting there. * Recognizes that humans have a variety of emotions, some more challenging than others, and allows people to see the "good" and "bad" sides of a situation. * Has an understanding that not all situations have a silver lining and we will still experience joy. *Encourages emotional expression from others (with boundaries) and from within ourselves, knowing that for some to experience happiness, they often have to process and move through the pain. * Looks out for and recognizes the highs and lows of a situation.

Toxic positivity in spirituality is often called "spiritual bypassing." John Welwood coined the term and defined it as "using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional 'unfinished business,' to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental asks." Welwood noticed that many people were using spirituality as a way to avoid painful emotions and experiences. This continues today in many spiritual practices or communities worldwide that offer countless ways to create "unlimited" happiness and manifest everything you've ever wanted without ever acknowledging the internal and systemic barriers that may get in the way.

Today, many popular preachers are positive thinkers who offer the promise of wealth, success, and health through their teachings. They believe that there is enough for everyone and if we just demonstrate our faith a little bit more, everything will be ours for the taking. These preachers repeat the same message in a variety of ways, but one thing is clear: the devil is negative thinking. . . . Within these positive religious communities, there is a strong belief that everything happens for a reason, it's all part of God's plan, if you had faith you wouldn't worry, and God wants you to be healthy, happy, and rich. If you are falling short in any of these areas, you simply need to change your thoughts.

Pre- and post-World War II immigrants in the United States, especially Jewish immigrants, were actually encouraged to keep quiet about their traumas and war-related distress. If they weren't positive, they would be deemed unfit and lacking emotional regulation, ultimately threatening their place in society. Immigration assessment also emphasized positive adjustment and productivity, while ignoring the circumstances and influences, like trauma, that often led immigrants to struggle with their emotional regulation or rapid assimilation into a new culture. Immigrants were held to an extremely high standard and risked expulsion from the larger group if they did not perform or did anything to threaten the overall happiness.

None of these statements give us the opportunity to share or get to a deeper level about what’s going on. None of them make room for emotional expression or connection. They’re nice—and they’re empty.

The person you are supporting gets to decide how they would like to be supported and you get to decide if you are willing and able to provide that support.

Health is routinely described as the absence of illness, and it all begins in the mind. It’s a version of wellness that seems to apply only to the privileged and able-bodied, and it places the onus of responsibility completely on the individual.

In an attempt to make things less difficult for LGBTQIA+ individuals, we encourage them to "be who they are," but to also align themselves as closely as possible with heteronormative happiness scripts. This means you can be whatever you want, but if you really want to be happy, you still need to get married, have children, and get a job.

Positive thinking is often a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. Instead of helping, it leads to emotional suppression, which is destructive to our bodies, minds, relationships, and society.

Avoid adding these dismissive words or phrases when sharing about your emotions.

Avoid adding these dismissive words or phrases when sharing about your emotions. * Lol

We have to remember that most major social justice movements in history began with a complaint.

The world can be cruel and random. Unfortunately, we can put out tons of positive energy and still struggle. Strive for a life that honors your values and has meaning. Do the best you can and know that not everything bad that comes your way is because you attracted it.

Whenever I ask my community to share their experiences with toxic positivity, many responses include God or religion. Examples like "They're with God now" or "It was all part of God's plan" flood my in-box. This is a perfect example of why considering our audience matters. Religion, faith, and God can be extremely supportive for some people and not at all for others. When we use our values or religion to support someone else, we're not considering our audience. Instead, we're taking what is helpful for us and assuming it will be supportive for them.

Within positivity culture, immigrants and people of color are expected to be grateful for what they have and to embrace the pursuit of happiness developed by the Founding Fathers. If they aren't satisfied, they can just "go back to where you came from." Conversely, we use positive stereotypes to reinforce the types of people who have "made it" within this system. We say things like "She's a strong Black woman" without questioning why Black women have to be so strong and why we expect this from them. The happy, contributing immigrant is celebrated for achieving the narrow definition of the American dream against all odds. Even though these stereotypes are positive and often given as compliments, they become quite restrictive for anyone within the group who can't live up to them.

Betty Friedan was a critic of the happy housewife fantasy and proposed that women should be liberated from the home. But according to feminist author bell hooks, she did not address who would ultimately take over the woman's duties when she left the home to find happiness. Ultimately, it would be women of color who entered the home to relieve the white woman of her burden. This meant that only some women were liberated from the weight of the happy housewife fantasy and others were relegated to continued attempts and failures at pursuing it.

Memorable about the first outing to Bald Mountain was the arrival and landing of a helicopter. This coincided perfectly with the arrival of my dog Whitney and me. Dust flew and the dog took off! After a minute or two the helicopter flew off and Whitney and I regained our composure!