Wedding One Liners Quotes

Thanks to April,” she whispered, “you have the wedding you’ve dreamed about ever since you were a little girl.” Dean’s boom of laughter was one more reason she loved this man with all her heart.

We said nothing about all this outside, one of the first things we'd learned was to keep quiet about the ruling principle of our life, poverty. And then about everything else. Our first confidants, though the word seems excessive, are our lovers, the people we meet away from our various homes, first in the streets of Saigon and then on ocean liners and trains, and then all over the place.

The Three-Decker "The three-volume novel is extinct." Full thirty foot she towered from waterline to rail. It cost a watch to steer her, and a week to shorten sail; But, spite all modern notions, I found her first and best— The only certain packet for the Islands of the Blest. Fair held the breeze behind us—’twas warm with lovers’ prayers. We’d stolen wills for ballast and a crew of missing heirs. They shipped as Able Bastards till the Wicked Nurse confessed, And they worked the old three-decker to the Islands of the Blest. By ways no gaze could follow, a course unspoiled of Cook, Per Fancy, fleetest in man, our titled berths we took With maids of matchless beauty and parentage unguessed, And a Church of England parson for the Islands of the Blest. We asked no social questions—we pumped no hidden shame— We never talked obstetrics when the Little Stranger came: We left the Lord in Heaven, we left the fiends in Hell. We weren’t exactly Yussufs, but—Zuleika didn’t tell. No moral doubt assailed us, so when the port we neared, The villain had his flogging at the gangway, and we cheered. ’Twas fiddle in the forc’s’le—’twas garlands on the mast, For every one got married, and I went ashore at last. I left ’em all in couples a-kissing on the decks. I left the lovers loving and the parents signing cheques. In endless English comfort by county-folk caressed, I left the old three-decker at the Islands of the Blest! That route is barred to steamers: you’ll never lift again Our purple-painted headlands or the lordly keeps of Spain. They’re just beyond your skyline, howe’er so far you cruise In a ram-you-damn-you liner with a brace of bucking screws. Swing round your aching search-light—’twill show no haven’s peace. Ay, blow your shrieking sirens to the deaf, gray-bearded seas! Boom out the dripping oil-bags to skin the deep’s unrest— And you aren’t one knot the nearer to the Islands of the Blest! But when you’re threshing, crippled, with broken bridge and rail, At a drogue of dead convictions to hold you head to gale, Calm as the Flying Dutchman, from truck to taffrail dressed, You’ll see the old three-decker for the Islands of the Blest. You’ll see her tiering canvas in sheeted silver spread; You’ll hear the long-drawn thunder ’neath her leaping figure-head; While far, so far above you, her tall poop-lanterns shine Unvexed by wind or weather like the candles round a shrine! Hull down—hull down and under—she dwindles to a speck, With noise of pleasant music and dancing on her deck. All’s well—all’s well aboard her—she’s left you far behind, With a scent of old-world roses through the fog that ties you blind. Her crew are babes or madmen? Her port is all to make? You’re manned by Truth and Science, and you steam for steaming’s sake? Well, tinker up your engines—you know your business best— She’s taking tired people to the Islands of the Blest!

From his headquarters in Los Angeles, Bob Lorsch had entered the prepaid calling card space and built SmarTalk into a success. I was a VP at Salomon at the time and had heard stories about how crazy and fascinating Lorsch was, so I agreed to work with my colleague Mark Davis on a SmarTalk equity offering a year or so after the company’s IPO. We met at their Los Angeles offices at lunchtime. Lorsch burst into the room like a bad caricature of Danny DeVito, and even though I’d been warned that he was an unconventional CEO, I still wasn’t prepared for the encounter. We had put together the standard detailed presentation that analyzed the state of the public equity markets, how the SmarTalk stock had been performing, who owned it, et cetera. A young Salomon analyst who had been pulling all-nighters to assemble the books sat in a chair near the door. Mark and I passed around the presentation books. “So we’ve prepared a—” I started. “Just tell me,” Lorsch interjected. “Do we have Grubman or not?” Jack Grubman, Salomon’s famed equity analyst, had previously endorsed the SmarTalk IPO with a buy rating. “Yes,” Mark said. “We have Jack. We talked to him prior to the meeting and confirmed that he’ll continue to cover the company and support the offering.” “Then you’re hired,” Lorsch said with a smile, pushing his unopened book to the center of the table. “Let’s eat.” It seemed reckless to have made his decision on so little information, and I could only imagine how the analyst kid near the door felt, sleep-deprived and probably proud of his hard work, only to see the book tossed aside without so much as a cracking of the spine. While we ate the catered lunch that was delivered to the conference room, Mark mentioned that I was in the midst of planning my wedding for that summer. “Don’t get married!” Lorsch advised me. “Terrible, terrible idea.” He described a few of his own ill-fated unions, dropping in crude one-liners to punctuate the stories: “Why buy when you can rent? . . . If it flies, floats, or fucks, don’t buy it! . . .” Despite

Old people poke me at weddings and tell me “your next” So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Everything changed again a few weeks later when the fans discovered our address. We woke one morning to find teenage girls, with the de rigueur beehive hairstyle and black eye-liner, camped on the pavement outside. After that they were always there, day and night. If any of the residents in the flats accidentally left the front door open they would grab their chance and slip in. We’d find them camped on the lino in the hallway, with sleeping-bags and Thermos flasks.

One thing was for sure, funerals were eye-wateringly expensive. The whole event had changed over the years, now they were more like weddings, with choices for everything from catering to coffin liners.

Black Forest Cupcakes A rich chocolate cupcake with cherry filling and vanilla cream frosting. 1⅓ cups flour ¼ teaspoon baking soda 2 teaspoons baking powder ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder ¼ teaspoon salt 4 tablespoons butter, softened 1½ cups sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 cup milk Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pan with paper liners. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cocoa powder, and salt and set aside. In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar, adding eggs one at a time. Mix in the vanilla. Add in the flour mixture alternately with the milk until well blended. Fill paper liners until two-thirds full. Bake 18 to 22 minutes. Cool completely. Makes 12. Vanilla Buttercream Frosting ½ cup salted butter, softened ½ cup unsalted butter, softened 1 teaspoon clear vanilla extract 4 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar 2 tablespoons milk 1 can cherry pie filling Chocolate shavings 12 fresh cherries with stems In large bowl, cream butter and vanilla. Gradually add confectioners’ sugar, one cup at a time, beating well on medium speed and adding milk as needed. Scrape sides of bowl often. Beat at medium speed until light and fluffy. Makes 3 cups of icing. Using a melon baller, scoop out the center of the cooled cupcakes no more than halfway down. Spoon in the cherry pie filling. Using a pastry bag, pipe the vanilla cream over the tops of the cupcakes. Garnish each with chocolate shavings and a fresh cherry on top.

Lemon-Lavender Cupcakes A tart lemon cupcake with sweet lavender frosting. 1 cup unsalted butter, softened 2 cups granulated sugar 4 extra-large eggs, at room temperature ⅓ cup grated lemon zest (6–8 large lemons) 3 cups flour ½ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt ¼ cup freshly squeezed lemon juice ¾ cup buttermilk, at room temperature 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pan with paper liners. Cream the butter and granulated sugar until fluffy, about 5 minutes. With the mixer on medium speed, add the eggs, one at a time, and the lemon zest. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In another bowl, combine the lemon juice, buttermilk, and vanilla. Add the flour and buttermilk mixtures alternately to the batter, beginning and ending with the flour. Fill paper liners until two-thirds full. Bake 20 minutes. Makes 24. Lavender Frosting ¾ cup unsalted butter, softened 3½ cups confectioners’ sugar 1 teaspoon dried culinary lavender 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 drop purple food coloring 3–4 tablespoons milk Fresh lavender In large bowl, cream butter. Gradually add confectioners’ sugar, one cup at a time, beating well on medium speed. Add dried lavender, vanilla, and a drop of purple food coloring, mixing well. Add milk as needed to reach desired consistency. Beat at medium speed until light and fluffy. Spread lavender frosting on cooled cupcakes and garnish with a fresh lavender sprig.

Champagne Cupcakes A light fluffy cake topped with champagne frosting. ½ cup butter, softened 1 cup sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1¾ cups all-purpose flour ½ teaspoon baking soda ¼ teaspoon baking powder ¼ teaspoon salt ½ cup sour cream ½ cup champagne Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pan with paper liners. In a large mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs and the vanilla. In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. In a small bowl, whisk together the sour cream and the champagne. It will fizz a bit. Alternately add the flour mixture and the champagne mixture to the large bowl, mixing until the batter is smooth. Fill paper liners until two-thirds full. Bake for 17 to 22 minutes until golden brown. Makes 12. Champagne Frosting 1 cup champagne 1 cup butter, softened 2½ cups confectioners’ sugar 1 tablespoon champagne Simmer one cup of champagne in a small saucepan until reduced to two tablespoons. Allow to cool. In a small bowl, cream together the butter and confectioners’ sugar until thick and creamy. Add the reduced champagne plus one tablespoon champagne. Whip together until light and fluffy. Decorate the cupcakes with the frosting using a pastry bag. Garnish with champagne-colored pearlized sprinkles.

Bourbon Cupcakes Rich chocolate bourbon cupcake with chocolate buttercream frosting with bourbon glaze. 1½ cups flour ¼ teaspoon baking soda 2 teaspoons baking powder ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder ¼ teaspoon salt 4 tablespoons butter, softened 1½ cups sugar 2 eggs ¼ cup bourbon 1 cup milk Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pan with paper liners. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cocoa powder, and salt and set aside. In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar, adding eggs one at a time. Mix in the bourbon. Add in the flour mixture alternately with the milk until well blended. Fill paper liners until two-thirds full. Bake 18 to 22 minutes. Cool completely. Makes 12. Chocolate Buttercream Frosting ½ cup salted butter, softened ½ cup unsalted butter, softened 1 teaspoon clear vanilla extract 3 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 2 tablespoons milk In large bowl, cream butter and vanilla. Gradually add confectioners’ sugar and cocoa powder, one cup at a time, beating well on medium speed. Add milk as needed. Scrape sides of bowl often. Beat at medium speed until light and fluffy. Makes 3 cups of icing. Use a pastry bag to pipe frosting onto the cooled cupcakes. Bourbon Glaze Glaze should be prepared ahead of time to allow it enough time to cool before adding to cupcakes. ¾ cup bourbon ½ cup brown sugar In a small sauce pot over medium heat, whisk bourbon and sugar together. Simmer the mixture until it is reduced to half, about 10 to 15 minutes. Cool completely. Drizzle over the frosted cupcakes.