Vegan Humor Quotes

On Valentine's Day, the Spirit Club plastered the school with red streamersand pink balloons and red and pink hearts. It looked like Clifford the Big Red Dog ate a flock of flamigoes and then barfed his guts up.

Leandros's favorite place had turned out not to be vegetarian, but vegan, which was for people who preferred their suicide slow.

If she did bitch-slap me, I'd bitch-slap her right back, but I resented the word bitch and all its familiar forms, as it was degrading to women and dogs everywhere.

Go to the meat market of a Saturday night and see the crowds of live bipeds staring up at the long rows of dead quadrupeds. Does not that sight take a tooth out of the cannibal's jaw? Cannibals? who is not a cannibal? I tell you it will be more tolerable for the Fejee that salted down a lean missionary in his cellar against a coming famine; it will be more tolerable for that provident Fejee, I say, in the day of judgement, than for thee, civilized and enlightened gourmand, who naliest geese to the ground and feistiest on their bloated livers in thy paté-de-foie-gras.

Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees.

I felt bad for the girls in my school, who flocked to prom like it was the second coming of Christ, complete with double-rainbows and unicorns.

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school’s last bastion of patriarchal society.

I taste chickpeas in my mouth. Being vegan is the absolute worst". - Artemis Darth Vader

Vegan donuts are for vegans, you absolute walnut.

You want broccoli?" asked Mrs. Korjev. "Is there orange broccoli?" Sophie asked. "Green broccoli is good for you, make you strong, like bear." "But it's not vegan." "We put on Cheez Whiz, make vegan for you." "Okay, broccoli," said Sophie.

My hope is that we can navigate through this world and our lives with the grace and integrity of those who need our protection. May we have the sense of humor and liveliness of the goats; may we have the maternal instincts and protective nature of the hens and the sassiness of the roosters. May we have the gentleness and strength of the cattle, and the wisdom, humility, and serenity of the donkeys. May we appreciate the need for community as do the sheep and choose our companion as carefully as do the rabbits. May we have the faithfulness and commitment to family as the geese, and adaptability and affability of the ducks. May we have the intelligence, loyalty, and affection of the pigs and the inquisitiveness, sensitivity, and playfulness of the turkeys. My hope is that we learn from the animals what it is we need to become better people.

I feed my captive vegan,” he growled. The force of his voice stilled me. “She spends her days doing yoga and playing in the yard and her nights reading classics by the fireplace.” His sardonic tone lacked humor. I couldn’t decide if he was insulting me or showing he did care in his own twisted way. I wanted to hear more, but all I could do was turn around and accuse, “You’ve been spying on me.” “Be quiet,” he snapped. “This is my monologue.” I closed my mouth. “Keeping you here is a slap in the face to my men, but it seems I don’t give a fuck about that.” The eye contact seared. “The longer I put off revenge, the closer I get to another war with your papa. And I don’t give a fuck about that either.” My throat tightened at the thought I was a source of that kind of violence. I had no idea my presence here had caused so much trouble. His gaze narrowed. “You pull a trigger on me, and I can’t even leave you out in the cold for fifteen fucking minutes. So you tell me, Mila, who cares more here?

Maureen O'Brien's Bakery Lingo: A Partial Glossary • 9 donuts - A shutout • 2 croissants - A full moon • 3 croissants - A ménage à trois • 4 bear claws - Full smokey • 2 bear claws - Half smokey • The last one of any item - The gift of the Magi • A baker's dozen of doughnut holes - a PG-13 • Anything in the unlikely quantity of 36 or a lot of something - A Wu-Tang • Blueberry muffin - Chubby Checker • Bran muffin - Warren G the regulator • Any customer who left no tip - A libertarian • Any customer who only tipped the coins from their change - A couch shaker • Any person who requested a substitution - Master and demander • Any person who requested TWO substitutions - Demander in chief • Any person who requested MORE than two substitutions - The new executive chef and finally.... • Any vegan customer - A Morrissey

Vegans are always wrong, but damn pleased with themselves

How is it a vegan won't visit the zoo or rodeo, but you'll level a man with martial arts?

Didn't you know? Todd's vegan.

I love her nagging us because we have only vegan food in the house and she’s “sick of competing with the cats for a meager slice of chicken breast!

When it comes to internal contradictions, vegans don’t have brain farts; they have grain farts.

Vegan – Someone who does not eat or drink any animal products, wear any animal products, look at pictures of animals, watch television shows with animals on them, or dream about animals

All desire to laugh fled. How exactly did Strike think that it would cheer Robin up, to know that his girlfriend was thinking of buying a ludicrously expensive flat? Or was he about to announce (Robin's fragile mood began to collapse in on itself) that he and Elin were moving in together? Like a film flickering rapidly before her eyes she saw the upstairs flat empty, Strike living in luxury, herself in a tiny box room on the edge of London, whispering into her mobile so that her vegan landlady did not hear her.

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.

Du willst alleine mit diesem Wolf-" "Halbwolf", wirft Ever ein "-alleine mit diesem Halbwolf ins Ausland? Was ist, wenn er dich unterwegs frisst? Hast du nichts dazugelernt?" [...] "Ich lebe vegan", behauptet Ever jetzt. "Siehst du." Mit dem Daumen weise ich auf den angeblichen bösen Wolf. "Er lebt vegan." Natürlich. Was auch sonst.

He made me promise him I'd never become vegan. That was a simple promise. I love cheese too much.

Now, I'm sure you are thinking, were they really children, or were they adults who hadn't eaten protein or calcium in so many years that their bone structure was actually in an advanced state of atrophy and they appeared much smaller than people who eat food?

My working theory was that getting a dessert from a vegan restaurant was like having sex with someone less attractive than you - they knew it was a tough sell, so they tried harder.

My microscope got a waitress fired because she referred to a tomato as a vegetable. 'It's a fruit! Learn your taxonomy, bitch!

The next time you encounter a vegan chowing down on a freshly picked salad, understand that, from the salad’s point of view, this is a crime against nature.

I can't begin to imagine the shock of having a body fall out of the fireplace. And your aunt's fireplace, at that. She was a vegan, for heaven's sake." "She killed him, Mom. She didn't eat him.

Now this-this bootlicking gesture!-having a Commissioner take a Vegan scribbler on a tour any staff guide could conduct! Vegans aren't gods!

He was vegan, animal rights activists, environmentalists who believe in conscious and compassionate living just like me. He listened to almost every bands that i listen to and more importantly he reads books. He was the person that i could talk to about almost everything that exists in this planet. He was just so close to perfection. Only thing that was missing out was long hair and beard. If only had he had hair and beard. The kind which makes guys look cool and hot at the same time. How can people look cool and hot the same time? what the fuck is wrong with me?

Space Boot Hill: The Urbane Frontier by Stewart Stafford Red hot, white hot, then what? Nostril fleas dancing at dawn, Creating Frankenstein rivals, Great Whites slumming as prawn. Melon farmers of the world unite! We like them big, ripe and juicy, See all the Vegans next Tuesday: Barbara, Doris, Amy and Lucy. And so we dodge the cosmic bullets, Of an Atraxis gunslinger, non-ritual dead, Playing possum, we slip away, Chiming life's aria, eternally spread. © 2024, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.