Tori Dunlap Quotes

When nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want, what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?

We live in a patriarchal world—a system that aids and abets inequality. In this system that has gatekept financial information and tools from marginalized groups, it is an act of protest to be financially independent. It is an act of protest to overcome negative beliefs about money in order to save, pay off debt, invest, and find fulfilling work. It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.

Women consume their offerings in an attempt to feel less shame for not looking like we “should.

One money misconception I had was that if I didn’t look at my bank account, then it would all work out. I would tell myself, “Keep spending the way you’re spending and keep earning the way you’re earning”—which was not enough. “Be okay with it and hope that the universe will give you money if you need it.

A goal without a plan is just a wish.

The Financial Priority List Starter emergency fund (three months of living expenses in a high-yield savings account). 1.5.  If your employer matches your contributions to a 401(k) or 403(b) retirement savings account, pay in as much as you can. Pay down high-interest debt (anything with interest over 7 percent). Invest for retirement while also paying off lower-cost debt (again, any debt racking up less than 7 percent in interest, such as most student and car loans, mortgages, and so forth). Save for the Big Life Stuff.

It is an act of protest to overcome negative beliefs about money in order to save, pay off debt, invest, and find fulfilling work. It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.

and I still spent countless pandemic nights looking at T-shirts I wanted to buy but didn’t need (Madewell, there’s something in your water, I swear to fucking God),

When you underprice yourself, you’re bringing down wages for everybody. If we’re all competing with one another to see who can price the least, we’re racing to the bottom.

It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.

Studies about our brains “on poverty” show that lack of resources negatively affect our cognition, stress levels, and decision-making. Recently, a landmark study even suggested that giving poor mothers a cash stipend during the first year of their babies’ lives literally improves their children’s cognitive development. And we know from research that higher incomes are correlated with higher well-being (there’s debate around the threshold this stops, but the point still stands). So, when someone says, “Well, money can’t buy you happiness,” you think, Umm, wanna bet, motherfucker?! Because not only does money provide you with your basic human needs such as safety and healthy food, but also it gives you the ability to rest, to nourish your body and mind, and to leave bad situations. Money can buy stability and choice, and that is happiness.

woman’s ability to earn money is better protection against the tyranny and brutality of men than her ability to vote.

Savings accounts are meant for short-term goals, where you need to access the money easily (à la an emergency fund), not for long-term wealth building.

Traditional 401(K) or 403(B) Account Typically offered by your employer, a 401(k) account allows you to invest a percentage of your wages for retirement. A 403(b) is the public sector’s equivalent to a 401(k). Investing through a 401(k) or 403(b) is one of the most advantageous ways to invest, since the government is giving you tax breaks. Your employer will sometimes match what you contribute, up to a certain percent. (FreE mONaY!) Remember from our Financial Game Plan that this is the trump card: if you have an employer match, take advantage of it. Maximum yearly contribution: $20,500, which means you can contribute any amount up to that limit. This does not include any employer match, so go crazy. (This and all other retirement account maximums are current for the 2022 tax year.) Individual Retirement Account (IRA) This is an individual retirement account, meaning it’s not tied to your employer. You have to open it up on your own, and it’s yours forever. Good news: you can have both a 401(k) and an IRA! Maximum yearly contribution: $6,000. You technically have fifteen and a half months to contribute that $6,000. The government lets you put money in your IRA during the twelve months of that year, plus the first months of the following year leading up to the tax filing deadline. A little confusing, but stay with me: if you want to contribute to your IRA in 2023, you will have from January to December 2023, plus January to April 15, 2024, to hit that $6,000 max. So, let’s say that you’re rounding out the year of contributions at $4,500. That means you have another three-ish months to get the full $6,000! More time, yay! If we’re already in the new year, and you want the money to specifically go to the previous year’s IRA, you simply need to specify that when you contribute. It’s usually as easy as checking a “previous year” box. Let’s talk about the most common retirement accounts. In addition to the differences above, 401(k) and IRA accounts come in two flavors: traditional and Roth. The main difference between these accounts is in how they’re taxed. In traditional accounts, you won’t pay any taxes on this money until you withdraw it at retirement. You get the tax benefits now. Roth accounts require tax payments now, so you don’t have to pay them later. You get the tax benefits later. In some cases, you can make both traditional and Roth contributions into the same account.

I personally like the Roth flavor for a few reasons. The first: it’s like giving sixty-five-year-old me a little gift: “Here’s this lump sum of money that I already paid taxes on; go take Hot Luca on a trip to Costa Rica.” I also have no idea what the fuck tax rates are going to be when I retire. I’d rather pay them now than leave it up to chance. Also, most people’s salaries grow throughout their careers; I expect (hope!) that you’ll be making more in twenty years than you do today, so you could contribute and pay less in taxes now, when you’re in a lower tax bracket. In

SEP-IRA (Self-Employment IRA) Another kind of IRA. As with a traditional IRA, you pay the taxes you owe when you withdraw money—for instance, at retirement age. Made for solopreneurs or companies with a few employees. If you side hustle, you can have a SEP in addition to a trad/Roth IRA and a 401(k), even if you do not work full-time for yourself. This is one of the biggest reasons I was able to hit my $100K goal. Take those tax-advantaged accounts and contribute as much as you can. Maximum yearly contribution: 25 percent of your income, up to $61,000. Solo 401(K) Similar to the employer-sponsored 401(k) plan, except that you’re your own sponsor! You can have a Roth and/or traditional IRA in addition to a solo 401(k). This is an option only if you’re self-employed full-time, and you cannot have both a SEP-IRA and a solo 401(k). Maximum yearly contribution: $20,500.

Types of Funds MUTUAL FUNDS. A group of stocks tracking a particular part of the stock market that can be traded only when the stock market is open. They are actively managed, meaning that you’ll pay an extra fee for an “expert” to pick stocks for you. EXCHANGE-TRADED FUNDS (ETFs). A group of stocks tracking a particular part of the stock market that can be traded at any time, even when the stock market is closed. Typically, ETFs are cheaper than a mutual fund, because they are passively managed (no manager to pay). INDEX FUNDS. One of the most popular choices in the personal finance community, an index fund is a mutual fund or an ETF that’s designed to track a particular part of the stock market, such as the S&P 500. I’m index funds’ biggest fan: they are diversified, extremely low in fees, and more stable than individual stocks.

Money is psychological. I’ll repeat it: money is psychological. Our financial decisions are directly impacted by our mind-sets and how we’re feeling in a certain moment, and in turn these financial decisions directly impact our longer-term outcomes.

shame is rooted in our fear of disconnection. It’s a very painful, predictive kind of negative emotion: If I do not meet society’s expectations, then I will become isolated from and rejected by others.

When I started building my own wealth, when my business grew to six figures and then seven figures, when I paid off my debt . . . I felt ashamed. Sometimes that shame was internally induced: I would feel ashamed that I wasn’t struggling when so many others were, ashamed that being financially comfortable must mean I wasn’t donating enough. That internal shame was the result of our culture’s messaging about women with money, but the trolls that swarmed my social media mentions, making assumptions about my story, just reinforced that I was supposed to feel ashamed for having money.

Feminism that isn’t intersectional, that doesn’t help others and work to change systemic inequality, is not feminism

general sentiment may be true: buying things is not where you should turn for contentment. But at its core, the statement is false. It’s meant to keep you powerless, unpaid, overworked, and financially unstable. Anxiety regarding money-related issues has been at or near the top of the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America survey every year since it began in 2007.

Studies about our brains “on poverty” show that lack of resources negatively affect our cognition, stress levels, and decision-making. Recently, a landmark study even suggested that giving poor mothers a cash stipend during the first year of their babies’ lives literally improves their children’s cognitive development. And we know from research that higher incomes are correlated with higher well-being (there’s debate around the threshold this stops, but the point still stands).

Because not only does money provide you with your basic human needs such as safety and healthy food, but also it gives you the ability to rest, to nourish your body and mind, and to leave bad situations. Money can buy stability and choice, and that is happiness.

The second one is money worship. This is where you think that having more stuff, more money, is going to solve all your problems and make you happy. It’s not necessarily negative or positive—but people who believe those things strongly have less income, less net worth, and more credit card debt.

Shame affects us in ways entirely opposite to what it evolved for. Instead of helping us stay connected to others, shame makes us shrink, self-isolate, and shut down. Rather than motivating us to reevaluate the “social norms” that people project onto us (and decide whether we even want to align with those expectations), shame makes us obsessed with those so-called norms, manifesting in all kinds of self-censorship.

Women could not have a credit card in their own name without a male cosigner until 1974. Women couldn’t get a business loan without a male cosigner until fourteen years later. And even now, in the twenty-first century, men make the majority of the wealth-building financial decisions in heteronormative relationships.

As Brené Brown says, “Feeling unsure and uncertain is the foundation of courage.

Your value as a human being is somehow made material in your pay and in your accounts.” If you believe your inherent value is material, it will be deeply uncomfortable to be vulnerable and discuss money.

Beginning in childhood, boys are typically given toys that teach innovation, creativity, and self-reliance—things like Legos and trucks, things to build and create. And what are girls given? Dolls. Easy-Bake Ovens. Bridal veils. Before we can even speak, we’re told that our value to society is not our own ingenuity but rather how we can serve and belong to others. A literal child is given another “child” to caretake. In a study about children’s toys, psychology professor Judith Elaine Blakemore found that “girls’ toys were associated with physical attractiveness, nurturing, and domestic skill, whereas boys’ toys were rated as violent, competitive, exciting, and somewhat dangerous. The toys rated as most likely to be educational were typically categorized as neutral or moderately masculine.

In this system that has gatekept financial information and tools from marginalized groups, it is an act of protest to be financially independent. It is an act of protest to overcome negative beliefs about money in order to save, pay off debt, invest, and find fulfilling work. It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.

Personal finance is about 20 percent personal choice and 80 percent circumstantial. Yet historically, money experts’ advice has suggested that if you’re broke, in debt, or financially struggling, it’s entirely your fault.

Perfection does not exist, and conformity is not an admirable goal. You deserve to be seen, supported, and connected while you outgrow your lack of knowledge and learn from your mistakes. Each of us is trying to figure out how to be a person in this body, with this brain, with these resources, in this society, at this time in history, on this planet. We’re a mess, but we’re doing our best.

Being a financially stable woman is being able to say what womanhood looks like to me. It’s allowing me to navigate the world and society differently.

When you have all you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence.

Feminism that isn't intersectional, that doesn't help others and work to change systemic inequality, is not feminism.

…the culture [had]…a manipulative but disingenuous 'we're not coworkers, we're family' mind-set. (Always be wary of a company that says seemingly well-meaning shit as this. We share a cubicle, not a fucking bloodline.)

Men, build wealth by making strategic, long-term financial decisions that actually make a difference. Women, that Dior purse ain’t it, you cow.

Your value as a human being is somehow made material in your pay and in your accounts.

But when you confuse shames emotional alarm (I feel disconnected from money, what do I want to do about that?) with who you are (I’ll never get my shit together, I’m just bad with money), you’ve been tricked into believing the discomfort you feel is evidence that you’re failing.

Shame convinces us to judge ourselves through a lens of perfection and conformity because it talks to us in the first person—I, me, my, mine, myself—and speaks in our voice. But when you confuse shame’s emotional alarm (I feel disconnected from money, what do I want to do about that?) with who you are (I’ll never get my shit together, I’m just bad with money), you’ve been tricked into believing the discomfort you feel is evidence that you’re failing. Let me be clear: The pain of rejection is real. The physical and emotional toll that widespread social rejection (marginalization) has on us is real. Shame is a powerful motivator, an evolutionary form of protection, and nothing to be embarrassed about feeling. (Ask me about the shame we feel about being ashamed; it’s a meta mess.) But! And! You don’t have to subject yourself to shame’s private torture. You are not alone. Perfection does not exist, and conformity is not an admirable goal. You deserve to be seen, supported, and connected while you outgrow your lack of knowledge and learn from your mistakes.

The expectation is: work hard, save money, don’t go into debt, and then you will be a millionaire. Not only is this narrative incredibly hurtful—especially when you’re hustling your ass off—but it fails to acknowledge systemic oppression, generational poverty, discrimination, and other forces beyond our individual control. The single mom who works two jobs but can’t seem to make ends meet doesn’t need to work harder—she needs financial/ societal support and systemic change.

money provide you with your basic human needs such as safety and healthy food, but also it gives you the ability to rest, to nourish your body and mind, and to leave bad situations. Money can buy stability and choice, and that is happiness.

What three things did your parents teach you about money? What three things did your dad teach you? What is your most painful money memory? Your most joyful? It is so important to do a deep dive and emerge with the answers.

Mom, what was it like for you growing up around money? How did you feel about it?” It’s good to do a deeper dive than just your own upbringing. What was your parents’ upbringing? They are leaking those emotions into you even if you never hear the stories or understand the trauma that’s getting passed down to you. Many people are traumatized around money, and growing up in poverty is just chronic trauma around money. It explains your beliefs, and your beliefs predict your behaviors.

money expert Paula Pant explained it like this: Women are taught that our labor should be free (or labor should be poorly compensated) and that there’s somehow nobility in that. If we do have to justify charging people, we often have to explain how it will not just help ourselves but help others. I can’t make a statement such as “I charge X” without also saying, “I charge X in order to give my employees a better wage.” Women’s earnings have to come with an explanation. I think this messaging, in terms of how we earn, also gets translated into how we spend. Whatever money we make, we’re supposed to spend it on other people. Even if you bought the fanciest stroller, no one is going to call that frivolous because you’re at least buying it for someone else. However, if you buy a pair of jeans, that’s somehow different.

The patriarchy says we’re wasting money on makeup and nice clothes, then tells us we look “tired” or “unprofessional” when we don’t.

The reason you’re not rich has nothing to do with the lattes. As we know from the last chapter, it has to do with systemic oppression, lack of education, our economy’s devaluation of certain kinds of labor, and societal narratives about what we can or cannot do.

Sure, you can set goals and have all the intention in the world of making them come to fruition—but if you don’t have a plan for your goals, it won’t matter one bit how much you want them. It’s not enough just to write down a goal; we need to create a step-by-step plan in order to make it happen. Got it? Great! Next up, directly underneath that, write: “It won’t get better unless I do something about it.

Charles Bukowski: “When nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want, what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?

One of the most common scripts in America is “I should buy a house.” Your house is the American Dream! It’s a bullshit dream propagated by the National Association of Realtors, which is an organization that you’ll find in hell.

Another invisible script with regard to money is “I can’t earn more.” This is the classic puritanical, frugal-oriented American ethic, which says, “I have what I have, there’s no way to get more, and therefore I’m going to fight anyone who tries to take it away.” You’ll typically find people in this camp who are extremely angry and resistant to any sort of taxation. Why? That is one of the most scarcity-minded beliefs you can possibly have! “Oh, every dollar you take away in taxes is one less dollar I will have.” A more abundant approach would be “I’m part of a community, I’m happy to pay my taxes, and I could just earn more money,” which is exactly what I do.