That Darn Cat Quotes

She turned back to me, graceful as a big cat, straight and proud, not quite smiling, her warm dark eyes as curious as if she had never seen a man before. I knew damn well I ought to say something, but what? The only thing to say was “Will you marry me?” but that wouldn’t do because the idea of her washing dishes or darning socks was preposterous.

But is it too much to ask for a trespasser? I’ve always wanted to see if humans make good fertilizer. It seems like they would.” She eyed him up and down hungrily. “All that flesh.” “Oh dear,” Linus managed to say. She huffed out a breath. “We don’t get trespassers here. Unless … I saw a cat. Did you bring it as a gift for the house? Lucy will be excited about that. And maybe when he’s done with it, he’ll let me use what’s left. It’s not the same as a human, but I’m sure it’ll work.” “She’s not an offering,” Linus said, aghast. “She’s a pet.” “Oh. Darn.” “Her name is Calliope!” “Well, we better find her before the others do.

Snow White Makes a Plea to the Witch Light a candle. Feed your scrawny cat. Polish your dark house. Buy a new hat. Write odes, darn socks. Repair your crumbling stoop. Put a smile on your face. Pour out that sour soup. Move away from the mines, Far out by the bay. And I beg you, please, Throw that mirror away.

There isn't any devil in a good dog. That's why they're more lovable than cats, I reckon. But I'm darned if they're as interesting.

To determine the truth or falsity of a statement you not only need to a set of special experiences, but you need to know the truth of falsity of a host of other different statements as well. That is, verifying that the cat is on the mat is not a matter of experience alone, but of accepting all sorts of other different statements, all the way from "Light rays travel in straight lines" to "I am not having another one of those darn flashbacks." "Themes in Contemporary Analytic Philosophy as Reflected in the Work of Monty Python

Tina Gardenia was as happy as a cat with a full belly. She had kept Luca Lowell’s heart safely on her charm bracelet, and it had been wonderful. It was Sunday morning again, and Luca was clunking around in the tiny kitchen on one bare foot and one walking cast, making coffee by the smell of it. Tina snuggled Muffins close to her face. “You’re a handsome boy,” she cooed. “I know you’re talking to the cat,” Luca said. “Why don’t you talk to me like that?” “You already get more than enough compliments, Mr. Lowell.” “How many dunks do I dunk your tea bags?” “You don’t dunk. Just pour the water on and let it steep.” “How’s it going to steep if you’re not dunking?” “Fine,” she said. “Give it... seven dunks.” “Gotcha. Seven dunks.” He started counting them out. Tina nuzzled the ginger cat sprawled out on the couch. “You’re the prettiest boy in the world,” she said. Luca growled, “I heard that.” “Focus on your dunking.” “Darn it. I lost count.” “That’ll teach you for listening in on other people’s private conversations.” Luca snorted and went back to dunking. For the last two weeks, Muffins had been coming to visit at the tiny house regularly, and Luca had been pretending to be a jealous boyfriend. He and the cat were bonding on their own, though, often snuggling up on the couch together, watching their favorite shows. Luca liked true crime shows, and Muffins liked a warm lap and chin scratches.

Chapter 1 Death on the Doorstep LIVY HINGE’S AUNT lay dying in the back yard, which Aunt Neala thought was darned inconvenient. “Nebula!” she called, hoping her weakened voice would reach the barn where that lazy cat was no doubt taking a nap. If Neala had the energy to get up and tap her foot she would. If only that wretched elf hadn’t attacked her, she’d have made her delivery by now. Instead she lay dying. She willed her heart to take its time spreading the poison. Her heart, being just as stubborn as its owner, ignored her and raced on. A cat with a swirling orange pattern on its back ran straight to Neala and nuzzled her face. “Nebula!” She was relieved the cat had overcome its tendency to do the exact opposite of whatever was most wanted of it. Reaching into her bag, Neala pulled out a delicate leaf made of silver. She fought to keep one eye cracked open to make sure the cat knew what to do. The cat took the leaf in its teeth and ran back toward the barn. It was important that Neala stay alive long enough for the cat to hide the leaf. The moment Neala gave up the ghost, the cat would vanish from this world and return to her master. Satisfied, Neala turned her aching head toward the farmhouse where her brother’s family was nestled securely inside. Smoke curled carelessly from the old chimney in blissful ignorance of the peril that lay just beyond the yard. The shimmershield Neala had created around the property was the only thing keeping her dear ones safe. A sheet hung limply from a branch of the tree that stood sentinel in the back of the house. It was Halloween and the sheet was meant to be a ghost, but without the wind it only managed to look like old laundry. Neala’s eyes followed the sturdy branch to Livy’s bedroom window. She knew what her failure to deliver the leaf meant. The elves would try again. This time, they would choose someone young enough to be at the peak of their day dreaming powers. A druid of the Hinge bloodline, about Livy’s age. Poor Livy, who had no idea what she was. Well, that would change soon enough. Neala could do nothing about that now. Her willful eyes finally closed. In the wake of her last breath a storm rose up, bringing with it frightful wind and lightning. The sheet tore free from the branch and flew away. The kitchen door banged open. Livy Hinge, who had been told to secure the barn against the storm, found her lifeless aunt at the edge of the yard. ☐☐☐ A year later, Livy still couldn’t think about Aunt Neala without feeling the memories bite at her, as though they only wanted to be left alone. Thankfully, Livy wasn’t concerned about her aunt at the moment. Right now, Rudus Brutemel was going to get what was coming to him. Hugh, Livy’s twin, sat next to her on the bus. His nose was buried in a spelling book. The bus lurched dangerously close to their stop. If they waited any longer, they’d miss their chance. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Rudus was watching. Opening her backpack, she made a show of removing a bologna sandwich with thick slices of soft homemade bread. Hugh studied the book like it was the last thing he might ever see. Livy nudged him. He tore his eyes from his book and delivered his lines as though he were reading them. “Hey, can I have some? I’m starving.” At least he could make his stomach growl on demand.

She tilted alarmingly and almost fell, but she righted herself at the last moment and hopped several steps. “Darned cat!” “I have to say, I’ve never seen you fall before, but you’ve gotten precariously close in the past day or so.” Cinderella stopped pinwheeling her arms and could not help the rush of relief she felt when she saw Friedrich standing not three paces away, his arms folded across his chest. “Friedrich!” she cried, throwing herself at him. “I am so glad to see you—but we have to get out of here. The prince—” Cinderella cut herself short and stepped back when her eyes finally caught up with her mind, and she realized Friedrich was not wearing his usual uniform. Friedrich wore an outfit of black, and on his head was the copper crown with the ruby setting Prince Cristoph wore. “I’m going to sit down,” Cinderella announced before her legs gave out, and she sat down hard on the ground. “I

There were times when a man must assert his rights to what was properly his, and he had as much right on the street as anyone.... If a man held his ground they always stopped.

Ow! You darn cat!” Jack heard his dad shout. “Tell me how to get out of here, please, Jack! I can’t see a thing and your stupid cat is so scared, he’s holding onto my leg with every claw.

Bruce sat and watched the car. Jack and Kate were in the back, laughing and pointing. He was glad they were so happy. They were the most fun when they were happy.

Ya darn cat!

He wandered off the porch into the bushes planted so carefully and lovingly around the house. He stopped and peed on one.

He crouched and wiggled his tail, leaping up onto the windowsill. His paws slammed against the glass with a loud CLANG! There was a high-pitched shriek from the other side of the window, and Bruce watched as his girl, Kate, held her hands to her chest, breathing hard.

other gross bird things

Bruce didn’t completely understand the weird human language, but he knew, “Ya darn cat!” meant, “You are the best and most awesome creature in existence, and I wish I could be just like you.” So he was always pleased when he could get his humans to say it. Yell it even, as if they wanted to make sure he really understood.

His favorite days were the ones where the kids stayed home, and he got to hunt the girl or cuddle with the boy. And sometimes hunt him, too.

This wasn’t the delicious food he was used to. The food that tasted of salmon and tuna and other remnants of deliciously smelling fishes. This was some new poison Mom had given him. It tasted of cardboard and salt. He heard her talking about it one time, calling it, “Die cat! Food.

Awe, poor guy. You really hate that diet cat food, don’t you?” Dad looked all around to see if anyone was watching. “Here, don’t tell Mom I gave this to you.” He pulled some of the roasted chicken leftovers from dinner out and put them on the floor. “Meow!” Bruce said and gobbled it up. He had trained his humans well. Except for Mom. She was a tough nut to crack.

Bruce got his nap. And his after-nap rest, and his midday snooze. Then he moved into Kate's room where the sunbeam had shifted and took a nice long afternoon nap.

Ribs, ribs, I love ribs. I love to smoke them, sauce them and eat them!

Ya darn cat!” meant, “You are the best and most awesome creature in existence, and I wish I could be just like you.

Bruce grabbed the rotten flesh with his teeth, tossed it into the air, then snatched it up and gobbled the whole thing down happily, his tail swishing. He didn’t look back at Mom as he began cleaning his paws.  “Darn cat!” Mom yelled. Chapter 5 Mom’s yelling had woken up the entire village and everyone came out of their homes, yawns on their faces. “KITTY!” Elijah shouted

Adam said, “Lord, I am lonesome and have trouble remembering how much you love me.” God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you so you will know my affection, even when you cannot see me. No matter how selfish and foolish you may be, this new companion will love you unconditionally, as I do.” So God created a new animal for Adam, and this new animal was so happy to be with the man, that it wagged its tail with joy. But Adam said, “Lord, I do not have a name for the new animal.” And God said, “Because I created this animal to reveal my love for you, his name will have the same letters as my own name—you will call him Dog.” So Dog became Adam’s best friend, and Dog was happy and wagged his tail even more. But after a while, one of the angels complained to God, saying, “Lord, Adam has become arrogant. He is insufferably conceited. Dog has taught him that he is unconditionally loved—but no one teaches him humility.’ And the Lord said, “I have a solution! I will create another companion for him who will see the man as he is. This creature will remind him that he is not always worthy of adoration.” And God created Cat. Cat was certain he was far superior to Adam, and so Cat taught Adam humility. And God was pleased. And Cat did not give a darn one way or the other.

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Boo!” Jack yelled at Mom, who was in the kitchen humming as she prepared a dish. “AAAAAAHHH!” Mom screamed, whirling around with the knife she was using to chop onions pointed straight out. “Whoa, Mom, it’s just me!” Jack said. “Jack Murphy Smith! Don’t you do that!” Bruce rubbed up against Mom’s leg and she screamed again, jumping almost a foot into the air. “Meow?” Bruce said. “Bruce! You darn cat!” “What’s all this commotion?” Dad asked on his way into the kitchen. Kate came out of the hallway, smiling. “Sorry, guys. I tried to tell Jack it was a dumb idea to scare you, but...” Mom and Dad grabbed the kids up in an enormous hug, Dad swooping down to grab Bruce as well. “It’s okay, we’re all back now, that’s what matters.” He released them, a big smile spread across his face. “Wait until you hear what we’ve decided to name the barbecue restaurant!” “Hold on, dear,” Mom said, pointing at the kids, and ending with her finger in Bruce’s nose. “No more going into Minecraft without us knowing. Alright?” The kids nodded. “Meow purr,” Bruce said. Over on the Nintenbox, the Minecraft seed the kids and Bruce had been in was still displaying. A strange black blob moved across the screen, then winked out as if it teleported away. The End

I woke up to the tossing and turning of a disgruntled cat – because the thing about my cat is that when he’s disgruntled, he makes darned sure I know about it. This time, I wasn’t playing along. It was early on a Sunday morning, and I hadn’t exactly had a restful night. He tossed and turned again, moving closer to me so that I could feel it even more. He then sighed a few times, just for extra effect.

While they cleaned up the mess, everyone had to avoid Bruce, who was in too much of a food coma to move from the middle of the road.  “Darn cat!” Dad said as he tripped over him for the tenth time.  Bruce just burped.