Tequila Jokes Quotes

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Three mice are sitting in a bar late at night, in a pretty rough neighborhood, trying to impress one another about how tough they are. The first mouse slams back a shot of scotch, pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the other mice, and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth and then bench-press it a hundred times.” The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams back the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and says, “Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much of it as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.” At that point the first two mice turn to the third, wondering how he can possibly top this. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says, “I don’t have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat.
Barry Dougherty (Friars Club Private Joke File: More Than 2,000 Very Naughty Jokes from the Grand Masters of Comedy)
Things improved when we got down to the specifics. Step one: Basic Flirtation. Lucy said you had to look the desired person in the eye. You had to smile and use the person's name. You had to pay compliments and, if at all humanly possible, touch the person. Not run your mitts all over them, of course, just "lightly brush" against them, preferably while "sharing a joke." A joke came thundering in my mind. What's the difference between a raw egg and a good ride? You can beat a raw egg. Perhaps that was not the kind of joke you would share with a total stranger. Above all, Lucy said, you had to ask questions. So far so good, I felt. I like asking people questions anyway; it was a very good thing to stop people asking questions about you. Next stage was Getting That Date. Lucy said she would give us her secret weapon. The hormonal activity in the room seemed suddenly to surge. She leaned forward. "Little pauses," Lucy whispered. Basically, the gist was that we were not supposed to go blundering in, grinning "howarya petal? Fancy a tequila sunrise or what?" We were supposed to "insert a little pause." Lucy showed us what she meant. I was selected as guinea pig. She came over, sat down and gazed into my face, touching my wrist with just the right degree of pressure. My God, if there was one thing this woman understood, it was gravitational pull. She smiled. She moved her hair gently out of her sparkling eyes. She was so close now that I could smell her musky perfume. The class inhaled, 'en masse'. I felt my palms moisten. "Listen Joe," she beamed, "Do yo, uh, want to have a drink with me sometime?
Joseph O'Connor (The Secret World Of The Irish Male)
But it’s not a joke in my head. And, yes, it might be the tequila—what little we had—talking, but there have to be men around here looking for someone to marry, right?
Meghan Quinn (A Not So Meet Cute (Cane Brothers, #1))
I didn’t know what you like.” I stare down at the lid, almost teary over the fact he’s here. Even though I dropped a bomb on him last night, he’s bringing me coffee. “Other than tequila and doggy style—fuck.” He swipes a hand through his perfectly tousled hair. “Sorry. Can you say something so I stop making awkward jokes to fill the silence?
Elsie Silver (Reckless (Chestnut Springs, #4))