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If she’s open to dialogue, you might say something like, “Have you noticed how sometimes we talk to ourselves in ways we wouldn’t speak to others? Imagine if we were on a softball team together. A routine ground ball is hit right at me, but goes between my legs. What would you say? Probably something like, ‘It’s all right. You’ll get the next one.’ Why? It certainly was a bad mistake. But instinctively you know that vocalizing support and encouragement will make me more likely to get the next one than throwing your glove in the dirt and screaming about how lousy I am.
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William Stixrud (The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives)