Sneaky Behavior Quotes

Solomon had good days and he had bad days, but the good had far outnumbered the bad since Lisa and Clark had started coming around. Sometimes, though, they'd show up and he's look completely exhausted, drained of all his charm and moving in slow motion. They could do that to him—the attacks. Something about the physical response to panic can drain all the energy out of a person, and it doesn't matter what causes it or how long it lasts. What Solomon had was unforgiving and sneaky and as smart as any other illness. It was like a virus or cancer that would hide just long enough to fool him into thinking it was gone. And because it showed up when it damn well pleased, he'd learned to be honest about it, knowing that embarrassment only made it worse.

People always call women manipulative, and I count my skills as a point of pride, but constant manipulation for sex is considered normal for men. Their behavior isn’t called manipulative, of course. Or sneaky. It’s not even twisted or deceptive or plain old lying. It’s just the way it’s supposed to be. They want sex and they’ll do anything to get it.

Anyone want to help me start PAPA, Parents for Alternatives to Punishment Association? (There is already a group in England called ‘EPPOCH’ for end physical punishment of children.) In Kohn’s other great book Beyond Discipline: From Compliance to Community, he explains how all punishments, even the sneaky, repackaged, “nice” punishments called logical or natural consequences, destroy any respectful, loving relationship between adult and child and impede the process of ethical development. (Need I mention Enron, Martha Stewart, the Iraqi Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal or certain car repairmen?) Any type of coercion, whether it is the seduction of rewards or the humiliation of punishment, creates a tear in the fabric of relational connection between adults and children. Then adults become simply dispensers of goodies and authoritarian dispensers of controlling punishments. The atmosphere of fear and scarcity grows as the sense of connectedness that fosters true and generous cooperation, giving from the heart, withers. Using punishments and rewards is like drinking salt water. It does create a short-term relief, but long-term it makes matters worse. This desert of emotional connectedness is fertile ground for acting-out to get attention. Punishment is a use of force, in the negative sense of that word, not an expression of true power or strength. David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. author of the book Power v. Force writes “force is the universal substitute for truth. The need to control others stems from lack of power, just as vanity stems from lack of self-esteem. Punishment is a form of violence, an ineffective substitute for power. Sadly though parents are afraid not to hit and punish their children for fear they will turn out to be bank robbers. But the truth may well be the opposite. Research shows that virtually all felony offenders were harshly punished as children. Besides children learn thru modeling. Punishment models the tactic of deliberately creating pain for another to get something you want to happen. Punishment does not teach children to care about how their actions might create pain for another, it teaches them it is ok to create pain for another if you have the power to get away with it. Basically might makes right. Punishment gets children to focus on themselves and what is happening to them instead of developing empathy for how their behavior affects another. Creating

Spanking and Shouting Are Counterproductive The principles outlined in this book represent what we as parents should do when we’re confronted with our children’s misbehavior. What we often do, however, is shout at or spank our children, especially if we’re tired or distracted or frustrated by their failure to obey us. Shouting and spanking are quite natural responses to misbehavior—especially continued misbehavior—but they’re also quite counterproductive. They never teach appropriate behavior, which is the number one task of parenting. In fact, they teach just the opposite: • How to shout • How to hit • How to be sneaky • How to fear • How to be ashamed • How to take anger out on others All degrees of shouting and spanking—light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always—give children the wrong kind of attention. If it’s the only kind they’re given, they may misbehave just to get noticed. Also, parents don’t always know if spanking works because they don’t actually observe its effect on a child’s behavior over time. Spanking as punishment simply drives bad behavior underground: It stops the behavior from happening in front of parents, but it doesn’t stop it altogether. In fact, children become experts at not getting caught. Parents may even say, “Don’t let me catch you doing that again!

All social media platforms are built to reward one of the most sneaky parts of the human mind: the ego.

The reality is that lying is almost never about being defiant or sneaky or sociopathic (even when you’re only saying that in jest). Like so many of the behaviors addressed in this book, lying is much more about a child’s basic desires and their focus on attachment than it is about being manipulative or “pulling a fast one.

Shouting and spanking are quite natural responses to misbehavior—especially continued misbehavior—but they’re also quite counterproductive. They never teach appropriate behavior, which is the number one task of parenting. In fact, they teach just the opposite: • How to shout • How to hit • How to be sneaky • How to fear • How to be ashamed • How to take anger out on others

It isn’t surprising people seldom talk directly about distrust. If it requires you to use words like ‘sneaky, mean, or liar’ to tell someone you don’t trust him or her, you’re probably going to think twice about it.” The ability to point to specific behaviors rather than just using the word trust can also help us rumble with our stories of falling. The more specific we can be, the more likely it is that we can create change.