Slap Shot Movie Quotes

Lawyers are alright, I guess — but it doesn't appeal to me", I said. "I mean they're alright if they go around saving innocent guys' lives all the time, and like that, but you don't do that kind of stuff if you're a lawyer. All you do is make a lot of dough and play golf and play bridge and buy cars and drink Martinis and look like a hot-shot. And besides, even if you did go around saving guys' lives and all, how would you know if you did it because you really wanted to save guys' lives, or because you did it because what you really wanted to do was be a terrific lawyer, with everybody slapping you on the back and congratulating you in court when the goddam trial was over, the reporters and everybody, the way it is in the dirty movies? How would you know you weren't being a phony? The trouble is you wouldn't.

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets. I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom). I tried Optifast, Juicefast, and Waterfast. I even took those shots that I think were made from cow pee. I endured every form of torture anybody with a white coat and a clipboard could devise for a girl who really liked fried pork chops. One night while I was on some kind of liquid-protein diet made from bone marrow, or something equally appetizing, I was with a group of friends at a Howard Johnson’s and some of them were having fried clams. I’ll never forget sitting there with all of that glorious fried fat filling my nostrils and feeling completely left out. I went home and wrote one of my biggest hits, “Two Doors Down.” I also went off my diet and had some fried clams. There were times when I thought of chucking it all in. “Damn the movie,” I would say. “I’m just gonna eat everything and go ahead and weigh five hundred pounds and have to be buried in a piano case.” Luckily, a few doughnuts later, that thought would pass and I would be back to the goal at hand. I remember something in a book I read called Gentle Eating. The author said you should pretend the angels are eating with you and that you want to save some for them. I loved that idea, because I love angels. I have to admit, though, there were times I would slap those angels out of the way and have their part too. A true hog will do that.

God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured. Somehow that made her even madder. “You are such a dick. Guys like you don’t find girls like me beautiful.” Spitting fire, she glared up at him. He leaned into her, loving the way her eyes widened in awareness. “Guys like me?” “Yes.” She slapped both hands against his chest and shoved, snarling when he didn’t move an inch. “Guys who spend hours in the gym, probably only eat protein, look like action movie stars, and probably date models who weigh three pounds.” He frowned. “What’s wrong with protein?” “Nothing,” she shouted. Somehow he’d made her so angry she’d stopped making any sense. “Your beauty isn’t exactly a matter of opinion, darlin’. You’re stunning.” “Stop playing with me,” she almost growled. “I haven’t started playing with you, and when I do, you’ll fucking know it,” he shot back,

So that night, or that morning, actually, when we ended up in my bed, he was very gentle with me and I couldn’t bring myself to stop him, if he wanted to lick me all over and kiss me softly, let him, but soon I noticed that he wasn’t getting hard, and I took him in my hand and stroked him for a while, but nothing happened, and then I asked him, whispering in his ear, whether something was bothering him, and he said no, he was fine, and we kept touching each other for a while longer, but it was clear that he wasn’t going to get it up, and then I said this is no good, stop trying, that’s enough, if you’re not in the mood, you’re not in the mood, and he lit a cigarette (he smoked a kind called Bali, such a funny name) and then he started to talk about the last movie he’d seen, and then he got up and paced around the room naked, smoking and looking at my things, and then he sat on the floor, beside the bed, and started to look through my pictures, some of Jimmy Cetina’s artistic shots that I don’t know why I’d kept, because I’m stupid, probably, and I asked him whether they turned him on, and he said no but that they were all right, that I looked all right, you’re very beautiful, Simone, he said, and it was then, I don’t know why, that it occurred to me to tell him to get in bed, to get on top of me and slap me on the cheeks or the ass a little, and he looked at me and said I can’t do that, Simone, and then he corrected himself and said: that’s another thing I can’t do, Simone, but I said come on, be brave, get in bed, and he got in, and I turned over and raised my buttocks and said: just take it slowly, pretend it’s a game, and he gave me the first blow and I buried my face in the pillow, I haven’t read Rigaut, I said, or Max Jacob, or boring Banville, Baudelaire, Catulle Mendès, or Corbiere, required reading, but I have read the Marquis de Sade. Oh really? he said. Yes, I said, stroking his dick. He had started slapping me on the ass as if he meant it. What have you read by the Marquis de Sade? Philosophy in the Boudoir, I said. And Justine? Naturally, I said. And Juliette? Of course. By then I was wet and moaning and Arturo’s dick was as stiff as a rod, so I turned around, spread my legs and told him to put it in, but no more, not to move until I told him to. It was delicious to feel him inside of me. Hit me, I said. On the face, on the cheeks. Put your fingers in my mouth. He hit me. Harder! I said. He hit me harder. Now start to move, I said. For a few seconds the only sounds in the room were my moans and the blows. Then he started to moan too.

The atmosphere became more chaotic afterwards as the crowd really began screaming and the officials tried to restore order. It was unreal. I felt like I was in the middle of the movie 'Slap Shot' with the Hanson brothers on a rampage. All this craziness just for a midget house league game!