Shy Introvert Quotes

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Quiet people always know more than they seem. Although very normal, their inner world is by default fronted mysterious and therefore assumed weird. Never underestimate the social awareness and sense of reality in a quiet person; they are some of the most observant, absorbent persons of all.
Criss Jami (Healology)
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy. It means you enjoy being alone. Not just enjoy it—you need it. If you’re a true introvert, other people are basically energy vampires. You don’t hate them; you just have to be strategic about when you expose yourself to them—like the sun. They give you life, sure, but they can also burn you and
Amy Schumer (The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo)
You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house.
Criss Jami (Healology)
There are such a lot of things that have no place in summer and autumn and spring. Everything that’s a little shy and a little rum. Some kinds of night animals and people that don’t fit in with others and that nobody really believes in. They keep out of the way all the year. And then when everything’s quiet and white and the nights are long and most people are asleep—then they appear.
Tove Jansson (Moominland Midwinter (The Moomins, #6))
One of the risks of being quiet is that the other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgemental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.
Sophia Dembling (The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World (Perigee Book))
I had always imagined Rosa Parks as a stately woman with a bold temperament, someone who could easily stand up to a busload of glowering passengers. But when she died in 2005 at the age of ninety-two, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was "timid and shy" but had "the courage of a lion." They were full of phrases like "radical humility" and "quiet fortitude.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
I had become awkward and tried my best to avoid everyone. I hated attention, people asking me questions or putting me in the spotlight; I preferred to blend into the background unnoticed. I felt safer that way
Giovanna Fletcher (Billy and Me)
Of all individuals, the hated, the shunned, and the peculiar are arguably most themselves. They wear no masks whatsoever in order to be accepted and liked; they do seem most guarded, but only by their own hands: as compared to the populace, they are naked.
Criss Jami (Healology)
Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The humble ones are always learning and improving, and their secret is always that it's a secret.
Criss Jami (Killosophy)
Because there are hundreds of different ways to say one thing, I, being a writer, songwriter, and poet, speak childishly and incoherently. In speech there is so much to decide in so little time.
Criss Jami (Killosophy)
Listen to me. I’m shy. I’m not stupid. I can’t meet people’s eyes. I don’t know if you understand what that’s like. There’s a whole world going on around me, I’m aware of that. It’s not because I don’t want to look at you, Lucinda. It’s that I don’t want to be seen.
Jonathan Lethem (You Don't Love Me Yet)
I'm still shy," I admit, pulling the sleeves over my hands, "and I might always be, I don't know, but I think you can be shy and still feel okay about yourself at the same time.
Megan Jacobson (Yellow)
It only meant that my natural inclination was to draw my "energy" from within instead of seeking it outside myself, plus my mom was an introvcert, and so were a lot of normal people. The problem was I was shy on top of that. And we all know how the world loves a shy introvert.
Sue Monk Kidd
That’s the truth of the world, Jessica,” he says, casually full-naming me to let me know something big is coming. “Nobody waves—but everybody waves back." I hear his mic drop all the way from Chicago.
Jessica Pan (Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously)
A shy man no doubt dreads the notice of strangers, but can hardly be said to be afraid of them. He may be as bold as a hero in battle, and yet have no self-confidence about trifles in the presence of strangers.”--Charles Darwin
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.
Criss Jami (Healology)
Perhaps a seemingly dull, boring person is not a person who lacks personality, but rather a person with so much personality most other things bore them.
Criss Jami (Killosophy)
All my life, all I'd ever heard was: Emily's so shy, Emily's so quiet, Emily's so clever. Thinking back on it now, I don't know if I was ever any of those things, or if I just became shy and quiet and clever because everyone said I was.
Tanya Byrne (Heart-Shaped Bruise)
Here are three separate but similar things: shyness, introversion and social anxiety. You can have one, two or all three of these things simultaneously. A lot of the time people thing they're all the same thing, but that's just not true. Extroverts can be shy, introverts can be bold, and a condition like anxiety can strike whatever kind of social animal you are. Lots of people are shy. Shy is normal. A bit of anxiety is normal. Throw the two together, add some brain-signal error - a NO ENTRY sign on the neural highway from my brain to my mouth perhaps, though no one really knows - and you have me.
Sara Barnard (A Quiet Kind of Thunder)
Silence might be a shout for the truth. It might be the speech that someday, in its truest, most uncontaminated, unadulterated state, all will be revealed.
Criss Jami (Healology)
Having people in different optimal environments increases the chances of survival of the human race as a whole. It is nature's way to preserve her species.
Marti Olsen Laney (The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World)
It was always that way for me. After I opened myself to someone, I needed a few minutes to close down again, to restore my sense of privacy.
Dia Reeves (Bleeding Violet)
Alcohol is one of the quickest vehicles with which we escape shyness, our problems, and self-consciousness, for a few hours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The introvert's anthem for not wanting to hang out is 'It's not you; it's me.
Criss Jami (Healology)
Differentiation favors people who are energetic and extroverted and undervalues people who are shy and introverted, even if they are talented.
Jack Welch (Winning)
There's a lot of beauty in quiet strength.
Debbie Tung (Quiet Girl in a Noisy World: An Introvert's Story)
Character is more than just having principles. It’s a learned capacity to live by your principles. Character skills equip a chronic procrastinator to meet a deadline for someone who matters deeply to them, a shy introvert to find the courage to speak out against an injustice, and the class bully to circumvent a fistfight with his teammates before a big game. Those are the skills that great kindergarten teachers nurture—and great coaches cultivate.
Adam M. Grant (Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things)
Listen, not to answer, but to understand.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
If you’re a teacher, enjoy your gregarious and participatory students. But don’t forget to cultivate the shy, the gentle, the autonomous, the ones with single-minded enthusiasms for chemistry sets or parrot taxonomy or nineteenth-century art. They are the artists, engineers, and thinkers of tomorrow.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
There is such a thing as a shy extrovert. People think extroverts are all loud and mouthy, like Rebecca Forman, but that's not true. The definitions of extrovert and introvert have do with how you process the world and from where you draw your energy. I'm shy, but I process my world by talking about it. Which makes me an extrovert. But I don't talk about it with just anyone. I have to talk about it with Zoe.
Wendy Wunder (The Museum of Intangible Things)
It's not the end if you're too shy to say 'I love you.' It's only the beginning; because you're first meant to show it anyway.
Criss Jami (Healology)
I was a shy girl, but when I read, I was adventurous. Books made me bolder.
Roxane Gay
Nor are introverts necessarily shy. Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not. One reason that people confuse the two concepts is that they sometimes overlap (though psychologists debate to what degree). Some psychologists map the two tendencies on vertical and horizontal axes, with the introvert-extrovert spectrum on the horizontal axis, and the anxious-stable spectrum on the vertical. With this model, you end up with four quadrants of personality types: calm extroverts, anxious (or impulsive) extroverts, calm introverts, and anxious introverts. In other words, you can be a shy extrovert, like Barbra Streisand, who has a larger-than-life personality and paralyzing stage fright; or a non-shy introvert, like Bill Gates, who by all accounts keeps to himself but is unfazed by the opinions of others.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
A poor but confident man is as hard to find as a rich but shy man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I realize it’s not true that I’m no longer shy; I’ve just learned to talk myself down from the ledge
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Asking a hard-core introvert to get excited about working the room is like hiring a performing artist to get excited about accounting: it's just not in their nature.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
I picked up a book called Anagrams and started to read. I felt someone's eyes on me and looked up. Stuart. I held up the book like someone would hold up a glass. Cheers. Parties, right? Ha-ha. It's that I don't know what to do or say it's just that I've been to so many parties that I'm tired of them and would rather read this book ha-ha so don't worry about me I'll just be here.
Lara Avery (The Memory Book)
Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me—they’re shy and they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of other people designing it for marketing or some other committee. I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee. If you’re that rare engineer who’s an inventor and also an artist, I’m going to give you some advice that might be hard to take. That advice is: Work alone. You’re going to be best able to design revolutionary products and features if you’re working on your own. Not on a committee. Not on a team
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Nor are introverts necessarily shy. Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
He’s like a timid bird, one wrong move and he’ll fly away.
Krystalle Bianca (Perfectly Fractured (The Imperfect, #1).)
Shyness is a symptom of and a punishment for thinking too little of and too much about yourself.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Trust in the process, assume the sale, and they will come.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
Some people are so self-conscious that they are unable to make eye contact for longer than a second, even when they are wearing dark sunglasses.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Your business is always changing- your process needs to change too.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
If you don't control your mindset, you can't control the sale.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
You should never have to feel inauthentic or deceptive to succeed in business.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
Eleanor (Roosevelt) wasn’t the light, witty type he’d been expected to marry. Just the opposite: she was slow to laugh, bored by small talk, serious-minded, shy. Her mother, a fine-boned, vivacious aristocrat, had nicknamed her “Granny” because of her demeanor. Franklin was everything that she was not: bold and buoyant, with a wide, irrepressible grin, as easy with people as she was cautious. Eleanor craved intimacy and weighty conversations; he loved parties, flirting, and gossip.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
- If it helps, I used to have a hard time knowing what to do around other people so I watched them and learned to mimic them. If you don't have to be on point, I would interact the minimal amount. If you don't interact at all, people notice and you stand out, and if you're socially awkward and interact too much, people notice too much, people notice that too. But if you speak up now and then in a conversation, of infrequently agree to hang out, poeple will lose interest. It might be harder for you, but that's one thing that works for me." "- Lfe was easier when I was just expected to shoot people.
Santino Hassell (Evenfall: Volume 2: Director's Cut (In the Company of Shadows, #1 part #2))
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy. It means you enjoy being alone.
Amy Schumer (The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo)
shy and introverted people might choose to spend their days in behind-the-scenes pursuits like inventing, or researching, or
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Men who were too quiet around women risked being thought gay; as a popular 1926 sex guide observed, “homosexuals are invariably timid, shy, retiring.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
The one who would understand me is equally shy to start a conversation.
Akash Mandal
Don't sell features and benefits. Tell a story.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
Trying to copy extroverts is a recipe for failure. To achieve success, introverts must embrace their own unique and powerful abilities.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
Don't give price more attention than it deserves. Say it and move on.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
If you are a small business owner, then you are first and foremost a person who sells.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
Contrary to all myths and beliefs, introverts make the best salespeople.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
To sell successfully, you don't have to be aggressive. You don't need to be anything other than you. You just need to experiment until you find a way that feels natural.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
You don't just want to learn to sell, you want to learn how to keep getting better.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
You can't blame yourself for what you didn't know.
Matthew Owen Pollard (The Introvert's Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone (The Introvert’s Edge Series))
To be ashamed of being poor, you need, not only poverty, but also stupidity.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Here are three separate but similar things: shyness, introversion and social anxiety. You can have one, two or all three of these things simultaneously. A lot of the time people thing they're all the same thing, but that's just not true. Extroverts can be shy, introverts can be bold, and a condition like anxiety can strike whatever kind of social animal you are.
Sara Barnard (A Quiet Kind of Thunder)
Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me—they’re shy and they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of other people designing it for marketing or some other committee. I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee. If you’re that rare engineer who’s an inventor and also an artist, I’m going to give you some advice that might be hard to take. That advice is: Work alone. You’re going to be best able to design revolutionary products and features if you’re working on your own. Not on a committee. Not on a team.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
If you want your child to learn these skills, don’t let her hear you call her “shy”: she’ll believe the label and experience her nervousness as a fixed trait rather than an emotion she can control. She also knows full well that “shy” is a negative word in our society. Above all, do not shame her for her shyness.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Our fear of aloneness incites us to look for love. The terror of never finding anyone to share of with lives eventually causes us to forgo our natural shyness, mingle with other people, and express compassion.
Kilroy J. Oldster (Dead Toad Scrolls)
It’s important, however, to understand that being introverted is different from being shy or antisocial. Shyness is insecurity or fear of social embarrassment, and the word “antisocial” describes someone who has hostile or harmful feelings toward society. Introversion is a preference that has to do with where you direct your energy (inward), how you recharge (usually by being alone), and what level of outside stimulation you’re comfortable with (less is more). It’s not a weakness to overcome or something to be cured. It’s just how some of us are designed.
Aaron Caycedo-Kimura, Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life
Many shy people turn inward, partly as a refuge from the socializing that causes them such anxiety. And many introverts are shy, partly as a result of receiving the message that there’s something wrong with their preference for reflection, and partly because their physiologies, as we’ll see, compel them to withdraw from high-stimulation environments.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
many introverts are shy, partly as a result of receiving the message that there’s something wrong with their preference for reflection, and partly because their physiologies, as we’ll see, compel them to withdraw from high-stimulation environments.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
I’ve seen shy introverts become kings and queens, the ugly become beautiful and the beautiful repulsive. Something happens, something no one can explain. Just for a few moments, you become someone else. And that’s the best feeling there is in the world.
J.P. Delaney (Believe Me)
Being an introvert doesn't mean you're shy. It means you enjoy being alone. Not just enjoy it - you need it. If you're a true introvert, other people are basically energy vampires. You don't hate them; you just have to be strategic about when you expose yourself to them - like the sun. They give you life, sure, but they can also burn you and you will get that wrinkly Long Island cleavage you've always been afraid of...
Amy Schumer (The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo)
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy. It means you enjoy being alone. Not just enjoy it—you need it. If you’re a true introvert, other people are basically energy vampires. You don’t hate them; you just have to be strategic about when you expose yourself to them—like the sun. They
Amy Schumer (The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo)
The idea that you are not good enough and that people will not like you is something that has been ingrained into your mind over many years. You have hundreds of experiences that you can call up as evidence of the fact that people will not like you -- and that things will not turn out well. These ideas are incredibly convincing. They compel us to hesitate, to shy away, and to avoid the situations -- and people -- that we find frightening. This sets up a reinforcing cycle, where we avoid reaching out, don't get good responses from others as a result, and then gain further evidence that we are not worthy. In order to truly overcome your social anxiety at a deep, gut level, you must repeatedly take bold action. It is only through trying something new, and with a different perspective, that you learn to see the world and the people around you in a different light.
Aziz Gazipura (The Solution To Social Anxiety: Break Free From The Shyness That Holds You Back)
If you are uncomfortable meeting people on your own, the perfect way to do it is to volunteer to help greet those who arrive. This way, you have a purposeful task that is meeting people. Be sure to wear your name tag (on the right side of your body, please) and have business cards at the ready.
Beth Ramsay (#Networking is people looking for people looking for people)
But for all their differences, shyness and introversion have in common something profound. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very different from that of a calm introvert—the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the introvert is simply overstimulated—but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same. This can give both types insight into how our reverence for alpha status blinds us to things that are good and smart and wise.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
On the other side of the debate are a group of psychologists known as the Situationists. Situationism posits that our generalizations about people, including the words we use to describe one another—shy, aggressive, conscientious, agreeable—are misleading. There is no core self; there are only the various selves of Situations X, Y, and Z.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Shyness is cute in children, but disgusting in adults.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are extroverts only when they are drunk.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Introvert or extrovert, shy or outgoing - loneliness can catch you, no matter who you are.
Jessica Pan (Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously)
Since her being at Lambton, she had heard that Miss Darcy was exceedingly proud; but the observation of a very few minutes convinced her that she was only exceedingly shy.
Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)
Fundamentally, I’ve always been shy—an extroverted introvert,overcompensating with performative social-butterfly behavior.
Paris Hilton (Paris: The Memoir)
It’s important, however, to understand that being introverted is different from being shy or antisocial. Shyness is insecurity or fear of social embarrassment, and the word “antisocial” describes someone who has hostile or harmful feelings toward society. Introversion is a preference that has to do with where you direct your energy (inward), how you recharge (usually by being alone), and what level of outside stimulation you’re comfortable with (less is more). It’s not a weakness to overcome or something to be cured. It’s just how some of us are designed.
Aaron Caycedo-Kimura (Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life)
Introverts are often thought to be shy, and they may battle the perception that they dislike people or company or that they’re grouchy or social misfits. Extroverts, however, battle the perception that they’re flighty or shallow or relentlessly happy. People tend to assume extroverts are bad listeners, hate being alone, and are irrationally “needy” for the company of others.
Anne Bogel (Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything)
Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me—they’re shy and they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of other people designing it for marketing or some other committee. I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
One study comparing eight- to ten-year-old children in Shanghai and southern Ontario, Canada, for example, found that shy and sensitive children are shunned by their peers in Canada but make sought-after playmates in China, where they are also more likely than other children to be considered for leadership roles. Chinese children who are sensitive and reticent are said to be dongshi (understanding), a common term of praise.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
For everyone, though, the persona must relate to objects and protect the subject. This is its dual function. While introverts can be very outgoing with a few people, in a large group they shrink and disappear and the persona often feels inadequate, particularly with strangers and in situations in which the introvert does not occupy a defined role. Cocktail parties are a torture, but acting a role on stage may be a pure joy and pleasure. Many famous actors and actresses are quite deeply introverted. In private they may be shy, but given a public role they feel protected and secure and can easily pass as the most extroverted types imaginable.
Murray B. Stein (Jung's Map of the Soul: An Introduction)
Greta knows that for me there are no good parties. I’m okay with one or two people, but more than that and I turn into a naked mole rat. That’s what being shy feels like. Like my skin is too thin, the light too bright. Like the best place I could possibly be is in a tunnel far under the cool, dark earth. Someone asks me a question and I stare at them, empty-faced, my brain jammed up with how hard I’m trying to find something interesting to say. And in the end, all I can do is nod or shrug, because the light of their eyes looking at me, waiting for me, is just too much to take. And then it’s over and there’s one more person in the world who thinks I’m a complete and total waste of time.
Carol Rifka Brunt (Tell the Wolves I'm Home)
I’m prone to wild flights of self-doubt, but I also have a deep well of courage in my own convictions. I feel horribly uncomfortable on my first day in a foreign city, but I love to travel. I was shy as a child, but have outgrown the worst of it.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
These days, of course, a branding presence is even more indispensable to an artist or entrepreneur. Can we do it? Are we intimidated? Are we too shy or introverted? Too proud? You and I can’t put half our ass where our heart wants to be. We have to be in all the way.
Steven Pressfield (Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be)
when she died in 2005 at the age of ninety-two, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was “timid and shy” but had “the courage of a lion.” They were full of phrases like “radical humility” and “quiet fortitude.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
If “fast” and “slow” animals had parties, writes the evolutionary biologist David Sloan Wilson, “some of the fasts would bore everyone with their loud conversation, while others would mutter into their beer that they don’t get any respect. Slow animals are best described as shy, sensitive types. They don’t assert themselves, but they are observant and notice things that are invisible to the bullies. They are the writers and artists at the party who have interesting conversations out of earshot of the bullies. They are the inventors who figure out new ways to behave, while the bullies steal their patents by copying their behavior.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Many introverts are also “highly sensitive,” which sounds poetic, but is actually a technical term in psychology. If you are a sensitive sort, then you’re more apt than the average person to feel pleasantly overwhelmed by Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” or a well-turned phrase or an act of extraordinary kindness. You may be quicker than others to feel sickened by violence and ugliness, and you likely have a very strong conscience. When you were a child you were probably called “shy,” and to this day feel nervous when you’re being evaluated, for example when giving a speech or on a first date. Later we’ll examine why this seemingly unrelated
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Valentine’s concept of introversion includes traits that contemporary psychology would classify as openness to experience (“thinker, dreamer”), conscientiousness (“idealist”), and neuroticism (“shy individual”). A long line of poets, scientists, and philosophers have also tended to group these traits together. All the way back in Genesis, the earliest book of the Bible, we had cerebral Jacob (a “quiet man dwelling in tents” who later becomes “Israel,” meaning one who wrestles inwardly with God) squaring off in sibling rivalry with his brother, the swashbuckling Esau (a “skillful hunter” and “man of the field”). In classical antiquity, the physicians Hippocrates and Galen famously proposed that our temperaments—and destinies—were a function of our bodily fluids, with extra blood and “yellow bile” making us sanguine or choleric (stable or neurotic extroversion), and an excess of phlegm and “black bile” making us calm or melancholic (stable or neurotic introversion). Aristotle noted that the melancholic temperament was associated with eminence in philosophy, poetry, and the arts (today we might classify this as opennessto experience). The seventeenth-century English poet John Milton wrote Il Penseroso (“The Thinker”) and L’Allegro (“The Merry One”), comparing “the happy person” who frolics in the countryside and revels in the city with “the thoughtful person” who walks meditatively through the nighttime woods and studies in a “lonely Towr.” (Again, today the description of Il Penseroso would apply not only to introversion but also to openness to experience and neuroticism.) The nineteenth-century German philosopher Schopenhauer contrasted “good-spirited” people (energetic, active, and easily bored) with his preferred type, “intelligent people” (sensitive, imaginative, and melancholic). “Mark this well, ye proud men of action!” declared his countryman Heinrich Heine. “Ye are, after all, nothing but unconscious instruments of the men of thought.” Because of this definitional complexity, I originally planned to invent my own terms for these constellations of traits. I decided against this, again for cultural reasons: the words introvert and extrovert have the advantage of being well known and highly evocative. Every time I uttered them at a dinner party or to a seatmate on an airplane, they elicited a torrent of confessions and reflections. For similar reasons, I’ve used the layperson’s spelling of extrovert rather than the extravert one finds throughout the research literature.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
I was the nicest person you’d ever want to know,” Alex recalls, “but the world wasn’t that way. The problem was that if you were just a nice person, you’d get crushed. I refused to live a life where people could do that stuff to me. I was like, OK, what’s the policy prescription here? And there really was only one. I needed to have every person in my pocket. If I wanted to be a nice person, I needed to run the school.” But how to get from A to B? “I studied social dynamics, I guarantee more than anyone you’ve ever met,” Alex told me. He observed the way people talked, the way they walked—especially male dominance poses. He adjusted his own persona, which allowed him to go on being a fundamentally shy, sweet kid, but without being taken advantage of. “Any hard thing where you can get crushed, I was like, ‘I need to learn how to do this.’ So by now I’m built for war. Because then people don’t screw you.” Alex
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Many introverts are also “highly sensitive,” which sounds poetic, but is actually a technical term in psychology. If you are a sensitive sort, then you’re more apt than the average person to feel pleasantly overwhelmed by Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” or a well-turned phrase or an act of extraordinary kindness. You may be quicker than others to feel sickened by violence and ugliness, and you likely have a very strong conscience. When you were a child you were probably called “shy,” and to this day feel nervous when you’re being evaluated, for example when giving a speech or on a first date. Later we’ll examine why this seemingly unrelated collection of attributes tends to belong to the same person and why this person is often introverted. (No one knows exactly how many introverts are highly sensitive, but we know that 70 percent of sensitives are introverts, and the other 30 percent tend to report needing a lot of “down time.”)
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Shyness is not necessarily a problem. It can be a very nice aspect of your personality. Many introverted celebrities, such as Chelsea Clinton and the late Princess Diana, are considered sophisticated and classy because of their reserved personalities. Shyness can make you appear intelligent, discreet, and circumspect. Shy people are valued as good listeners and are more likely to be considered kindhearted, conscientious, and trustworthy. They rarely are overaggressive or obnoxious and usually try not to act in ways that hurt others. A degree of shyness also allows you to be cautious and judge situations before jumping into them. You can stand back, observe, make careful decisions, and then act deliberately. With all of these positive qualities, it is no surprise that between 10 and 20 percent of those who consider themselves shy like their personalities and don’t want to change. They are comfortable with being quiet and are confident that when they do have something to say others will pay attention. Distinguishing social anxiety from normal shyness is sometimes difficult. It has to do with the level of distress and impairment associated with social fears. If you prefer being quiet and listening to others and you feel comfortable with that role, you probably don’t have social anxiety. On the other hand, if you don’t speak up because you are afraid others won’t like what you say or you are terrified of sounding foolish, you most likely have a degree of social anxiety.
Heather Moehn (Social Anxiety (Coping With Series))
Collins hadn’t set out to make a point about quiet leadership. When he started his research, all he wanted to know was what characteristics made a company outperform its competition. He selected eleven standout companies to research in depth. Initially he ignored the question of leadership altogether, because he wanted to avoid simplistic answers. But when he analyzed what the highest-performing companies had in common, the nature of their CEOs jumped out at him. Every single one of them was led by an unassuming man like Darwin Smith. Those who worked with these leaders tended to describe them with the following words: quiet, humble, modest, reserved, shy, gracious, mild-mannered, self-effacing, understated. The lesson, says Collins, is clear. We don’t need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
One study comparing eight- to ten-year-old children in Shanghai and southern Ontario, Canada, for example, found that shy and sensitive children are shunned by their peers in Canada but make sought-after playmates in China, where they are also more likely than other children to be considered for leadership roles. Chinese children who are sensitive and reticent are said to be dongshi (understanding), a common term of praise. Similarly, Chinese high school students tell researchers that they prefer friends who are “humble” and “altruistic,” “honest” and “hardworking,” while American high school students seek out the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic,” and “sociable.” “The contrast is striking,” writes Michael Harris Bond, a cross-cultural psychologist who focuses on China. “The Americans emphasize sociability and prize those attributes that make for easy, cheerful association. The Chinese emphasize deeper attributes, focusing on moral virtues and achievement.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
Research at the University of California, Berkeley, conducted a series of studies on the nature of creativity. The researchers sought to identify the most spectacularly creative people and then figure out what made them different from everybody else. They assembled a list of architects, mathematicians, scientists, engineers, and writers who had made major contributions to their fields, and invited them to Berkeley for a weekend of personality tests, problem-solving experiments, and probing questions. Then the researchers did something similar with members of the same professions whose contributions were decidedly less groundbreaking. One of the most interesting findings, echoed by later studies, was that the more creative people tended to be socially poised introverts. They were interpersonally skilled but “not of an especially sociable or participative temperament.” They described themselves as independent and individualistic. As teens, many had been shy and solitary.
Susan Cain (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking)
I wondered what was going on in neuroscience that might bear upon the subject. This quickly led me to neuroscience’s most extraordinary figure, Edward O. Wilson. Wilson’s own life is a good argument for his thesis, which is that among humans, no less than among racehorses, inbred traits will trump upbringing and environment every time. In its bare outlines his childhood biography reads like a case history for the sort of boy who today winds up as the subject of a tabloid headline: DISSED DORK SNIPERS JOCKS. He was born in Alabama to a farmer’s daughter and a railroad engineer’s son who became an accountant and an alcoholic. His parents separated when Wilson was seven years old, and he was sent off to the Gulf Coast Military Academy. A chaotic childhood was to follow. His father worked for the federal Rural Electrification Administration, which kept reassigning him to different locations, from the Deep South to Washington, D.C., and back again, so that in eleven years Wilson attended fourteen different public schools. He grew up shy and introverted and liked the company only of other loners, preferably those who shared his enthusiasm for collecting insects. For years he was a skinny runt, and then for years after that he was a beanpole. But no matter what ectomorphic shape he took and no matter what school he went to, his life had one great center of gravity: He could be stuck anywhere on God’s green earth and he would always be the smartest person in his class. That remained true after he graduated with a bachelor’s degree and a master’s in biology from the University of Alabama and became a doctoral candidate and then a teacher of biology at Harvard for the next half century. He remained the best in his class every inch of the way. Seething Harvard savant after seething Harvard savant, including one Nobel laureate, has seen his reputation eclipsed by this terribly reserved, terribly polite Alabamian, Edward O. Wilson. Wilson’s field within the discipline of biology was zoology; and within zoology, entomology, the study of insects; and within entomology, myrmecology, the study of ants. Year after year he studied
Tom Wolfe (Hooking Up (Ceramic Transactions Book 104))