Seth Rogen Quotes

Never quit, but sometimes do quit, ’cause you simply might not be that good at some shit.

I’m of the belief that in most industries, women have to work twice as hard to get half the credit. After putting in so much effort to make a good movie, it felt pretty demeaning when they called it a “female comedy.” This meaningless label painted me into a corner and forced me to speak for all females, because I am the actual FEMALE who wrote the FEMALE comedy and then starred as the lead FEMALE in that FEMALE comedy. They don’t ask Seth Rogen to be ALL MEN! They don’t make “men’s comedies.” They don’t ask Ben Stiller, “Hey, Ben, what was your message for all male-kind when you pretended to have diarrhea and chased that ferret in Along Came Polly?

In ’97, we were fifteen and our counselors were seventeen, which, again, is like entrusting a kitten to a ferret.

Maybe that’s why Jews are Jewish. It’s more vague and casts a wider net than other religions. “I’m a Hindu.” “I’m a Muslim.” “I’m Jew…ish.” Less commitment is involved when “ish” is in the mix.

Bubby: All my friends are dying! The bastards! Don't they know I want to play mah-jongg?!

Because [my grandparents] grew up in the Depression, they would steal EVERYTHING. Every time we went to McDonald's, they would empty the napkin dispenser and put them in a giant box that my grandfather kept in his van. If we were out at dinner and you heard my Bubby say, "Oh, this is a nice plate," you knew the next time you ate at their place, you'd be eating off that plate, because she straight jacked that shit. Knives, forks, you name it, they swiped it.

Hey, just 'cause you write something doesn't mean anyone has to see it or hear it. It still exists just as much as anything else does, which is pretty fleeting.

Weed is my sunglasses. Weed is my shoes. I’m not quite cut out for this world, but weed makes it okay.

We need shoes, sunblock, exercise, toilet paper—and weed.

My dad is from Newark, New Jersey. He somehow manages to be simultaneously bald and always in dire need of a haircut.

Whatever Disneyland is for kids who like cartoons is what Burning Man is to adults who like hallucinogens.

I don't know who Mike Diana is!

Seth Rogen is a unique comedian. When he makes a joke, he's the only one who laughs.

Seth Rogen is a funny guy. In fact, his sense of humor is so advanced that when he tells a joke, he's the only one who laughs.

Seth Rogen is a funny guy. In fact, he can't even speak a whole sentence without laughing. Even funnier still is the person listening is not even giggling, chuckling, or breaking a smile.

There’s nothing more fun than reading a terrible review of your movie in USA Today on your phone as you walk into an interview with a journalist from USA Today.

How tall is he?” my female friends would ask, often before any other questions.

Nudists are weird. My friend went to a nudist colony and came back with a newfound appreciation for clothes.

Once I ate a weed lollipop at the Golden Globes and got so high, I had to leave early.

The only problem with being a mohel is that you get used to the ceremony. Last night, I found myself going through a half-hour service before I could cut a carrot for my salad.

I used to work in Winnipeg, but I had to move to Vancouver. You see, there’s not a lot of work for a mohel who shivers uncontrollably. (This is a VERY Canadian joke.)

They also have an amazing seafood tower. I love a seafood tower and think more food should be served in tower formation. Sometimes pizzas get a little platform, but they’re really not living up to their potential.

I’ve thought about starting a business where I sell prosthetic foreskins to Jews so they can feel what it would have been like to have non-Jew junk. It would be called Gentile Genitals and it would make a fortune.

We had pooled around fifty bucks. We all had different ways of scrounging cash. In Canada, it was slightly easier because of the one- and two-dollar coins, or 'loonies' and 'two-nies,' which are not doing Canada any favors when it comes to being taken seriously.

That’s why I smoke weed. It’s additive to my journey. It makes getting from here to there manageable and comfortable. There’s this odd concept of functionality that people apply to some things but not others. Our feet need cushioning. Our skin needs protecting. Our muscles need exercise. Our asses need wiping. But our brains? Don’t touch those! They’re perfect, and if you’re having a hard time with yours and are smoking weed, it’s bad! Unfortunately, as well designed as people are, we just aren’t completely cut out for this world we live in. We need shoes, sunblock, exercise, toilet paper—and weed. People criticize weed for changing your view of reality. But sunglasses literally change your view of reality, and nobody gives them a hard time for it.

There’s stuff that makes our lives better that hasn’t been stigmatized, and nobody gives those things a second thought. Nobody thinks about why they have a strong desire to wear shoes. Nobody says that people who wear shoes are denying reality. Instead, the consensus on shoes is that we use them to adapt to reality. If we don’t wear them, our feet will hurt. They make our journey more comfortable, and we don’t judge ourselves for wearing them. They don’t make walking any less “real.” Nobody’s ever like, “You’re not really experiencing walking. You’re under the fog of footwear.” They’re like, “Yeah. Our feet aren’t made for walking in the environments we’ve settled in as a species. Wear shoes.

There were three great comedians in my formative years—Bill Cosby, Bill Murray, and Richard Pryor—and they wrecked comedy for a generation. How? By never saying anything funny. You can quote a Steve Martin joke, or a Rodney Dangerfield line, but Pryor, Cosby, and Murray? The things they said were funny only when they said them. In Cosby’s case, it didn’t even need to be sentences: “The thing of the thing puts the milk in the toast, and ha, ha, ha!” It was gibberish and America loved it. The problem was that they inspired a generation of comedians who tried coasting on personality—they were all attitude and no jokes. It was also a time when comedy stars didn’t seem to care. Bill Murray made some lousy movies; Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy made even more; and any script that was too lame for these guys, Chevy Chase made. These were smart people—they had to know how bad these films were, but they just grabbed a paycheck and did them. Most of these comic actors started as writers—they could have written their own scripts, but they rarely bothered. Then, at the end of a decade of lazy comedy and half-baked material, The Simpsons came along. We cared about jokes, and we worked endless hours to cram as many into a show as possible. I’m not sure we can take all the credit, but TV and movies started trying harder. Jokes were back. Shows like 30 Rock and Arrested Development demanded that you pay attention. These days, comedy stars like Seth Rogen, Amy Schumer, Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, and Jonah Hill actually write the comedies they star in.

don’t have any real deep insight into Kanye and his current state of being or mindset other than to say I really love his music and my interactions with him have been lovely. But I’m sure a lot of people have said the same about a lot of people who have made incredibly shitty comments. I recently read about a phenomenon where everyone assumes their actions are based on love and the actions of those they disagree with are based on hate. I don’t think Kanye is hateful. I think he is grasping and struggling to make his way through life, and as painless as his experience seems like it should be, there’s no pain more painful than your own pain, and that goes for everyone, even Kanye. That said, I really wish he would shut the fuck up about all this political bullshit. That doesn’t help anything.

This was my first time buying weed in a legal setting and when you’re me that something you never forget it’s a fucking dream come true. The normalization of something you’ve been told your whole life is highly illicit was oddly validating.

I arrived at the Amsterdam Airport Schiphol at around 11 a.m. I was supposed to meet my friend Ben at the Vondelpark at 3 p.m., so that we could then go and check in to our hostel together. Now, I guess it’s important to note that neither of us had a cellphone that worked in Europe, because I’m not even sure that shit existed back then. We just made a plan and were supposed to do it, which seems reckless and terrifying in retrospect. These days, I text my wife while I’m in line for popcorn at the theater to make sure the seat-finding process is going okay. The fact that I flew to a different continent and was just supposed to meet my friend at a certain place at a certain time feels like something out of the Middle Ages. It’s like when you hear that NASA sent people to the moon with a scientific calculator; that’s what meeting someone without a cellphone seems like to me now.

My level of “what the fuck” had, over the past few minutes, ramped up steadily. It had started out on one end of the scale, which was like a mildly bemused Seth Rogen half asleep in a hammock and wondering how his drink had disappeared because he’d forgotten that he drank it, and quickly accelerated to the other end, which was like a teenager watching their parents peel off their faces to reveal that the reason they acted like aliens sometimes was that they’d been aliens all along.

Gluten is just a term for things that are bad for you. Like calories or fat, that’s all gluten.” —Seth Rogen

North Korea’s bizarre attack on Sony Pictures destroyed thousands of computers and servers and sent the company reeling—all in retaliation for a Seth Rogen comedy called The Interview.

All this likely begs the questions: “What’s wrong with you, Seth? Why do you do so many drugs and why can’t you stop talking about it?” And the best answer to that I can come up with is “They give me insights into my own thinking, feeling, and behavior in ways that I haven’t found elsewhere, and they’re super-fun.” It’s really nothing new. People have been getting fucked up for thousands of years. There’s something about removing myself from my normal baseline of operation that feels exciting and adventurous. And shared adventures can be incredibly bonding. I think I also keep yapping about drugs like acid, MDMA, and shrooms because of how incredibly fucking bothered I am that they’re viewed as these big bad wolves compared to alcohol, which is both way more prevalent and way more shitty for you.

My first experience was great, and I did the perfect amount. But there was this nagging thought in my head. It’s not a great thought but one that I stand by: You haven’t really done a drug till you’ve done a bit too much of it.

When I was younger, Bubby and Zaidy just didn't seem that into me. I got the impression they liked my older sister, Danya, more than me, mostly because their words and actions made it wildly clear that they did.

After losing the election, Trump did something nobody, except those with eyes and a brain, saw coming. He refused to admit he lost. And the spineless fuckheads in the GOP decided to support this lie, even though they knew it was complete bullshit. Lucky for them, their supporters don’t care about reality, so it was ultimately an easy lie to sell.

People criticize weed for changing your view of reality. But sunglasses literally change your view of reality, and nobody gives them a hard time for it. Weed is my sunglasses. Weed is my shoes. I’m not quite cut out for this world, but weed makes it okay.

President Obama: We cannot have a society in which some dictator someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States. Because if somebody is able to intimidate folks out of releasing a satirical movie, imagine what they start doing when they see a documentary that they don’t like or news reports that they don’t like. Or even worse, imagine if producers and distributors and others start engaging in self-censorship because they don’t want to offend the sensibilities of somebody whose sensibilities probably need to be offended. So that’s not who we are. That’s not what America is about. Again, I’m sympathetic that Sony, as a private company, was worried about liabilities and this and that and the other. I wish they had spoken to me first. I would have told them, “Do not get into a pattern in which you’re intimidated by these kinds of criminal attacks.”…I think it says something interesting about North Korea that they decided to have the state mount an all-out assault on a movie studio because of a satirical movie….I love Seth and I love James, but the notion that that was a threat to them, I think gives you some sense of the kind of regime we’re talking about here.

People were asking, “How could this happen?” And unfortunately, the answer is obvious. First, it’s real easy to get your hands on a high-powered assault rifle in America. Combine that with a president who de-stigmatized outward hatred and social-media platforms that allow people to stoke flames of hatred to the point of combustion.

These victim-blaming talking points were being repeated just hours after the shooting, not only by the media but by the president himself. The idea that it’s up to the threatened classes to protect themselves from bigots rather than up to the bigots not to spread hatred and act on their terrible instincts is as stupid as, well, Trump. “Everyone knows people hate Jews! Lock the doors next time!” So comforting.

Either way, it’s legal in Canada now and, at the time of this writing, inching slowly toward legalization in America, but there’s still a long way to go, probably because it’s just too effective a way to persecute minorities and keep prisons full, which are things that they love to do in America.

They cut to an interview with my dad, where he went off on Vander Zalm. Ilooked over at him watching. He couldn’t have been happier. I looked back tothe TV.ANCHOR: While many in attendance were obviously disturbed by the disruption...It cut to shots of terrified members of the crowd watching my dad rant like amadman. It then cut to a shot of me, my sister, and my mother, completelyignoring my father. The only ones in the entire crowd not looking in hisdirection.ANCHOR: ...this family somehow managed to be totally unfazed by the outburst

The Interview is a 2014 American action comedy film co-produced and directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg in their second directorial work, following This Is the End (2013). The screenplay was written by Dan Sterling, based on a story he co-wrote with Rogen and Goldberg. The film stars Rogen and James Franco as journalists who set up an interview with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un (Randall Park), and are then recruited by the CIA to assassinate him. The film is heavily inspired by a 2012 Vice documentary.In June 2014, The Guardian reported that the film had "touched a nerve" within the North Korean government, as they are "notoriously paranoid about perceived threats to their safety.” The Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), the state news agency of North Korea, reported that their government promised "stern" and "merciless" retaliation if the film was released. KCNA said that the release of a film portraying the assassination of the North Korean leader would not be allowed and it would be considered the "most blatant act of terrorism and war. Wikipedia

I dyed my Jew-fro bright green, which kind of faded and turned a pukey yellow color, so I basically made my big entrance into Point Grey looking like a giant fucking clown.

We did Kyokushinkaikan karate. Our motto was “Never give up. Always do your best.” A solid starting place in general.