Secrets Destroy Relationships Quotes

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Ordinarily, I am the person who falls in love quickly and somewhat inappropriately and then goes on to destroy what is a good thing. That's always been my style. So, you know: I get it. And I feel right now the way I imagine all those guys felt with me. And I have to say, for the first time in my life, I feel something approaching compassion for them.
Sarah Dunn (Secrets to Happiness)
You may fear what will happen if you speak your heart. You may wish to hide things because you fear hurting others. But secrets have a way of eating at relationships, Jamie. At love, at friendship—they undermine and destroy them until in the end you find you are bitterly alone with the secrets you kept.
Cassandra Clare (Chain of Iron (The Last Hours, #2))
In the case of our fair maiden, we have overlooked two very crucial aspects to that myth. On the one hand, none of us ever really believed the sorcerer was real. We thought we could have the maiden without a fight. Honestly, most of us guys thought our biggest battle was asking her out. And second, we have not understood the tower and its relationship to her wound; the damsel is in distress. If masculinity has come under assault, femininity has been brutalized. Eve is the crown of creation, remember? She embodies the exquisite beauty and the exotic mystery of God in a way that nothing else in all creation even comes close to. And so she is the special target of the Evil One; he turns his most vicious malice against her. If he can destroy her or keep her captive, he can ruin the story.
John Eldredge (Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul)
This was going to be difficult, because he enjoyed women, but all the ones he has known seemed to be sent as secret assassins on a mission to destroy his pride and ability.
Daniel J. Rice (This Side of a Wilderness)
It's about the ways in which girls deal with anger and aggression, as opposed to the ways in which boys do. The premise is that boys tend to be more direct in their aggression - physical confrontation - while in contrast, girls use an indirect approach known as relational aggression. Relational aggression is a form of aggression where the group is used as a weapon to assault others and others' relationships. It uses lies, secrets, betrayals and a host of other two-faced tactics to destroy or damage the relationships and social standing of others in the group.
Anonymous
Fake friends drill holes under your boat and destroy your relationship that could otherwise have been great. They will pretend that they love you, yet they are secretly working overtime on your downfall. It’s up to you to know and understand the real reasons why you keep certain people in your life. It’s never too late to get rid of dead wood.
Itayi Garande (Shattered Heart: Overcoming Death, Loss, Breakup and Separation)
Salt waters shall be found in the sweet, and all friends shall destroy one another; then shall wit hide itself, and understanding withdraw itself into his secret chamber-
COMPTON GAGE
This was going to be difficult, because he enjoyed women, but all the ones he has known seemed to have been sent as secret assassins on a mission to destroy his pride and ability.
Daniel J. Rice (This Side of a Wilderness)
It's naive to assume that another person can fulfill you, or save you, if the two things are, in fact, different, and I have never felt that way with Colin. I simply believe that he fulfills an important part of me, and that Robert fulfilled another equally important part of me. The part of me Robert fulfilled is a part which I imagine Colin, even now, doesn't know exists. It is the part of me that can destroy as easily as it loves. It is the part of me that feels safest and most at home behind closed doors, in a dark bedroom, that believes that the only truth lies in the secrets we keep from each other.
Andrew Porter (The Theory of Light and Matter)
It is good to remember in community, and even better to practice individually, that light trumps darkness. If you’re concealing a dark struggle, you guarantee its power if it’s shrouded in secrecy. Buried, it is free to hinder you, grow in your imagination, and truncate your future. It can hold you back, destroy relationships, and break your spirit. It can absolutely wreak havoc on your authenticity, as the inside contradicts the outside day after day, month after month. Secrets are wild and free in the dark.
Jen Hatmaker (For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards)
Girls aside, the other thing I found in the last few years of being at school, was a quiet, but strong Christian faith – and this touched me profoundly, setting up a relationship or faith that has followed me ever since. I am so grateful for this. It has provided me with a real anchor to my life and has been the secret strength to so many great adventures since. But it came to me very simply one day at school, aged only sixteen. As a young kid, I had always found that a faith in God was so natural. It was a simple comfort to me: unquestioning and personal. But once I went to school and was forced to sit through somewhere in the region of nine hundred dry, Latin-liturgical, chapel services, listening to stereotypical churchy people droning on, I just thought that I had got the whole faith deal wrong. Maybe God wasn’t intimate and personal but was much more like chapel was … tedious, judgemental, boring and irrelevant. The irony was that if chapel was all of those things, a real faith is the opposite. But somehow, and without much thought, I had thrown the beautiful out with the boring. If church stinks, then faith must do, too. The precious, natural, instinctive faith I had known when I was younger was tossed out with this newly found delusion that because I was growing up, it was time to ‘believe’ like a grown-up. I mean, what does a child know about faith? It took a low point at school, when my godfather, Stephen, died, to shake me into searching a bit harder to re-find this faith I had once known. Life is like that. Sometimes it takes a jolt to make us sit and remember who and what we are really about. Stephen had been my father’s best friend in the world. And he was like a second father to me. He came on all our family holidays, and spent almost every weekend down with us in the Isle of Wight in the summer, sailing with Dad and me. He died very suddenly and without warning, of a heart attack in Johannesburg. I was devastated. I remember sitting up a tree one night at school on my own, and praying the simplest, most heartfelt prayer of my life. ‘Please, God, comfort me.’ Blow me down … He did. My journey ever since has been trying to make sure I don’t let life or vicars or church over-complicate that simple faith I had found. And the more of the Christian faith I discover, the more I realize that, at heart, it is simple. (What a relief it has been in later life to find that there are some great church communities out there, with honest, loving friendships that help me with all of this stuff.) To me, my Christian faith is all about being held, comforted, forgiven, strengthened and loved – yet somehow that message gets lost on most of us, and we tend only to remember the religious nutters or the God of endless school assemblies. This is no one’s fault, it is just life. Our job is to stay open and gentle, so we can hear the knocking on the door of our heart when it comes. The irony is that I never meet anyone who doesn’t want to be loved or held or forgiven. Yet I meet a lot of folk who hate religion. And I so sympathize. But so did Jesus. In fact, He didn’t just sympathize, He went much further. It seems more like this Jesus came to destroy religion and to bring life. This really is the heart of what I found as a young teenager: Christ comes to make us free, to bring us life in all its fullness. He is there to forgive us where we have messed up (and who hasn’t), and to be the backbone in our being. Faith in Christ has been the great empowering presence in my life, helping me walk strong when so often I feel so weak. It is no wonder I felt I had stumbled on something remarkable that night up that tree. I had found a calling for my life.
Bear Grylls (Mud, Sweat and Tears)
Remember, every relationship is an opportunity to either discover more of your individuality and expand as a human being or do the pretzel dance and twist yourself into a smaller version of you based on who you think your partner wants you to be. Despite what your mind tells you, your partner is attracted to the real you—the authentic you that he first met—not the twisted version you think he wants. When you commit to being yourself from the start and to communicating your truth no matter what, you’ll avoid virtually all the drama, angst, and anxiety of not knowing where things stand that many other women experience on a daily basis. Most women are afraid to be real because they mistakenly believe that they’re not enough as they are. This “I’m not enough” mind-set not only is inaccurate but also destroys your well-being and ability to have a loving and satisfying relationship. Being yourself and speaking your truth from the moment you meet is the secret to having relationships unfold naturally and authentically. It is also the key to maintaining your irresistibility. Be yourself. Communicate what works you and what doesn’t. Do it from day one and never stop. This is the most powerful step you can take at the beginning of any relationship to set it up for long-term success. Speaking of relationship success, don’t confuse relationship longevity with relationship success. Just because a relationship lasts for many years does not mean it’s a success. Many couples cling to a lifeless and miserable existence they call a relationship because they are too afraid to be alone or to face the uncertainty of the unknown. Living a life of quiet desperation devoid of true love, passion, and spiritual partnership is not my idea of success. Relationships, again, are life’s grandest opportunity for spiritual growth and evolution. They exist so that we may discover ourselves, awaken our hearts, and heal our barriers to love. Every relationship you’ve ever had, or you ever will have, is designed to bring you closer to your divinity and ability to experience and express the very best of who you are.
Marie Forleo (Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep from Dating Yourself!)
Instead of culminating in a rebellion it reduces the inward reality of all relationships to a reflective tension which leaves everything standing but makes the whole of life ambiguous: so that everything continues to exist factually whilst by a dialectical deceit, privatissime, it supplies a secret interpretation--that it does not exist." "In the same way people are quite prepared to leave the Christian terminology untouched, but they can surreptitiously interpolate that it involves no decisive thought. And so they remain unrepentant, for after all they have destroyed nothing. [...] In all innocence they want the established order to continue, but they have the more or less certain reflective knowledge that it no longer exists.
Søren Kierkegaard (The Present Age and Of The Difference Between A Genius And An Apostle by Soren Kierkegaard (1977-06-26))
So here it is: always tell Cordelia what you feel." He looked James in the eye. "You may fear what will happen if you speak your heart. You may wish to hide things because you fear hurting others. But secrets have a way of eating at relationships, Jamie. At love, at friendship--they undermine and destroy them until in the end you find you are bitterly alone with the secrets you kept.
Cassandra Clare
Beware and be weary of "friends" who can shame you or destroy your life publicly, then try to fix it with a secret apology when you are alone.
Paul Bamikole
My beloved daughter, Oryanna Elizabeth Davis (Elizabeth is my mother's name) was born on November 11, 2001 while I was serving yet another sentence of three and a half years in federal prison for something I did not do and could not have done, even if I had wanted to. And the judge, prosecutor, my probation officer, and the arresting Secret Service officers all knew it.
Demico Boothe (The U.S. Child Support System and The Black Family: How the System Destroys Black Families, Criminalizes Black Men, and Sets Black Children Up for Failure ... Varying Relationship and Experience series))
I fathered a child, my first one, during those sixty days that I was a "free" man. My beloved daughter, Oryanna Elizabeth Davis (Elizabeth is my mother's name) was born on November 11, 2001 while I was serving yet another sentence of three and a half years in federal prison for something I did not do and could not have done, even if I had wanted to. And the judge, prosecutor, my probation officer, and the arresting Secret Service officers all knew it.
Demico Boothe (The U.S. Child Support System and The Black Family: How the System Destroys Black Families, Criminalizes Black Men, and Sets Black Children Up for Failure ... Varying Relationship and Experience series))
Yes’ is the key word of community, ‘No’ the key word of individuality. ‘Yes’ is the key word of connection, ‘No’ the key word of protection. ‘Yes’ is the key word of peace, ‘No’ the key word of justice. The great art is to learn to integrate the two, to marry yes and no. That is the secret to standing up for yourself and what you need, without destroying valuable agreements and precious relationships. That is what a ‘Positive No’ seeks to achieve.
William Ury (The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes)
Yes’ is the key word of community, ‘No’ the key word of individuality. ‘Yes’ is the key word of connection, ‘No’ the key word of protection. ‘Yes’ is the key word of peace, ‘No’ the key word of justice. The great art is to learn to integrate the two, to marry yes and no. That is the secret to standing up for yourself and what you need, without destroying valuable agreements and precious relationships. That is what a ‘Positive No’ seeks to achieve.
William Ury (The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes)
But someone may ask, is there any real reason why these sages, whether Buddhist or Stoic, should not recapture the soul of the child? One fact prevents them, according to Wust; they have broken away from the filial relationship with the Supreme Spirit, and this alone is what enables a man to have a child-like attitude towards the ultimate secret of things. This relationship is automatically destroyed by the triumph of naturalistic philosophy, which depersonalised the supreme principle of the universe: for to this view necessity can only appear as either fate or blind chance; and a man weighed down by such a burden is in no state ever to regain his vanished delight and absolute trust. He can no longer cling to the deep metaphysical optimism, wherein the primal simplicity of the creature in the morning of life joins the simplicity of the sage - better here to call him the saint - who, after journeying through experience, returns to the original point of the circle; the happy state of childhood which is almost the lost paradise of the human mind.
Gabriel Marcel (Being and Having)
In 1970, an experiment was conducted in a French laboratory in which two organisms from the same species that had not developed immune systems were moved closer and closer toward one another. At a certain threshold of proximity, the smaller one began to disintegrate, and within twenty-four hours it had lost all the principles of its organization. The researchers tried to ascertain what the larger one had done to the smaller one, but in the end found that it had done nothing at all except exist; it had not secreted some substance, nor destroyed it in any hostile way. The smaller one simply began to disintegrate in response to the loss of distance; its disintegration was brought about through internal mechanisms triggered by the closeness of the other. The researchers concluded with the simple statement that they had induced auto-destruction in one member of a species by bringing it into proximity with a larger member of the same species. They suggested (with eye-popping consequences for chronic illness in a family) that this could be viewed as an adaptation to their relationship. It
Edwin H. Friedman (A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix)
Principle number one was that human sexuality is a sacred gift and must be exercised with great care. Sex is not a game. Principle number two was that God is not a prude. He doesn’t want to rob us of pleasure, but promiscuity destroys relationships. Someone always gets hurt. Principle number three asserted that the deepest desire of the human spirit is for intimacy. Sex without intimacy is not faithfulness.
Mimi Alford (Once Upon a Secret: My Affair with President John F. Kennedy and Its Aftermath)
They say that storms of life don’t have to destroy you, but my storms were wiping me out. I wasn’t the secure woman that I use to be. I was run down. I felt useless. I felt ugly. I felt insecure. I asked God to turn all of that around and give me back what my tribulations had taken from me. I asked him to give me back my relationship. I asked for my happiness back. I asked for job security and a means to educate myself.               These
Jessica N. Watkins (Secrets of a Side Bitch)
To lovers out there …. If you tell on your partner after a breakup , separation or when you are angry. If you are the one spilling the beans. Shaming the other person. Exposing secrets and faults. Talking about confidential things they trusted you with. Just know you are not as good as you think you are. You are the one who is evil, abusive, and toxic. For instant, here you are in public abusing their trust. You only pretend to be a good person when you are benefiting. Every person you are not benefiting from, are bad people to you and you must destroy them or shame them. For a person who has conditional love. Know that two wrongs don’t make one right.
D.J. Kyos
It feels very wrong to be reading his words to my daughter, about my daughter, these private whispers of love. But I cannot stop myself. I pick up the next few letters, glancing over them, noting that they are all written in the same vein. Certain sentences jump out at me in the midst of his adoring prose. Stop worrying about who can see us. I promise you no one knows. It’s our special secret. Why did they feel the need to be anonymous in a small town? What difference would it have made if she had seen someone she knew from university? Why were they hiding? And why does he want her to destroy the letters? Exactly what kind of relationship were they having? Questions tumbling through my head, I pick up another one.
Nicole Trope (My Daughter's Secret)
A culture of a shame and secrets is bound to hide its dirty laundry and continue the same offences for generations. You can't healthfully and successfully sweep your dysfunctions under the carpet and pretend nothing has happened. Whether it's your family culture, or your religious culture, or both, this is a great way to grow deep roots of poison and toxic dysfunction in all of your close relationships. It's a great way to destroy yourself and your loved ones. End the culture of secrecy. End the follied pride that seeks to cover up its shame rather than admit it. Face your offenses head on with a desire to fix them and heal.
Jennifer DeLucy
In relationships, secrets are termites that feast on intimacy, self-value, and trust until the raw material of love loses its structure and disintegrates. Whatever Liv and I shared was eroded by dishonesty until it collapsed on itself. That I’d known it would never last was the biggest lie and perhaps even a subconscious motivation to destroy it. It wasn’t calculated, but all the secrets I carried made it impossible for me to love and be loved. I made many mistakes and now I’m looking across the delta at the landscape destruction built. If we get honest, the wreckage of secrets can guide us toward safe harbor if we’re brave enough to stare into ourselves and understand what we hide and why. The secrets we keep are the pieces of ourselves we deem unlovable. But when we embrace them, they lose their potency and no longer hold power over us, releasing us downstream, and I think I know why Steve is always looking that way. Downstream is the future, and if we choose honesty, the future is always hopeful. We’re never outside the reach of rebuilding and forgiving the mistakes we’ve made upstream. It’s frightening work but worth every mile we travel. With enough time and courage, the mistakes of our past become the unshakable bedrock of a better future.
Cory Richards (The Color of Everything: A Journey to Quiet the Chaos Within)
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RESENTMENT We often attempt to avoid the truth and vulnerability of hurt by hiding it, denying it, or dying from it. We label hurt as an enemy and we become prideful and fearful of it. Examples abound, from alcoholism to eating disorders, compulsive materialism to glory-seeking, epicureanism to stoicism. While genetic predispositions can contribute, anything that we use to cover, deny, or destroy our emotional and spiritual hurt is detrimental to full life. Avoiding hurt renders us numb and, therefore, numbs our hearts and their hunger for healing and life which comes through relationships. Resentment is the product of trying to find solutions that reject hurt. When hurt is denied, minimized, or projected onto another, it becomes resentment. Through resentment we are able to deflect the focus from the internal pain and onto someone or something else. This impaired expression of hurt kills relationships and, therefore, stops all healing. Healing comes through relationship of the heart. Resentment denies the heart. In resentment, not only do I try to remove myself from the truth, but I also try to hide my resentment because it reveals that something has gotten to my heart—I’m vulnerable. This attempt to escape pain uses denial and blame to stave off vulnerability and, therefore, blocks the heart’s experience of healing, forgiveness, acceptance, and love. Resentment is unfortunately a logical and effective reaction to hurt. It justifies itself based upon the actions of another. Nursing a grudge generates its own energy because it keeps us from facing our own powerlessness over others and from accepting our vulnerability to pain. It is an attempt to have our cake and eat it, too. Resentment allows us to know that we have pain, keep it secret, and find others to blame—making them responsible for fixing it. It even leads us in our denial to believe that if others would change, our hurt would be assuaged. Resentment and Rejection Consider the following example of the complexity of hurt and resentment. My spouse finally asks me, “What’s wrong?” and I respond in a clear tone, “Nothing.” This “nothing” exposes the
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