“
It may be expedient to take stock of all the affecting pieces that might shatter in the wake of an emotional earthquake, once red flags come up in a committed relationship and an overarching scene has to be fashioned for a recast life experience. ("Waiting for the pieces to fall into place")
”
”
Erik Pevernagie
“
I am, and always have been - first, last, and always - a child of America.
You raised me. I grew up in the pastures and hills of Texas, but I had been to thirty-four states before I learned how to drive. When I caught the stomach flu in the fifth grade, my mother sent a note to school written on the back of a holiday memo from Vice President Biden. Sorry, sir—we were in a rush, and it was the only paper she had on hand.
I spoke to you for the first time when I was eighteen, on the stage of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, when I introduced my mother as the nominee for president. You cheered for me. I was young and full of hope, and you let me embody the American dream: that a boy who grew up speaking two languages, whose family was blended and beautiful and enduring, could make a home for himself in the White House.
You pinned the flag to my lapel and said, “We’re rooting for you.” As I stand before you today, my hope is that I have not let you down.
Years ago, I met a prince. And though I didn’t realize it at the time, his country had raised him too.
The truth is, Henry and I have been together since the beginning of this year. The truth is, as many of you have read, we have both struggled every day with what this means for our families, our countries, and our futures. The truth is, we have both had to make compromises that cost us sleep at night in order to afford us enough time to share our relationship with the world on our own terms.
We were not afforded that liberty.
But the truth is, also, simply this: love is indomitable. America has always believed this. And so, I am not ashamed to stand here today where presidents have stood and say that I love him, the same as Jack loved Jackie, the same as Lyndon loved Lady Bird. Every person who bears a legacy makes the choice of a partner with whom they will share it, whom the American people will “hold beside them in hearts and memories and history books. America: He is my choice.
Like countless other Americans, I was afraid to say this out loud because of what the consequences might be. To you, specifically, I say: I see you. I am one of you. As long as I have a place in this White House, so will you. I am the First Son of the United States, and I’m bisexual. History will remember us.
If I can ask only one thing of the American people, it’s this: Please, do not let my actions influence your decision in November. The decision you will make this year is so much bigger than anything I could ever say or do, and it will determine the fate of this country for years to come. My mother, your president, is the warrior and the champion that each and every American deserves for four more years of growth, progress, and prosperity. Please, don’t let my actions send us backward. I ask the media not to focus on me or on Henry, but on the campaign, on policy, on the lives and livelihoods of millions of Americans at stake in this election.
And finally, I hope America will remember that I am still the son you raised. My blood still runs from Lometa, Texas, and San Diego, California, and Mexico City. I still remember the sound of your voices from that stage in Philadelphia. I wake up every morning thinking of your hometowns, of the families I’ve met at rallies in Idaho and Oregon and South Carolina. I have never hoped to be anything other than what I was to you then, and what I am to you now—the First Son, yours in actions and words. And I hope when Inauguration Day comes again in January, I will continue to be.
”
”
Casey McQuiston (Red, White & Royal Blue)
“
If you ignore the red flags, embrace the heartache to come.
”
”
Amanda Mosher (Better to be able to love than to be loveable)
“
Your judgments about another person say more about your own character than the character of the person you are pointing a finger at.
This is the key and one of the most fundamental insights about the ‘red flags’ that we often dismiss regarding the people in our lives. If someone complains a lot to you about other people, guess what? That is part of their current character. And, as quickly as the tide changes, you can just as easily become the person they target and criticize, point fingers at, and negatively judge. Forever and always, until vibrations are raised, this will be the cycle of the relationship. So, it’s your choice to continue to engage in the cycle with them, or to move on.
There are plenty of people who do not criticize, point fingers, or judge. THIS is the kind of character we want to foster within ourselves. THIS is the character of the kind of people we DO want to develop close relationships with.
”
”
Alaric Hutchinson (Living Peace: Essential Teachings For Enriching Life)
“
People pleasing does make it easier to ignore the red flags of abusive relationships at the very early stages especially with covert manipulators. We can also become conditioned to continually “please” if we’re used to walking on eggshells around our abuser.
”
”
Shahida Arabi (Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself)
“
Did his behaviour indicate a red flag?
Massively.
Did I notice it?
Probably.
Did I deliberately choose to ignore it because he was just.so.different?
Absolutely.
Did I feel ashamed for not knowing better, despite knowing better?
Constantly.
”
”
Aura Biru (We Are Everyone)
“
It's rare for a toxic person to change their behavior. More often, the only thing that varies is their target and the blame they place. Because some toxic people are difficult to identify, keep in mind that a victim mindset is sometimes a red flag. So, listen when someone talks about their life and circumstances. If the list of people they blame is long... it's probably only a matter of time before you're on that list.
”
”
Steve Maraboli
“
The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart.
”
”
April Mae Monterrosa
“
I wish the pain of betrayal was as easy to ignore as the red flags that forewarned of it.
”
”
Steve Maraboli
“
The Girlfriend 911 Cheat Sheet:
1) Change your behavior, and you’ll change his.
2) Create a high standard for yourself.
3) Create a boundary for yourself and for him.
4) Allow him to take the lead every step of the way. It’s a chess game. He makes his move, then you make yours.
5) Don’t contact him unless he contacts you first. Don’t play games or lead him on if you’re not interested. Always be honest and up-front with your intentions.
6) Pay close attention to signs and red flags. Don’t ignore them. When you see one, figure out what it means and act accordingly.
7) If you want a long-term relationship, postpone sleeping with him. Wait until a good amount of time has gone by, both of you are on the same page, and you both want to be in a committed relationship. If there’s any doubt on his part, don’t sleep with him. If he tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, take him at his word and move on.
”
”
Jacquee Kahn
“
True and real friends don’t feel the need to be praised and worshipped.
”
”
Michael Bassey Johnson
“
Life is short, but I never thought my life would end this way. I have myself to blame for that. I saw all of the red flags, but I ignored them one at a time. Every time I ignored them, I was buying more time, I received more time, and I gambled with the time that I was given. It shows you that buying time is temporary because sooner or later time runs out.”
~Love is respect ♥~
”
”
Charlena E. Jackson (In Love With Blindfolds On)
“
How do you know they aren't the one? At the first sight of total disregard for your hurt, your gut will feel uneasy. I'm reminding you to listen up.
”
”
Alfa Holden (Abandoned Breaths)
“
How can a person feel like they are the victim—when they are the ones who hurt people. I’ve finally surrendered to the red flags.
”
”
Charlena E. Jackson (Unapologetic For My Flaws and All)
“
Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check — you’re so busy competing for his or her attention that you’re less likely to be focusing on the red flags within the relationship or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.
”
”
Shahida Arabi (Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself)
“
They ignored all of the signs… Pretended not to see the flags… You can break your own heart loving some people.
”
”
Steve Maraboli
“
I remember every single red flag waving
like the first crazy
through the door on Black Friday.
I remember drinking
until each flag waved slower and slower
and seemed
harmless. The voids within you
attract the voids
who sleep next to you. I get it now.
”
”
Casey Renee Kiser (The Ones Who Adore Your Veins)
“
If a man knows a woman finds him the most important anything in his life, he just got the green light to invest a minimum of his time and efforts into the relationship, and still keep all of the positive rewards like sex, companionship when needed and so on.
”
”
Brian Keephimattracted (Red Flags: How to know he’s playing games with you)
“
I was so good at ignoring red flags…Like when you have to lie or omit in order to make your significant other seem better than they are… Or because telling the truth would reveal how f***ed up your relationship actually is. I was an accomplice to my own abuse.
”
”
Steve Maraboli
“
The Truth was staring me in the face, but I let you easily persuade me with lies on top of lies. You made a fool of me over and over again and I allowed you to control my thoughts…you never cared. You didn’t give a shit. I was blind to the truth…and what was so crazy is that the truth and the red flags were waving me down, but I thought I could change you. However, the only person it changed was me.”
~Love is respect ♥~
”
”
Charlena E. Jackson (In Love With Blindfolds On)
“
Have you read my emails before?" I ask.
I try to keep my voice casual but I can hear the anxiety in it. The What the f*ck in it.
When you're a stupid girl in love, it's almost impossible to see the red flags. It's so easy to pretend they're not there, to pretend that everything is perfect.
”
”
Heather Demetrios (Bad Romance)
“
Among these temperamentally unhappy campers are "reactant" personalities, who focus on what they often wrongly perceive as others' attempts to control them. In one experiment, some of these touchy individuals were asked to think of two people they knew: a bossy sort who advocated hard work and a mellow type who preached la dolce vita. Then, one of the names was flashed before the subjects too briefly to register in their conscious awareness. Next, the subjects were given a task to perform. Those who had been exposed to the hard-driving name performed markedly worse than those exposed to the easygoing name. Even this weak, subliminal attention to an emotional cue that suggested control was enough to get their reactant backs up and cause them to act to their own disadvantage. All relationships involve give-and-take and cooperation, so a person who habitually attends to ordinary requests or suggestions like a bull to a red flag is in for big trouble in both home and workplace.
”
”
Winifred Gallagher
“
You’re on high alert the entire time, constantly looking out for manipulation & red flags. The slightest jokes will offend you.
”
”
Peace (Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People)
“
It’s a red flag if you have to call your friends or obtain a PhD to decipher what he is trying to communicate to you.
”
”
Bethany Marshall (Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away (A Guide to Love and Relationships))
“
Love is blind, and your blindness might have hidden red flags and glaring issues. No matter how wonderful you think he is, never rule out the possibility that there is someone else better than him.
”
”
Leandra De Andrade (This Girl's Got an Ex: A Smart Girl’s Guide to Getting an ex Back and Making him Realize What he’s Lost)
“
Healthy people don’t stay in unhealthy romantic relationships. Healthy people don’t ignore red flags when they’re falling for someone, they acknowledge the flags like there’s no tomorrow. Healthy people don’t let go of their boundaries because they make the person they are interested in uncomfortable, they stick to them. Healthy people aren’t passive-aggressive with their partners, they communicate effectively and affectionately. Healthy people don’t change their identity because their partner doesn’t like it, they stay true to who they are. Healthy people don’t tolerate abuse from their partner because they love them, they leave them instead
”
”
Farah Ayaad
“
I don't need you making me feel like an evil person every time I do something. I gave up smoking weed for you and that's a pretty big thing. I can't hold your hand 24 hours a day. Can't hold you 24 hours a day. Can't kiss you 24 hours a day. Can't have sex 24 hours a day.
”
”
Jeffrey Brown (Clumsy)
“
I remember every single red flag waving
like the first crazy
through the door on Black Friday.
I remember drinking
until each flag waved slower and slower
and seemed
harmless. The voids within you
attract the voids
who sleep next to you. I get it now.
-The Ones Who Adore Your Veins
”
”
Casey Renee Kiser
“
Did I find it a little strange that he’s suddenly building a relationship with his ex-Domme’s seven-year-old son? Yes. Did I ignore the red flags because I was excited to see her again? Yes, like an idiot. Do I have any room to talk since I’ve been seeing her in private for weeks? Nope.
”
”
Sara Cate (Madame (Salacious Players' Club, #6))
“
You find that you’re set off by the most obscure triggers, unable to enjoy a date or some time with an old friend. You’re on high alert the entire time, constantly looking out for manipulation & red flags. The slightest jokes will offend you. That feeling of dread in your heart never seems to go away—warning you that anyone and everyone could be out to hurt you. And then, after you spend time with others, you over-analyze the experience and come up with a list of reasons that this person shouldn’t be in your life anymore. Then you feel awful for thinking those things, guilty and ashamed that you could be so disloyal.
”
”
Peace (Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People)
“
No matter what level of mental and emotional maturity both partners are at, a twin flame relationship is based on mutual respect, compassion, and the desire to grow. Any form of intentionally inflicted physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse should be seen as a BIG red flag – and I would advise running for the hills as soon as possible.
”
”
Mateo Sol (Twin Flames and Soul Mates: How to Find, Create, and Sustain Awakened Relationships)
“
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Taryn and she had a faerie lover who came to her at night. He was generous and adoring, but visited only in the dark. He asked for two things: one, for her to keep their meetings secret, and two, never to look upon his face fully. And so, night after night she took delight in him but, after some time had passed, wondered what his secret could be.
”
”
Holly Black (The Lost Sisters (The Folk of the Air, #1.5))
“
If you’re dealing with a psychopath, it’s a given that they will make unfounded accusations about you at some point—especially if you’re starting to put together the red flags in their behavior. These insults have a very specific purpose: to put you on the defense. Why? It’s actually a lot simpler than you might think. People who defend themselves seem guilty by default. Whether or not they deserve it, that’s the unfortunate truth about how most people think.
”
”
Peace (Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People)
“
We have no obligation to endure or enable certain types of certain toxic relationships. The Christian ethic muddies these waters because we attach the concept of long-suffering to these damaging connections. We prioritize proximity over health, neglecting good boundaries and adopting a Savior role for which we are ill-equipped.
Who else we'll deal with her?, we say. Meanwhile, neither of you moves towards spiritual growth. She continues toxic patterns and you spiral in frustration, resentment and fatigue.
Come near, dear one, and listen. You are not responsible for the spiritual health of everyone around you. Nor must you weather the recalcitrant behavior of others. It is neither kind nor gracious to enable. We do no favors for an unhealthy friend by silently enduring forever. Watching someone create chaos without accountability is not noble. You won't answer for the destructive habits of an unsafe person. You have a limited amount of time and energy and must steward it well. There is a time to stay the course and a time to walk away.
There's a tipping point when the effort becomes useless, exhausting beyond measure. You can't pour antidote into poison forever and expect it to transform into something safe, something healthy. In some cases, poison is poison and the only sane response is to quit drinking it.
This requires honest self evaluation, wise counselors, the close leadership of the Holy Spirit, and a sober assessment of reality. Ask, is the juice worth the squeeze here. And, sometimes, it is. You might discover signs of possibility through the efforts, or there may be necessary work left and it's too soon to assess. But when an endless amount of blood, sweat and tears leaves a relationship unhealthy, when there is virtually no redemption, when red flags are frantically waved for too long, sometimes the healthiest response is to walk away.
When we are locked in a toxic relationship, spiritual pollution can murder everything tender and Christ-like in us. And a watching world doesn't always witness those private kill shots. Unhealthy relationships can destroy our hope, optimism, gentleness. We can lose our heart and lose our way while pouring endless energy into an abyss that has no bottom. There is a time to put redemption in the hands of God and walk away before destroying your spirit with futile diligence.
”
”
Jen Hatmaker (For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards)
“
We are living the true real-life fairy tale,” or the greatest narcissistic ringer of them all, “No one will ever love you the way I do.” This love bombing can be a bit disarming, but, by and large, it is deeply romanticized. It does feel like a real-life fairy tale, and especially for someone who is young and vulnerable—or even someone who has been bashed in other relationships—it can feel like the ship and the prince (or princess) have come in. Love bombing is a classic red flag.
”
”
Ramani S. Durvasula ("Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility)
“
Glorious Åland Archipelago is a geopolitical anomaly: it is Finnish owned and Swedish speaking, but it has its own parliament, flies its own blue, gold and red flag, issues its own stamps and uses its own web suffix: ‘dot ax’. Its ‘special relationship' with the EU means it can sell duty-free and make its own gambling laws. Åland is the sunniest spot in northern Europe and its sweeping white-sand beaches and flat, scenic cycling routes attract crowds of holidaymakers during summer.
”
”
Lonely Planet Finland
“
Healthy people don’t stay in unhealthy family dynamics. Healthy people don’t allow their parents to control their life, they live for themselves. Healthy people don’t follow the career path their parents want them to take, they choose the right path for themselves. Healthy people don’t marry someone to meet the expectations of their family, they commit to someone who they love and makes them happy. Healthy people don’t let their abusive family members define them, they seek help and build a better future for themselves
”
”
Farah Ayaad
“
Avoid confusing compromise with negating yourself. The surrender that often has to occur in a relationship with a narcissist as “compromise” it can keep your submissive and fruitless behaviors and expectations alive. The red flags were made apparent within the first three months of the relationship. Everyone told me not to marry her or at least to wait a little longer. She was doing everything he had accused me of. Whenever she did not like how things were going, she would break up with me, and then take me back quickly.
”
”
Ramani Durvasula (Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist)
“
I never could have been enough—he truly didn’t understand what he was promising. No one does at that age. And ever since then, I’ve taken solace in staying in control. I’ve reveled in my ability to stay away from getting emotional because my entire well-being has centered on my ability to get shit done and be there for everyone who needs me. My feelings for Samuel were a mistake in another lifetime, because romantic relationships aren’t worth it anyway. He is my own cautionary tale that’s waved its red flag every time I’ve gotten close to starting down a road with some other man.
”
”
Ali Rosen (Recipe for Second Chances)
“
When you see the red flags, you better pay attention. Save yourself a lot of trouble. Sooner or later, he’s gonna show himself up, or she’s gonna show herself up. A lot of people make that mistake, saying: “Well I didn’t know.” Oh yeah, you knew! You better believe you saw the signs. You just thought that you were in love and you thought that you could take the risk. But listen, this is the person who you took into your life and you told yourself that you could trust. So be smart about it before you get into a marriage with a person like that, because some part of you knows it’s a mistake. Yes, you do.
”
”
Karl Pillemer (30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage)
“
When these red flags appeared early on, the narrative was “shaped” in a way that was at times romantic, passionate, and even practical. The old saying of “love is blind” applies here, and before these patterns set in, hope is often what allows people to look the other way when the red flags arise. Over time, the narratives become a bit more realistic, hope begins to fade, and it becomes brutally clear that these patterns of mistrust, anger, and deceit are here to stay. A human relationship should not be built on what you can do for someone, but simply on a mutual partnership. A narcissistic relationship can often devolve into superficial attributes, such as jobs, schools, titles, resources, addresses, photo-shopped images, status posts, quiet children, well-appointed homes, and possessions.
”
”
Ramani Durvasula (Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist)
“
Any relationship will have its difficulties, but sometimes those problems are indicators of deep-rooted problems that, if not addressed quickly, will poison your marriage. If any of the following red flags—caution signs—exist in your relationship, we recommend that you talk about the situation as soon as possible with a pastor, counselor or mentor. Part of this list was adapted by permission from Bob Phillips, author of How Can I Be Sure: A Pre-Marriage Inventory.1 You have a general uneasy feeling that something is wrong in your relationship. You find yourself arguing often with your fiancé(e). Your fiancé(e) seems irrationally angry and jealous whenever you interact with someone of the opposite sex. You avoid discussing certain subjects because you’re afraid of your fiancé(e)’s reaction. Your fiancé(e) finds it extremely difficult to express emotions, or is prone to extreme emotions (such as out-of-control anger or exaggerated fear). Or he/she swings back and forth between emotional extremes (such as being very happy one minute, then suddenly exhibiting extreme sadness the next). Your fiancé(e) displays controlling behavior. This means more than a desire to be in charge—it means your fiancé(e) seems to want to control every aspect of your life: your appearance, your lifestyle, your interactions with friends or family, and so on. Your fiancé(e) seems to manipulate you into doing what he or she wants. You are continuing the relationship because of fear—of hurting your fiancé(e), or of what he or she might do if you ended the relationship. Your fiancé(e) does not treat you with respect. He or she constantly criticizes you or talks sarcastically to you, even in public. Your fiancé(e) is unable to hold down a job, doesn’t take personal responsibility for losing a job, or frequently borrows money from you or from friends. Your fiancé(e) often talks about aches and pains, and you suspect some of these are imagined. He or she goes from doctor to doctor until finding someone who will agree that there is some type of illness. Your fiancé(e) is unable to resolve conflict. He or she cannot deal with constructive criticism, or never admits a mistake, or never asks for forgiveness. Your fiancé(e) is overly dependant on parents for finances, decision-making or emotional security. Your fiancé(e) is consistently dishonest and tries to keep you from learning about certain aspects of his or her life. Your fiancé(e) does not appear to recognize right from wrong, and rationalizes questionable behavior. Your fiancé(e) consistently avoids responsibility. Your fiancé(e) exhibits patterns of physical, emotional or sexual abuse toward you or others. Your fiancé(e) displays signs of drug or alcohol abuse: unexplained absences of missed dates, frequent car accidents, the smell of alcohol or strong odor of mouthwash, erratic behavior or emotional swings, physical signs such as red eyes, unkempt look, unexplained nervousness, and so on. Your fiancé(e) has displayed a sudden, dramatic change in lifestyle after you began dating. (He or she may be changing just to win you and will revert back to old habits after marriage.) Your fiancé(e) has trouble controlling anger. He or she uses anger as a weapon or as a means of winning arguments. You have a difficult time trusting your fiancé(e)—to fulfill responsibilities, to be truthful, to help in times of need, to make ethical decisions, and so on. Your fiancé(e) has a history of multiple serious relationships that have failed—a pattern of knowing how to begin a relationship but not knowing how to keep one growing. Look over this list. Do any of these red flags apply to your relationship? If so, we recommend you talk about the situation as soon as possible with a pastor, counselor or mentor.
”
”
David Boehi (Preparing for Marriage: Discover God's Plan for a Lifetime of Love)
“
Going with Your Gut
Your natural instincts are a great barometer for a person’s trustworthiness. Listen to your gut when something feels amiss. When your natural “Spidey-Sense” kicks in, it may alerting you to red flags you would not see on the surface otherwise.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Connection: 8 Ways to Enrich Rapport & Kinship for Positive Impact (The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #6))
“
Why didn’t I see the red flags at the beginning of the relationship? Simply because you can’t see red flags the rose colored glasses.
”
”
Denise L Lowe
“
Not everyone who offers you some comfort is to be trusted.
”
”
Mitta Xinindlu
“
I was at a crossroads: Did I believe him? Or was I just ignoring another red flag, burying myself alive in a graveyard of them?
”
”
Brooke Gilbert (The Paris Soulmate (International Soulmates))
“
My relationship was super gendered,” Tove said, “in the traditional misogynistic way, so sometimes I wonder if it’s trauma rather than me being actually non-binary.” “What do you mean by ‘actually’?” The question caught Tove off guard. Their gremlin perked up, looking to cause mischief, to paint all those flags red red red. Effie apparently spotted those pointy ears poking around the corner. “Sorry, I should’ve started by thanking you for telling me you’re non-binary. I only meant to ask why trauma isn’t enough. Trauma literally changes your brain chemistry. Of course it can be helpful to understand where things are coming from, but if you’re non-binary then you’re non-binary. There’s no lesser non-binary experience for someone who started questioning their gender as a result of trauma. That might even be a common experience. I dunno. Not an expert.
”
”
Lillian Barry (The Santa Pageant)
“
Feeling lost, I wondered if I was being too sensitive for not being able to cut chords with people who didn’t think twice before leaving me or if they were too inhuman to cut me off like I never mattered to them. I wondered why my relationships always ended so abruptly and suddenly, or if I ignored the red flags for too long.
”
”
Namrata Gupta (White Horses Dark Shadows: A Modern Day Intense Romance | A story about finding True Love)
“
... the reality is that most people don’t live in reality; they live in a heavily-rationalized reality, based on either what they think is reasonable (even if reality doesn’t match up and their being reasonable puts them in harm’s way) or what they want reality to be.
”
”
Dana Morningstar (Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse)
“
What is the motive behind your services? If it is self-centered, self-serving, and lacking consideration for others, then earning people’s trust, rapport, and business will inevitably be more of a struggle. A self-serving agenda throws up red flags which stop relationships dead in their tracks. It can destroy trust, make people wary of your intentions, and push customers to your competition.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact (The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #4))
“
RED FLAGS: If you know that your partner has a volatile personality, such as displaying excessive jealousy, outbursts, frequent lying, and inability to self-regulate, then you will have a greater understanding of how they may react. The end of a relationship may have dug up raw emotions for your partner. They may feel unsure of how to make sense of these emotions or they may be totally out of touch with their emotions altogether. Either way, it is important that you are safe in your approach to your ex-partner.
”
”
Asa Don Brown
“
Relationship red flags: any behavior that is unwarranted, inappropriate, and incongruous with your perspectives on a relationship…physical manipulation, aggression or coercion; behaviors that are controlling, manipulative and punitive; extreme jealousy and suspicion; an unwillingness to compromise or concede; a lack of empathy; gaslighting; emotional instability; and a lack of healthy and open communication.
wikihow (dot) com/Biggest-Red-Flags-in-a-Guy
”
”
Asa Don Brown
“
if love were easy,
would it last through the storm?
if love is cold,
will it ever feel warm?
”
”
Amol Srivastava (being the red flag: POETIC ODYSSEY OF UNAPOLOGETIC CURIOSITY)
“
now, memories flicker like old film
a montage of moments we can’t replay,
each frame a testament to what was
& what can never be again
”
”
Amol Srivastava (being the red flag: POETIC ODYSSEY OF UNAPOLOGETIC CURIOSITY)
“
But for him to just take Alexa’s word over his committed significant other—who as far as the example has shown, has no history of lying, cheating, or hiding things from Matt—is a big red flag.
”
”
Linda Hill (Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1): Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, ... and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships))
“
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Work on a healthy one and it will be perfect for you.
”
”
NARICIA FUTRELL
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People who are afraid of being alone can tolerate or even rationalize any type of abuse. The worry of being alone can be easy to spot in a potential victim. People with this type of fear exude some level of desperation at the beginning of relationships, and they can sometimes be clingy. While ordinary people may think about being clingy as a red flag, manipulative people will see it as an opportunity to exploit someone.
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Christopher Kingler (Masters of Emotional Blackmail: Disarm the Hidden Techniques of the Blackmailer, Set Boundaries and Free Yourself from Feelings of Fear, Obligation, Guilt and Anxiety)
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In college, my girlfriends always told me that a guy who’s never had a girlfriend is a major red flag, but I thought they were being silly. It doesn't matter that Abe never had a girlfriend before. It will just make our relationship all the more special to him. As it turns out, I should have listened to them.
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Freida McFadden (Suicide Med)
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I sometimes think maybe all the tears we cry are due to this huge gap between the how-we-think-things-should-go and what-life-actually-gives-you." - Amelie
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Holly Bourne (The Places I've Cried in Public)
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Every single one of his admissions should be a red flag, since they were all also coupled with the hard truth that he doesn’t plan on loving me or having a relationship with me, but the red flag doesn’t rise.
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Colleen Hoover (Ugly Love)
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Raising from Series A/B firms for a seed Bringing a Series A/B firm in for a seed round is risky business. They’ll want to talk to you to get an early look and learn about what you’re up to. But don’t get too excited! In fact, I’d recommend avoiding those conversations entirely. Whatever capital they commit will be trivial relative to their total balance sheet. No Series A/B firm is serious unless they lead your A or B, and, if for some reason they decide not to do so, you’re screwed because that’s a red flag for other investors. This is called “signaling risk.” Basically, by investing in your seed, they intend to block out others from your next round. It’s a win-win for them because they either lead your next round from a privileged position or, they pass and you’re the one who’s screwed as a founder. So, your incentives are completely misaligned! You may have heard success stories, but that’s a sampling bias — you’ll rarely hear about the companies that do not get the follow-on term sheet. Note: A fund investing in your company at the seed stage is completely irrelevant to their willingness to write a check to lead your Series A or B. The only thing that determines their willingness to invest is your traction and momentum. Letting them in makes them no more willing to invest, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is deceiving you. There might be relationship benefits, but you can build on the relationship without letting them on your cap table!
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Ryan Breslow (Fundraising)
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This strategy, together with the partial dismantling of measures to fight poverty, partly explains the continuous rise of inequalities in India. However, some of the rich have become richer for other reasons as well, including the close relationship between the Modi government and industrialists. FROM CRONY CAPITALISM TO COLLUSIVE CAPITALISM While the Modi government is not responsible for the enrichment of Indian tycoons, which began in most cases prior to the BJP victory in 2014, it continued to help them. In Gujarat, the Modi government had apparently granted unwarranted advantages to industrialists, including the sale of land below market prices, dispensations from environmental standards, unjustified tax rebates, interest-free loans, and so on.136 After forming the central government, the NDA government allegedly shielded Indian industrialists from banks to which these men owed billions. Such collusion has contributed to destabilizing a banking system undermined by dubious debts—particularly those held by these big investors, who do not pay back their loans.137 Even if the problem began under the previous government, it has persisted in part owing to collusion between businessmen and the ruling class. The government’s cronies continued to receive huge loans from public-sector banks (whose heads have trouble disobeying the government),138 which they proved unable to pay back. In May 2018, nonperforming assets (NPAs) vested in public banks—in other words, loans for which the borrower had not made payment on either the interest or the principal in at least ninety days—accounted for 12.65 billion dollars, or about 14 percent of their total loans (compared to 12.5 percent in March the previous year139 and only 3 percent in March 2012).140 A small number of borrowers were largely responsible for this evolution, among whom were prominent large industrialists.141 In 2015, in a fifty-seven-page document, Credit Suisse gave a detailed analysis of the astounding level of debt of ten Indian corporations that continued to borrow even though all the red flags had gone up.142 In 2018, 84 percent of the dubious loans were owed by major corporations, and twelve of them accounted for 25 percent of the outstanding NPAs.143 Among them is the group owned by Gautam Adani, a supporter of Prime Minister Narendra Modi since 2002.144 In 2015, the group increased its debt level by 16 percent to acquire a seaport and two power plants. Consequently, its debt soared to 840 billion rupees (11.2 billion USD), compared to only 331 billion rupees (4.41 billion dollars) in 2011.145
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Christophe Jaffrelot (Modi's India: Hindu Nationalism and the Rise of Ethnic Democracy)
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Being smitten awakens one's eagerness to fill and end the day with love, so they may wake and do it all over again for the one who holds their heart.
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Martika Shanel (What to Do with These Red Flags: Unlocking Healthy Relationships from the Pennants Within)
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To recap, here’s what we all can do to stop the mass shooting epidemic:
As Individuals:
Trauma: Build relationships and mentor young people
Crisis: Develop strong skills in crisis intervention and suicide prevention
Social proof: Monitor our own media consumption
Opportunity: Safe storage of firearms; if you see or hear something, say something.
As Institutions:
Trauma: Create warm environments; trauma-informed practices; universal trauma screening
Crisis: Build care teams and referral processes; train staff
Social proof: Teach media literacy; limit active shooter drills for children
Opportunity: Situational crime prevention; anonymous reporting systems
As a Society:
Trauma: Teach social emotional learning in schools. Build a strong social safety net with adequate jobs, childcare, maternity leave, health insurance, and access to higher education
Crisis: Reduce stigma and increase knowledge of mental health; open access to high quality mental health treatment; fund counselors in schools
Social proof: No Notoriety protocol; hold media and social media companies accountable for their content
Opportunity: Universal background checks, red flag laws, permit-to-purchase, magazine limits, wait periods, assault rifle ban
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Jillian Peterson (The Violence Project: How to Stop a Mass Shooting Epidemic)
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A good relationship of any kind can never be built on games, period.
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Brian Nox (Red Flags: How to know he’s playing games with you)
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Over-communication and over flattery should be a red flag for a controlling and manipulative relationship.
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Lauren Kozlowski (Dating Red Flags: The Dating Red Flag Checklist to Spot a Narcissist, Abuser or Manipulator Before They Hurt You (Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse Book 4))
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because it was my first long-term relationship, I didn’t know what a reasonable expectation for two people trying to make a life together was. That’s the thing that romcoms never teach you and short stories about rich white couples who live lives of quiet desperation are too far gone to cover: What is the act of making it? What’s a red flag and what’s just a weird personal detail that you can spin into a charming anecdote? The line is thinner than you think.
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R. Eric Thomas (Here for It; Or, How to Save Your Soul in America: Essays)
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The day you allow him hit you , he begins taking you for granted.
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gugu innocentia mofokeng
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In narcissistic abuse recovery you will raise your awareness of bad behavior. You
will see people’s actions through a lens of protection and no longer tolerate
drama and lower vibrational energy vampires.
Of course knowing red flags is important but tapping into and listening to how
someone makes you feel, is the key to happiness.
A drama free zone must be the protection you deploy. If someone causes you to
run to others to try to understand their behaviors, this relationship is not healthy
for you. We need no labels, we need no proof they are a narcissist, you need to
listen to your gut, and you need courage to walk away.
No drama equals peace. Drama equals confusion, sadness, and fear.
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Tracy A. Malone
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Every single one of his admissions should be a red flag, since they were all so coupled with the hard truth that he doesn’t plan on loving me or having a relationship with me, but the red flag doesn’t come up.
The green one does.
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Colleen Hoover (Ugly Love)
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The relationship between Hillary’s baby-boomer chairman and her millennial-style manager would remain fraught throughout the campaign. It mattered because Podesta didn’t always have a window into the strategy and tactics guiding Mook’s decisions. The campaign chairman, who should have been in a position to raise red flags, didn’t feel like he had enough information to do that.
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Jonathan Allen (Shattered: Inside Hillary Clinton's Doomed Campaign)
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Relationships work out better when each person has a productive life outside of their relationship. It’s always a red flag when someone’s sense of happiness is dependent on the relationship. This typically means they are in the process of healing or stagnant & not healing at all.
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Anonymous
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Stop coloring those red flags white. You know they’re not good for you, you’re just bored and lonely. Don’t ever allow loneliness to make you desperate. You deserve a love that lasts and love that’s true.
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Keishorne Scott
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Our world needs more white flags – in relationships, friendships, political agendas and education – because we are now endorsed with countless capacities to spot red flags but too often we forget about reconciliation.
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Ioana Cristina Casapu
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I was so good at ignoring red flags…Like when you have to lie or omit in order to make your significant other seem better than they are… Or because telling the truth would reveal how f***ed up your relationship actually is.I was an accomplice to my own abuse.
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Steve Maraboli
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I don't deserve you; you deserve better " is a red flag. Men say this to create an empty challenge, an empty opportunity to change his mind. How often have you gone through hell for a guy who continues to say he doesn't deserve you but expects access to you both physically and emotionally. " I don't deserve you; you deserve better " is a warning. He's telling you that he doesn't intend to be what you need or to provide whatever is necessary for you to feel at peace with your decision to pursue him. The man who says this will break your heart every step of the way to test your tolerance and what he can get away with. The only way to hold him accountable is to walk away for good.
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R.H. Sin
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However, if you’ve given him an adequate amount of time to figure it out, expressed your desire to spend more time with him, and he makes no effort to change his schedule, it’s a huge red flag you shouldn’t ignore. If he continues to pacify you with excuses, you’ll need to allow that to carry more weight than your attraction to him or you’re interest in a relationship.
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Stephan Labossiere (He's Lying Sis: Uncover the Truth Behind His Words and Actions, Volume 1)
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They’ll start asking prying questions about any hard times you’ve gone through, and really press for you to be candid. This is another huge red flag because these kinds of things should come up naturally after strong, mutual trust has been established. The narcissist is just pocketing ammo for future use.
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Linda Hill (Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1): Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, ... and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships))
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The covert warnings signs were omnipresent, like tiny flashing needles, slowly weaving disturbing patterns into an unhealthy codependent relationship tapestry - from the first day I met her until literally the cathartic final week. I still wonder many times why I did not leave earlier. There were many days when I knew I had enough, but still decided to stay. I really believed, against my own better judgement, that we could have worked things out.
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Vernon Chalmers
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With the little information, we know. Whenever we point out red flags. We are told to mind our own business. Why do we want to police other people's behavior and tell them what to do with their lives, money, and bodies? when we try to say what might be wrong. You don’t want to hear the truth or to accept it because if you do listen. it means you must change. Take accountability and responsibility for your actions, but you don’t want to change your bad behavior. The reason is that you are enjoying it and you are benefiting a lot from it. For as long as we lie to each other. Support each other in doing bad things and bad behavior. We are still going to get hurt or worse might happen.
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De philosopher DJ Kyos
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When we truly love someone, we tolerate them more than we should. We overlook the pain they give, ignore the red flags, and keep holding on, even when our heart knows we don't deserve this.
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Garima Soni - words world
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In life, it is important to listen to our feelings and instincts when it comes to trusting others. If someone's actions consistently raise concerns and offend you, it is a clear sign that they may not be trustworthy. These offensive actions speak volumes about their character and intentions. It is crucial to recognize these red flags and understand that such individuals may not have a place in your future journey. Trusting your instincts and setting boundaries with people who do not align with your values is essential for your well-being and personal growth. Remember, it is okay to walk away from relationships that do not serve your best interests. Trust yourself and prioritize your own happiness and peace of mind.
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