Reader's Digest Funniest Quotes

hiring new staff at her public library, my daughter always asks applicants what sort of supervision they’d be most comfortable with. One genius answered, “I’ve always thought Superman’s X-ray vision would be cool.” — DAVE GLAUSER

My wife and I were living in Cambridge, Massachusetts—the quintessential college town. Rushing through the supermarket checkout, we didn’t notice we were in a 12-item line and what we had was way over the limit. The weary cashier looked at all our groceries. “Are you from Harvard and can’t count or from MIT and can’t read?” — BRADFORD

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freeing up cash for home improvements?” he tried. “I don’t need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash,” I parried. There was a brief silence, and then he asked, “Are you looking for