Project Hail Mary Quotes

I penetrated the outer cell membrane with a nanosyringe." "You poked it with a stick?" "No!" I said. "Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.

Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal.

Work fast." "Yeah." I point at the screen. "First I have to wait for my computer to wake up." "Hurry." "Okay, I'll wait faster." "Sarcasm.

He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.” “Fist-bump. It’s just ‘fist-bump.’” “Understand.

Grumpy. Angry. Stupid. How long since last sleep, question?

Once again I’m struck by melancholy. I want to spend the rest of my life studying Eridian biology! But I have to save humanity first. Stupid humanity. Getting in the way of my hobbies.

Good. Proud. I am scary space monster. You are leaky space blob.” He points to the breeder tanks. “Check tanks!

Usually you not stupid. Why stupid, question?

We’re as smart as evolution made us. So we’re the minimum intelligence needed to ensure we can dominate our planets.

Knock-knock-knock No, that's not creepy at all. Being in a spaceship twelve light-years from home and having someone knock on the door is totally normal.

I spend a lot of time un-suiciding this suicide mission.

I gasped. "Wait a minute! Am I a guinea pig? I'm a guinea pig!" "No, it's not like that," she said. I stared at her. She stared at me. I stared at her. "Okay, it's exactly like that," she said.

I’m a scientist! Now we’re getting somewhere! Time for me to use science. All right, genius brain: come up with something! …I’m hungry. You have failed me, brain.

Good. Proud. I am scary space monster. You are leaky space blob.

I leaned to Dimitri. “Are all Russians crazy?” “Yes,” he said with a smile. “It is the only way to be Russian and happy at the same time.” “That’s…dark.” “That’s Russian!

Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.

Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.

I've gone from "sole-surviving space explorer" to "guy with a wacky new roommate." It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?

I pull the sheet off the bed and wrap it around my torso a couple of times. I pull one corner over my shoulder from behind my back and tie it to another from the front. Instant toga. "Self-ambulation detected," says the computer. "What's your name?" "I am Emperor Comatose. Kneel before me." "Incorrect.

Besides, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things…well…I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.

Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.

Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving.

Every pore of my being yells at me to go back to sleep, but I told Rocky I’d be back in two hours and I wouldn’t want him to think humans are untrustworthy. I mean…we’re pretty untrustworthy, but I don’t want him to know that.

Another day, another staff meeting. Who would have thought saving the world could be so boring?

But I have to save humanity first. Stupid humanity. Getting in the way of my hobbies.

When stupid ideas work, they become genius ideas.

Do you believe in God? I know it’s a personal question. I do. And I think He was pretty awesome to make relativity a thing, don’t you? The faster you go, the less time you experience. It’s like He’s inviting us to explore the universe, you know?

Sometimes, the stuff we all hate ends up being the only way to do things.

But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.

Well, you’re not alone anymore, buddy,” I say. “Neither of us are.

Does that mean it's not no? Is that another yes? Now I'm confused. "No?" I ask "No" he says in Eridian. "So, 'yes'?" "No, yes." "Yes?" "No. No." "Yes, yes?" "No!" he balls a fist at me, clearly frustrated. Enough of this interspecies Abbott and Costello routine.

Math is not thinking. Math is procedure. Memory is not thinking. Memory is storage. Thinking is thinking. Problem, solution. You and me think same speed. Why, question?

No. You no can die. You are friend.

I’m smart enough now to know I’m stupid. That’s progress.

I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.

Time to get to know my fellow patients. I don't know who I am or why I'm here, but at least I'm not alone--aaaand they're dead.

He waves to me with a free arm. He knows one human greeting and by golly he plans to use it.

That’s pretty much a rule in electronics: You never get diodes right on the first try.

Be careful,' says Rocky. 'You are friend now.' 'Thanks,' I say. 'You are friend also.' 'Thank.

It's a weird feeling, scientific breakthroughs. There's no Eureka moment. Just a slow, steady progression toward a goal. But man, when you get to that goal it feels good.

Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.

Sheesh—you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.

Abby preened. “You asked who could tell you the radius of Earth. Trang can tell you. I answered correctly.” Outsmarted by a thirteen-year-old.

what’s the point of even having a world if you’re not going to pass it on to the next generation?

Deadline-induced quality issues: a problem all over the galaxy.

I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.

All life needs is a chemical reaction that results in copies of the original catalyst.

I’m on a suicide mission. John, Paul, George, and Ringo get to go home, but my long and winding road ends here.

When European mariners first came across Asian mariners, no one was surprised they both used sails.

So I'm a single man in my thirties, who lives alone in a small apartment, I don't have any kids, but I like kids a lot. I don't like where this is going... A teacher! I'm a schoolteacher! I remember it now! Oh, thank God. I'm a teacher.

The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.

I should be more focused on the "first contact with intelligent aliens" thing or the "save all of humanity" thing, but gosh darn it, I can spend a moment to be happy about being right when everyone said I was wrong.

Broadly speaking, the human brain is a collection of software hacks compiled into a single, somehow-functional unit. Each “feature” was added as a random mutation that solved some specific problem to increase our odds of survival. In short, the human brain is a mess.

And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.

Adjust orbit while stupid. Good plan.' I snicker. 'New word: "sarcasm." You say opposite of true meaning to make point. Sarcasm.

One thing I learned back in my graduate school days: When you’re stupid tired, accept that you’re stupid tired. Don’t try to solve things right then.

You have been a bad alien cylinder," I say to it. "You need a time-out.

Got to love computers. They do all the thinking for you so you don’t have to.

Yes. There’ll be wars. Fought for the same reason most wars in ancient times were fought for: food. They’d use religion or glory or whatever as an excuse, but it was always about food. Farmlands and people to work that land.

Light is a funny thing. Its wavelength defines what it can and can’t interact with. Anything smaller than the wavelength is functionally nonexistent to that photon. That’s why there’s a mesh over the window of a microwave. The holes in the mesh are too small for microwaves to pass through. But visible light, with a much shorter wavelength, can go through freely. So you get to watch your food cook without melting your face off.

I penetrated the outer cell membrane with a nanosyringe.” “You poked it with a stick?” “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.

We have figured this out, yes,” said Dimitri. “With lasers. It was very illuminating experiment.” “Was that a pun?” “It was!

What would you call an organism that exists on a diet of stars?

Maybe that ship is the Praise Allah or the Blessings of Vishnu or something.

Evolution is extremely good at filling every nook in the ecosystem

Stupid humanity. Getting in the way of my hobbies.

You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?

Humanity has been accidentally causing global warming for a century. Let’s see what we can do when we really set our minds to it.

Option 1: Go home a hero and save all of humanity. Option 2: Go to Erid, save an alien species, and starve to death shortly after.

It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work.

I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.

You observe, question?' he asks again. 'No.' 'Observe.' 'You want me to observe you sleep?' 'Yes. Want want want.' Through unspoken agreement, a tripled word means extreme emphasis. 'Why?' 'I sleep better if you observe.

For fifty thousand years, right up to the industrial revolution, human civilization was about one thing and one thing only: food. Every culture that existed put most of their time, energy, manpower, and resources into food. Hunting it, gathering it, farming it, ranching it, storing it, distributing it…it was all about food.

He points to his ship. “I have twenty-two million kilograms of Taumoeba in fuel bays. How much you want, question?

Fist me!” I push my knuckles against the xenonite. “It’s ‘fist-bumb,’ but yeah.

The computer finishes its boot process and brings up a screen I’ve never seen before. I can tell it means trouble, because the word “TROUBLE” is in large type across the top.

We’re part of the ecology, Ms. Stratt. We’re not outside it. The plants we eat, the animals we ranch, the air we breathe—it’s all part of the tapestry. It’s all connected. As the biomes collapse, it’ll have a direct impact on humanity.

Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.

Hey, Rocky!” I call out from the lab. “Watch me pull a Taumoeba out of a hat!

Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.

You will miss me, question? I will miss you. You are friend.” “Yeah. I’m going to miss you.” I take another swig of vodka. “You're my friend. Heck, you’re my best friend.

Are all Russians crazy?” “Yes,” he said with a smile. “It is the only way to be Russian and happy at the same time.” “That’s…dark.” “That’s Russian!

I am happy. You no die. Let’s save planets!

Yes!' I press my knuckles against the tunnel wall. 'Fist-bump!' 'What, question?' I rap the tunnel again. 'This. Do this.' He emulates my gesture against the wall opposite my hand. 'Celebration!' I say. 'Celebration!

I was only off by one percent,' I grumble. 'You talk to you, question?' 'Yes! I'm talking to me.' 'Humans are unusual.' 'Yes,' I say.

Maybe it’s just the childish optimist in me, but humanity can be pretty impressive when we put our minds to it.

No one ever talks about the really hard parts of first contact with intelligent alien life: pronouns.

The industrial revolution mechanized agriculture. Since then, we’ve been able to focus our energies on other things. But that’s only been the last two hundred years. Before that, most people spent most of their lives directly dealing with food production.

Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving. So you and me, we’re both just intelligent enough to be smarter than our planet’s other animals.

Anyway, it means I can finally eat meat. Yes, that’s right, I’m eating human meat. But it’s my own meat, and I don’t feel bad about it. Spend a decade eating nothing but odd-tasting, vaguely sweet vitamin shakes and then see if you’ll turn down a burger. I love meburgers. I eat one every day.

One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.

Do you think I don’t know you, Dr. Grace?!” she yelled. “You’re a coward and you always have been. You abandoned a promising scientific career because people didn’t like a paper you wrote. You retreated to the safety of children who worship you for being the cool teacher. You don’t have a romantic partner in your life because that would mean you might suffer heartbreak. You avoid risk like the plague.

How did you do it? What killed it?” “I penetrated the outer cell membrane with a nanosyringe.” “You poked it with a stick?” “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.” “It took you two days to think of poking it with a stick.” “You…be quiet.

Rocky admonished me for leaving the sample at (human) room temperature for so long. He had a lot to say on that subject, actually. We had to add “reckless,” “idiot,” “foolish,” and “irresponsible” to our shared vocabulary just so he could fully express his opinion on the matter. There was another word he threw around a lot, but he declined to tell me what it meant.

Of course the Eridian language has no words for colors. Why would it? I never thought of colors as a mysterious thing. But if you’ve never heard of them before, I guess they’re pretty weird. We have names for frequency ranges in the electromagnetic spectrum. Then again, my students all have eyes and they were still amazed when I told them “x-rays,” “microwaves,” “Wi-Fi,” and “purple” were all just wavelengths of light.

Light is a funny thing. Its wavelength defines what it can and can’t interact with. Anything smaller than the wavelength is functionally nonexistent to that photon. That’s why there’s a mesh over the window of a microwave. The holes in the mesh are too small for microwaves to pass through. But visible light, with a much shorter wavelength, can go through freely.

Annie held up her hand. “Oh, sorry. One more thing—” She turned to DuBois. “Martin, we have about fifteen minutes of personal time after this lesson and before our next training exercise. Want to meet up in the bathroom down the hall and have sex?” “I find that agreeable,” said DuBois. “Thank you, Dr. Shapiro.” “Okay, cool.” They both looked to me, ready for their lesson. I waited a few seconds to make sure there was no more oversharing, but they seemed content. “Okay, so the Krebs cycle in Astrophage has a variant—wait. Do you call her Dr. Shapiro while having sex?” “Of course. That’s her name.” “I kind of like it,” she said. “I’m sorry I asked,” I said. “Now,

As soon as I unscrew the first bolt, it slides down the slope of the nose cone and falls away into the unknowable distance. “Um…” I say. “Rocky, you can make screws, right?” “Yes. Easy. Why, question?” “I dropped one.” “Hold screws better.” “How?” “Use hand.” “My hand’s busy with the wrench.” “Use second hand.” “My other hand’s on the hull to keep me steady.” “Use third han—hmm. Get beetles. I make new screws.” “Okay.

Rocky cocks his carapace. 'Hey, your face is leaking! I haven't seen that in a long-ass time! Remind me- does that mean you're happy or sad? 'Cause it can mean either one, right?' 'I'm happy, of course!' I sob. 'Yeah. I thought so. Just checking.' He holds a balled claw against the xenonite. 'Is this a fist-bump situation?' I press my knuckles to the xenonite as well. 'This is a monumentally epic fist-bump situation.