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Keep going,' they said. 'Try this rugby position,' they said. 'No no no, not like that, you're doing it wrong. It's not supposed to hurt but definitely keep doing it even if it's agony. What's formula? There isn't any in the hospital so if you don't get this right your baby will starve. You can't go home until you've figured out the latch. Let me check it again. No, position is all wrong. Unlatch him. I know he's screaming but unlatch him. Try again. No. Wrong again. He can't breathe. He'll get wind. No wonder he'd up all night with that latch. Does he have tongue tie? We don't bother checking for it but he's likely got it. If you want to get it checked you'll have to pay a private lactation consultant £280 to tell you he has it, and then another £280 to cut it, and oh, the NHS waiting list is three weeks long and your baby will die before then, but don't you dare use formula! Nipple confusion! You need to establish your milk supply first! Your post-natal depression will get worse if you stop! Keep going, keep going. Don't try using a bottle until it's way too late for the baby to accept the bottle. Oh dear, yes, now you can't leave your baby for more than three hours for about a year. Didn't anyone tell you that? Why didn't you introduce a bottle sooner? You're giving your child the best start in life though. Your entire life might've shrunk to a mile's radius from your front door, but at least the baby will never get sick, apart from all the times they get sick, and they'll have a higher IQ, even though, actually, it appears that evidence is overstated. Here's all the advice ever about how to start breastfeeding [...] Here's absolutely no advice on how to stop.
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