Politically Incorrect Humor Quotes

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A word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.
Ann Coulter
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx
James Allen Moseley (The Duke of D.C.: The American Dream)
The talked about their messed-up, dysfunctional families, carefully respecting boundaries, never probing too deep in any one sitting. And they always ended up laughing. Even when the subject matter was intense or macabre, Henry’s sick and twisted and often politically incorrect sense of humor was infectious…Gloria laughed more in these first weeks at Oxford then she remembered laughing almost anywhere.
Andrea Kayne (Oxford Messed Up)
Don't ride the real estate roller coaster. Daily prospecting mitigates the ups and downs and loopty-loops of commission-based work.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Putting makeup on the face of your listing—before the big date—will increase its value in the eyes of buyers.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
[The presidential candidate] was vulgar, almost illiterate, a public liar easily detected, and in his “ideas” almost idiotic, while his celebrated piety was that “of a traveling salesman for church furniture, and his yet more celebrated humor the sly cynicism of a country store. Certainly there was nothing exhilarating in the actual words of his speeches, nor anything convincing in his philosophy. His political platforms were only wings of a windmill. (...) He would whirl arms, bang tables, glare from mad eyes, vomit Biblical wrath from a gaping mouth; but he would also coo like a nursing mother, beseech like an “aching lover, and in between tricks would coldly and almost contemptuously jab his crowds with figures and facts—figures and facts that were inescapable even when, as often happened, they were entirely incorrect.
Sinclair Lewis (It Can't Happen Here)
Doremus Jessup, so inconspicuous an observer, watching Senator Windrip from so humble a Boeotia, could not explain his power of bewitching large audiences. The Senator was vulgar, almost illiterate, a public liar easily detected, and in his "ideas" almost idiotic, while his celebrated piety was that of a traveling salesman for church furniture, and his yet more celebrated humor the sly cynicism of a country store. Certainly there was nothing exhilarating in the actual words of his speeches, nor anything convincing in his philosophy. His political platforms were only wings of a windmill. Seven years before his present credo—derived from Lee Sarason, Hitler, Gottfried Feder, Rocco, and probably the revue Of Thee I Sing—little Buzz, back home, had advocated nothing more revolutionary than better beef stew in the county poor-farms, and plenty of graft for loyal machine politicians, with jobs for their brothers-in-law, nephews, law partners, and creditors. Doremus had never heard Windrip during one of his orgasms of oratory, but he had been told by political reporters that under the spell you thought Windrip was Plato, but that on the way home you could not remember anything he had said. There were two things, they told Doremus, that distinguished this prairie Demosthenes. He was an actor of genius. There was no more overwhelming actor on the stage, in the motion pictures, nor even in the pulpit. He would whirl arms, bang tables, glare from mad eyes, vomit Biblical wrath from a gaping mouth; but he would also coo like a nursing mother, beseech like an aching lover, and in between tricks would coldly and almost contemptuously jab his crowds with figures and facts—figures and facts that were inescapable even when, as often happened, they were entirely incorrect. But below this surface stagecraft was his uncommon natural ability to be authentically excited by and with his audience, and they by and with him. He could dramatize his assertion that he was neither a Nazi nor a Fascist but a Democrat—a homespun Jeffersonian-Lincolnian-Clevelandian-Wilsonian Democrat—and (sans scenery and costume) make you see him veritably defending the Capitol against barbarian hordes, the while he innocently presented as his own warm-hearted Democratic inventions, every anti-libertarian, anti-Semitic madness of Europe. Aside from his dramatic glory, Buzz Windrip was a Professional Common Man. Oh, he was common enough. He had every prejudice and aspiration of every American Common Man. He believed in the desirability and therefore the sanctity of thick buckwheat cakes with adulterated maple syrup, in rubber trays for the ice cubes in his electric refrigerator, in the especial nobility of dogs, all dogs, in the oracles of S. Parkes Cadman, in being chummy with all waitresses at all junction lunch rooms, and in Henry Ford (when he became President, he exulted, maybe he could get Mr. Ford to come to supper at the White House), and the superiority of anyone who possessed a million dollars. He regarded spats, walking sticks, caviar, titles, tea-drinking, poetry not daily syndicated in newspapers and all foreigners, possibly excepting the British, as degenerate. But he was the Common Man twenty-times-magnified by his oratory, so that while the other Commoners could understand his every purpose, which was exactly the same as their own, they saw him towering among them, and they raised hands to him in worship.
Sinclair Lewis (It Can't Happen Here)
Everything I touched seemed to be cursed—the next person who came in contact with that sunbed probably contracted HIV and died of a stubbed toe.
Bing Fraser (Unprotected Treks: The Politically Incorrect Blueprint for World Travel)
Have the wisdom to know when your words are on the cusp of impacting a prospect's actions, and when your scripts are wasted like tooth decay.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
If prospecting feels like begging, then you're doing it wrong.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Simply creating scripts without attempting memorization is like taking a shower without soap. It might make you feel good in the moment, but you still stink.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Using children or pets in real estate advertising is cringe-worthy at best. You're basically making a mascot of your offspring for the sake of making a buck. That gap-toothed grin that makes you smile ain't really padding your bottom line. Not to mention the fact that your kid is now in college.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
A healthy addiction to prospecting keeps commission breath in check.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Real estate is like skinning a cat. While it may have potential as an effective fur-removing endeavor, holding Fluffy by the tail while vigorously brandishing course-grit sandpaper as your arms are clawed to shreds isn't the most efficient manner possible. When the objective is the same for everyone, the strokes one takes determines the scratch one makes.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Regardless of your client's offer, never feel bad about it or apologize for it when presenting it to your opponent. It's just an offer, not the measles. On the other hand, don't allow a single client to waste your time with fifty offers that don't stand a chance.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
It certainly sounds cliche, but know when to walk away. You're not here to just sit on the pot.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Negotiation is half what's on paper and half what is said betwixt offers. Because of this, it's easy to slip into verbal negotiations. Keep each offer in the black and white of paper, but continue to color it in with your spoken words. Use conversation to better understand them and to reinforce you.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Negotiations are not always reasonable events. But remember, people won't agree unless they want to. Even if they complain about it, the deal they signed was preferred over no deal. Otherwise, they would have chosen no deal. Duh.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
One never gets screwed in negotiations, rather he gets exactly what he has negotiated.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
When you find yourself in times of struggle and can find no remedy, avoid these words of victims: I concede.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
The market is like Goldilocks. It decides if your price is too hot, too cold, or just right.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Provoking a price reduction sucks butt, so get it right this time. You don't wanna pucker-up for a second round with the same seller.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
When a house is personalized, buyers feel like they're intruding into another's den. Instead, mimic a model home. Pictures of the wedding, fridge magnets from the Jamaican honeymoon, and the thousand frames of Junior's grin gotta go.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Agency is full of challenging conversations. If you are uncomfortable with discussing your fee with clients, then you're probably not the right person to be representing them.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
Attending classes and reading books are like watching football on television. While each will acquaint you with the game, an armchair quarterback remains unskilled at actual sport. To become skilled at real estate sales, you must actively engage in its activities. To hasten success, practice what this book preaches; doing so will yield more touchdowns than bloody noses.
Peter F. Porcelli Jr. (The Politically Incorrect Real Estate Agent Handbook: A Serious How-to Manual with a Sense of Humor)
When Humor Falls Flat “Humor is not a "one-size fits all" guarantee. What is hilarious to one person may be offensive to another. By being emotionally intelligent and self-aware, you can discern how, when, why, or where to be funny . . . or not. You might be walking on thin ice and risk making a damaging first impression if you use humor that is: • At the expense of others. • Thoughtless sarcasm. • Belittling or condescending. • Hitting below the belt. • Creepy or profane. • Raunchy humor with sexual innuendo. • Politically incorrect. • Mean-spirited.
Susan C. Young (The Art of Connection: 8 Ways to Enrich Rapport & Kinship for Positive Impact (The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #6))
If you're running rampant, you're on a rampage. This sums up the craziness of my book, "Proud, a tale of rampant ludicrousness.
Alastair Carthew (Proud: A tale of rampant ludicrousness)