Please Flush The Toilet Quotes

Well, MacKenzie, YOU’RE the expert on toilets! It’s only 8:00 a.m. and your BRAIN is completely CONSTIPATED while your MOUTH has a severe case of DIARRHEA! Please, go FLUSH!

the office. Unable to wait, he went to the bathroom but didn’t flush the toilet. To warn us of the unpleasant odor, he tacked a sign to the bathroom door: “RSVP—gas!” Of course, he meant “Danger—gas!” but he thought “RSVP” looked more elegant. He didn’t have the faintest idea that it meant “please reply.” Yours,

But all this is still small potatoes compared to 1009’s fascinating and potentially malevolent toilet. A harmonious concordance of elegant form and vigorous function, flanked by rolls of tissue so soft as to be without the usual perforates for tearing, my toilet has above it this sign: THIS TOILET IS CONNECTED TO A VACUUM SEWAGE SYSTEM. PLEASE DO NOT THROW INTO THE TOILET ANYTHING THAN ORDINARY TOILET WASTE AND TOILET PAPER 70 Yes that’s right a vacuum toilet. And, as with the exhaust fan above, not a lightweight or unambitious vacuum. The toilet’s flush produces a brief but traumatizing sound, a kind of held high-B gargle, as of some gastric disturbance on a cosmic scale. Along with this sound comes a concussive suction so awesomely powerful that it’s both scary and strangely comforting—your waste seems less removed than hurled from you, and hurled with a velocity that lets you feel as though the waste is going to end up someplace so far away from you that it will have become an abstraction… a kind of existential-level sewage treatment.

I glared at her. “Well, MacKenzie, YOU’RE the expert on toilets! It’s only 8:00 a.m. and your BRAIN is completely CONSTIPATED while your MOUTH has a severe case of DIARRHEA! Please, go FLUSH!

Try This: Forgive Yourself Step 1: Go somewhere where you won’t be interrupted. The less distraction for anything you apply in this manual, the better. My favorite place for this is in nature. At the very least, choose someplace that makes you feel good. Step 2: When you are ready, write down all that you hold against yourself. Every single thing. Please don’t hold anything back. This is your healing. It is sacred. Whatever emotions rise, feel fully and let them pass. You are worth the magic you will experience afterward. Step 3: Once the emotions have passed, remember that you are a human being. Therefore, it’s your nature to make mistakes. It’s the contract of existing on this planet. Sit with that for a moment. Step 4: Write down that you forgive yourself. Read the whole thing out loud. Again and again and again until you feel something inside shift. You might need to write it down multiple times to feel the shift. If so, then write it, read it out loud, and repeat until you’re ready to let go. Remember, you are worth this. Step 5: Take the paper you wrote on and destroy it. You can tear it up. You can throw it in the ocean or lake or river. You can chuck it in the garbage or set it on fire or flush it down the toilet. You can put it on a rocket and launch it into outer space. It really doesn’t matter how you destroy it. You’re throwing away everything you held against yourself. The act itself is symbolic. It’s the purity of intention that matters. Let this action take the paper—and all that it represents—away from you. Let life take it from you. Let love take it from you. Let it go. You are forgiven by the one person you need it from most—yourself.

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