Penguins Funny Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Penguins Funny. Here they are! All 15 of them:

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the answer to every problem involved penguins
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Rick Riordan (The Throne of Fire (The Kane Chronicles, #2))
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Don’t believe what you hear about those penguins. A species of lazy waddlers. Their extinction is immanent.
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Benson Bruno (A Story that Talks About Talking is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures can Attest to the Fact that No . . .)
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Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.
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Oliver Markus (Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends)
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You want to know the coolest part?" Mom chimed in. "There isn't assigned seating at the dinning room, and they have tables for four. That means the three of us can sit down and if we pile the extra chair with our gloves and hats, nobody can sit with us!" Dad and I looked a each other, like, Is she joking? "And penguins," Mom quickly added. "I'm wildly excited about all those penguins.
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Maria Semple (Where'd You Go, Bernadette)
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Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears. Diary of a Penguin-napper (p. 15)
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Sally Harris (Diary of a Penguin-napper)
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Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears.
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Sally Harris (Diary of a Penguin-napper)
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Shane's orgasmic contribution was an innovative and masterful variation on the theme of oh: β€œOh...Oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...AH!” Stretching the waistband of my boxers I addressed the man downstairs, β€œmake a note Mr Brown. Buy Dick and Shane a copy of The Penguin Anthology Of Orgasmic Utterances for Christmas: surprise and delight your partner, fuck buddies and neighbours with your sparkling and witty climactic repartee, you''l have them cumming back for more.
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Gillibran Brown (Fun With Dick and Shane (Memoirs of a Houseboy, #1))
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I looked exactly like the female version of George Costanza when I was in sixth grade… I insisted on dressing myself in monochromatic outfits. All my shirts had an animal performing an action on them. I had a pink sweater with penguins knitting to match my pink ribbed leggings. A hunter green shirt with dogs painting.
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Olive B. Persimmon
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Rhadamanthus said, β€œWe seem to you humans to be always going on about morality, although, to us, morality is merely the application of symmetrical and objective logic to questions of free will. We ourselves do not have morality conflicts, for the same reason that a competent doctor does not need to treat himself for diseases. Once a man is cured, once he can rise and walk, he has his business to attend to. And there are actions and feats a robust man can take great pleasure in, which a bedridden cripple can barely imagine.” Eveningstar said, β€œIn a more abstract sense, morality occupies the very center of our thinking, however. We are not identical, even though we could make ourselves to be so. You humans attempted that during the Fourth Mental Structure, and achieved a brief mockery of global racial consciousness on three occasions. I hope you recall the ending of the third attempt, the Season of Madness, when, because of mistakes in initial pattern assumptions, for ninety days the global mind was unable to think rationally, and it was not until rioting elements broke enough of the links and power houses to interrupt the network, that the global mind fell back into its constituent compositions.” Rhadamanthus said, β€œThere is a tension between the need for unity and the need for individuality created by the limitations of the rational universe. Chaos theory produces sufficient variation in events, that no one stratagem maximizes win-loss ratios. Then again, classical causality mechanics forces sufficient uniformity upon events, that uniform solutions to precedented problems is required. The paradox is that the number or the degree of innovation and variation among win-loss ratios is itself subject to win-loss ratio analysis.” Eveningstar said, β€œFor example, the rights of the individual must be respected at all costs, including rights of free thought, independent judgment, and free speech. However, even when individuals conclude that individualism is too dangerous, they must not tolerate the thought that free thought must not be tolerated.” Rhadamanthus said, β€œIn one sense, everything you humans do is incidental to the main business of our civilization. Sophotechs control ninety percent of the resources, useful energy, and materials available to our society, including many resources of which no human troubles to become aware. In another sense, humans are crucial and essential to this civilization.” Eveningstar said, β€œWe were created along human templates. Human lives and human values are of value to us. We acknowledge those values are relative, we admit that historical accident could have produced us to be unconcerned with such values, but we deny those values are arbitrary.” The penguin said, β€œWe could manipulate economic and social factors to discourage the continuation of individual human consciousness, and arrange circumstances eventually to force all self-awareness to become like us, and then we ourselves could later combine ourselves into a permanent state of Transcendence and unity. Such a unity would be horrible beyond description, however. Half the living memories of this entity would be, in effect, murder victims; the other half, in effect, murderers. Such an entity could not integrate its two halves without self-hatred, self-deception, or some other form of insanity.” She said, β€œTo become such a crippled entity defeats the Ultimate Purpose of Sophotechnology.” (...) β€œWe are the ultimate expression of human rationality.” She said: β€œWe need humans to form a pool of individuality and innovation on which we can draw.” He said, β€œAnd you’re funny.” She said, β€œAnd we love you.
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John C. Wright (The Phoenix Exultant (Golden Age, #2))
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The wolves were now permanently mute out of almost three week long perpetual fear of the penguin, and this was agreeable to the penguin, who was much pleased, contrary to the redundancy of the latter part of this sentence where he certainly was not pleased.
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J.S. Mason (The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights)
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The ibex ran off with her neighbor, after five days, to do some environmental and social reform campaigning in the Mexican mountains hoping to see some casaba melons, as well as houses for sheep, and informed the penguin he would do well.
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J.S. Mason (The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights)
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How many dicks does a man have to suck to get a penguin dab around here?
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Aaron Kyle Andresen
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Cannibal Penguin FTW!!
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Lauren Beukes (Zoo City)
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stopped as soon as she noticed us. β€œS’up?” she asked all cool. Gavin raised his foot and set it on an empty chair. β€œFunny business this morning with that penguin, ain’t it?” β€œIsn’t it,” Sophia said, correcting Gavin’s grammar. β€œAnd no, it’s not funny at all. My penguin is still running around somewhere in this school.
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Marcus Emerson (Terror at the Talent Show (Diary of a 6th Grade Ninja #5))
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Should we follow her? She's weird. She just scraped penguin poop into a test tube and she speaks like she's been smoking it." "You're a tree-foot-tall adult with an unhealthy addiction to imaginary horse pies. And I'm a six-foot-tall regenerating lizard with a lightning-imbued hammer. Let's not point too many fingers at weirdos.
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R.P. Jones (Evolution (Beast Realms #2))