Panda Express Quotes

being sick feels like you're wearing someone else's glasses

i am still unsure of what 'life to the fullest' for me would be, mostly i just try to be well-liked in social situations and not die

i want to fall backwards into a pit of bioluminescent pokémon

i wish cats could float around your head

my cat is always looking at me like i am forgetting something crucial and he depends on it

tom clancy probably wears a baseball hat when he has sex

i could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages

people like to see will smith reacting to aliens

I listen to it ring as I back out and start driving toward the nearest Panda Express. Cheap Chinese food--is there a better lunch?

i want to pull very long, multi-colored strings out of my brain and place them next to a bowl of doritos at a party

argued for an hour on the telephone. now looking at pictures of carbs

If someone asks me where I bought something I’m wearing, I will usually say I don’t remember.

most psychologists/philosophers we've learned about have experienced severe depressions, attempted suicide, were considered 'freaks' or 'insane' by their peers, locked themselves in their rooms, felt socially isolated, were either celibate or extremely promiscuous, and rarely found 'love

For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common.

i want to interrupt a game of magic the gathering by busting through a wall on a motorcycle

By the time we're here at the Panda Express on Cahuenga Boulevard, this way of communicating--polite small talk with an undercurrent of pain and resentment--has been our new reality for several months, enough time that it's not new anymore.

john stuart mill knew several languages, advanced math and read many great books' before he was ten years old. his father taught him. in his early twenties he had a nervous breakdown and didn't leave his bed for three years. he read poetry and at started to feel better. he was a feminist and cared about human rights. five people went to his funeral

I want to delete everything from someone's computer except a giant Microsoft paint picture of a dick that takes forever to load

i wish you could take a 'plan b' pill for after you eat a lot of organic cheese puffs and your stomach hurts and you don't want to be fat tomorrow

sometimes my laugh in front of others becomes unnaturally loud, like something in my brain tripped over a volume cord

shrimp and green peppers are shriveling in my refrigerator

when i go outside i try to mentally will the world to 'missed connect' me. i make subtle eye contact with people and think 'you need to craigslist me, you need to craigslist me, you need to craigslist me' at them very hard

When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good. And our relationship falls apart without our even knowing it. Without conflict, there can be no trust. Conflict exists to show us who is there for us unconditionally and who is just there for the benefits. No one trusts a yes-man. If Disappointment Panda were here, he’d tell you that the pain in our relationship is necessary to cement our trust in each other and produce greater intimacy. For a relationship to be healthy, both people must be willing and able to both say no in here no. Without that negation, without that occasional rejection, boundaries break down and one person’s problems and values come to dominate the other’s. Conflict is not only normal, then; it’s Absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship. If two people who are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic. Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship, for the simple reason that without trust, the relationship doesn’t actually mean anything. A person could tell you that she loves you, wants to be with you, I would give up everything for you, but if you don’t trust her, you get no benefit from those statements. You don’t feel loved until you trust that the love being expressed toward you comes without any special conditions or baggage attached to it.

Pixie lay in a basket by the fire where a dozen brown and white puppies wriggled around her.  She had surprised us by getting pregnant very soon after moving back in with us, and the puppies were just under four-weeks-old now. We couldn’t have been more thrilled, and Bandit couldn’t have been a better dad.  He seemed to have endless patience as they climbed all over him, these wriggling furballs of energy.  Literally everything excited them.   Sully kneeled down beside me to pet the nearest pup, one with a big brown patch over one eye and a butt that never quit shaking.   “Have you got names for them yet?”  I pointed at the one in his hand while Bandit said.  “That’s Patch” “Because of his eye, obviously,” I filled in. Hearing the name, Patch suddenly squirmed out of his hands and bolted for Bandit, but his little paws couldn’t quite get purchase on the new floor and he skidded all the way to Bandit who he bumped into, coming to a sudden stop.  Shaking his head, he looked up at Bandit with intelligent eyes, then sat, waiting for further instructions.  Sully and I shared a look.   They were too young to know their names or much more than that, but it definitely seemed that Patch had known his name and was now waiting for Bandit to begin a game or something.  I pointed at a different puppy, one with a white shape on his rump.   “That one’s Star.” Bandit said. The minute the iPad said his name, Star’s head shot up, then he too bounded over to sit beside his brother.  Sully’s mouth fell open.  “No way…. They’re too young to behave like this.” Feeling a wave of excitement, I watched as Bandit finished calling his kids.   “Panda, Ace, Champ…” As he called their names, each puppy jumped to attention, coming to sit in a neat row in front of Bandit until all twelve of them were in a line in front of him.   I snapped a look at Bandit.  “Did you know about this? Did you know they were super smart too?”  He snorted out of his nose, laughing at our shock.  Sully and I looked at each other, the same startled expression in our eyes. “But…” was all Sully could say.  I at least managed two whole words before the full ramifications of an entire household of super smart dogs could hit me. “Oh boy.

The tiredness induced by a long walk expresses itself first in a trancelike state, where insidious, aggressive thoughts bubble up without your realizing it, then in mild hallucinations, before ending in euphoric confusion. The hypochondriacal obsession. Once all protection is secured, it is from the inside that the body is overexposed to all assaults and disruptions. Against the disorders that ensue there is only the character armour, which does not even allow the signals from the body to show through. Wariness of one's nearest and dearest, as though they were potential witnesses for the prosecution in your existence, evidence of guilt in a trial that is permanently suspended. The panda that is having trouble reproducing: they show him porn films to rouse his libido.

Speak to express, Not to impress, Exert your right to speak freely without worrying about what anyone in the world will think about it. No-one really cares.

[...]or at work when i half-jokingly overshare thoughts about loneliness then laugh to show everyone 'it's okay, really, look how well-adjusted i can be, and still laugh

when i think 'dave eggers' in my head it's in the same tone of voice jerry seinfeld uses to say 'hello newman' at work i wanted to start saying 'newman' every time something went wrong but i always forgot to do it

a world where i only have to touch people if we're romantically involved is ideal for me. it would be nice to never have to coordinate a hand-shake or fist-bump or 'hello/goodbye' hug ever again

i think people asked me to do things both tonight and last night but i was like 'i have plans...' i feel like i see people constantly but i also feel something like extreme loneliness at the same time people seem to like me, they tell me i'm funny and act disappointed when i don't attend events

To understand a man's mind, listen to his words.

This logic seems to have a Panda Express kind of simplicity to it—the hollow smell of an exoticized half-truth.

The town they entered differed little from any other he had been in lately. The ubiquitous Perkins, Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, Qdoba, and Panda Express were situated around the central hub that was Walmart, like appendages of some spider or octopus. Like some metastasizing tumor that threatened to overwhelm the town.