Otter Funny Quotes

Otter! Otter! Otter! Don’t lead cows to slaughter! I love you, and I know I should’ve told you soon-a But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!

Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?

The big kid hasn't said anything yet. 'I do like hearing myself talk,' I say, 'only because I have a lot of neat things to say, but eventually the conversation will run out in, like, four or five years, and then where will we be?' Wonder of all wonders, he cracks a little smile. I don't blame him. I am pretty funny.

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.

Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex. This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. He said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled.

So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example: I love you You love me Thank God for that I'm so happy And Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on): Otter! Otter! Otter! Don't lead cows to slaughter I love you and I know I should've told you soon-a But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna! TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.

I thought we weren't working together anymore.' 'You're on probation. You can thank your abs for that.' He took her face in his hands, squeezing her cheeks as he pressed a chaste kiss to her brow. 'I'll send you some photos later. Don't show Athalar.' Bryce shoved him. 'Send me an otter and we'll be even.

Dan was the first to speak, his words blurred by the roar of the cascading water. “Pools,” he said. “What about the pools?” “Poos?” Amy said. “What poos?” Atticus asked. “Bird poos? It’s called guano. Actually, it’s pretty interesting how many different words there are for animal poos. Guano, dung, droppings, spoors, cow pies, buffalo chips . . . One of my favorites is fewmets.” Dan said, “But I didn’t —” “Fewmets — that’s from medieval times, the poo you find when an animal is being hunted on a quest.” Atticus was on a roll again. “And did you know that otter poo is called spraints?” “Why do otters get their own word for poo?” Jake wondered. “I love otters, they’re so playful,” Amy said. “Spraints — what a funny word.” “Enough with the poos!” Dan yelled. Then he looked at Atticus. “I mean, it’s cool — especially about the spraints, I didn’t know that before — but I didn’t say poos.

Kieran looked thoughtful. “Will you bring me one of those cat calendars of which I have grown fond? I would like to decorate the cottage.” “There are actually other kinds of calendars. Ones with otters and rabbits and puppies,” Mark said, grinning. Looking beatific, Kieran tipped his head back to see the stars. “This truly is a land of marvels.

I told myself a while ago that I was going to do whatever I could to make this man happy, to make this man know every day just how I felt about him, that the fight for him was all I’ve ever known. It doesn’t matter what happens in there. If he needs me, I’ve got his back. And I swear to Christ if anyone so much as looks at him funny, I’ll make sure it’s the last thing they do. Claws out, bitches, it whispers. Indeed.

It’s not like we can keep this a secret forever, right? One day Alice and Jerry are going to start to notice that Otter and I live together and spend every waking moment together, and even if they don’t notice that, there’s no way they’re not going to be able see what happens when I look at him. Jesus, it’s a dead fucking giveaway because I get that stupid, goofy grin on my face and… and…. What the hell are you all staring at?” “Who are you and what have you done with Bear?” Creed asks, eyes wide. “Aw,” Anna says sweetly. “You love him.

I squint at him and tilt my head slightly to the left, sending him the message, Um, what the fuck? without actually saying the words. We’ve perfected this form of silent communication to the point it’s almost scary. He shrugs subtly. - Later. I cough. - Oh, you better fucking believe there’s going to be a later. He smirks. - Knock it off, Bear. It’s not like that. I can hear you thinking from here. I scratch my cheek. - Oh you can, can you? Then you should know I’m thinking about punching you in the balls. His smirk becomes evil. - You being jealous is so fucking hot. [...]

He Who Was About To Have His Internet Privileges Seriously Revoked Forever [abt. Ty]

Dominic is turning twenty-two, and most of the people coming are going to be cops! You know what? I changed my mind. Get the jumping castle so I can have you arrested for embarrassing the crap out of me.

You’re dating Creed?” Anna’s dad asks her, his eyes wide. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Creed’s dad scowls. “Creed’s a great guy!” Creed looks at his dad like he walks on water. “That’s… that’s not what I meant!” Mr. Grant sputters. “I just don’t understand how Anna made Bear gay!