Orkin Quotes

You sure? Because I specialize in deassholization." This time she smiles. Deassholization?" "Yeah. Just think of me as the Orkin man of assholes--putting assholes in their place.

Looks like he recovered from the wood chipper pretty well. Want me to kick his ass?” “No, I don’t want you to kick his ass.” “You sure? Because I specialize in deassholization.” This time she smiles. “Deassholization?” “Yeah. Just think of me as the Orkin man of assholes—utting assholes in their place.” “Well, I appreciate the offer, but he’s not worth it.” I reach forward to tuck a stray lock of raven hair behind her ear. “If he hurt you, he’s worth it.

When you put a hot bowl of ramen in front of most Americans—white or otherwise—they will wait for it to cool down. It defeats the purpose, but they do not know this. It’s the equivalent of ordering a burger, and then when it comes, you don’t touch it! You wait for it to cool down, the lettuce to wilt, the cheese to congeal.

I'd rather be sleeping in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on than listen to Nickelback!

While you can sell ramen relatively expensively in Japan, you can’t do it in America. People will unblinkingly pay $ 20 a plate for spaghetti pomodoro—which is just canned tomatoes and boxed pasta—but they will bitch to the high heavens about forking over $ 20 for a bowl of soup that requires three or four or five different cooked and composed components to put together. Plus, you will rake yourself over the coals looking for ingredients that even approximate what you can buy down the alley from your shop in Tokyo.

Democracy? Seriously? You know as well as I do that most people aren’t very smart. And the more computers do for people, the stupider they get. They don’t bother learning anything, because they assume all human knowledge is right there at their fingertips. They become more and more ignorant until they lose their ability to reason or understand even the simplest things. Facts become meaningless and they are easily swayed by idiots and their lies. Look who they elect to lead them? The stupid leading the stupid. No, we tried democracy and it was a grand experiment, but look where it led us.

Following the crowds came the blog entries. My early favorite read: “I thought for sure the soup would have a ketchup flavor to it, so I was surprised and thrilled to eat such an authentic, delicious bowl of ramen. Sorry, Ivan, for thinking such negative things about you.” Every news article, blog post, TV interview, and conversation focused on the gaijin angle. Every positive review started, “I expected Ivan Ramen to be terrible, but …” The online forums were alive with conspiracy theories. Some people said I was a front for a large Korean corporation; others claimed that I was just a front for a Japanese chef; my favorite one speculated that I was really Japanese and was just pretending to be a foreigner.

I am used to it, but it doesn’t make it less repulsive. You met Steve! He looked almost fully orkin!” I said, outraged.

California State University Professor Mike Orkin points out that if a person drives ten miles to buy a ticket, he or she is about sixteen times more likely to get killed in a car crash on the way than to win the jackpot. Wait a minute, you say; that may be for one ticket, but they’re buying a lot of tickets—surely, that improves the odds. It does, but Orkin notes that a person who buys fifty tickets a week will win the jackpot on average about once every 30,000 years.

The most complete reference available on this topic is the book The Great Stork Derby by Mark M. Orkin (1981, Don Mills, Ont.: General Publishing). This 300-plus page book is filled with information on Millar, the contestants, and the endless court cases. Check out Panati's Extraordinary

People are going to look at you like this weird thing, like the Eminem of ramen. I can almost get away with doing ramen because I’m Asian. You’re probably fucked.