Ocd Helpful Quotes

People who live with OCD drag a metal sea anchor around. Obsession is a break, a source of drag, not a badge of creativity, a mark of genius or an inconvenient side effect of some greater function.

I wondered how you would react when i revealed to you my hidden parts, my ugly parts that don't do well in the sunlight

Ain’ no Black people need no therapists, ’cause we don’ be havin’ those mental issues. OCD, ADD, PTSD, and all those other acronyms they be comin’ up with every day. I’m tellin’ you, the only acronyms Black folk need help with is the NYPD, FBI, CIA, KKK, and KFC, ’cause I know they be puttin’ shit in those twelve-piece bucket meals to make us addicted to them. All that saturated fat, sodium.

According to scientists, there are three stages of love: lust, attraction, and attachment. And, it turns out, each of the stages is orchestrated by chemicals—neurotransmitters—in the brain. As you might expect, lust is ruled by testosterone and estrogen. The second stage, attraction, is governed by dopamine and serotonin. When, for example, couples report feeling indescribably happy in each other’s presence, that’s dopamine, the pleasure hormone, doing its work. Taking cocaine fosters the same level of euphoria. In fact, scientists who study both the brains of new lovers and cocaine addicts are hard-pressed to tell the difference. The second chemical of the attraction phase is serotonin. When couples confess that they can’t stop thinking about each other, it’s because their serotonin level has dropped. People in love have the same low serotonin levels as people with OCD. The reason they can’t stop thinking about each other is that they are literally obsessed. Oxytocin and vasopressin control the third stage: attachment or long-term bonding. Oxytocin is released during orgasm and makes you feel closer to the person you’ve had sex with. It’s also released during childbirth and helps bond mother to child. Vasopressin is released postcoitally. Natasha knows these facts cold. Knowing them helped her get over Rob’s betrayal. So she knows: love is just chemicals and coincidence. So why does Daniel feel like something more?

We might consider our role as parents not to be to reduce the pain our children must live through, but to help them learn how to suffer less.

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accommodation is helpful when it teaches your child the valuable lesson that she is able to cope with feeling anxious. Accommodation is unhelpful when it reinforces your child’s belief that she cannot cope with anxiety and must avoid situations that are likely to trigger it.

As we’ve already touched on, food’s most profound effect on the brain is through its impact on your gut bacteria. Some foods promote the growth of helpful bacteria, while others inhibit this growth. Because of that effect, food is some of the most potent mental health medicine available, with dietary interventions sometimes achieving similar results to specifically engineered pharmaceuticals, at a fraction of the price and with few if any side effects.

mad talent for compartmentalizing her emotions, almost to the point of OCD. Every situation had a little shelf in her head and she never took more than one thing down at a time, never mixed feelings, always kept a sense of control. Sometimes she sounded like she was regurgitating lines from a self-help book. The problem was, when she couldn’t mentally or emotionally handle a situation, she tried to physically control it. AJ was clearly one of those situations.

ACCORDING TO SCIENTISTS, THERE ARE three stages of love: lust, attraction, and attachment. And, it turns out, each of the stages is orchestrated by chemicals—neurotransmitters—in the brain. As you might expect, lust is ruled by testosterone and estrogen. The second stage, attraction, is governed by dopamine and serotonin. When, for example, couples report feeling indescribably happy in each other’s presence, that’s dopamine, the pleasure hormone, doing its work. Taking cocaine fosters the same level of euphoria. In fact, scientists who study both the brains of new lovers and cocaine addicts are hard-pressed to tell the difference. The second chemical of the attraction phase is serotonin. When couples confess that they can’t stop thinking about each other, it’s because their serotonin level has dropped. People in love have the same low serotonin levels as people with OCD. The reason they can’t stop thinking about each other is that they are literally obsessed. Oxytocin and vasopressin control the third stage: attachment or long-term bonding. Oxytocin is released during orgasm and makes you feel closer to the person you’ve had sex with. It’s also released during childbirth and helps bond mother to child. Vasopressin is released postcoitally.

He opened the door after letting me pound on it for almost five minutes. His truck was in the carport. I knew he was here. He pulled the door open and walked back inside without looking at me or saying a word. I followed him in, and he dropped onto a sofa I’d never seen before. His face was scruffy. I’d never seen him anything but clean-shaven. Not even in pictures. He had bags under his eyes. He’d aged ten years in three days. The apartment was a mess. The boxes were gone. It looked like he had finally unpacked. But laundry was piled up in a basket so full it spilled out onto the floor. Empty food containers littered the kitchen countertops. The coffee table was full of empty beer bottles. His bed was unmade. The place smelled stagnant and dank. A vicious urge to take care of him took hold. The velociraptor tapped its talon on the floor. Josh wasn’t okay. Nobody was okay. And that was what made me not okay. “Hey,” I said, standing in front of him. He didn’t look at me. “Oh, so you’re talking to me now,” he said bitterly, taking a long pull on a beer. “Great. What do you want?” The coldness of his tone took me aback, but I kept my face still. “You haven’t been to the hospital.” His bloodshot eyes dragged up to mine. “Why would I? He’s not there. He’s fucking gone.” I stared at him. He shook his head and looked away from me. “So what do you want? You wanted to see if I’m okay? I’m not fucking okay. My best friend is brain-dead. The woman I love won’t even fucking speak to me.” He picked up a beer cap from the coffee table and threw it hard across the room. My OCD winced. “I’m doing this for you,” I whispered. “Well, don’t,” he snapped. “None of this is for me. Not any of it. I need you, and you abandoned me. Just go. Get out.” I wanted to climb into his lap. Tell him how much I missed him and that I wouldn’t leave him again. I wanted to make love to him and never be away from him ever again in my life—and clean his fucking apartment. But instead, I just stood there. “No. I’m not leaving. We need to talk about what’s happening at the hospital.” He glared up at me. “There’s only one thing I want to talk about. I want to talk about how you and I can be in love with each other and you won’t be with me. Or how you can stand not seeing me or speaking to me for weeks. That’s what I want to talk about, Kristen.” My chin quivered. I turned and went to the kitchen and grabbed a trash bag from under the sink. I started tossing take-out containers and beer bottles. I spoke over my shoulder. “Get up. Go take a shower. Shave. Or don’t if that’s the look you’re going for. But I need you to get your shit together.” My hands were shaking. I wasn’t feeling well. I’d been light-headed and slightly overheated since I went to Josh’s fire station looking for him. But I focused on my task, shoving trash into my bag. “If Brandon is going to be able to donate his organs, he needs to come off life support within the next few days. His parents won’t do it, and Sloan doesn’t get a say. You need to go talk to them.” Hands came up under my elbows, and his touch radiated through me. “Kristen, stop.” I spun on him. “Fuck you, Josh! You need help, and I need to help you!” And then as fast as the anger surged, the sorrow took over. The chains on my mood swing snapped, and feelings broke through my walls like water breaching a crevice in a dam. I began to cry. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. The strength that drove me through my days just wasn’t available to me when it came to Josh. I dropped the trash bag at his feet and put my hands over my face and sobbed. He wrapped his arms around me, and I completely lost it.

Q. How can I be certain that what I fear will happen will never really happen? A. Sadly, the answer is you can't be certain! If you suffer from OCD you probably want a 100 percent guarantee that you will never do anything dangerous or that no harm will ever come to you or your family members. Unfortunately, life does not work like this. If I think about it, I know that there is no guarantee that I won't be hit by a car coming home from work today - but somehow my brain automatically accepts the very small chance of this happening and so permits me to go on living my life. More than two thousand years ago the Buddha (a great psychologist besides being a religious teacher) warned that one of the key things that makes us suffer is that we always want more than we will actually get - whether what we want is material like gold and jewels, or (my addition) in the case of OCD, more certainty than you will ever achieve. Thus the solution the Buddha might have offered you in northern India those thousands of years ago might have been something like this: "To stop suffering you must learn to accept that you will never achieve as much certainty as you want, no matter how much you pursue it; so it is up to you to choose: Either accept this truth and live your life happily, or fight against this truth and continue to suffer." Let me say it again for emphasis: you will never be certain that you won't act on the urges you have, or that the terrible things you fear will happen will not actually happen - but I can assure you that the odds of these things actually happening are small enough that it is not worth wasting your life trying (in vain) to get 100 percent certainty. Better to trust in yourself, your religious beliefs, or in evolution having prepared us well for surviving in this world. If evidence from brain studies better helps to convince you this is true, brain imaging studies of OCD sufferers now suggest that there really is something wrong with their "certainty system"; whatever automatically lets someone without OCD feel that things are OK does not function correctly in the OCD sufferer's brain (who then tries to convince himself that everything is OK, eventually becoming tired and frustrated when he cannot use other brain functions to achieve 100 percent certainty).

It turns out that the key predictor of whether the Four Steps will help an OCD patient is whether he learns to recognize that a pathological urge to perform a compulsive behavior reflects a faulty brain message—in other words, to Revalue it.

Revaluing is a deep form of Relabeling. Anyone whose grasp of reality is reasonably intact can learn to blame OCD symptoms on a medical condition. But such Relabeling is superficial, leading to no diminution of symptoms or improved ability to cope. This is why classical cognitive therapy (which aims primarily to correct cognitive distortions) seldom helps OCD patients. Revaluing went deeper. Like Relabeling, Reattributing, and Refocusing, Revaluing was intended to enhance patients’ use of mindful awareness, the foundation of Theravada Buddhist philosophy. I therefore began teaching Revaluing by reference to what Buddhist philosophy calls wise (as opposed to unwise) attention. Wise attention means seeing matters as they really are or, literally, “in accordance with the truth.” In the case of OCD, wise attention means quickly recognizing the disturbing thoughts as senseless, as false, as errant brain signals not even worth the gray matter they rode in on, let alone worth acting on. By refusing to take the symptoms at face value, patients come to view them “as toxic waste from my brain,” as the man with chapped hands put it.

It was clear to Stapp, at least in principle, that Quantum Zeno might allow repeated acts of attention—which are, after all, observations by the mind of one strand of thought among the many competing for prominence in the brain—to affect quantum aspects of the brain. “I saw that if the mind puts to nature, in rapid succession, the same repeated question, ‘shall I attend to this idea?’ then the brain would tend to keep attention focused on that idea,” Stapp says. “This is precisely the Quantum Zeno Effect. The mere mental act of rapidly attending would influence the brain’s activity in the way Jeff was suggesting.” The power of the mind’s questioning (“Shall I pay attention to this idea?”) to strengthen one idea rather than another so decisively that the privileged idea silences all the others and emerges as the one we focus on—well, this seemed to be an attractive mechanism that would not only account for my results with OCD patients but also fit with everyone’s experience that focusing attention helps prevent the mind from wandering. Recall that Mike Merzenich had found that only attended stimuli have the power to alter the cortical map, expanding the region that processes the stimuli an animal focuses on. And recall Alvaro Pascual-Leone’s finding that the effort of directed attention alone can produce cortical changes comparable to those generated by physical practice at the piano. It seemed at least possible that it was my OCD patients’ efforts at attention, in the step we called Refocusing, that caused the brain changes we detected on PET scans.

Your potential partner is an outstretched hand that can help bring you to shore. But you can only reach out and successfully grab this hand if you’re already almost on land. If you’re thirty feet out, your partner can’t help you, even if you both really want them to be able to. No one’s arms are that long, even if your partner is very good-looking and tall. You’ve got to get twenty-eight feet closer on your own (and/or with the help of mental health professionals/medication/psychoeducation/meditation/coping skills/mindfulness—you get it!). Only then can the help they are offering actually reach you and make a difference.

He threw his hands up and sucked his teeth. “Without all the bullshit? That shit ain’ made for no Black people, Darren. Tha’s some rich white women shit, nigga. Ain’ no Black people need no therapists, ’cause we don’ be havin’ those mental issues. OCD, ADD, PTSD, and all those other acronyms they be comin’ up with every day. I’m tellin’ you, the only acronyms Black folk need help with is the NYPD, FBI, CIA, KKK, and KFC, ’cause I know they be puttin’ shit in those twelve-piece bucket meals to make us addicted to them. All that saturated fat, sodium. That shit crack, but—

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Being inconsistent in reducing the accommodation also has other disadvantages. If you are inconsistent, that is, sometimes accommodating and sometimes not, then something is going to be determining which times you accommodate and which times you don’t. What is that something going to be? It won’t be your plan, because your plan is not to accommodate at all. Instead, what will determine whether you accommodate is more likely to be something such as, what mood you happen to be in, how tired or energetic you happen to feel, how much time you have at the moment, or how you happen to feel about your child right then. It makes sense that these things would influence whether or not you accommodate, but they are not at all helpful.

Evaluative

experience of OCD is feeling very much out of control of your mind. When you don’t see yourself as separate from your mind, you may feel as if you are doing whatever your mind is doing. That means you not only are being asked to cope with

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The idea is to help patients more clearly assess the contents of their thought stream, teaching them to note and correct the conceptual errors termed "cognitive distortions" that characterize psychopathological thinking. Somone in the grips of such thinking would, for instance, regard a half-full glass not merely as half-empty but also fatally flawed, forever useless, constitutionally incapable of ever being full, and fit only to be discarded. By the mid-1980s, cognitive therapy was being used more and more in combination with behavioral therapy for OCD, and it seemed naturally compatible with a mindfulness-based perspective. If I could show that a cognitive-behavioral approach, infused with mindful awareness, could be marshaled against the disease, and if successful therapy were accompanied by changes in brain activity, then it would represent a significant step toward demonstrating the causal efficacy of mental activity on neural circuits.

-§ But just because we grew up in that kind of a culture does not mean we need to keep creating it in our present relationship. I recommend we ask different questions, like, “How could I make your life more wonderful?” and “Would you like to know how you could make my life more wonderful?” and “What are your needs right now?” and “Would you like to know what I need right now?” Now if none of this appeals to you because you prefer a relation-dinghy to a relationship, here are some suggestion to help you prevent your relation-dinghy from growing into a relationship: 1. Keep your attention focused at all times on who is right or wrong in a discussion, fair or unfair in a negotiation, selfish or unselfish in giving (it helps to keep a list of who has done what for whom), kind or cruel in their tone of voice, rude or polite in their mannerisms, sloppy or neat in their dress, and so on. Be careful not to realize that your attempt to be right is really an attempt to protect yourself from thinking you are wrong and then feeling shame. 2. If you need some support for this I recommend certain selfhelp groups who can give you the latest scoops on the most powerful, politically correct labels with which to overpower and confuse your partner. Members of these groups will collude with you in validating that your partner really is a man or woman who is commitment-phobic, emotionally unavailable, counterdependant, needy, spiritually unevolved, dysfunctional, immature, judgmental, sinful, bi-polar, OCD, clinically depressed, or adult-onset ADD. It is important to keep your consciousness filled with such terminology to prevent any fondness from developing. This also helps in keeping you caught in the “paralysis of analysis” and clueless about what you or your partner are needing from each other. 3. Adopt this test for love: If your partner really loves you, he or she will always know what you want even before you know—and then give it to you without your having to go through the humiliation of actually asking for it. And your partner will do this regardless of the sacrifice it requires. If your partner does not give you what you want, choose to believe it means he or she does not love you. 4. Ask for what you do not want instead of what you do want. I heard of a man who asked his wife to stop spending so much money shopping. She took up gambling on the internet. 5. In case your relationdinghy starts to grow, here are a few torpedoes guaranteed to sink it again: “It hurts me when you say that.” “I feel sad because you…fill in the blank (won’t say ‘I love you,’ or ‘I’m sorry,’ or won’t have sex, or won’t marry me, etc.)” If you really want to choke the life out of any relationship meditate on “I need you.” Then you will know how I felt for about thirtyfive years of my life. I felt like a drowning swimmer and I would grab hold of anyone who came near me and try to use them as a life raft. Now I want relationships to be flowers for my table instead of air for my lungs. When I Come Gently To You by Ruth Bebermeyer When I come gently to you I want you to see It’s not to get myself from you, it’s just to give you me. I know that you can’t give me me, no matter what you do. All I ever want from you is you. I know your fear of fences, your pain from prisons past. I’m not the first to sense it and I’m plainly not the last. The hawk within your heart’s not bound to earth by fence of mine, Unless you aren’t aware that you can fly. When I come gently to you I’d like you to know I come not to trespass your space, I want to touch and grow. When your space and my space meet, each is not less but more. We make our space that wasn’t space before. Chapter HEALING THE BLAME THAT BLINDS

The Quantum Zeno Effect "fit beautifully with what Jeff was trying to do," recalls Henry Stapp. It was clear to Stapp, at least in principle, that Quantum Zeno might allow repeated acts of attention-which are, after all, observations by the mind of one strand of thought among the many competing for prominence in the brain-to affect quantum aspects of the brain. "I saw that if the mind puts to nature, in rapid succession, the same repeated question, 'shall I attend to this idea?' then the brain would tend to keep attention focused on that idea," Stapp says. "This is precisely the Quantum Zeno Effect. The mere mental act of rapidly attending would influence the brain's activity in the way Jeff was suggesting." The power of the mind's questioning ("Shall I pay attention to this idea?") to strengthen one idea rather than another so decisively that the privileged idea silences all the others and emerges as the one we focus on-well, this seemed to be an attractive mechanism that would not only account for my results with OCD patients but also fit with everyone's experience that focusing attention helps prevent the mind from wandering.

The golden rule for supporting a family member with OCD is to remain a family member. You’re not her therapist, and it’s unlikely to benefit her if you try to be. Your family member with OCD actually relies on family support more than you might think. Though her struggle with OCD is an inwardly lonely journey—even others with OCD can’t understand exactly what it’s like for her—it shouldn’t be an outwardly lonely one. Your family member with OCD should see family and home as a place to come back to after therapy and feel close to her loved ones. If you act as though you’re her therapist, it will create distance between you. Then she may feel alone both inside and out. So be a mom, be a dad, be a brother, be a sister, be a son or daughter to your loved one with OCD.

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among all psychiatric conditions, OCD is one of the few that does not respond very well to so-called placebo treatment—blank pills. Even with schizophrenia and depression, when people are given blank pills—pills that they think may be helping them—a fair number of them actually improve in the short term. But with persons with OCD, generally less than 10 percent get better when they are given placebos, so if something active isn’t being done to combat their symptoms, nothing really happens—or they get worse.

…strength doesn’t have to mean putting your problems aside or staying silent. Strength is sometimes being brave enough to seek the help that you need.

Strength doesn’t have to mean putting your problems aside or staying silent. Strength is sometimes being brave enough to seek the help that you need.

Throughout life we tend to believe our thoughts much more than the signals of the body.

Plenty of people have borrowed the term “OCD” to make fun of the way they feel compelled to alphabetize their spices or wash their tennis shoes. And many of us do exhibit OCD-like characteristics every now and then—running back to the front door to make sure it’s locked or stepping over cracks in the sidewalk. But more often than not, these behaviors are quirky and short-lived; they don’t cause us ongoing distress, significantly impede our lives, or drive our family members too crazy. A severe case of clinical obsessive-compulsive disorder, on the other hand, can be as debilitating as the worst case of depression. The constant pattern of repetition may help reduce uncertainty by creating the appearance of warding off trouble and keeping people safe—but it is enormously stressful and a terrible burden to bear. Some people with OCD commit suicide to escape the constant barrage of messages and impulses. “It’s horrible,” says Elias. “It’s torture from the inside.

Now, you can just turn up the volume of positive thinking and try to focus on that. You will have two channels blasting different things out loud.

I knew I could get help and, more importantly, get better. Because suddenly I wasn’t bad, it was bad. It was no longer me, it was something else. I wasn’t schizophrenic, or psychotic, or any of the other things I thought I was. I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. In that unforgettable moment, I took back some of my power – chunks of it flooding into my psyche, called in from afar, returning home to me.

In only a few months, I acquired an arsenal of weapons to help me combat my OCD. I became a strong opponent against the enemy. Some days, I was still left bruised and bloodied on the battlefield. But other times, I was victorious, guns blazing, blowing heads off, brains splattered across the sky.

There were brain-imaging studies that suggested there was overactivity in the anterior cingulate gyrus in patients who had obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). There was a SPECT study in 1991 reporting that Prozac decreased activity in the anterior cingulate gyrus in OCD patients. I saw hyperactivity in the anterior cingulate gyrus in many patients who did not have OCD. But I noticed a common thread with OCD. Patients had trouble shifting attention. Researcher Alan Mirsky wrote a book chapter highlighting the anterior cingulate area of the brain as being involved with shifting attention. In Robbin, Kaitlyn, and many of my patients who had too much activity in the anterior cingulate gyrus I saw this problem of shifting attention: there was a certain cognitive inflexibility that was evident in many of their symptoms. Could it be possible that oppositional children had a similar underlying brain mechanism found in OCD? I was intrigued. Over time the finding proved to be true. When there is increased activity in the anterior cingulate gyrus a certain cognitive inflexibility is present. This can present as many different symptoms, but the underlying mechanism, trouble shifting attention, remains. The symptom list at the beginning of the chapter is a compilation of what we have seen in these patients. The anterior cingulate area of the brain is heavily innervated with serotonin neurons. We have also found that serotonergic medications seem to be the most helpful in this disorder. The Anterior Cingulate Gyrus

used to kill the whole thing I was afraid of: the whole dream, the whole emotion, the whole relationship, the whole self,” I ended my monologue. “But it doesn’t help to throw out the whole thing. The maggots of fear just attach to the next experience. Instead, I need to do the deep inner work—get rid of those maggots.

The Hundred Acre Wood. It's about acceptance...Piglet and his Anxiety. Rabbit with his OCD rows of carrots...Dyslexic owl and ADHD Tigger. Eeyore and depression. Oh, and don't forget Christopher Robin, the boy whose stuffed animals talk to him. Hello, zschizophrenia!..And they all know Piglet's gonna freak out about the wind. They expect Eeyore to be a dud at the picnic. But they invite him anyway. They help each other, but nobody tries to fix anyone. You're just you and they're just them and that's okay.

For the partner of that ROCD sufferer, we have a few practical tips, advice that I’ve come to rely on myself over time, from us both. First and foremost, remember that your partner has OCD. Before getting upset at them for confessing an intrusive thought, urge, feeling, or sensation, try to remember that OCD is a disorder and that your partner is genuinely suffering at that moment. Approach them with empathy, listening and then dismissing the thought as just that; laughter also helps. If you laugh at the intrusions, the OCD loses some of its power.

Self-harm OCD can come at you from multiple angles at the same time. It says that you will hurt yourself when you don't want to. But thinking about hurting yourself all day is likely to make you unhappy. It doesn't have to if you can view thoughts as meaningless objects of attention, but we're not born naturally adept at this. We're born to seek out threats to ourselves and eliminate them, perhaps even if the so-called threats are just our thoughts. Never forget how brave you are for living with OCD and trying to cope with someone in your head that keeps threatening to kill you. This means that to be self-compassionate about self-harm obsessions, you have to start by understanding that this really just is hard. You may think of yourself as weak or foolish for worrying about your intrusive harm thoughts. Or maybe you think you're crazy or going to lose it. The truth is the opposite. You're not crazy. By recognizing how much of you there is to love, you simultaneously create an environment where your OCD is just OCD, your thoughts are just thoughts, and your ability to overcome your challenges is without limits. Interacting compassionately with your mind means talking to yourself as you would to a good friend. Teasing is allowed as long as it isn't mean-spirited. If you can use humor to relate to the darkest of thoughts, you can help yourself through the darkest of times.

For all of you who might be experiencing this, or something similar, I want you to know that it doesn’t go on forever and that ROCD has in fact a very good prognosis. Treatment with CBT and ERP is very favorable and has shown to produce effective results within a short period of time. In our case, after Hugh began practicing ERP with the help of his therapist (to whom I am eternally grateful), his attitude changed overnight. It was a revelation. He had been cold and distant and I had in turn reacted defensively. But then he made an effort to do ERP and in a matter of days he was completely different around me. He treated me with more kindness and he didn’t shy away from showing affection. Of course, there were still moments when he would be afraid and engage in his OCD. But those were nothing compared to the barrage of intrusive thoughts that harassed him and the compulsions he was giving into before. I felt like we might make it through to the other side. Now I understand that there isn’t really another side. We have needed to learn to keep going with the intrusive thoughts, but doing our best to ditch the compulsions. You might wonder that I speak in the plural here. Well, we both interact with Hugh’s OCD. I make the mistake of offering him reassurance more often than I would like to admit, and I sometimes ask him about the thoughts, both things I should never do. But even though OCD is incredibly tough, one can learn to live with it. And that has been one of the greatest lessons we have learned so far. We live with the OCD not as our companion, but as a condition, like so many others, in our lives (don’t forget that I also have OCD, although it doesn’t manifest as ROCD).

She looked down at her burger. “Josh, I’m just a little run-down, okay? I’m sleeping with Sloan in the hospital every night. I’m living off of black coffee and whatever I can shove in my mouth. My OCD is manic—” “You have OCD?” It didn’t really surprise me. I’d seen a touch of it in her since I’d known her. One of my sisters had it. I knew it when I saw it. “Usually it’s not this bad, but it gets worse when I’m under stress.” She finished the burger and balled up the paper like it was an effort to even do that. Then she lay back against the headrest and closed her eyes. She was falling apart. She was deteriorating physically and mentally trying to keep Sloan together. And where the fuck was I in all this? Failing her. She wouldn’t ask for my help. I knew her well enough to know this, and I hadn’t even been to the hospital in three days to check in on her. I’d left her on her own with Sloan and Brandon’s family and all the rest of it. I should have been there. Maybe I could have gotten ahead of this life-support thing. Taken a spot on the overnight shift to be with Sloan so Kristen could get some sleep. Made sure she ate. Talking to me or not, Kristen never turned down food. I blamed myself for this. But I blamed her too. Because if she had let me, I would have taken care of her. We could have taken care of each other, and neither of us would be in such bad shape. I reached over and threaded my fingers through hers. She didn’t pull away. She looked too tired to fight me. She squeezed my hand, and the warmth of her touch coursed through me. “I’ll go to the hospital,” I said. “I’ll talk to his parents, and I’ll stay with Sloan today. I need you to go home and sleep. And tomorrow I want you to go to the doctor. Call to make the appointment tonight because you might have to fast before they do bloodwork.” She just looked at me, her beautiful face hollow and weary. She was always so strong. It was scary seeing her declining like this. Love did this to her. Her love of Sloan. And probably her love of me too. I knew it wasn’t easy on her. I knew she thought she was doing the right thing. But fuck, if she would just stop. If she would stop, we could both be okay.

Family members can be most helpful by offering support, understanding, kindness, patience, and encouragement in doing the Four Steps—but not by pampering or indulging the person’s OCD. Reinforcement is essential; every improvement should be recognized. People with OCD need to feel good about themselves, since it’s been a long time since they’ve done so. What they don’t need is angry criticism; they are already critical enough of themselves. Nor should they be pushed too fast to get well; their goal will be reached by taking a lot of small steps, not giant leaps. Sure, there will be times when the partner is tired and out of patience with OCD and needs his or her own time out. That’s okay, too. There should be no guilt feelings about that—in fact, the person with OCD should encourage it.

She spoke wearily, her eyes rimmed a permanent shade of red. “They say we need to take him off of life support. That his body is deteriorating.” The wail of Brandon’s mom came down the hallway. It had become a sound we knew all too well. She broke down at random. Everyone did. Well, everyone except for me. I was void of emotion while my predator and I shared space. Instead of feeling pain at Sloan’s suffering, I spiraled further into my OCD. I slept less. I moved more. I dove deeper into my rituals. And nothing helped. Sloan didn’t react to the sound of grief down the hall. “His brain isn’t making hormones anymore or controlling any of his bodily functions. The medications he’s on to maintain his blood pressure and body temperature are damaging his organs. They said if we want to donate them, we have to do it soon.” “Okay,” I said, pulling tissues from a box and shoving them into her hands. “When are they doing it?” She spoke to the room, to someplace behind me. She didn’t look at me. “They’re not.” I stared at her. “What do you mean they’re not?” She blinked, her eyelids closing mechanically. “His parents don’t want to take him off life support. They’re praying for a miracle. They’re really religious. They think he rebounded once and he’ll rebound again.” Her eyes focused on me, tears welled, threatening to fall. “It’s going to all be for nothing, Kristen. He’s an organ donor. He’d want that. He’s going to rot in that room and he’s going to die for nothing and I have no say in any of it.” The tears spilled down her face, but she didn’t sob. They just streamed, like water from a leaky hose. I gaped at her. “But…but why? Didn’t he have a will? What the fuck?” She shook her head. “We talked about it, but the wedding was so close we just decided to wait. I have no say. At all.” The reality suddenly rolled out before me. It wouldn’t just be this. It would be everything. His life insurance policy, his benefits, his portion of the house, his belongings—not hers. She would get nothing. Not even a vote. She went on in her daze. “I don’t know how to convince them. The insurance won’t cover his stay much longer, so they’ll be forced to make a decision at some point. But it will cover it long enough for his organs to fail.” My brain grasped at a solution. “Claudia. She might be able to convince them.” She hadn’t been able to make the meeting. And she would side with Sloan—I knew she would. She had influence on her parents. “Maybe Josh too,” I continued. “They like him. They might listen to him.” I stood. She looked up at me, a tear dripping off her chin and landing on her thigh. “Where are you going?” “To find Josh.

An obsession is an unwanted, intrusive thought. This type of thought may present itself as an idea, image, urge, memory, or other internal information, and you experience it as unwanted and distressing. A compulsion is a behavior designed to reduce or avoid the discomfort

Jon Kabat-Zim defines mindfulness as the awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.

Until this desire for real change is present, every time we act or don't act upon our thoughts, urges, sensations, or emotions, we are actually feeding the neural network that upholds them.