Noob Quotes

Akhlys lunged at Percy, and for a split second he thought: Well, hey, I’m just smoke. She can’t touch me, right? He imagined the Fates up in Olympus, laughing at his wishful thinking: LOL, NOOB!

He imagined the Fates up in Olympus, laughing at his wishful thinking: LOL, NOOB!

The assumption of no God cannot be proven by science.

You stupid noob

The United States is baiting China and Russia, and the final nail in the coffin will be Iran, which is, of course, the main target of Israel. We have allowed China to increase their military strength and Russia to recover from Sovietization, to give them a false sense of bravado, this will create an all together faster demise for them. We’re like the sharp shooter daring the noob to pick up the gun, and when they try, it’s bang bang. The coming war will be so severe that only one superpower can win, and that’s us folks. This is why the EU is in such a hurry to form a complete superstate because they know what is coming, and to survive, Europe will have to be one whole cohesive state. Their urgency tells me that they know full well that the big showdown is upon us. O how I have dreamed of this delightful moment.

Not on my watch,” said Captain Arceus. “Fire at will!” Then Will yelled, “What?! Why?! What did I do?!

LOL, NOOB!

99 villager noobs in da town!! 99 villager noobs!! Smash one down!! Into da ground!! 98 villager noobs in da town!! 98 villager noobs in da town!! 98 villager noobs . . .

I'm with you, bro! For the noobs of Aetheria!

I think he’s mad at me…” “Aw, it’s okay. He’s still hot, just let him cool down a little.” “Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s possible to cool down in this giant oven.

tier 3 class

Uh, no. I got two left feet.

ranger.

The assumption of no God cannot be proven by science." - Scientific Faith "Under the Thelián Sky: Beyond the Great Unknown" (c) 2012

Right when I started thinking that was when the tide turned, and for the worse.

Soon, we became more than friends.

had to go poo like every 20 minutes.

Er, no-no, something cool happened on the way back here.” “Really? What?” “I… I, uh… I walked into a tree.

No matter how good a book is, it will lead to negativity when being read by evil people. No matter how evil a book is, it will lead to positivity when being read by good people.

I turned around and saw her. “I mean, Alex’s food choices have been so delicious and healthy… I love it…” I said dully. “Whatever, Steve,” she said.

Shreeeeeeek!

I’m gonna head back to the battlefield. Take good care of him, please.” “I will.” With that said, I ran back to my squad. “What’s going on?” I asked Rodriquez as I arrived. “Jake and Isaac are going at it,” the knight replied. In the distance, all I saw were orange blurs jumping and zigzagging everywhere around the elder dragon. “They’re doing it. It’s working.

I slammed my weapon at her. She narrowly escaped it, but the tremors were now stronger, too. Maili wobbled a bit. I laughed. “What’s wrong, wobbly?” “Shut up, fool!

I go boom-boom! You go doom-doom!” he said menacingly.

riot by breaking into the armory,

Yes, you must be very careful around thieves. They have the swiftest of hands. They can steal your underwear right off you and you wouldn't even know it." I gasped. "Those jerks!

his infused axes at a skeleton.

They made baked potatoes,

vegan

Also, I ask that you get at least a minimum of eight hours of sleep each night.

Then I started moaning and groaning

Don’t worry, we got it,” Cole replied. “Come on, have I ever let you down before?” With a blank expression, I looked straight into Cole’s eyes. “Hm, don’t answer that,” he said.

HaoHao444,

I had mistaken a brown sheep for Devlin.

BONES!

Cindy ran to me and got down on her knees and hugged me.

But I don’t have any diamonds. Um, would you take some slime balls instead?

Hey, everyone!

Emily

Lucky woke me up the next morning with his super wet tongue. “Bleh! Wolf morning breath!

Also, they don’t drop anything useful. All I get are these slime balls. I mean, what can you do with these? They are so useless that I might as well toss them.

Lucky bit on to Bob’s robe and dragged him onward. “Ah! Your pet is trying to run me to death.

He fired off a special arrow and penetrated a pillager rider,

That’s kind of a tight squeeze,

DDarkOne23,

It turned out I got food poisoning from consuming raw chicken. I had to go poo like every 20 minutes. Oh, my goodness, it was a terrible ordeal.

y’all.

Every time I get a review, good or bad, it just fills me with motivation to keep on writing.

Huh? Where am I?

said

Dante rolled his eyes.

It tastes even more delicious. Come on, let’s get in line,” said Dante.

First things first,” said Archery Captain Arceus.

I… I think I have a new crush,” whispered Pierce. “Me, too…” whispered back Arthur. “Oh, wait, dibs!

It’s fine, I’ll take my lunch break now,” replied the pig handler.

this creature?” Elias went on, in

Well, okay. Let’s just call you Steve, Steve the noob.

But Pebble, Donkey, and Rock said it was the stupidest-looking house they’d ever seen. Um, wasn’t that the point … ? Noobs!

HAHA! You look good on the ground, noob. That’s where you belong,

all the incidents were just coincidences.” Noob said. “That’s what I thought too. Until I saw it for

Ooh, do we need a team name? How about “Focus the Noob”?

To my surprise, his head flew right off! It was as if his head was made of cardboard. Everyone screamed! Holy Moly! I guess I don’t know my own strength. I had accidentally killed the village chief. After that, everyone just ran away from me.

Yeah, and check out her butt. It’s, like, ginormous,” said Obsidian. I chuckled. “Wow, you’re right! She does have a big butt!” “Would you two stop checking out the spider’s butt and start focusing on our current situation instead?” said Alex sternly.

The heat from the lava was sweltering, and the air was hot and humid. Flames rose from the ground, as if the whole place was a giant BBQ pit. It was so difficult to breathe. I gasped for air, for normal air. As I stood there and looked around, sweat dripped continuously from my brow.     Then

I took a big bite out of the slime ball. The texture was very soft and chewy-like, but as I chewed it in my mouth, it exploded with a flavor of unspeakable nastiness.  “YUCK! OH! GAH! GAG! It tasted like rotten eggs combined with some arm pit sweat.” Bob busted out laughing. “Ewww! That’s so gross,

Okay. Before the day started, I thought about everything that had happened so far. I was fooled into carrying a hammer and being a decoy, and that sucked. I participated in a jail riot, and I was handcuffed. And that sucked again. There had to be a way to get out of this prison. Well, it wasn't all bad. At least I had Frank with me.

I

ran towards the closest building I saw, and at the time I remembered wishing that Joe wasn’t so fat.

While gathering materials for the table and bow, the green box returned to troll me.

building.

I landed and rolled into a building.

The final winner for this round is Jess! Better luck to you next time, Zavior!

Fizzzzz…

Leaders need to be confident in order to lead well.

burn through redstone like HP potion ingredients…

CLARA! CLARA! Where are you? Steve’s awake!!!” Obsidian yelled at the top of his lungs.

response,

it… to train under the great Monster

AoE

Tsk!

In times like these, hope is the only thing worth holding on to.

Wyatt

dear.

Wyatt.

Cindy wanted to come help, and I couldn’t say ‘no’ to my favorite niece.

Better safe than sorry.

After a few minutes, they all merged and became one giant slime cube.   “Oh…my…g—”   I couldn’t finish my sentence because the gigantic slime started jumping towards me.   BOOM!!!   BOOM!!!   Every time it landed, it created huge tremors in the ground. The trees shook, apples fell, and I lost my balance every time.   I ran for my life.   Oh, no…what have I done…?

Yes, she told me about how you defeated a great, big slime monster?” I gave her a half smile. “Oh…” “And how you fought with a powerful skeleton warlord?” “Ah, the Skeleton King…” “And how you’ve built a wall around this village to protect it?” “Well, actually, Tommy is building it now.” “You’re quite helpful, aren’t you?” I smiled. “Well, I try…” Cindy giggled a bit and Lisa laughed.

it wasn’t just a small hill, but more like a mountain almost. It led us to this open ledge area where the mountain was to our backs, and in front of us was a drop that went almost 40 blocks down. “Whoa…” I said. “Now that’s a high drop.

You know what?” I said to Devlin. “I can go talk to the rangers alone. You should remain here and entertain Red.” “Yeah?” Devlin started clearing his throat. “I don’t mind entertaining our guest here.” “Oh, no…” said the ninja. “I was just kidding!

I know… I was just kidding, Uptight Knight.” “Call me that one more time, I dare you.”  “Call you what? Uptight?” “That’s it! You just lost your talking privilege!” Devlin reached into his inventory and pulled out two slime balls and stuffed them into Gavin’s mouth. Mmmfffff!

Guards, today we will face a great evil. This evil seeks to destroy our beloved village, but we will not let that happen. Today, we will stand together, we will stand united, we will stand strong and fight off this dark army. We may be outnumbered, but the enemy underestimates us. We’ve been training for this moment day and night. Because of our exceptional training, I know that everyone here is ready. We are ready to fight. We are ready to defend our home. So, I say to the ugly skeletons “bring it,” because we got this, everyone. WE GOT THIS!” Everyone cheered and our voices echoed through the air.

I got up and went to go look around. Some of the buildings were on fire, but I couldn’t find any water to use to put it out. I did the next best thing by trying to spit on it; that didn’t work. I thought about peeing on the building, but I didn’t want to risk a ticket for public urination. So, I gave up and walked away and let the fire do its thing.

Golden Rule #17 Don’t mine stone with your bare hands. Long, long ago, there was a noob named Steven. He harvested wood with his bare hands because he thought using tools was a waste of resources. Why reduce tool durability? Why bother crafting axes at all? Steven’s hands had no durability, as far as he knew. Even if it took him longer to chop down trees this way, he could save materials. He could punch and punch all day and never waste any crafting tools. Steven was the kind of guy who, after loaning his best friend a wooden sword six months earlier, would ask for exactly one stick and two oak planks to be returned. Once, Steven and two friends bought a cake together. The cake cost six emeralds and was cut into six slices. That meant each person had to pay two emeralds. However, one of Steven’s cake slices was slightly smaller than the rest, so he argued that he should have to pay only 1.75 emeralds instead.

Anyway, so strength governs how much physical damage you do. The higher your strength, also known as STR, the harder you hit. This stat is extremely important for melee combatants.” “I see,” I said. “Next is endurance. This stat determines how big your stamina pool is and how many heart points you have. Also, endurance acts as a natural booster to defense. So, basically, the higher endurance you have, the more hearts, stamina, and defense you have. This stat is a must for tanks.” “Ooh, that’s the perfect stat for you, Alex, if we were back home,” I whispered. “Yeah, the perfect paladin stat,” she whispered back. “On to dexterity. This stat affects how much damage you do with accuracy weapons or small, quick weapons. Dexterity is the top stat for rogues and archers,” said JD. “Next, we have agility, another favorite of rogues. Agility dictates how fast you run, as well as your attack speed. In some sense, all classes could use agility, but the rogue types benefit the most from it. And finally, we have intelligence. This stat

Steve…” “Huh?” I said sleepily. “How are you feeling?” asked Kaming. I rubbed my eyes. “Okay, I guess.” “Do you remember what today is?” “Huh? Did I forget someone’s birthday?” “No, today is the day that you finally get out of that wheel chair,” the medic explained. I gasped as my eyes opened wide and my body perked up. “It’s today! Finally!” Kaming smiled. “Yup, now please take it nice and sl—” But I was so excited that I immediately used my arms to push my body up and leapt to my feet. I landed but my legs instantly gave out from under me, and I fell flat on my face. Oof!

Whoops. Wait a minute. I think my butt is stuck. I stand from the swing slowly. It feels pretty hard—like I said, my butt seems stuck. But I pull up my back-end from the swing. I feel it slowly detaching. I finally stand straight on my feet. “Ugh, what is on my butt?!” I say. It really does feel sticky! I reach behind to see what I might’ve sat on. I look at my fingers. Uh-oh. My fingers are blue! I turn around and look at the swing. Oh, no. There in the middle of the swing seat is a butt-shaped bare spot without paint on it. And the paint that should be there is on my butt.

A second later, Maili popped up from the ground behind me and yelled, “Steal Weapon!” I gasped as she swiped my extra heavy weapon from my hands. Clang! My weapon fell to the ground. “Gah!” yelled Maili as she backed away. I turned around and picked up my weapon with ease. “Wait, what just happened?” “N-nothing!” Maili yelled as she limped a little. “Wait… did you just try to steal my weapon, but it was too heavy for you?” I started laughing. “Shut up, fool!” I continued laughing. “Did you pull a muscle? Is that why you’re limping now?” Grrr! Maili threw a dagger straight at my face.

Whoa, whoa, calm down, everyone!” I said. “Lemme try to talk to them and see what’s up?” “What’s up? Don’t you see what’s up?” said Devlin. “They’re about to fire on us!” “But they haven’t yet. Just chill and let me salvage this.” I stepped out in front of Devlin’s shield. “I said do not take one step further!” yelled the announcer. “Hey, hey, remember me?” I said. “It’s Steve.” “You! What’s the meaning of this?!” “Of what?” “This army! Why did you bring an army to our doorstep?!” yelled the announcer. “Uh, I’m here on business. Is the Skeleton King in? Can I speak to him?” I asked. “I speak for our king! Now tell me what’s the meaning of this army?! Is it war you want?!” “What?! No, no, not at all! I’m telling you, we’re here on business!” “What kind of business?! The hostile takeover business?!” “No, no, you got it all wrong!” “We were kind to your people. We took you in and this is how you repay us? With a hostile takeover?!” “No! I’m serious! We’re not here to overthrow you!” “Why else would you bring such a huge army?!” “They’re here for another fight!” “Yeah, right! You mean the fight that’s going to start right after we let you past our walls?!” “What?! No!” Then the announcer turned around and said, “Bring out the golem!” “The golem? Is he talking about Bob?” I said to Devlin. “Probably,” replied the paladin. Then Alex came up to me. “Steve, you need to deescalate this situation quickly before it gets out of hand.” I nodded. “You’re right, yeah.” Some skeleton guards brought out Bob to the front of the wall. He was all chained up. “Bob!” I yelled at the sight of my friend in bindings. “Steve! What’s going on?!” said Bob. “They think we’re here to fight them,” I said. “Now tell us the truth or we’ll beat this golem!” said the announcer. Bob chuckled. “Beat me? It’s not like you guys could hurt me.” “Bob, be quiet!” I yelled. “You’re not helping. Just let me deal with them.” “Quit your stalling and start explaining!” yelled the announcer.  “Dude! We’re not here to fight. We’re not here to take over your home. I’m telling you the truth! This is a huge misunderstanding,” I explained.  “Bring out the girl!” yelled the announcer. “The girl? Is he talking about Emily?” I said softly. “She’ll make him speak the truth!” Some skeleton guards dragged out Emily. She was kicking and screaming all over the place. Her arms were also tied behind her back like Bob’s. “Unhand me, you stupid skeletons!” yelled Emily. “Emily!” I yelled. “Steve!” “Let her go!” “Tell me the truth, or else she’s going to get it!” yelled the announcer as he drew out a stone sword and pointed it at Emily’s throat.

them.” “Well, since we’re waiting on a fresh warlock, you have time then, right?” “I mean, yeah, I guess so, but—” “That’s alright, I won’t force you to go. I know you have a lot on your mind, but just consider it, okay?” I nodded. “Yes, sir.” We cleaned up the field some more. After a while, I asked, “Hey, where’s Lukester and Cindy? I don’t see them anywhere.” “If they are not here, then they must be at the hospital helping the wounded,” said Adrian. “Okay, I think I’ll head over there, then.” “Sure, Steve. Adrian and I will continue cleaning up here,” said the mayor. Adrian turned to look at the mayor. It looked like he wanted to say something, but he held his tongue. “Alright, see you guys later.” I turned and walked away. Adrian and the mayor waved at me, then they continued picking up weapons. As I walked away, I suddenly remembered that I wanted to ask the mayor something about the mining operation. So, I busted a U-turn and walked toward the mayor. Adrian and the mayor were both busily working and had their backs facing me. “I don’t want him spiraling into depression over the Bob and horse thing, so make sure you keep him busy,” I overheard the mayor say. “Yes, sir,” replied Adrian. “There was a time when he fell into depression and he just lay in bed for days. I don’t want the same thing happening again.” Adrian nodded. “I’ll have plenty for him to do in the coming days, and with the party coming up, I plan to have all sorts of activities to distract him.” “Yes, sir.” “Good, please help me clean up for another five minutes, then go join Steve.” “As you wish.” They were clearly talking about me, and I didn’t want to interrupt them. So, I quietly spun 180 degrees and made my way to the hospital. As I walked, I thought, Wow… the mayor is really concerned about my state of mind. I had no idea… I reached the hospital and found a bunch of patient-filled beds outside. The place was completely packed, so packed that they had to treat patients outdoors. Cindy caught my eye as she frantically ran about from patient to patient. “Cindy!” I yelled. She gasped and turned around. “Steve, shhh…” she whispered. “Some of the patients are sleeping. “Oh, sorry…” She walked over to me. “How are you? Feeling good? Any injuries?” “Hm… now that you mentioned it, I’m surprised that I don’t have any injuries.”  Cindy beamed a huge smile. “I had a splash potion of regeneration in my personal chest at home. I used it on you while you slept.” “You did? No wonder.” “That was my last one. I was saving it for a special situation, and I guess saving a friend from pain is a pretty good reason to use it.” “Aw… thank you so much, Cindy.” “You’re welcome, Steve. So, are you here to help today?” “Help?” “Yeah, help with the wounded?” “Uh, um, sure. Yeah, I can help, but actually, I wanted to speak with you about something.” “Oh? What’s up?” “Well…” I explained to Cindy about what happened. “Oh, no… so she wouldn’t change Paul right away?” asked the potioneer. I shook my head. “I begged her, but she absolutely refused.” “Aw…” “So, I was wondering if you could give it a try?” “You want me to ask her to change Paul into a warlock?” “Yeah, could you do that for me? As a favor?” “Well, of course I’d be willing to, but what about Paul? Is he okay with this plan?” Cindy asked. “I think Paul will be way easier to convince once Wanda is on board.” Cindy nodded. “You’re right. Okay, my shift here doesn’t end for another few hours. I’ll head over to Wanda’s afterward.” “Yass!