Murderbot Quotes

Yes, talk to Murderbot about its feelings. The idea was so painful I dropped to 97 percent efficiency. I’d rather climb back into Hostile One’s mouth.

And in their corner all they had was Murderbot, who just wanted everyone to shut up and leave it alone so it could watch the entertainment feed all day.

I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don't know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed. As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.

I liked the imaginary people on the entertainment feed way more than I liked real ones, but you can’t have one without the other.

Just remember you’re not alone here.” I never know what to say to that. I am actually alone in my head, and that’s where 90 plus percent of my problems are.

I was having an emotion, and I hate that.

You may have noticed that when I do manage to care, I’m a pessimist.

Possibly I was overthinking this. I do that; it’s the anxiety that comes with being a part-organic murderbot. The upside was paranoid attention to detail. The downside was also paranoid attention to detail.

There needs to be an error code that means “I received your request but decided to ignore you.

I said, "Sometimes people do things to you that you can't do anything about. You just have to survive it and go on.

Gurathin turned to me. "So you don't have a governor module, but we could punish you by looking at you." I looked at him. "Probably, right up until I remember I have guns built into my arms.

I hate caring about stuff. But apparently once you start, you can't just stop.

As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.

Young humans can be impulsive. The trick is keeping them around long enough to become old humans.

If you had to take care of humans, it was better to take care of small soft ones who were nice to you and thought you were great because you kept preventing them from being murdered.

It would have been hilarious if I wasn’t about to die. It was still a little hilarious.

So the plan wasn't a clusterfuck, it was just circling the clusterfuck target zone, getting ready to come in for a landing.

I didn’t care what humans were doing to each other as long as I didn’t have to a) stop it or b) clean up after it.

So they made us smarter. The anxiety and depression were side effects.

The sense of urgency just wasn’t there. Also, you may have noticed, I don’t care.

Who knew being a heartless killing machine would present so many moral dilemmas. (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

I wasn’t sure exactly what “okay” would involve, but I was willing to settle for “unmurdered.

I remember every word ever said to me." That was a lie. Who would want that? Most of it I delete from permanent memory.

They were all so nice and it was just excruciating. I was never taking off the helmet again. I can't do even the half-assed version of this stupid job if I have to talk to humans.

If I got angry at myself for being angry I would be angry constantly and I wouldn’t have time to think about anything else.) (Wait, I think I am angry constantly. That might explain a lot.)

I hate having emotions about reality; I’d much rather have them about Sanctuary Moon.

No hugging,” I warned her. It was in our contract.

murderbot + actual human = awkwardness.

I wanted to just sink into my media downloads for a while and pretend I didn't exist.

It calls itself ‘Murderbot,’” Gurathin said. I opened my eyes and looked at him; I couldn’t stop myself. From their expressions I knew everything I felt was showing on my face, and I hate that. I grated out, “That was private.

Disinformation, which is the same as lying but for some reason has a different name, is the top tactic in corporate negotiation/warfare.

There is a lot about what is going on here that I don’t understand. But I am participating anyway.

Yeah, good luck with that. Trying to get humans not to touch dangerous things was a full-time job.

I don’t know why, because it’s one of those things I’m not contractually obligated to care about.

ART said, "I want an apology." I made an obscene gesture at the ceiling with both hands. (I know ART isn't the ceiling but the humans kept looking up there like it was.) ART said, "That was unnecessary." In a low voice, Ratthi commented to Overse, "Anyone who thinks machine intelligences don't have emotions needs to be in this very uncomfortable room right now.

Normal = neutral expression concealing existential despair and brain-crushing boredom.

Somewhere there had to be a happy medium between being treated as a terrifying murder machine and being infantilized.

It was very dramatic, like something out of a historical adventure serial. Also correct in every aspect except for all the facts, like something out of a historical adventure serial.

They were all annoying and deeply inadequate humans, but I didn’t want to kill them. Okay, maybe a little.

It had been such a stupid question, I had forgotten not to have an expression.

I love you, armor, and I’m never leaving you again.

Ugh, emotions.

ART said, What does it want? To kill all the humans, I answered. I could feel ART metaphorically clutch its function. If there were no humans, there would be no crew to protect and no reason to do research and fill its databases. It said, That is irrational. I know, I said, if the humans were dead, who would make the media? It was so outrageous, it sounded like something a human would say.

I’m going to mark your cognition level at fifty-five percent.” “Fuck you.” “Let’s make that sixty percent.”)

Right, so the only smart way out of this was to kill all of them. I was going to have to take the dumb way out of this.

Data suggests family dramas bear a less than 10 percent resemblance to actual human families, which is unsurprising and also a relief, considering all the murders. In the dramas, not Mensah’s family.

recharge my ability to cope with humans at close quarters without losing my mind.

All I wanted to do was watch media and not exist. I said, You know I don’t like fun.

Fear was an artificial condition. It's imposed from the outside. So it's possible to fight it. You should do the things you're afraid of.

I was tired of pretending to be human. I needed a break.

Or Miki was a bot who had never been abused or lied to or treated with anything but indulgent kindness. It really thought its humans were its friends, because that’s how they treated it. I signaled Miki I would be withdrawing for one minute. I needed to have an emotion in private.

Yeah, I'll just code a patch to stop feeling anxiety, wow, why didn't I think of that earlier. (That was sarcasm, I have too much organic neural tissue for that to work.) (Of course I've already tried it.)

I don't know what I want. I said that at some point, I think. But it isn't that, it's that I don't want anyone to tell me what I want, or to make decisions for me.

Yes, the giant transport bot is going to help the construct SecUnit pretend to be human. This will go well.

But I couldn’t ignore it. I mean, I guess I couldn’t. Ignoring stuff is always an option, up until it kills you.

Pretending bad things aren’t happening is not a great survival strategy.

So, I’m awkward with actual humans. It’s not paranoia about my hacked governor module, and it’s not them; it’s me. I know I’m a horrifying murderbot, and they know it, and it makes both of us nervous, which makes me even more nervous. Also, if I’m not in the armor then it’s because I’m wounded and one of my organic parts may fall off and plop on the floor at any moment and no one wants to see that.

Why yes, I did want to disengage the safety protocols, thanks for asking.

ART (aka Asshole Research Transport)

The HubSystem that controlled their habitat, that they were dependent on for food, shelter, filtered air, and water, was trying to kill them. And in their corner all they had was Murderbot, who just wanted everyone to shut up and leave it alone so it could watch the entertainment feed all day.

Can I ask you a question?” I never know how to answer this. Should I go with my first impulse, which is always “no” or just give in to the inevitable?

You know that thing humans do where they think they’re being completely logical and they absolutely are not being logical at all, and on some level they know that, but can’t stop? Apparently it can happen to SecUnits, too.

I was having an emotion, and I hate that. I’d rather have nice safe emotions about shows on the entertainment media; having them about things real-life humans said and did just led to stupid decisions

I don’t want to be human.” Dr. Mensah said, “That’s not an attitude a lot of humans are going to understand. We tend to think that because a bot or a construct looks human, its ultimate goal would be to become human.” “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Iris: “Peri, you can’t bomb the colony.” Perihelion: “You are incorrect, Iris, I can bomb the colony.

I was unimpressed, having heard ART’s “villain of a long-running mythic adventure serial” voice before, but all the humans got quiet. Amena shifted uncertainly and looked at me. Then Ratthi whispered, “Was that a subtle threat?” I said, “No. It wasn’t subtle.

It’s a good thing I don’t have a full human digestive system because I was so startled something would have popped out of it involuntarily.

You’re stalling, ART-drone said. I am not. I can stand here and be useless without any ulterior motives, thanks.

I felt this would be the point where a human would sigh, so I sighed.

Mostly something called Sanctuary Moon.” He shook his head, dismissing it. “It’s probably using it to encode data for the company. It can’t be watching it, not in that volume; we’d notice.” I snorted. He underestimated me. Ratthi said, “The one where the colony’s solicitor killed the terraforming supervisor who was the secondary donor for her implanted baby?” Again, I couldn’t help it. I said, “She didn’t kill him, that’s a fucking lie.” Ratthi turned to Mensah. “It’s watching it.

The bad thing about having emotions is, you know, OH SHIT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME.

Did I understand how it processed its emotions? No. But I don’t understand how I process my emotions, either.

The good thing about being a construct is that you can't reproduce and create children to argue with you.

Humans touch stuff all the time, I wish they wouldn’t.

I am tired of the whole concept of humans right now.

I try to avoid asking humans if there’s anything wrong with them. (Mostly because I don’t care.)

But they were humans— who knows why they did anything?

I liked protecting people and things. I liked figuring out smart ways to protect people and things. I liked being right.

I would defer to your expertise in shooting and killing things. You should defer to mine in data analysis.

Amena gave up on the mask and gave me her full attention. “You look angry.” “That’s just something my face does sometimes.” This is why helmets with opaque face plates are a good idea. Amena snorted in disbelief. “Yes, when you’re angry.

That didn’t make any sense but using logic with traumatized humans never works. (I could make a remark there about logic not working with humans, period, but I’m not going to do that.)

Please calm yourselves and stop talking. Plan A01: Rain Destruction has been superseded by Plan B01: Distract and Extract.

By tricky I meant I was getting an average of an 85 percent chance of failure and death, and it was only that low because my last diagnostic said my risk assessment module was wonky. (I know, that explains a lot about me.)

So the next time I get optimistic about something, I want one of you to punch me in the face.

Sometimes people do things to you that you can’t do anything about. You just have to survive it and go on.

It was a low-stress group, they didn’t argue much or antagonize each other for fun, and were fairly restful to be around, as long as they didn’t try to talk or interact with me in any way.

I wasn’t going to let him hurt me.” I said, “If I thought he was going to hurt you, I’d be disposing of his body. I don’t fuck around, either.

I was only 97 percent certain this meeting was a trap.

Miki said, “That’s not good.” See, that? That is just annoying. That contributed nothing to the conversation and was just a pointless vocalization to make the humans comfortable.

Pin-Lee had promised, "Don't worry, I'll preserve your right to wander off like an asshole anytime you like." (I said, "It takes one to know one.")

I know a “fuck off” when I hear one. So I fucked off.

I don’t want to not see you again.

This is why I didn’t want to come. I’ve got four perfectly good humans here and I didn’t want them to get killed by whatever took out DeltFall. It’s not like I cared about them personally, but it would look bad on my record, and my record was already pretty terrible.

It’s wrong to think of a construct as half bot, half human. It makes it sound like the halves are discrete, like the bot half should want to obey orders and do its job and the human half should want to protect itself and get the hell out of here. As opposed to the reality, which was that I was one whole confused entity, with no idea what I wanted to do. What I should do. What I needed to do.

There was a big huge deal about it, and Security was all “but what if it takes over the station’s systems and kills everybody” and Pin-Lee told them “if it wanted to do that it would have done it by now,” which in hindsight was probably not the best response.

Host: For those of you just tuning in, our guests tonight are the amazing Murder Magician, and his lovely minion, The Assistant... Assistant: Charmed, I'm sure Host: Who recently killed The Rumor. And you were awarded the Oppenheimer prize for villainy at last week's annual summit for dastardly deeds-- what are you going to do with all that money? Murder Magician: Well, I'm so glad you asked that-- because I spent all the money on this giant MURDERBOT, and I've been dying to show it off! Assistant: It's true... every penny. Host: Wow! That's impressive! So what does it do? Murder Magician: Well, Mr. Clark... it murders people. Laughter. Murder Magician: I'm serious. Assistant: He is.

In the shows, I saw humans comfort each other all the time at moments like this. I had never wanted that and I still didn’t. (Touching while rendering assistance, shielding humans from explosions, etc., is different.) But I was the only one here, so I braced myself and made the ultimate sacrifice. “Uh, you can hug me if you need to.

think you’re emotionally compromised right now.” That was … that was so completely not true. Stupid humans. Sure, I’d had an emotional breakdown with the whole evisceration thing, but I was fine now, despite the drop in performance reliability. Absolutely fine. And I had to kill the rest of the Targets in the extremely painful ways I’d been visualizing.

Target Two's gray face went surprised, then furious. It was kind of funny. This was a point where if I was a human (ick) I might have laughed. I decided to go with my first inclination and kill the shit out of some ass-faced hostiles instead. I told the Targets, "Angry, then afraid, then dead. Is that the right order?

1)  CodeBundle.LockItDown had closed all the hatches on board except those directly between SecUnit 3’s position and the shuttle access. 2)  CodeBundle.FuckThem had fried all targetDrones. 3)  CodeBundle.FuckThisToo had cut the connections between the solid-state screen device and the humans’ implants. Oh, and I shut down life support on the bridge so the Targets in there would be thinking about other things besides restarting their screen.