Mona Delahooke Quotes

applies the Polyvagal theory developed by Stephen Porges to children, convincingly making the case that many children who can’t seem to behave themselves simply don’t have that developmental capacity yet, and giving us a social-emotional roadmap for how children learn to self-regulate.

it’s best not to judge our children’s reactions automatically but rather to be mindful of where experiences are landing, with compassion and without judgment for them—and for ourselves.

Stress that is predictable, moderate, and controlled leads to resilience.

you stay calm and validate the child’s sudden negative experience in

Here’s a remarkable insight: We can understand a child’s level of sturdiness or vulnerability by tracking what’s called allostasis, the process by which we maintain stability in our bodies. But you don’t have to remember that scientific word! The neuroscientist and researcher Lisa Feldman Barrett has another word for this continuous balancing of energy and resources: body budgeting. Just as a financial budget keeps track of money, she says, bodies track “resources like water, salt, and glucose as you gain and lose them.” Although we are not always aware of our body’s metabolic budget, everything we experience, including our feelings and actions, becomes deposits or withdrawals in our body budget. A hug, a good night’s sleep, playing with friends, and a healthy meal: All of these are deposits. Then there are withdrawals: things like forgetting to eat meals or drink enough fluids, being deprived of deep sleep, or being isolated or ignored.

When I came to view problematic behaviors as adaptive responses and not purposeful misbehavior I shifted nearly all of my beliefs about how to help children and families.