Momma Jokes Quotes

I make jokes about it, but it's the truth that I kind of patterned my look after the town tramp. I didn't know what she was, just this woman who was blond and piled her hair up, wore high heels and tight skirts, and, boy, she was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. Momma used to say, "Aw, she's just trash," and I thought, That's what I want to be when I grow up. Trash.

It’s a family joke that when I was a tiny child I turned from the window out of which I was watching a snowstorm, and hopefully asked, "Momma, do we believe in winter?

Yo mama so slutty, Trump still owes her hush money.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Things Canadians Are Good At • Politeness • Hockey • Syrup Things Canadians Are Bad At • Basketball • “Yo momma” jokes • Starting wars Things Canadians Are Questionable At • Wrangling tornadoes

Yo momma's so short she has to use a ladder to get up on the curb.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench. Yo

Yo momma's breath smells so bad I don't know if I should give her a Tic Tac or a piece of toilet paper. Yo

Yo momma's breath smells so bad her teeth didn't fall out, they ran away. Yo

Yo momma's so fat, she went to Red Lobster for endless shrimp last month and she's still there. Yo

wasting water. Yo

Yo momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building but got lost on the way down.

Yo momma is so fat… she sat on a rainbow and made skittles.

Yo momma's so skinny I can blindfold her with dental floss.

Yo momma's so stupid, when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver she asked, "Cherry or grape?

Yo momma's so fat she sank the Titanic.

Yo momma's so fat, when we went to a kid's birthday party, everyone thought she was the bounce house.

Yo momma's breath smells so bad, it's considered a weapon of mass destruction.

Yo Momma So Fat……Even Dora Can’t Explore Her”                               1.

Yo momma's so old, when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo momma's breath smells so bad her teeth didn't fall out, they ran away.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench.

9. Yo Momma’s so Cheap Yo

Yo momma's so old she used to hitch a ride to work with Fred Flintstone.

Yo momma's so fat, she went to Red Lobster for endless shrimp last month and she's still there.

Yo momma so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror her reflection screamed in horror.

momma's

Yo momma's so ugly, when we went to a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck. Yo momma's so ugly, when she was doing door-to-door sales, someone told her it wasn't Halloween yet.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench. Yo momma’s so dirty, when she told your daddy to take out the trash, he put her out on the curb. Yo momma’s so dirty, when I called her on the

Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't come back.

Yo momma so ugly that when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Yo momma so poor that when I rang her doorbell, she said "ding-dong.

Yo momma is so fat… she supplies 99% of the world’s gas.

momma so stupid I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart. *** What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler with a Collie? A dog who bites off your arm and goes to get help.

Yo momma's so shinny, she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.

Yo momma is so hairy… Harry Potter got jealous.

him

Yo momma so stupid that when I saw her yelling into an envelope and asked her what she was doing, she said, "Leaving a voice mail.

Yo momma so stupid I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart.

Yo momma's so skinny, when I locked myself out of my apartment, she slipped under the door and let me in.

Yo momma's so skinny she can hula hoop in a Fruit Loop. Yo momma's so skinny when she wore a yellow dress she looked like a No. 2 pencil.

Yo momma’s so dirty, when she told your daddy to take out the trash, he put her out on the curb.

Yo momma’s so dirty, when her momma threw her out on the street she got a fine for littering.

Yo mama is so dumb she sold her car for gas money

BEST JOKES 2014 A guy walks into a wedding reception. He goes up to the bartender and asks, "Is this the punch line?" *** Yo momma so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the mice jump on the table and start screaming. *** Did you hear about what happened at the Laundromat last night? Three clothes-pins held up two shirts! ***

Yo momma so poor that when I visited her house and tore down the cob webs, she screamed "Who's tearing down the drapes?

Yo momma so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the mice jump on the table and start screaming.

Yo mama so ugly, One Direction went the other way!

Yo momma so ugly that when she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" And her father said, "Yeah, let's go bury it.

Yo momma is so skinny… she can hang glide with a Dorito!

Yo momma is so fat… she sat on a rainbow and made skittles.   Yo momma is so fat… she had to be baptized at sea world.   Yo momma is so fat… it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.   Yo momma is so fat… she uses an air balloon for a parachute.   Yo momma is so fat… she was going to Wal-Mart, tripped over Kmart, and landed right on Target!!!   Yo momma is so fat… her measurements are 26-34-28, and her other arm is just as big!   Yo momma is so fat… she broke a branch in her family tree!   Yo momma is so fat… when she wore a blue and green sweater, everyone thought she was Planet Earth.

Yo Mama so ugly,

Yo momma is so fat… when she wears a red dress all the kids scream look it’s the Kool-Aid man.

Accordion who? Accordion to the TV, it's going to rain tomorrow. *** Yo momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building but got lost on the way down. ***

amusement

Yo momma is so fat… she was going to Wal-Mart, tripped over Kmart, and landed right on Target!!!

Yo momma so fat all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 patrons or yo momma.

Yo momma is so fat… she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Yo momma's so old, her butt crack

Yo momma so fat a picture of her fell off the wall. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Yo momma is so stupid… she sold her car for gas money.   Yo

Yo momma's so fat the national weather service gives a name to each one of her farts.

Yo momma is so fat… she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says, “okay!

Yo momma is so fat… she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo momma is so ugly… when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

Yo momma is so bald… Mr. Clean was jealous.

Yo momma is so fat… she sank the Titanic!

Yo momma's so fat when I stabbed her in the stomach the whole McDonalds value meal came out of her

Yo Mama so ugly, not even Sherlock Holmes could solve that mystery.

Yo momma's so ugly when people see her face they say "Hey,lady!It ain't Halloween yet!

Yo momma is so fat… when a bus hit her she said, “Who threw the pebble?

Yo momma is so short … she poses for trophies!

Yo momma's so tall when I tell her to bend over she's still taller than me. Yo momma's so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun. Yo momma's so tall she went to Leeds and her legs were still at home. Yo momma's so tall she called the Ocean a kitty pool. Yo momma's so tall, she can see her house from anywhere. Yo momma's so tall when she jump in the sky it hit jesus' balls. Yo momma's so tall she could "69" big foot. Yo momma's so tall she has to take a bath in Niagra falls. Yo Momma's so Stupid   Yo momma's so stupid, she told me everything she knows during a commercial break. Yo momma's so stupid, that if I need a brain transplant I'll take hers, because it's barely been used. Yo momma's so stupid she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. Yo momma's so stupid. She went to the eye doctor to buy an iPad. Yo momma's so stupid she threw the clock out the window to see time fly! Yo momma's so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma's so stupid, if her brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill a M&M. Yo momma's so stupid if you stand close enough to her you can hear the ocean. Yo momma's so stupid, the smartest thing to come out of her mouth was a penis. Yo momma's so stupid, the government banned her from homeschooling her kids. Yo momma's so stupid, she's the reason women only make 75 cents on the dollar. Yo momma's so stupid, she filled her car with water so she can drive in the Car Pool lane. Yo momma's so stupid, I would ask her how old she is, but I know she can't count that high. Yo momma's so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo momma's so stupid she put cheese on my dad because he's a cracker. Yo momma's so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo momma's so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo momma's so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. Yo momma's so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone. Yo momma's so Stupid when i said One mans trash is another mans Treasure she jump in a trash bin. Yo momma's so stupid she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate". Yo momma's so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma's so skinny she can use a bracelet as a hula hoop. Yo momma's so thin that if she stands in front of a wall she looks like a crack. Yo momma's so skinny she can't sideways when taking a selfie. Yo momma's so skinny she played the part of the staff in the story of Moses. Yo momma's so skinny she hid behind a stick during a game of hide and seek. Yo momma's so skinny, her pants have one belt loop. Yo momma's so skinny when she is taking a shower, she has to run around to get wet. Yo momma's legs so skinny, she looks like a blow pop. Yo momma's so skinny she can hang glide off a dorito. Yo momma's so skinny I put a dime on her head and people mistook her for a Nail. Yo momma's so skinny, she can grate cheese on her ribs. Yo momma's so skinny, when I slapped her I got a paper cut! Yo momma's so skinny, if she had a sesame seed on her head, she'd look like a push pin. Yo momma's so skinny the Olsen Twins called and said they want their eating disorder back. Yo momma's so skinny, if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper. Yo momma's so skinny, she can see out the peephole with both eyes. Yo momma's so skinny, she could dive through a fence.

momma

shinny,

so ugly that when she gets up, the sun goes down. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ Yo momma so ugly that when she looks in the mirror,

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747? -About 20 pounds. -Yo mama carries more passengers. -Not everyone's been on a 747.

Yo momma is so ugly… she turned Medusa to stone!   Yo momma is so ugly… for Halloween she trick-or-treats on the phone!   Yo momma is so ugly… even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!   Yo momma is so ugly… she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out!   Yo momma is so ugly… when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours for a quote!   Yo momma is so ugly… she made an onion cry.   Yo momma is so ugly… when she walks down the street in September, people say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”   Yo momma is so ugly… her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to

Yo momma is so ugly… just after she was born, her mother said, “What a treasure!” And her father said, “Yes, let's go bury it!

Yo momma so ugly she makes onions cry.

Yo momma is so tall… she 69’d bigfoot.

Yo momma's so fat, when Santa saw her, he said, "ho ho holy shit! That's an ugly bitch!" Yo

Yo momma's so fat when she got in front of the HOLLYWOOD sign you could only see H-D Yo

Yo momma so fat all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 patrons or yo momma." *** How

Forget it once. *** Knock, knock! Who's there? Accordion! Accordion who? Accordion to the TV, it's going to rain tomorrow. *** Yo momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building but got lost on the way down. *** Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Student: Because it has four eyes and can't see! *** Teacher: "Why are you on the floor?" Johnny: "Because you said to do this math problem without tables!" *** How do you make an elephant float? Take one elephant, two tons of ice cream, and one ton of soda. Blend. *** In

Yo momma is so fat… she rolled over 4 quarters and made a dollar!