Momma Jokes Quotes

I make jokes about it, but it's the truth that I kind of patterned my look after the town tramp. I didn't know what she was, just this woman who was blond and piled her hair up, wore high heels and tight skirts, and, boy, she was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. Momma used to say, "Aw, she's just trash," and I thought, That's what I want to be when I grow up. Trash.

It’s a family joke that when I was a tiny child I turned from the window out of which I was watching a snowstorm, and hopefully asked, "Momma, do we believe in winter?

Yo mama so slutty, Trump still owes her hush money.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

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Yo momma so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror her reflection screamed in horror.

Yo momma's breath smells so bad I don't know if I should give her a Tic Tac or a piece of toilet paper. Yo

Yo momma's breath smells so bad her teeth didn't fall out, they ran away. Yo

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench. Yo

momma's

Yo momma's so short she has to use a ladder to get up on the curb.

Yo Momma So Fat……Even Dora Can’t Explore Her”                               1.

Yo momma's so fat, she went to Red Lobster for endless shrimp last month and she's still there.

Yo momma's so old, when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Yo momma's so stupid, when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver she asked, "Cherry or grape?

Yo momma's so fat, when we went to a kid's birthday party, everyone thought she was the bounce house.

Yo momma's so fat she sank the Titanic.

Yo momma's so old she used to hitch a ride to work with Fred Flintstone.

9. Yo Momma’s so Cheap Yo

Yo momma's breath smells so bad her teeth didn't fall out, they ran away.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building but got lost on the way down.

Yo momma's breath smells so bad, it's considered a weapon of mass destruction.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench.

Yo momma's so skinny I can blindfold her with dental floss.

Yo momma is so fat… she sat on a rainbow and made skittles.

Yo momma's so fat, she went to Red Lobster for endless shrimp last month and she's still there. Yo

wasting water. Yo

Yo momma's so ugly, when we went to a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck. Yo momma's so ugly, when she was doing door-to-door sales, someone told her it wasn't Halloween yet.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench. Yo momma’s so dirty, when she told your daddy to take out the trash, he put her out on the curb. Yo momma’s so dirty, when I called her on the

Yo momma so ugly that when she was born the doctor slapped her and her parents.

Yo momma so ugly that when she was born the doctor looked at her butt, then at her face, and said, "Twins!

Yo momma so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Yo momma so ugly that when she was born the doctor looked at her butt, then at her face, and said, "Twins!" ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦

Yo momma so ugly she makes blind children cry. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ Yo momma so ugly she makes onions

so ugly that when she gets up, the sun goes down. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ Yo momma so ugly that when she looks in the mirror,

Yo momma's so poor when she stepped on a roach she said clap your hands stomp yo feet praise the lord we got something to eat.

Yo momma is so fat… when a bus hit her she said, “Who threw the pebble?” Yo momma is so fat… when she puts on her yellow rain coat and walks down the street people shout out “taxi”! Yo momma is so fat… she uses the interstate as a slip and slide. Yo momma is so fat… you could use her bellybutton as a wishing well. Yo momma is so fat… the government forced her to wear taillights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt. Yo momma is so fat… she supplies 99% of the world’s gas. Yo momma is so fat… when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border! Yo momma is so fat… she rolled out of bed and everybody thought there was an earthquake. Yo momma is so fat… when God said, “Let there be light,” he had to ask her to move out of the way. Yo momma is so fat… she has more chins than a Chinese phone book. Yo momma is so fat… she jumped in the air and got stuck. Yo momma is so fat… she's got to wake up in sections. Yo momma is so skinny… Yo momma is so skinny… she can hang glide with a Dorito! Yo momma is so skinny… she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant. Yo momma is so skinny… she turned sideways and disappeared. Yo momma is so skinny… she hula hoops with a cheerio. Yo momma is so skinny… she has to run around in the shower just to get wet. Yo momma is so skinny… she don’t get wet when it rains. Yo momma is so skinny… her nipples touch. Yo momma is so skinny… she has to wear a belt with her spandex pants. Yo momma is so skinny… she can see through peepholes with both eyes. Yo momma is so skinny… she can dive through a chain-linked fence. Yo momma is so skinny… she uses cotton balls for pillows. Yo momma is so old… Yo momma is so old… she knew the Great Wall of China when it was only good! Yo momma is so old… that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics! Yo momma is so old… she was wearing a Jesus starter jacket! Yo momma is so old… her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. Yo momma is so old… she ran track with dinosaurs. Yo momma is so old… she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo momma is so old… her birth certificate says expired on it. Yo momma is so old… she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo momma is so old… that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo momma is so old… her social security number is 1! Yo momma is so old… I told her to act her own age, and she died. Yo momma is so short… Yo momma is so short… she does backflips under the bed. Yo momma is so short … she can play handball on the curb. Yo momma is so short… she can use a sock for a sleeping bag. Yo momma is so short… she can tie her shoes while standing up. Yo momma is so short… she can sit on a dime and swing her legs. Yo momma is so short … she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime. Yo momma is so short … she poses for trophies! Yo momma is so short… she has a job as a teller at a piggy bank. Yo momma is so short… she has to use rice to roll her hair up. Yo momma is so short… she uses a toothpick as pool stick. Yo momma is so short… she can surf on a popsicle stick.

Yo momma is so tall… she tripped in Denver and hit her head in New York. Yo momma is so tall… she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon. Yo momma is so tall… Shaq looks up to her. Yo momma is so tall… she can see her home from anywhere. Yo momma is so tall… she 69’d bigfoot. Yo momma is so tall… she did a cartwheel and kicked the gates of Heaven. Yo momma is so tall… she has to take a bath in the ocean. Yo momma is so tall… she high-fived God. Yo momma is so poor… Yo momma is so poor… your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo momma is so poor… the roaches pay the light bill! Yo momma is so poor… I walked in her house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, “Who turned off the lights?” Yo momma is so poor… when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said, “Ok, choose a corner.” Yo momma is so poor… I stepped in her house and I was in the backyard. Yo momma is so poor… she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. Yo momma is so poor… she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, what ya doing'? She said, “Buying luggage.” Yo momma is so poor… when I ring the doorbell she says, DING! Yo momma is so poor… she can't afford to pay attention! Yo momma is so poor… when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said, “Moving.” Yo momma is so stupid… Yo momma is so stupid… she can't pass a blood test. Yo momma is so stupid… she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese. Yo momma is so stupid… that she burned down the house with a CD burner. Yo momma is so stupid… she got locked in a grocery store and starved. Yo momma is so stupid… when they said that it is chilly outside, she went outside with a bowl and a spoon. Yo momma is so stupid… she got lost in a telephone booth. Yo momma is so stupid… she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind. Yo momma is so stupid… she got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor. Yo momma is so stupid… she sits on the floor and watches the couch. Yo momma is so stupid… she stole free bread. Yo momma is so stupid… she sold her car for gas money. Yo momma is so stupid… she worked at a M&M factory and threw out all the W's. Yo momma is so stupid… she tried to commit suicide by jumping out the basement window. Yo momma is so stupid… she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green. Yo momma is so stupid… when she asked me what kind of jeans am I wearing I said, “Guess”, and she said, “Levis”. Yo momma is so stupid… it took her 2 hours to watch 60 seconds.

Yo momma is so hairy… Harry Potter got jealous.

him

run away.

her face hurt.

Yo Momma's is so fat that during Halloween, she never needs a costume, people already think she's a dinosaur.

shinny,

momma so ugly that when she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" And her father said, "Yeah, let's go bury it.

Yo momma so stupid that when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like this: "Vroom! Screech! Vroom! Screech!

Yo momma so stupid that when I saw her yelling into an envelope and asked her what she was doing, she said, "Leaving a voice mail.

Yo momma is so tall… she 69’d bigfoot.

Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't come back.

Yo momma is so fat… she supplies 99% of the world’s gas.

Yo momma so ugly she makes onions cry.

Yo momma so ugly that when she gets up, the sun goes down.

looks out the window

Yo momma so ugly that I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.

Yo momma so poor that when I rang her doorbell, she said "ding-dong.

momma

Yo momma so fat all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 patrons or yo momma." *** How

Forget it once. *** Knock, knock! Who's there? Accordion! Accordion who? Accordion to the TV, it's going to rain tomorrow. *** Yo momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building but got lost on the way down. *** Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Student: Because it has four eyes and can't see! *** Teacher: "Why are you on the floor?" Johnny: "Because you said to do this math problem without tables!" *** How do you make an elephant float? Take one elephant, two tons of ice cream, and one ton of soda. Blend. *** In

Yo momma's so fat, when Santa saw her, he said, "ho ho holy shit! That's an ugly bitch!" Yo

Yo momma's so fat when she got in front of the HOLLYWOOD sign you could only see H-D Yo

amusement

Yo momma is so short … she poses for trophies!

Yo momma's so skinny she can use a bracelet as a hula hoop. Yo momma's so thin that if she stands in front of a wall she looks like a crack. Yo momma's so skinny she can't sideways when taking a selfie. Yo momma's so skinny she played the part of the staff in the story of Moses. Yo momma's so skinny she hid behind a stick during a game of hide and seek. Yo momma's so skinny, her pants have one belt loop. Yo momma's so skinny when she is taking a shower, she has to run around to get wet. Yo momma's legs so skinny, she looks like a blow pop. Yo momma's so skinny she can hang glide off a dorito. Yo momma's so skinny I put a dime on her head and people mistook her for a Nail. Yo momma's so skinny, she can grate cheese on her ribs. Yo momma's so skinny, when I slapped her I got a paper cut! Yo momma's so skinny, if she had a sesame seed on her head, she'd look like a push pin. Yo momma's so skinny the Olsen Twins called and said they want their eating disorder back. Yo momma's so skinny, if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper. Yo momma's so skinny, she can see out the peephole with both eyes. Yo momma's so skinny, she could dive through a fence.

Yo momma is so fat… when she wears a red dress all the kids scream look it’s the Kool-Aid man.

Yo momma is so fat… she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo momma is so fat… she sat on a rainbow and made skittles.   Yo momma is so fat… she had to be baptized at sea world.   Yo momma is so fat… it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.   Yo momma is so fat… she uses an air balloon for a parachute.   Yo momma is so fat… she was going to Wal-Mart, tripped over Kmart, and landed right on Target!!!   Yo momma is so fat… her measurements are 26-34-28, and her other arm is just as big!   Yo momma is so fat… she broke a branch in her family tree!   Yo momma is so fat… when she wore a blue and green sweater, everyone thought she was Planet Earth.

Yo momma's so fat the national weather service gives a name to each one of her farts.

Yo momma's so fat when I stabbed her in the stomach the whole McDonalds value meal came out of her

Yo Mama so ugly,

Yo Mama so ugly, not even Sherlock Holmes could solve that mystery.

Yo mama so ugly, One Direction went the other way!

Yo momma's so tall when I tell her to bend over she's still taller than me. Yo momma's so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun. Yo momma's so tall she went to Leeds and her legs were still at home. Yo momma's so tall she called the Ocean a kitty pool. Yo momma's so tall, she can see her house from anywhere. Yo momma's so tall when she jump in the sky it hit jesus' balls. Yo momma's so tall she could "69" big foot. Yo momma's so tall she has to take a bath in Niagra falls. Yo Momma's so Stupid   Yo momma's so stupid, she told me everything she knows during a commercial break. Yo momma's so stupid, that if I need a brain transplant I'll take hers, because it's barely been used. Yo momma's so stupid she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. Yo momma's so stupid. She went to the eye doctor to buy an iPad. Yo momma's so stupid she threw the clock out the window to see time fly! Yo momma's so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma's so stupid, if her brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill a M&M. Yo momma's so stupid if you stand close enough to her you can hear the ocean. Yo momma's so stupid, the smartest thing to come out of her mouth was a penis. Yo momma's so stupid, the government banned her from homeschooling her kids. Yo momma's so stupid, she's the reason women only make 75 cents on the dollar. Yo momma's so stupid, she filled her car with water so she can drive in the Car Pool lane. Yo momma's so stupid, I would ask her how old she is, but I know she can't count that high. Yo momma's so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo momma's so stupid she put cheese on my dad because he's a cracker. Yo momma's so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo momma's so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo momma's so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. Yo momma's so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone. Yo momma's so Stupid when i said One mans trash is another mans Treasure she jump in a trash bin. Yo momma's so stupid she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate". Yo momma's so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma is so fat… when a bus hit her she said, “Who threw the pebble?

Yo momma is so fat… she was going to Wal-Mart, tripped over Kmart, and landed right on Target!!!

Yo momma is so fat… she sank the Titanic!

Yo momma is so ugly… when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747? -About 20 pounds. -Yo mama carries more passengers. -Not everyone's been on a 747.

screaming. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ Yo momma so ugly that when she

Yo momma so ugly that when she was born the doctor looked at her butt, then at her face, and said,

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Yo momma is so fat… she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says, “okay!

Yo momma is so bald… Mr. Clean was jealous.

Yo momma is so fat… she rolled over 4 quarters and made a dollar!

Yo momma so stupid I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart.

Yo momma so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the mice jump on the table and start screaming.

Clean up your own mess. Your mama don't live here

Yo mama so stupid, that she thought Moby Dick was a sexually transmitted disease.

BEST JOKES 2014 A guy walks into a wedding reception. He goes up to the bartender and asks, "Is this the punch line?" *** Yo momma so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the mice jump on the table and start screaming. *** Did you hear about what happened at the Laundromat last night? Three clothes-pins held up two shirts! ***