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But there is another feeling that has lingered as well. I don't know exactly what to call it, and I'm searching for the right word. Perhaps this is it: superiority. Superiority in relation to the state's efforts at discipline and intimidation. This was a state that never trusted its citizens, or, most importantly, itself -- and as a result it was as petty, narrow-minded, tasteless, and -- yes, that too -- humorless as it could possibly be.
...despite it all, this state didn't manage to take from me something that allowed me to live, to sense, to feel: a degree of light-heartedness. It had been with me since I was a little girl. And the fact that the GDR couldn't take it from me is what I feel to be my greatest personal victory over the system. Without this light-heartedness -- and in retrospect I am convinced of this -- I never would have guilelessly done my homework during that ML lecture.
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