Mft Quotes

Psychotherapy is the art of finding the angel of hope in the midst of terror, despair and madness.

Developing a healthy pride in and acceptance of our essential, lovable self helps develop the neural circuitry that leads to trust, openness, more learning and growth, and more resilience.

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs —jolted by every pebble in the road. — HENRY WARD BEECHER

In over one hundred studies to date, researchers have found that people who have a daily gratitude practice consistently experience more positive emotions; they are more likely to accomplish personal goals (thus demonstrating resilience); they feel more alert, energetic, enthused, alive; they sleep better; they have lower blood pressure; and they live an average of seven to nine years longer.

When dopamine and norepinephrine are working together, it’s easier to know what to focus on and what tasks need to be carried out. If you have ADHD, your brain’s inability to access these neurotransmitters in adequate amounts is part of what leads to distractibility and an inability to focus, which are hallmarks of the condition.

Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not easy. — ARISTOTLE

Studies show that repeated noticing and naming of our emotions increases cell volume in the corpus callosum, the integrative fibers linking the two hemispheres of the cortex, making it easier to integrate the intuitive meaning of the emotion with the cognitive understanding of it. Self-empathy makes this process safe, even with difficult or “negative” emotions.

Check in with simple, nonthreatening questions or requests: • “Are you saying . . . ?” • “I want your eyes because this is important . . .” • “Let me make sure I understand . . .” • “Say back what you heard . . .” • “Let me repeat that.” • “What do you think I meant by . . . ?” • “We may not be talking about the same thing. Are you saying . . . ?

The walking wounded, LAS victims, are grieving not one loss, but a lifestyle of ongoing losses. When the powerful move in to execute the kill, it is as if a giant monster reaches into the life of anyone of us and ruthlessly plucks a prized possession, a dream, an achievement, or anything of value in an insidious, ongoing, institutionalized assault. Legalized injustice attacks deep convictions that idealistically guide good people toward decent decisions. Disillusioned victims state that such losses annihilate the cherished beliefs that make up the essence of their beings – an amputation of their spirits.

I once thought my lack of grit was a character flaw; I now think it speaks to how uncomfortable I’ve been in my body my whole life. It takes a lot of energy to hold in Calls, to not cry or express rage. It’s exhausting to act civilized when you’re navigating the rim surrounding a giant black hole, when your anguish is invisible and probably of no interest to the world.

When we’re babies, the PFC is barely formed. Babies don’t plan, regulate emotions, or care about impulsivity—they do what they want, when they want, and how they want. Pulling on Grandma’s earring looks fun. Yank! Time for a bathroom break with no diaper on? Great! The couch looks like a perfect place to go potty. Feeling hungry? Shove Dad’s laptop to the ground and reach for your bottle. Feeling cranky? Just scream until you’re exhausted. Then take a nap and start the whole process again when you wake up. The lack of a fully developed PFC is why babies need to be monitored so closely—they can’t be trusted to manage themselves, because they don’t yet have the cognitive skills to do so. Fortunately,

I kept going because I knew my relationship to life itself was at stake. As much as I wanted to quit, doing so would have been more painful than continuing. It would have been like a butterfly flipping off life and returning to the cramped old cocoon. I never quit.

In Tibetan Buddhism, there is the understanding that each person is fundamentally good. There is not a story of the fall of Adam and Eve. There is no story of being born into sin. There is no shame of being human. Human Design looks at life through a similar lens as the Dalai Lama does. You are not bad. You are not deficient. Your incarnation is a precious human birth, as the Buddhists would say.

Violation of the Moral Code as a Basis for Assigning Blame But in spite of all possible points of view everyone will admit that there are crimes which always and everywhere from the beginning of the world, under all legal systems, have unhesitatingly been considered crimes and will be considered so as long as man remains human, said Dostoevski (as cited in Tucker, 1985). First and foremost, the moral code addresses abuse of power. Regardless of legalese, victims want to blame those who violate the heart and all codes and commitments that were set forth to guide human behavior. All humans agree that the guidelines, in some way, provide that: (1) I may not violate your right to live and enjoy what you have earned, (2) you may wish to live in a climate of freedom, to think and function as you wish and (3) your actions will not violate my right to live and enjoy what is mine and to think and function according to my conscience. If a violation occurs, then I have the right to confront you and inform you that you have violated the moral contract. All justice systems are designed and obligated to stand for and enforce that code. The act of blaming requires

If the blaming action produces a false apology, patronization of the moral code, and false promises with no intention of complying with moral law, it prevents satisfaction in the victim.

You must know what it is like to have your life wrenched and broken, to realize that you will never really be the same. Then you must experience what it means to survive, only to be blamed and used and ignored by those you thought were there to help you. Only when you are willing to confront all these things will you understand what victimization means.

Types of Degrees for Professionals When you begin to investigate therapists, you will probably see a wide array of initials following their names. That alphabet soup indicates academic degrees, licenses, and/or certifications. Remember that just because the professional has a lot of impressive degrees, that doesn’t mean that he or she is the right therapist for you. The most important thing is to feel completely comfortable with the person so you can speak honestly about your feelings. If you are uncomfortable or intimidated, your time with the therapist will not be effective. When finding a therapist, you should look for one with a master’s degree or a doctorate in a mental-health field. This shows that he or she has had advanced training in dealing with psychological problems. Therapists’ academic degrees include: M.D. (Doctor of Medicine): This means that the doctor received his or her medical degree and has had four years of clinical residency. M.D.s can prescribe medication. Ph.D. (Doctor of Philosophy) and Psy.D. (Doctor of Psychology): These professionals have had four to six years of graduate study. They frequently work in businesses, schools, mental-health centers, and hospitals. M.A. (Master of Arts degree in psychology): An M.A. is basically a counseling degree. Therapists with this degree emphasize clinical experience and psychotherapy. M.S. (Master of Science degree in psychology): Professionals with this degree are more inclined toward research and usually have a specific area of focus. Ed.D. (Doctor of Education): This degree indicates a background in education, child development, and general psychology. M.S.W. (Master of Social Work): An M.S.W. is a social-work degree that prepares an individual to diagnose and treat psychological problems and provide mental health resources. Psychiatric social workers make up the single largest group of mental health professionals. In addition to the various degrees therapists may hold, there are also a number of licenses that may be obtained. These include: M.F.C.C.: Marriage, Family, and Child Counselor M.F.T. Marriage and Family Therapist L.C.S.W.: Licensed Clinical Social Worker L.I.S.W.: Licensed Independent Social Worker L.S.W.: Licensed Social Worker

Our emotions also trigger the urge to eat when we are not physically hungry. Here are the most common of these emotions: Boredom: Especially for perfectionists, this feeling triggers a variety of unhealthy coping reactions. Many of my clients express feeling extremely uncomfortable with unstructured blocks of times in their day. Turning to food has become their way of filling time, as taking a break or actually relaxing may feel intolerable. It also helps to distract them from the internal voice berating them for “doing nothing.” Stress/overwhelm: Stress isn’t always a bad thing, but when we allow it to build, our bodies begin to burn out from the overwhelm of holding it all in. Turning to food can be seen as a way to disconnect from the stressful thoughts and feelings by engaging the body in something seemingly comforting and generally distracting. Loneliness: Food is a constant. It’s always there and doesn’t have anything negative to say. It doesn’t ask you to be vulnerable or step out of your comfort zone. It’s something to look forward to at the end of a long, hard day and doesn’t require you to give anything in return. Excitement: This emotion can produce a lot of energy in the body that may feel overwhelming to contain. Eating can be a way to ground the body or at least change the internal energy. Food is also something that often accompanies a celebration or event.

Our body releases chemicals—ghrelin and leptin—that signal when we need food and when we are full. Most of us frequently ignore these signals for one reason or another.

As they slow down to savor the flavors and notice how their body responds, they will feel more satisfied and content. By eating what they think will make them feel good, they choose things that are nutritious and tasty. Thus, the yearning that fuels mindless eating no longer exists, resulting in less overeating and urges to binge.

Some ways to increase the enjoyment of your food and mealtimes include: •Sitting down at a table to eat, versus eating standing up, in the car/bus, or at your desk. •Making your environment a pleasant one. For example, dim the lights, light a candle, have soft music playing, or eat outside. •Compose your meals with a variety of colors and textures. •Take a few deep breaths or pause for a moment of gratitude before the meal. •Engage in mindful eating, i.e., let yourself savor each bite of food, slow your chewing, and really notice how the food feels, smells, and tastes. •Choose foods you like, and do not force yourself to eat things you do not like the taste of.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE BINGE? A binge typically begins with some type of provocation or trigger. These vary from person to person and occur either directly preceding the binge or up to several hours prior to the binge. Binges almost always occur in private, such as alone in a car, at home, or in the bathroom at work. Often, when one is alone, discomfort, boredom, or loneliness gives rise to a sensation of crawling out of one’s skin and a very impulsive pull toward food. What follows feels like an out-of-body experience—a frantic, dissociative, or trance-like state, often occurring while standing. Binge foods tend to be ones that have been labeled as forbidden or that can't be consumed in front of others for fear of judgment. The binge episode frequently ends with extreme stomach pain and/or exhaustion.

Another common thought process that causes you to miss out on satisfying life experiences is the statement, “I will do [x] when I lose weight or stop bingeing.” Thinking this way keeps the exciting experiences available only in the future and only if you make these changes. This mentality puts life on hold and keeps you stuck not only with binge eating, but also other things in life that need to be let go. It denies you the things you want and blames the weight, when most likely it is a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness.

Eating mindfully means paying conscious attention to the experience of eating. It involves eating while noticing and attuning to all five senses, without judgment, with moment-to-moment awareness, and noting the range of flavors and textures within each bite. By engaging in mindful eating, you can gain clarity around your thoughts and feelings toward food.

Beginning a mindfulness practice, no matter how small, can be immensely helpful in healing disordered eating, as well as helping in other areas of your life. For this activity, you may begin by simply choosing one piece of food—such as a piece of chocolate, a raisin, a slice of watermelon—or a complete meal. 1Create a relaxing ambiance by putting on quiet or soothing music, lighting a candle, or dimming the lights. 2Become aware of your hunger level. 3Sit down at a table. 4Note the smell, texture, and temperature of your food. 5Take the time to chew. Try for at least 10 chews per bite, and note whether you prefer to chew on one side of your mouth or the other. Pause to take a drink, and notice the qualities of what you are sipping (is it cold, warm, bubbly, refreshing?). 6Put your utensils down while you chew. 7Periodically notice your hunger level until you end your meal.

After eating, think or journal about the emotions you felt during the exercise. Was it a pleasant or unpleasant experience? Are you looking forward to eating in this manner again? Consider your thought habits. Were you critiquing your food choice or manner of eating? As you note these thoughts, try to label them: self-criticism, guilt, pleasure, frustration, etc. Remember, there is no right or wrong answer here. This is an exercise to bring your attention to the experience of eating, and, like any newly acquired skill, it takes practice and repetition.

By transitioning to mindful and intuitive eating, you will begin to alter or end long-standing habits that have contributed to your binge eating. Mindful eating has to do with how you eat, while intuitive eating is about listening to the innate wisdom of your body. These practices will redevelop your ability to notice the cues that have long been overruled by the diet guidelines. Those cues exist because the organism that is our physical body signals us to eat what we need. While it is anathema to the falsehoods that come from the billion-dollar diet industry, the truth is that our bodies encourage us to eat in ways that will sustain us and bring us to health.

Mindful and intuitive eating help us learn to trust our bodies to lead us to appropriate nourishment. When we are attuned to our bodies, we make food choices that will satisfy our needs and quiet the mental churn of diet rules that lead us to question every food choice.

MINDFUL EATING Statistics show that people consume more food when they multitask at mealtimes. Are you someone who must have a book or magazine with you when you eat? Or do you typically eat in front of a TV or laptop? These are all methods of disconnection and distraction. By not being present and focused on the act of eating, you lose the ability to tune into your body’s signals, and this disconnect can lead you to overeat.

The first step to eating more mindfully is to notice the initial desire to eat, then pause and ask yourself why you want to eat. Is it because of a feeling (i.e., anger, joy, boredom), a form of habit (i.e., same time of day), or does your body need the fuel? In other words, is the cue to eat a result of a desire to meet an emotional need, or is your body telling you it needs nourishment? Either reason is valid, but understanding the “why” helps you become more aware of your needs and better prepares you to craft a just right response. That “just right response” can be to fill a need for nourishment, but it can also be because eating is the best option you have for caring for yourself at that particular moment. Being conscious of why you are choosing to eat puts you in a position of strength. As a result, you are choosing your method of self-care, and eating isn’t happening to you in an out-of-control way.

KEY PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE EATING Tribole and Resch compiled a list of 10 key principles in their book, Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works. 1.Reject the diet mentality: The diet mentality is the idea that there’s a diet out there somewhere that will work for you. Intuitive eating is the anti-diet. 2.Honor your hunger: Hunger is not your enemy. Respond to your early signs of hunger by feeding your body. If you let yourself get excessively hungry, you are likely to overeat. 3.Make peace with food: Call a truce in the war with food. Get rid of ideas about what you should or shouldn’t eat. 4.Challenge the food police: Food is not good or bad, and you are not good or bad for what you eat or don’t eat. Challenge thoughts that tell you otherwise. 5.Respect your fullness: Just as your body tells you when it is hungry, it also tells you when it is full. Listen for the signals of comfortable fullness, when you feel you’ve had enough. As you’re eating, check in with yourself to see how the food is tasting and how hungry or full you are feeling. 6.Discover the satisfaction factor: Make your eating experience enjoyable. Have a meal that tastes good to you. Sit down to eat it. When you make eating a pleasurable experience, you might find it takes less food to satisfy you. 7.Honor your feelings without using food: Emotional eating is a strategy for coping with feelings. Find other ways that are not related to food to deal with your feelings: take a walk, meditate, journal, call a friend. Become aware of the times when a feeling that you might call hunger is actually based in emotion. 8.Respect your body: Rather than criticizing your body for how it looks and what you perceive is wrong with it, recognize it as capable and beautiful, just as it is. 9.Exercise—feel the difference: Find ways to move your body that you enjoy. Shift the focus from losing weight to feeling energized, strong, and alive. 10.Honor your health—gentle nutrition: The food you eat should taste good and feel good. Remember that it’s your overall food patterns that shape your health. One meal or snack isn’t going to make or break your health.

Unbalanced systems will tend to polarize.

Getting" the relationship you want is not like fishing for a big catch. It is like creating a beautiful garden (yourself) that others want to hang out in with you.