Menopause Humor Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Menopause Humor. Here they are! All 22 of them:

If you make some comment even obliquely alluding to menstruation or menopause and its effect on my judgment," Murphy interrupted, "I will break your arm in eleven places.
Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE".
Celia Rivenbark (You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool)
A woman must wait for her ovaries to die before she can get her rightful personality back. Post-menstrual is the same as pre-menstrual; I am once again what I was before the age of twelve: a female human being who knows that a month has thirty day, not twenty-five, and who can spend every one of them free of the shackles of that defect of body and mind known as femininity.
Florence King
The first indication of menopause is a broken thermostat. It's either that or your weight. In any case, if you don't do something, you could be dead by August. God, middle age is an unending insult.
Dorothea Benton Frank (Sullivan's Island (Lowcountry Tales, #1))
I was inspired to write (Life Continues) to tell people dealing with MS or any other illness that if opening your eyes, or getting out of bed, or holding a spoon, or combing your hair is the daunting Mount Everest you climb today, that is okay.
Carmen Ambrosio (Life Continues: Facing the Challenges of MS, Menopause & Midlife with Hope, Courage & Humor)
I call the Change of Life "Orchids" because menopause is such an ugly word. It's got men in it for goddsakes.
Lisa Jey Davis (Getting Over Your Ovaries: How to Make 'The Change of Life' Your Bitch)
If hitting an unexpected speed bump with your car equates to the best sex you've had lately, you know your hormones are sending you a signal.
Ellen Phillips (Everything You Need To Know About The Menopause: A Comprehensive Guide To Surviving - And Thriving! - During This Turbulent Life Sage)
O: You’re quite a writer. You’ve a gift for language, you’re a deft hand at plotting, and your books seem to have an enormous amount of attention to detail put into them. You’re so good you could write anything. Why write fantasy? Pratchett: I had a decent lunch, and I’m feeling quite amiable. That’s why you’re still alive. I think you’d have to explain to me why you’ve asked that question. O: It’s a rather ghettoized genre. P: This is true. I cannot speak for the US, where I merely sort of sell okay. But in the UK I think every book— I think I’ve done twenty in the series— since the fourth book, every one has been one the top ten national bestsellers, either as hardcover or paperback, and quite often as both. Twelve or thirteen have been number one. I’ve done six juveniles, all of those have nevertheless crossed over to the adult bestseller list. On one occasion I had the adult best seller, the paperback best-seller in a different title, and a third book on the juvenile bestseller list. Now tell me again that this is a ghettoized genre. O: It’s certainly regarded as less than serious fiction. P: (Sighs) Without a shadow of a doubt, the first fiction ever recounted was fantasy. Guys sitting around the campfire— Was it you who wrote the review? I thought I recognized it— Guys sitting around the campfire telling each other stories about the gods who made lightning, and stuff like that. They did not tell one another literary stories. They did not complain about difficulties of male menopause while being a junior lecturer on some midwestern college campus. Fantasy is without a shadow of a doubt the ur-literature, the spring from which all other literature has flown. Up to a few hundred years ago no one would have disagreed with this, because most stories were, in some sense, fantasy. Back in the middle ages, people wouldn’t have thought twice about bringing in Death as a character who would have a role to play in the story. Echoes of this can be seen in Pilgrim’s Progress, for example, which hark back to a much earlier type of storytelling. The epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest works of literature, and by the standard we would apply now— a big muscular guys with swords and certain godlike connections— That’s fantasy. The national literature of Finland, the Kalevala. Beowulf in England. I cannot pronounce Bahaghvad-Gita but the Indian one, you know what I mean. The national literature, the one that underpins everything else, is by the standards that we apply now, a work of fantasy. Now I don’t know what you’d consider the national literature of America, but if the words Moby Dick are inching their way towards this conversation, whatever else it was, it was also a work of fantasy. Fantasy is kind of a plasma in which other things can be carried. I don’t think this is a ghetto. This is, fantasy is, almost a sea in which other genres swim. Now it may be that there has developed in the last couple of hundred years a subset of fantasy which merely uses a different icongraphy, and that is, if you like, the serious literature, the Booker Prize contender. Fantasy can be serious literature. Fantasy has often been serious literature. You have to fairly dense to think that Gulliver’s Travels is only a story about a guy having a real fun time among big people and little people and horses and stuff like that. What the book was about was something else. Fantasy can carry quite a serious burden, and so can humor. So what you’re saying is, strip away the trolls and the dwarves and things and put everyone into modern dress, get them to agonize a bit, mention Virginia Woolf a few times, and there! Hey! I’ve got a serious novel. But you don’t actually have to do that. (Pauses) That was a bloody good answer, though I say it myself.
Terry Pratchett
Through pain and fear go on.
Carmen Ambrosio (Life Continues: Facing the Challenges of MS, Menopause & Midlife with Hope, Courage & Humor)
I am not going to give you disclaimers about what you can expect to find in my story. I went through menopause recently and find I don't much care about anyone's sensibilities anymore. I am called BadSquirrel for a reason. Considering how incredibly rude and grouchy I have become, I expect all of you to be extremely grateful to the QMBG (Queen Mother Bitch Goddess for those of you who haven't kept up) for all of the good warm fuzzy bits of my story. If you like it, it's because she went through it and took out all the really disturbing parts and made me behave.
BadSquirrel (Warriors of the Heart)
You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this "thing.
Lisa Jey Davis (Getting Over Your Ovaries: How to Make 'The Change of Life' Your Bitch)
Nona had been bonkers since I could remember. Dad said it was menopause, but I had looked that up once, and I highly doubted that was the case.
Holly Hood (Ink (Ink, #1))
Testosterone Autism: The person beset by this ailment....develops an interest in various tools and machinery, and he's drawn to the Second World War and the biographies of famous people, mainly politicians and villains.
Olga Tokarczuk (Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead)
Without a shadow of a doubt, the first fiction ever recounted was fantasy. Guys sitting around the campfire— Was it you who wrote the review? I thought I recognized it— Guys sitting around the campfire telling each other stories about the gods who made lightning, and stuff like that. They did not tell one another literary stories. They did not complain about difficulties of male menopause while being a junior lecturer on some midwestern college campus. Fantasy is without a shadow of a doubt the ur-literature, the spring from which all other literature has flown. Up to a few hundred years ago no one would have disagreed with this, because most stories were, in some sense, fantasy. Back in the middle ages, people wouldn’t have thought twice about bringing in Death as a character who would have a role to play in the story. Echoes of this can be seen in Pilgrim’s Progress, for example, which hark back to a much earlier type of storytelling. The epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest works of literature, and by the standard we would apply now— a big muscular guys with swords and certain godlike connections— That’s fantasy. The national literature of Finland, the Kalevala. Beowulf in England. I cannot pronounce Bahaghvad-Gita but the Indian one, you know what I mean. The national literature, the one that underpins everything else, is by the standards that we apply now, a work of fantasy. Now I don’t know what you’d consider the national literature of America, but if the words Moby Dick are inching their way towards this conversation, whatever else it was, it was also a work of fantasy. Fantasy is kind of a plasma in which other things can be carried. I don’t think this is a ghetto. This is, fantasy is, almost a sea in which other genres swim. Now it may be that there has developed in the last couple of hundred years a subset of fantasy which merely uses a different icongraphy, and that is, if you like, the serious literature, the Booker Prize contender. Fantasy can be serious literature. Fantasy has often been serious literature. You have to fairly dense to think that Gulliver’s Travels is only a story about a guy having a real fun time among big people and little people and horses and stuff like that. What the book was about was something else. Fantasy can carry quite a serious burden, and so can humor. So what you’re saying is, strip away the trolls and the dwarves and things and put everyone into modern dress, get them to agonize a bit, mention Virginia Woolf a few times, and there! Hey! I’ve got a serious novel. But you don’t actually have to do that.
Terry Pratchett
A lot of women destroy their lives in their forties and then one day they wake up with no periods and no partner and only themselves to blame
Miranda July (All Fours)
When I’d RSVPed for tonight, I hadn’t expected to be the youngest by three-plus decades. To be honest, I hadn’t expected anything. I didn’t have the mental capacity. The excitement over my first house party overwhelmed me and kept my thoughts abuzz for three weeks. Jim and Valerie suggested Harry and Jackie invite me. Understandably, Harry and Jackie were skeptical about bringing a single male into their close-knit group, but Valerie vouched for me, which persuaded Jackie. I leapt at the invitation—any single male would have—but now, learning about the most recent medications to assist smooth menopausal transition, I was seriously rethinking my decision.
Daniel Stern (Swingland: Between the Sheets of the Secretive, So)
Smiles, giggles or chuckles are like sips of water. To feel nourished inside and out, I try to get in as many tears-streaming, tummy-aching, mess-up-your-makeup, rip-snorting laughs as I can everyday. Laughter: the great mood booster, face lifter, ab toner, body rejuvenator.
Carmen Ambrosio (Life Continues: Facing the Challenges of MS, Menopause & Midlife with Hope, Courage & Humor)
I am very protective of my people plot. Bullies, naysayers and dream slayers are not welcome there. The presence of their toxic attitudes and negative auras leave me feeling drained and dispirited. They are like weeds that could choke and suffocate, or stunt and overtake my emotional well-being. Perhaps it is unrealistic to think that I can rid my human garden entirely of all unpleasant people. But, I can and do choose to limit my interaction with them.
Carmen Ambrosio (Life Continues: Facing the Challenges of MS, Menopause & Midlife with Hope, Courage & Humor)
Classic Canine Canon: Live in the present. It’s NWTBP: Not Worth The Blood Pressure whatever “it” is.
Carmen Ambrosio (Life Continues: Facing the Challenges of MS, Menopause & Midlife with Hope, Courage & Humor)
~ Birthing a book is one of my proudest achievements thus far. And, as I keep reminding myself, the best part is that the adventure known as life continues… The horizon is but a line— Threshold or door, You choose.
Carmen Ambrosio (Life Continues: Facing the Challenges of MS, Menopause & Midlife with Hope, Courage & Humor)
[As in puberty,] There will be tears. And anger. And tragically unfortunate haircuts.
Heather Corinna (What Fresh Hell Is This?: Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You)
No one–and I mean no one!–ever sat me down, nudged me, or gave me the elbow or the wink that getting old would be like this. Why is that?! If I had known, I would have been at least a bit prepared for the cyclone event that would befall me. No elderly person I’ve known ever looked hysterical, ran around panting like a dog, or screamed like a banshee while ripping off their clothes and diving into the sea! So, why no muffled screams from the cheap seats? Why no letter have I received, sealed with an emblem in blood and no return address, simply marked: “Warning—dated material enclosed—Run!” Come on now, elderly people look so cute and sweet. I see them on the bus, at church, on laxative commercials, but always smiling. Have they been warned that if you scream your bloody guts off—you will be banished to Century Park Village, sans any golf cart or Ibuprofen? What I have witnessed my body do in the past 10 years would scare a newborn back into the womb. And trust me, if ‘Seth spoke’, he’d definitely have a few things to say about this shit show! And where the hell is “Bridget Jones’s Diary: Menopocalypse!” Knee-Deep in a Hot Flash!?
Gabrielle Jordan (Help! My Face Is Falling!: Aging: No Grace Required)