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Even Bros were oddly sexless, the Disney-faced twins Matt and Luke Goss surely bred to perfection in a Nazi eugenicist’s Petri dish, with their too-ironed shirts and immaculate hair, permanently fragrant in a mist of expensive cologne. The most troubling addiction within Bros was the confectionary compulsion of the non-hunk we dubbed ‘Ken’, a teenager from Kirkcaldy not-
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