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I spend the next half hour downing the rest of the bottle until there’s only an inch left. I cry about the polar bears, watching them all over again. I send an email to the pigeon place, inquiring about Kazoo. And I text Breaker that I’m a loser who masturbates to exhalations. And sometime in the night, when I’m just about ready to pass out, I send one more email from my private account. To: McKayla, Kenzie, Hattie, Eileen, Barbie, Olivia, Betty, Rita, Jessica, Tess, Pauline, Dominique, Miranda, Cara From: JP Cane Subject: Be my Date Hey ladieeees, Sending a big old cock of an email because, you know . . . I have a big cock, so this email has to match. Here’s the thing. Hux is getting married to Lulu Lemon and they told me I need a plus-one. Looking for a willing candidate to escort me down the aisle. All expenses paid. Promises of pleasure. If interested, hit me up. I wear condoms still. K. Bye. JP
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