Lu Tze Discworld Quotes

The first words that are read by seekers of enlightenment in the secret, gong-banging, yeti-haunted valleys near the hub of the world, are when they look into The Life of Wen the Eternally Surprised. The first question they ask is: 'Why was he eternally surprised?' And they are told: 'Wen considered the nature of time and understood that the universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. Therefore, he understood, there is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, he said, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.' The first words read by the young Lu-Tze when he sought perplexity in the dark, teeming, rain-soaked city of Ankh-Morpork were: 'Rooms For Rent, Very Reasonable.' And he was glad of it.

...'I thought the rule was that all monks were shaved.' 'Oh, Soto says he is bald under the hair,'said Lu Tze. 'He says the hair is a separate creature that just happens to live on him.

What will you do?” said Susan. “Lie,” said Lu-Tze happily. “It’s amazing how often that works.

Lu-Tze had long considered that everything happens for a reason, except possibly football.

And, er, these stories about you..." "Oh, all true. Most of them. A bit of exaggeration, but mostly true." "The one about the Citadel in Muntab and the Pash and the fish bone?" "Oh, yes." "But how did you get in where half a dozen armed and trained men couldn't even - ?" "I am a little man and I carry a broom," said Lu-Tze simply. "Everyone has some mess that needs clearing up. What harm is a man with a broom?" "What? And that was it?" "Well, the rest was a matter of cookery, really. The Pash was not a good man, but he was a glutton for his fish pie." "No martial arts?" said Lobsang. "Oh, always a last resort. History needs shepherds, not butchers." "Do you know okidoki?" "Just a lot of bunny-hops." "Shittake?" "If I wanted to thrust my hand into hot sand I would go to the seaside." "Upsidazi?" "A waste of good bricks." "No kando?" "You made that one up.

Okay, here are the rules,” said Lu-Tze, walking straight past. “Word one is, you don’t call me ‘master’ and I don’t name you after some damn insect. It’s not my job to discipline you, it’s yours. For it is written: ‘I can’t be having with that kind of a thing.’ Do what I tell you and we’ll get along fine. All right?

Is it not written in the sacred text. 'There's a lot goes on we don't know about, in my opinion'" said Lu-Tze

There were, of course, far more interesting and complex ways for a history monk to avoid being noticed, but he’d adopted the begging-bowl method ever since Lu-Tze had shown him that people never see anyone who wants them to give him money.

Tick Lu-Tze patiently adjusted a tiny mirror to redirect sunlight more favourably on one of the bonsai mountains. He hummed tunelessly under his breath. Lobsang, sitting cross-legged on the stones, carefully turned the yellowing pages of the ancient notebook on which was written, in faded ink, 'The Way of Mrs Cosmopilite'. 'Well?' said Lu-Tze. 'The Way has an answer for everything, does it?' 'Yes.' 'Then...' Lobsang nodded at the little volcano, which was gently smoking, 'how does that work? It's on a saucer!' Lu-Tze stared straight ahead, his lips moving. 'Page seventy-six, I think,' he said. Lobsang turned to the page. ' “Because”, he read.

Mister Barnstable, the old man to whom you refer is a master of every martial art ever conceived. In fact he conceived most of them himself and he is the only known master of déjà fu.*30 He can throw a punch into the air and it’ll follow you home and smack you in the face when you open your own front door. He is known as Lu-Tze, a name that strikes fear in those who don’t know how to pronounce it, let alone spell it. My advice is to smile at him and, with great care, deliver him to my office.

Lu-Tze looked impressed, and said so. “I’m impressed,” he said.

Shame about all the rubbish. It always turns up, doesn’t it…” “Yes,” said Lu-Tze. “It’s part of the pattern.” “What? The old cigarette packet?” “Certainly. That invokes the element of air,” said Sweeper. “And the cat doings?” “To remind us that disharmony, like a cat, gets everywhere.

Take Death," said Ronnie Soak. "Impressive, I’ll grant you, and who doesn’t look good in black? But, after all, Death… What’s death?" "Just a big sleep," said Lu-Tze. "Just a big sleep," said Ronnie Soak. "As for the others… War? If war’s so bad, why do people keep doing it?" "Practically a hobby," said Lu-Tze. He began to roll himself a cigarette. "Practically a hobby," said Ronnie Soak. "As for Famine and Pestilence, well…" "Enough said," said Lu-Tze sympathetically. "Exactly. I mean, Famine’s a fearful thing, obviously—" "—in an agricultural community, but you’ve got to move with the times," said Lu-Tze, putting the roll-up in his mouth. "That’s it," said Ronnie. "You’ve got to move with the times. I mean, does your average city person fear famine?" "No, he thinks food grows in shops," said Lu-Tze.

He was sitting by the side of the street, watching carefully, with his begging bowl in front of him. There were, of course, far more interesting and complex ways for a history monk to avoid being noticed, but he’d adopted the begging-bowl method ever since Lu-Tze had shown him that people never see anyone who wants them to give him money.