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Psychologists have studied the states of mind that tend to make us more successful, whatever the challenge. There are at least two we can adopt: “action orientation” and “state orientation.”[3] Adopting an action orientation means focusing on the task ahead with no thought to your current emotional or physical state. A state orientation means you’re thinking principally about yourself: how prepared you feel in that moment, the worry you feel over a text left unanswered, the light prickling at the back of your throat, that crick blossoming in your neck. Adopting an action orientation, it turns out, makes it much more likely that you accomplish the task. Our best coaches know this instinctively. Consider the way they motivate a team before the game: We can do this! they say. Wiggins, you’re gonna cover number eleven like you’re his shadow. Tyler, watch the penalties. Defense—you’re gonna put relentless pressure on their QB, I want to see hurries and sacks. Offense, head up, stay composed, nice clean blocks. Focus, focus, focus on the task ahead! They do not say: Let’s take a moment to hear how each of you is feeling. Tyler, we’ll start with you. Still bummed about your parents’ divorce? If you want to win—if you want to accomplish anything—among the worst things you can do is attend to your disappointments, discomforts, and painful relationships right now. No winning head coach asks his players to consider their feelings at halftime because thinking about yourself shatters your ability to get things done. “State orientation keeps you from being successful in anything,” Linden said. I asked Linden what he would expect to see in a society where kids were constantly encouraged to heed their feelings. “If you start your day by asking yourself whether you are happy, the result can only be that you’re not happy. And then you think you need help to become happy. And then you go to a psychotherapist and he’ll make you really unhappy in the end.” But why can’t the answer always be “I’m happy”? Because it will never be true, Linden says. And time spent answering this question only pushes us further from any tangible goal and the satisfaction of having completed one.
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