Lidl Quotes

The night you asked me to marry you, you bought cherries at Lidl and told me they cost you six euros.” “So?” “You know what is at the heart of misogyny? When it comes down to it?” “So I’m a misogynist now?” “It’s simply about not giving,” she said. “Whether it’s not giving us the vote or not giving help with the dishes—it’s all clitched to the same wagon.” “Hitched,” Cathal said. “What?” “It’s not ‘clitched,’ ” he said. “It’s ‘hitched.’ ” “You see?” she said. “Isn’t this just more of the same? You knew exactly what I meant—but you cannot even give me this much.

I tell a woman in antenatal clinic that she has to give up smoking. She shoots me a look that makes me wonder if I’ve accidentally just said, ‘I want to fuck your cat,’ or ‘They’re closing Lidl’.

The theory is that free markets are principally about maximising efficiency, but in truth, free markets are not efficient at all. Admiring capitalism for its efficiency is like admiring Bob Dylan for his singing voice: it is to hold a healthy opinion for an entirely ridiculous reason. The market mechanism is loosely efficient, but the idea that efficiency is its main virtue is surely wrong, because competition is highly inefficient. Where I live, I can buy groceries from about eight different places; I’m sure it would be much more ‘efficient’ if Waitrose, M&S, Lidl and the rest were merged into one huge ‘Great Grocery Hall of The People’.

Thanks to the success of private label strategies (see Chapter 9), five of the top eight FMCG manufacturers in the world are actually retailers; giants such as Unilever and Coca-Cola are no longer even in the top ten, their global sales dwarfed by products under the names of Wal-Mart (now the world’s largest FMCG manufacturer), Carrefour, Tesco, Aldi and Lidl. The

Jolly’ is about slapping on a smile and making the best of what you’ve got. It’s the fleeting moments of joy, and laughter, and dogs pushing trollies outside Lidl, that all of us can notice and celebrate. Happiness is in the small things. So stay ‘jolly’.

No puedo creer que hayamos llegado a un punto en el que nos cuesta dinero tener un coño. Nos están obligando a pagar por el cuidado y mantenimiento de nuestra entrepierna como si se tratara de un jardín de la comunidad. Es un impuesto oculto. El IVA del coño. Es un dinero que deberíamos gastarnos en la FACTURA DE LA ELECTRICIDAD, en QUESO y en BOINAS. En vez de eso, lo estamos gastando en hacer que nuestros chihuahuas parezcan una repulsiva pechuga de pollo del Lidl. MALDITAS seáis, costumbrespornográficas-que-habéis-conseguido-meteros-en-mis-bragas. ¡MALDITAS SEÁIS!

Ten minutes later I’m more confused than a Tory politician in Lidl.

According to Stan, the Co-op was the closest, but it was more expensive than Lidl, though neither were as well stocked as Sainsbury’s when it came to ready meals for one.

Our ability to tell, create and believe in stories is Homo sapiens’s most powerful weapon. It’s how we organise ourselves, how we control each other, how we justify our decisions. If we didn’t have them, we’d be like fleas or rabbits or any other member of the animal kingdom, beings just trying to get through the day. Religion is just a story. Waitrose tells a better story than Lidl. Most things you learn at school are irrelevant, but you’ve been assured they’re important. You buy your car from one company over another because a salesman told you a better tale about its gearbox or revolutions per minute.