“
No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong.
”
”
François de La Rochefoucauld
“
Books, she has found, are a way to live a thousand lives--or to find strength in a very long one.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
What is a person, if not the marks they leave behind?
”
”
V.E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Always try to keep a patch of sky above your life.
”
”
Marcel Proust (Swann's Way (In Search of Lost Time, #1))
“
I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity. I want this adventure that is the context of my life to go on without end.
”
”
Simone de Beauvoir (La vieillesse)
“
...it is sad, of course, to forget.
But it is a lonely thing, to be forgotten.
To remember when no one else does.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Three words, large enough to tip the world. I remember you.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
A dreamer,” scorns her mother.
“A dreamer,” mourns her father.
“A dreamer,” warns Estele.
Still, it does not seem such a bad word.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
There is a defiance in being a dreamer
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Because time is cruel to all, and crueler still to artists. Because visions weakens, and voices wither, and talent fades.... Because happiness is brief, and history is lasting, and in the end... everyone wants to be remembered
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Blink, and the years fall away like leaves.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Nothing is all good or all bad,” she says. “Life is so much messier than that.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
What she needs are stories.
Stories are a way to preserve one's self. To be remembered. And to forget.
Stories come in so many forms: in charcoal, and in song, in paintings, poems, films. And books.
Books, she has found, are a way to live a thousand lives—or to find strength in a very long one.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Blink and you’re twenty-eight, and everyone else is now a mile down the road, and you’re still trying to find it, and the irony is hardly lost on you that in wanting to live, to learn, to find yourself, you’ve gotten lost.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Stories are a way to preserve one's self. To be remembered. And to forget.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Don't you remember, she told him then, when you were nothing but shadow and smoke?
Darling, he'd said in his soft, rich way, I was the night itself.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Being forgotten, she thinks, is a bit like going mad. You begin to wonder what is real, if you are real. After all, how can a thing be real if it cannot be remembered?
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Lo que mucha gente llama amar consiste en elegir una mujer y casarse con ella. La eligen, te lo juro, los he visto. Como si se pudiera elegir en el amor, como si no fuera un rayo que te parte los huesos y te deja estaqueado en la mitad del patio. Vos dirás que la eligen porque-la-aman, yo creo que es al vesre. A Beatriz no se la elige, a Julieta no se la elige. Vos no elegís la lluvia que te va a calar hasta los huesos cuando salís de un concierto.
”
”
Julio Cortázar (Rayuela)
“
Do you know how to live three hundred years?” she says. And when he asks how, she smiles. “The same way you live one. A second at a time.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
His heart has a draft. It lets in light. It lets in storms. It lets in everything.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
But a life without art, without wonder, without beautiful things—she would go mad. She has gone mad.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
It is just a storm, he tells himself, but he is tired of looking for shelter. It is just a storm, but there is always another waiting in its wake.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
That time always ends a second before you’re ready.
That life is the minutes you want minus one.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
But this is how you walk to the end of the world. This is how you live forever. Here is one day, and here is the next, and the next, and you take what you can, savor every stolen second, cling to every moment, until it’s gone.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
L'éternité, c'est long ... surtout vers la fin.
”
”
Franz Kafka
“
You know,” she’d said, “they say people are like snowflakes, each one unique, but I think they’re more like skies. Some are cloudy, some are stormy, some are clear, but no two are ever quite the same.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!
”
”
Dale Wasserman (Man of La Mancha: A Musical Play)
“
Life must not be squandered. A person got from life what he put ino it.
”
”
LaVyrle Spencer (The Endearment)
“
What a waste my life would be without all the beautiful mistakes I've made.
”
”
Alice Bag (Violence Girl: East L.A. Rage to Hollywood Stage, a Chicana Punk Story)
“
There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.
(Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.)
”
”
George Sand
“
Do not mistake this kindness. I simply want to be the one who breaks you.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
And there in the dark, he asks if it was really worth it.
Were the instants of joy worth the stretches of sorrow?
Were the moments of beauty worth the year of pain?
And she turns her head, and looks at him, and says 'Always.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
”
”
R.D. Laing
“
Déjà vu. Déjà su. Déjà vécu.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
I am stronger than your god and older than your devil. I am the darkness between stars, and the roots beneath the earth. I am promise, and potential, and when it comes to playing games, i divine the rules, I set the pieces, and I choose when to play.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
I don't need anything to get high. I'm high on life.
”
”
Melissa de la Cruz (Blue Bloods (Blue Bloods, #1))
“
The old gods may be great, but they are neither kind nor merciful. They are fickle, unsteady as moonlight on water, or shadows in a storm. If you insist on calling them, take heed: be careful what you ask for, be willing to pay the price. And no matter how desperate or dire, never pray to the gods that answer after dark.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Never pray to the gods that answer after dark.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Adeline has decided she would rather be a tree, like Estele. If she must grow roots, she would rather be left to flourish wild instead of pruned, would rather stand alone, allowed to grow beneath the open sky.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Humans are so ill-equipped for peace.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
The first mark she left upon the world, long before she knew the truth, that ideas are so much wilder than memories, that they long and look for ways of taking root
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Live long enough, and you learn how to read a person. To ease them open like a book, some passages underlined and others hidden between the lines.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
One cannot answer for his courage when he has never been in danger.
”
”
François de La Rochefoucauld (Maxims)
“
But if you only walk in other people's steps, you cannot make your own way. You cannot leave a mark.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Whether life is worth living depends on whether there is love in life.
”
”
R.D. Laing
“
It's amazing how quickly nature consumes human places after we turn our backs on them. Life is a hungry thing.
”
”
Scott Westerfeld (Peeps (Peeps, #1))
“
Listen to me. Life can feel very long sometimes, but in the end, it goes so fast. You better live a good life.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
I remember seeing that picture and realizing that photographs weren’t real. There’s no context, just the illusion that you’re showing a snapshot of a life, but life isn’t snapshots, it’s fluid. So photos are like fictions. I loved that about them. Everyone thinks photography is truth, but it’s just a very convincing lie.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
How does your life move forward, when all you want to do is hold still.
”
”
Nina LaCour (Hold Still)
“
Take your echoes and pretend they are a voice.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Dine with me,” Luc says as winter gives way to spring.
“Dance with me,” he says as a new year begins.
“Be with me,” he says, at last, as one decade slips into the next
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
If she must grow roots, she would rather be left to flourish wild instead of pruned, would rather stand alone, allowed to grow beneath the open sky. Better that than firewood, cut down just to burn in someone else’s hearth.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Other people would call him sensitive, but it is more than that. The dial is broken, the volume turned all the way up. Moments of joy registered as brief, but ecstatic. Moments of pain stretched long and unbearably loud.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
March is such a fickle month. It is the seam between winter and spring—though seam suggests an even hem, and March is more like a rough line of stitches sewn by an unsteady hand, swinging wildly between January gusts and June greens. You don’t know what you’ll find, until you step outside.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
The day passes like a sentence.
The sun falls like a scythe.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
They teach you growing up that you are only one thing at a time—angry, lonely, content—but he’s never found that to be true. He is a dozen things at once. He is lost and scared and grateful, he is sorry and happy and afraid.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
The vexing thing about time,” he says, “is that it’s never enough. Perhaps a decade too short, perhaps a moment. But a life always ends too soon.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Take a drink every time you hear you’re not enough.
Not the right fit.
Not the right look.
Not the right focus.
Not the right drive.
Not the right time.
Not the right job.
Not the right path.
Not the right future.
Not the right present.
Not the right you.
Not you.
(Not me?)
There’s just something missing.
From us.
What could I have done?
Nothing. It’s just…
(Who you are.)
I didn’t think we were serious.
(You’re just too…
…sweet.
…soft.
…sensitive.)
I just don’t see us ending up together.
I met someone.
I’m sorry
It’s not you.
Swallow it down.
We’re not on the same page.
We’re not in the same place.
It’s not you.
We can’t help who we fall in love with.
(And who we don’t.)
You’re such a good friend.
You’re going to make the right girl happy.
You deserve better.
Let’s stay friends.
I don’t want to lose you.
It’s not you.
I’m sorry.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Spells are for witches, and witches are too often burned.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
But it is a lonely thing, to be forgotten, To remember when know one else does.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Hmmmm...There certainly are a lot of pretty boys in this world.
”
”
L.A. Meyer (In the Belly of the Bloodhound: Being an Account of a Particularly Peculiar Adventure in the Life of Jacky Faber (Bloody Jack, #4))
“
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
”
”
Jean de La Bruyère
“
Do you think a life has any value if one doesn’t leave some mark upon the world?
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Life is a train that stops at no stations; you either jump abroad or stand on the platform and watch as it passes.
”
”
Yasmina Khadra (Ce que le jour doit à la nuit)
“
There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain.
”
”
R.D. Laing
“
Small places make for small lives. And some people are fine with that. They like knowing where to put their feet. But if you only walk in other people’s steps, you cannot make your own way. You cannot leave a mark.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
art is about ideas. And ideas are wilder than memories. They're like weeds, always finding their way up.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Celebrate who you are in your deepest heart. Love yourself and the world will love you.
”
”
Amy Leigh Mercree
“
What I mean is don't be a person who seeks out grief. There is enough of that in life.
”
”
Nina LaCour (We Are Okay)
“
The places we have known do not belong solely to the world of space in which we situate them for our greater convenience. They were only a thin slice among contiguous impressions which formed our life at that time; the memory of a certain image is but regret for a certain moment; and houses, roads, avenues are as fleeting, alas, as the years.
”
”
Marcel Proust (Swann's Way (In Search of Lost Time, #1))
“
Even rocks wear away to nothing.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
it’s amazing what you can learn when you have the time.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Nuestra existencia es demasiado limitada como para pasar la mitad de ella huyendo.
”
”
Javier Ruescas (PLAY (PLAY, #1))
“
I could say the night felt magical, but that would be embellishment.
That would be romanticization.
What it actually felt like was life.
”
”
Nina LaCour (We Are Okay)
“
Neither the sun nor death can be looked at steadily.
”
”
François de La Rochefoucauld
“
I remember you.” Three words, large enough to tip the world.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
I wonder if there's a secret current that connects people who have lost something. Not in the way that everyone loses something, but in the way that undoes your life, undoes your self, so that when you look at your face it isn't yours anymore.
”
”
Nina LaCour (We Are Okay)
“
We love films because they makes us feel something. They speak to our desires, which are never small. They allow us to escape and to dream and to gaze into the eyes that are impossibly beautiful and huge. They fill us with longing. But also. They tell us to remember; they remind us of life. Remember, they say, how much it hurts to have your heart broken.
”
”
Nina LaCour (Everything Leads to You)
“
Easy to stay on the path when the road is straight and the steps are numbered.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
History is a thing designed in retrospect.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
After the first glass of vodka
you can accept just about anything
of life even your own mysteriousness
you think it is nice that a box
of matches is purple and brown and is called La Petite and comes from Sweden
for they are words that you know and that is all you know words not their feelings or what they mean and you write because you know them not because you understand them because you don't you are stupid and lazy and will never be great but you do what you know because what else is there?
”
”
Frank O'Hara (The Collected Poems of Frank O'Hara)
“
All she knows is that she is tired, and he is the place she wants to rest. And that, somehow, she was happy. But it is not love.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Love. It's so close to hate, it's almost indistinguishable. But this is how it was for the two of them. Love and hate. Life and death. Joy and anguish.
”
”
Melissa de la Cruz (Revelations (Blue Bloods, #3))
“
The best things aren't perfectly constructed. They aren't illusions. they aren't larger than life. They are life.
”
”
Nina LaCour (Everything Leads to You)
“
I do not want to belong to someone else. I do not want to belong to anyone but myself. I want to be free. Free to live, and to find my own way, to love, or to be alone, but at least it is my choice, and I am so tired of not having choices, so scared of the years rushing past beneath my feet. I do not want to die as I’ve lived, which is no life at all.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
It was just so...permanent.
Choosing a class became choosing a discipline, and choosing a discipline became choosing a career, and choosing a career became choosing a life, and how was anyone supposed to do that, when you only had one?
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Even in the most insignificant details of our daily life, none of us can be said to constitute a material whole, which is identical for everyone, and need only be turned up like a page in an account-book or the record of a will; our social personality is created by the thoughts of other people.
”
”
Marcel Proust (Swann's Way (In Search of Lost Time, #1))
“
Want is for children. If this were want, I would be rid of you by now. I would have forgotten you centuries ago,” he says, a bitter loathing in his voice. “This is need. And need is painful but patient. Do you hear me, Adeline? I need you. As you need me. I love you, as you love me.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Deve nutrir-se carinho por um sofrimento sobre o qual se soube construir a felicidade, repetiu muito seguro. Apenas isso. Nunca cultivar a dor, mas lembrá-la com respeito, por ter sido indutora de uma melhoria, por melhorar quem se é. Se assim for, não é necessário voltar atrás. A aprendizagem estará feita e o caminho livre para que a dor não se repita.
”
”
Valter Hugo Mãe (O Filho de Mil Homens)
“
If you're frightened of damaging yourself, you increase the risk of doing just that. Consider the tightrope walker. Do you think he spares any thought for falling while he's walking the rope? No, he accepts the risk, and enjoys the thrill of braving the danger. If you spend your whole life being careful not to break anything, you'll get terribly bored, you know... I can't think of anything more fun than being impulsive.
”
”
Mathias Malzieu (La Mécanique du cœur)
“
Here's how I feel: People take one another for granted. Like, I'd just hang out with Ingrid in all these random places--in her room or at school or just on a sidewalk somewhere. And the whole time we'd tell eachother things, just say our thoughts outloud. Maybe that would have been boring to some people, but it was never boring to us. I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head. You just think that things will stay the way they are. You never look up, in a moment that feels like every other moment of your life, and think, "Soon this will be over." But I understand more now. About how life works.
”
”
Nina LaCour (Hold Still)
“
There are days when she mourns the prospect of another year, another decade, another century. There are nights when she cannot sleep, moments when she lies awake and dreams of dying.
But then she wakes, and sees the pink and orange dawn against the clouds, or hears the lament of a lone fiddle, the music and the melody, and remembers there is such beauty in the world.
And she does not want to miss it—any of it.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Dacă omul va uita cu desăvârşire că există moarte, că există un sfârşit, riscăm să ne întoarcem la maimuţe. Explicaţia este simplă: omul activ, omul creator, este excitat mai ales de ideea că într-o zi se va termina totul, că va avea un sfârşit, o odihnă definitivă. Cultivă la maximum conştiinţa acestui sfârşit, şi vei obţine de la oameni cele mai extraordinare eforturi. Cine ştie asta incontinuu este în stare să ridice munţii, este în stare de cele mai crâncene libertăţi, de cele mai curajoase acte.
”
”
Mircea Eliade (Huliganii)
“
Once upon a time, there was a naïve and innocent girl who thought she could tame the beast and live happily ever after. But the beast did not want to be tamed, for he was a beast and beasts care not for such things, and the girl died along with her dreams.
From childhood's grave sprang a young woman, jaded before her years, who knew that beasts could wear the skins of men, and that evil could exist in sunlight, as well as darkness.
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
”
”
Nenia Campbell (Terrorscape (Horrorscape, #3))
“
You didn’t come.”
“You didn’t call.”
She looks down at their tangled hands. “Tell me, Luc,” she says. “Was any of it real?”
“What is real to you, Adeline? Since my love counts for nothing?”
“You are not capable of love.”
He scowls, his eyes flashing emerald. “Because I am not human? Because I do not wither and die?”
“No,” she says, drawing back her hand. “You are not capable of love because you cannot understand what it is to care for someone else more than yourself. If you loved me, you would have let me go by now.”
Luc flicks his fingers. “What nonsense,” he says. “It is because I love you that I won’t. Love is hungry. Love is selfish.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Her shadow stretches out ahead - too long, its edges already blurring - and small white flowers tumble from her hair, littering the ground like stars. A constellation left in her wake, almost like the one across her cheeks.
Seven freckles. One for every love she'd have, that's what Estele had said, when the girl was still young.
One for every life she'd lead.
One for every god watching over her.
Now they mock her, those seven marks. Promises. Lies. She's had no loves, she's lived no lives, she's met no gods, and now she is out of time.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Time moves so fucking fast.
Blink, and you’re halfway through school, paralyzed by the idea that whatever you choose to do, it means choosing not to do a hundred other things, so you change your major half a dozen times before finally ending up in theology, and for a while it seems like the right path, but that’s really just a reflex to the pride on your parents’ faces, because they assume they’ve got a budding rabbi, but the truth is, you have no desire to practice, you see the holy texts as stories, sweeping epics, and the more you study, the less you believe in any of it.
Blink, and you’re twenty-four, and you travel through Europe, thinking—hoping—that the change will spark something in you, that a glimpse of the greater, grander world will bring your own into focus. And for a little while, it does. But there’s no job, no future, only an interlude, and when it’s over, your bank account is dry, and you’re not any closer to anything.
Blink, and you’re twenty-six, and you’re called into the dean’s office because he can tell that your heart’s not in it anymore, and he advises you to find another path, and he assures you that you’ll find your calling, but that’s the whole problem, you’ve never felt called to any one thing. There is no violent push in one direction, but a softer nudge a hundred different ways, and now all of them feel out of reach.
Blink and you’re twenty-eight, and everyone else is now a mile down the road, and you’re still trying to find it, and the irony is hardly lost on you that in wanting to live, to learn, to find yourself, you’ve gotten lost.
”
”
Victoria E. Schwab (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)
“
Prove it!" she hissed. "Prove you are who you are!"
"We don't have time for this! You really want me to prove who I am?" he asked.
"Yes!" she challenged.
In answer, he took her in his arms, lifting her up and against the wall. He pressed his lips against hers, and with each kiss she could see into his mind, into his soul. She saw a year of hate...saw him alone, alienated, hurt. She had lied to him and had left him. With every kiss he made her see, made her feel...every emotion, every dream he had of her...every ounce of his wanting and his need...and his love...his all-consuming, life-affirming love for her. In the darkness they found each other again...and she kissed him back, so greedily and hungrily, she never wanted to stop kissing him...to feel his heart against hers, the two of them intertwined together, his hands in her hair, then down the small of her back. She wanted to cry from the overwhelming emotion that engulfed the two of them....
"Now do you belive me?" Jack asked huskily, pulling away from a moment so they could look into each other's eyes. Schuyler nodded, breathless. Jack. Every fiber of her being tingled with love and desire and remorse and forgiveness. Oh Jack...the love of her life, her sweet, her soul...
”
”
Melissa de la Cruz (The Van Alen Legacy (Blue Bloods, #4))
“
The peculiar predicament of the present-day self surely came to pass as a consequence of the disappointment of the high expectations of the self as it entered the age of science and technology. Dazzled by the overwhelming credentials of science, the beauty and elegance of the scientific method, the triumph of modern medicine over physical ailments, and the technological transformation of the very world itself, the self finds itself in the end disappointed by the failure of science and technique in those very sectors of life which had been its main source of ordinary satisfaction in past ages.
As John Cheever said, the main emotion of the adult Northeastern American who has had all the advantages of wealth, education, and culture is disappointment.
Work is disappointing. In spite of all the talk about making work more creative and self-fulfilling, most people hate their jobs, and with good reason. Most work in modern technological societies is intolerably dull and repetitive.
Marriage and family life are disappointing. Even among defenders of traditional family values, e.g., Christians and Jews, a certain dreariness must be inferred, if only from the average time of TV viewing. Dreary as TV is, it is evidently not as dreary as Mom talking to Dad or the kids talking to either.
School is disappointing. If science is exciting and art is exhilarating, the schools and universities have achieved the not inconsiderable feat of rendering both dull. As every scientist and poet knows, one discovers both vocations in spite of, not because of, school. It takes years to recover from the stupor of being taught Shakespeare in English Lit and Wheatstone's bridge in Physics.
Politics is disappointing. Most young people turn their backs on politics, not because of the lack of excitement of politics as it is practiced, but because of the shallowness, venality, and image-making as these are perceived through the media--one of the technology's greatest achievements.
The churches are disappointing, even for most believers. If Christ brings us new life, it is all the more remarkable that the church, the bearer of this good news, should be among the most dispirited institutions of the age. The alternatives to the institutional churches are even more grossly disappointing, from TV evangelists with their blown-dry hairdos to California cults led by prosperous gurus ignored in India but embraced in La Jolla.
Social life is disappointing. The very franticness of attempts to reestablish community and festival, by partying, by groups, by club, by touristy Mardi Gras, is the best evidence of the loss of true community and festival and of the loneliness of self, stranded as it is as an unspeakable consciousness in a world from which it perceives itself as somehow estranged, stranded even within its own body, with which it sees no clear connection.
But there remains the one unquestioned benefit of science: the longer and healthier life made possible by modern medicine, the shorter work-hours made possible by technology, hence what is perceived as the one certain reward of dreary life of home and the marketplace: recreation.
Recreation and good physical health appear to be the only ambivalent benefits of the technological revolution.
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Walker Percy (Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book)
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It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.
Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.
You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.
You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.
Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.
Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.
I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.
You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?
We shall see.
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Ryan O'Connell