Kinky Friedman Quotes

My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover. ~ Falsely yours

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

May the God of your choice bless you.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

Politics is the only field of human endeavor where the more experience you have, the worse you get.

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.

The best fiction is true.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

A fool and his money are soon elected

Happiness is a moving target.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody else got tired of her shit

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

why did i so passionately require the truth? because all great fiction is true

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.

The art of writing fiction is to sail as dangerously close to the truth as possible without sinking the ship

How hard can it be?

In April 1933, Willie's mother, Myrle, gave birth to him in a manger somewhere along the old highway between Waco & Dallas. There were angels in attendance that night. Some of them, no doubt, flying too close to the ground:

Never re-elect anybody

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen

The only thing wrong with Southern Baptists was they didn't hold them underwater long enough.

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.

see the people on the sidewalk?...aren't you glad you're not one of them? they're all so self-importantly going nowhere...they just have no idea of who they are or where they really belong. nothing will ever be enough for them. nothing will truly make them happy. they all think they've got to get someplace, got to meet someone, got to get to work, got to get home, got to keep that appointment. if they had a hundred million bucks, it wouldn't be enough for them. if they had four cars, they'd need more. if they had four homes, they'd need more. they are organically out of touch with their land and their tribe.

Find what you like and let it kill you.

When you have a cat you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, transcend those of a marital or a business relationship.

A happy childhood is poor preparation for life.

Find what you like, and let it kill you

The Poodle The poodle -- nature’s most perfect food -- was invented by Otto Van Plotsberg in 1872. According to Van Plotsberg he had only just begun experimenting with kinky hair and extra toes when he happened upon the formula for poodles. Van Plotsberg’s first poodles sported only one leg -- a stumpy appendage protruding from the center of the body. These crude early versions (commonly inverted and used as hat stands) were soon abandoned in favor of the superior French model, which featured a winning smile and four limbs positioned strategically around the torso. Thus began the dizzying proliferation of the modern-day poodle -- hampered temporarily by a 1909 decree which stated that “Henceforth all poodles shall bear the name Svee,” marking a slight decline in the population until the edict was overturned. Today, poodles inhabit every corner of the earth. Witness the African Killer Poodle, The Wild Poodles of Borneo, and the elusive Giant Swamp Poodle of Denchai.

Regaring Politics: You’ve got your cats on one side and your dogs on the other; someone has to walk the fence and feed the animals. —Kinky Friedman

We enjoy talking about music, politics, and subjugation. —Kinky Friedman to Night Rider on KOKE-FM

It’s all very well going around thinking you’re a cowboy, until you run into somebody who thinks he’s an Indian.

I held the mescal up to the light and watched the worm slide across the bottom of the bottle.

Money may buy you a fine dog, but only love will make it wag it's tail

We went into Bennie`s, where Ratso bought all three newspapers: the Post, which I always read and Ratso hated, The New York Times, which Ratso loved and I didn't believe in, and the Daily News, which we both read to see if the Russians were attacking the Alamo yet.

Regarding politics: You've got your cats on one side and your dogs on the other. Someone has to walk the fence and feed the animals. —Kinky Friedman

I have found that in this business, one of the most important things is sincerity. If you can fake that, you can do just about anything.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

they say if you smile when you think of people who are gone, you loved them.

You Struggle with your Demons an you Conquer them.

I held the mescal up to the light and watched the worm slide across the bottom of the bottle. A gift from a friend just back from Mexico. The worm was fat and white and somewhat dangerous looking with great hallucinogenic properties attributed to it. You were supposed to eat it and it was supposed to make you so high you would need a stepladder to scratch your ass.

Rocky Hawkins has written a rare, fun and beautiful book. If you don't believe me, read it for yourself.