Kill Switch Penelope Douglas Quotes

Because pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. It feels good, like a kill switch for your brain.

This is black,” he said. “Fear, falling, release. Excitement, risk, danger.

People assumed I behaved strictly on impulse, when actually, it required quite a bit of strategy being this fucked up.

Your body can only feel one pain at a time.

Our life is a series of plans,” she finally said. “Days, weeks, months, years… And then, there are moments. Moments you don’t see coming and you don’t plan, but everything you need, all the things you want to feel, are in that moment.

Life felt like hell, because we expected it to feel like heaven.

The world respected people who didn’t crave approval.

the beauty in life is what we live for, and it’s everywhere. You just have to look closer.

He made himself the cure, which wouldn’t have been necessary if he hadn’t also created the disease.

How I’d never hated anyone as much as I hated him, but how I loved what I felt with him more than I loved anything I felt with anyone else, either.

I’m stronger now,” I whispered. “I won’t let you fall.

We’re going to rule the world, Rika.” I held out my hands, grinning. “You, Banks, and me.

If she left me, I'm going to burn the whole fucking world down until I find her.

What’s your tattoo?” I asked quietly, remembering how my friend noticed he had one. He didn’t say anything for a moment, or ask how I knew, but then he answered, “A decaying snowflake.” I raised my eyebrows. A decaying… “Why?” I asked. “Because of Winter by Walter de la Mare,” he replied softly. “Something still beautiful, even after what I did to her.

To dive and fall. To have a lifetime of searching for something. Or to have five minutes of everything.

that’s what red feels like. Anger and fury and heat and need so strong you’re a fucking animal, Winter. It’s primal.

There’s always a reason why things are as they are.

You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else's world," I shot back, "and I'll teach mine everyone else exists in her. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.

Having Damon around was the only time I ever felt solid in my life,” he told me. “He’s powerful. But painful.

Words were shit. They didn’t mean anything. What we did mattered, not what we said.

I might kiss you again when we're older," he says. "Just so you know.

Your place is at my side,” I told her. “Say it.” She whispered, “My place is at your side.” “Louder.” I shook her gently, but my tone was firm. “My woman doesn’t ask permission. She’s a force. Say it louder.” Her chin started to tremble, but her voice burst out strong. “My place is at your side.

I rolled my eyes so far back in my head I almost saw my brain.

One pain at a time.

The secret of life that everyone knew and everyone forgot was that we weren’t alone. We thought we were unique. We thought we were the first. No one has been through what I’ve been through. No one else is feeling this. No one knows what it’s like to be me. This is the first time anyone has endured what I’ve endured, right?

It is an art how quickly you can make everyone want to kill you.” I shrugged, hearing the smile in her voice. “I just can’t help myself.

This was a game to him, and that was fine. He just wasn’t the only one playing anymore.

People come together, and for a tiny space of time...it’s beautiful and raw, because you can’t think and you don’t want to. You just feel... The moments are what we remember.

Red. Out of all the colors, I liked red the best.

It all fucking disappeared when you were dancing, though. It made the world prettier. I liked it.

The secret of life that everyone knew and everyone forgot was that we weren’t alone. We thought we were unique. We thought we were the first.

Jesus Christ. She was beautiful. And mine. All mine whether she fucking liked it or not. She’d do this for me. Only for me from now on.

Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, Winter Ashby, because we’re not done,” Damon warned in a low voice that snaked through my ear, taunting me. “Grow up, learn things, and have fun in high school, but don’t change the little girl who loves it ‘in the black’, because I like you there, too. And I will be back for what’s mine when you’re old enough for bigger things.

You were the only loner I knew who hated being alone

I don’t know, baby,” I told her. “Just don’t let me go, okay?

He jerked his head back, trying to head butt me. “Don’t fucking talk about that,” he growled. “I was drunk.” “All three times?” I teased, smiling. “Michael and Kai don’t know how close we got, do they?

I need her to hurt me, because pain covers up pain, and if I feel one, I won’t feel the other.

Because pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. It feels good, like a kill switch for you brain.

Damon,” I whimpered, my chest caving again and again. “Say it again,” he growled. I gasped. “Damon.” “Who’s fucking you?” Oh, God, I was coming. “Damon Torrance,” I breathed out.

Her heart was so shallow she couldn’t understand and know that I was real. Every moment with her, I was real. I would’ve been faithful, and I would’ve died protecting her.

It’s no excuse,” I pointed out. And she agreed. “No, it’s not.” she said. “It’s a reason. Plain and simple. There’s always a reason why things are as they are.

I hated him. He was everything bad that happened to me. But he was the only time—other than dancing—that I felt alive, too. Being with him was like dancing. Dancing with death.

You’re mine,” I said, kissing her mouth once as I humped her. “Mine.” I kissed her again. “Mine in that fountain. Mine in the locker room and in the janitor’s closet. Mine in the dean’s office.” I took her jaw in my hand. “You’ll have my kids and be my woman and fuck me, because that’s what I want.

Everything with him was like home.

We’re going to rule the world, Rika.

Now,” I breathed out. “I want you now, Damon.” He sucked in air between his teeth. “Say that again. With my name.” “I want you now, Damon.

I love you,” he said. I immediately broke down, tears springing to my eyes. Happy tears.

I’m pregnant.

And he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, and this was it. Right here. Everything I wanted to feel that brought me even more happiness than dancing did. He was still the boy, promising to kiss me again someday, and I was still her, never wanting to leave whatever little private world we created when we were together.

And all I knew in that moment was that I would fight for nothing more than to keep her like this. Innocent and happy and pure

This is special. It's different. it's unique and all mine. She and I...we're alone in the universe. No one was us.

Don’t fucking talk about that,” he growled. “I was drunk.” “All three times?

I’d changed her forever. I’d bent and twisted and broken everything that made her the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.

You made the world look different. It was pure, and it was a dream. I didn't want to change you. I just wanted to be a part of it all. Of everything beautiful you were going to do.

My chest swelled, aching like shit, and everything washed over me at once. Her smell, her warmth, her hair and body… My lungs caved, and I didn’t know why, but it felt so fucking good. I wrapped my arms around her like a steel band, almost feeling relief at holding something—or someone—for the first time in forever.

I love you,” he said.

Fear made us feel alive.

Challenges find us so we can become who we're meant to be,

Because if there's one thing they know about revenge, Damon, it's that it won't feel nearly as good as her love will.

Will, Michael, and Kai were my friends, and I’d walk through fire for any one of them. Will was the only one, though, who I was sure would walk through fire for me.

Pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. Its like a kill-switch for your brain

When it was time to come clean, I couldn’t,” he said, his voice growing thick. “I just wanted to stay there with you. Behind the waterfall, in the shower, in the ballroom… Just stay with you.

It was all very…cute. Not bad if you wanted to hang out with some friends for a beer, but this wasn’t the real Devil’s Night. These people wore their black as a costume. For us, the costume was coming off.

That I didn’t know what Trevor was doing, and it wasn’t supposed to go down like that, because out of all three of my friends, Will was the one I would always save first. That my pride and anger wouldn’t let me retreat, and that if he had been pulled to the ocean’s bottom, out of my reach, I would’ve followed him. I would’ve fucking followed him and rotted down there, close to wherever he was,

dove in, catching his bottom lip between my teeth and pushing us both through the pool house door. He stumbled back, snarling and

I told her you’d be set for life,” I said, both of us rubbing on each other, “and I’d make all your dreams come true. You’ll dance and no doors will be closed to you ever again.

You're crawling inside yourself. You don't just want out of the room. You want out of your skin.

Why?” “Because I’m sick,” he answered. What? No one was that self-aware. Especially psychopaths.

When women think, shit didn’t go the way I wanted it to.

I wish we never had to leave the fountain. We never did.

Red. Out of all the colors, I liked red the best.

You taught me how to survive that day,” he said. “You taught me how to be strong and how to get to the next minute. And the next and the next. I could never forget, and when you came back in high school, and I had changed into this, because I’d seen so much shit,” he went on, “and my desires had morphed into something ugly and twisted, but I’d fucking survived, nonetheless, and didn’t swallow the bad for anyone anymore, because you had taught me how to get rid of the shit. I finally craved one more thing I realized had been missing when I laid eyes on you again.

And I hated that I’d missed him. I hated that so fucking much. How I still felt the parts about him I loved when I didn’t know it was him I was with. How his arms around me still felt protective and how his whispers reminded me of when I loved the feel of them all over my neck.

The secret of life that everyone knew and everyone forgot was that we weren’t alone. We thought we were unique. We thought we were the first. No one has been through what I’ve been through. No one else is feeling this. No one knows what it’s like to be me. This is the first time anyone has endured what I’ve endured, right? They’re lies we tell ourselves, because we think we’re special. Because it would lessen the entitlement to suffer to know what we’re going through is not uncommon. It was a secret I never forgot and was able to use to keep things in perspective, so I could get through the shit in my head, but now... Now I wished I could forget it. I wanted to be alone.

This is what happened when you fell in love. You lost your nerve, because you didn’t want to lose what had become more important.

I closed my eyes, starting to spin as Lana Del Rey’s “Dark Paradise” drifted out of the ballroom through the open window, and I swept my leg,

threatening me. And I almost laughed. Bet his dick grew another fourth of an inch off that big boy threat.

What the hell was he talking about? I only had one sister.

I wish I could see you for real,” I told him. “I want to know what you look like when you look at me.

An angel with really black batwings.

You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else’s world,” I shot back, “and I’ll teach mine everyone else exists in hers. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.

It’s no excuse,” I pointed out. And she agreed. “No, it’s not.” she said. “It’s a reason. Plain and simple. There’s always a reason why things are as they are.

I’d have her right here, surrounding me and getting lost with me where the rest of the world didn’t exist, and it was just us. Always just us.

My smile froze, remembering the beating I let him give me last year, because I knew I deserved it. I’d knelt there, letting him hit me again and again, because I wanted to feel worse on the outside than I did on the inside, and for so many moments, I just wanted him to kill me. Just kill me, because I can’t take it back, and I can’t move on. I’d almost killed him. And I wanted him to hate me so hard he would fucking murder me, and then maybe, after his anger was spent, he’d love me again. Whether I lived or died, he needed to forgive me for standing by and letting Michael’s brother do what he did on that yacht that night.

I told her that I wanted you,” I went on. “That you loved me, because there was no faking what happened in that fucking video, and I told her that I loved you, too, and I was sorry for stealing you the way I did, but it was the only way I could get close to you.” Her breath shook as she sucked it in between her teeth. “I told her that I never intended for anyone to see that video,” I admitted, “and I needed time. Time to convince you that you were mine and that you wanted to be mine. We just needed to be left alone.

Your body can only feel one pain at a time. She was right. I've found that to be true. But instead of hurting myself to mask pain with more pain, tonight I learned something else. Hurting others is just as effective.

People come together, and for a tiny space of time,” she went on, “it’s beautiful and raw, because you can’t think and you don’t want to. You just feel.” She paused and then continued. “The moments are what we remember.

Everything was pure and sweet, just for that short amount of time, and this was how it was supposed to happen. It was always going to happen with us. I wanted to feel her on me. Her skin on mine. I wanted every inch of her.

Life felt like hell, because we expected it to feel like heaven. The quote I read years ago went something like that, but I never understood it. When you’re in the thick all your life, living in ways you eventually figure out no one else is, you learn to sleep well in heat and eat fire. Until one day it’s all you need.

He sighed. “I’m out of my own control, Winter,” he said, not explaining any further. “There are no choices. We are who we are, and we do what we do. It’s nature. Like game pieces, I will play my part, because I can’t resist. I can’t be what I’m not.

because out of all three of my friends, Will was the one I would always save first. That my pride and anger wouldn’t let me retreat, and that if he had been pulled to the ocean’s bottom, out of my reach, I would’ve followed him. I would’ve fucking followed him and rotted down there, close to wherever he was, because nothing I would’ve acquired after that—my inheritance or my vengeance on Winter—would’ve been worthwhile without him.

Exhaustion took over, and before I knew it, I was lost in it. In his warmth. In his arms. In the thunder of his heartbeat.

In fact, he was kind of an angel at the end. An angel with really black batwings.

Releasing his neck, I yanked his jeans open and slid my hand down inside as he grabbed at my hand, trying to stop me, but I gripped his fucking cock, feeling it was already a little stiff. “What is she wearing?” I started, stroking him, not giving him time to think. “What is she fucking wearing for you, huh?

She pulled out a knife from somewhere and pressed the side of the blade into my neck. Jesus. She must be fun in bed. I grinned. “You won’t hurt me.” “And why not?” “Because we’re friends.” “You don’t know the meaning of the word!” she snapped. “You don’t care about me!” “I would kill for you,” I shot back, getting in her face.

He rose up out of his chair, the hint of disdain on his face as he picked up the hoodie. “Not every woman in this world will be for your personal amusement,” he bit out, staring down at me. “Someday one of them will be your kid, and you’re gonna damn well worry when she’s drawing the wrong kind of attention.” “You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else’s world,” I shot back, “and I’ll teach mine everyone else exists in hers. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.

Are you fucking kidding me?” I whined, holding my side and trying to get my feet under me. “That’s how you thank three females who just saved your ass?” Rika remarked, sounding all too amused. And then Alex tipped her chin at me, taunting, “Who’s your daddy?” Winter snorted, and I just fixed a snarl on my face as I stood up. “Just get me out of here,” I told them. “And don’t tell anybody about this, for Christ’s sake.

I held myself up on my hands, riding them both, dry humping Will underneath me and backing up on Damon behind me as he fisted my hair. Will leaned up, sucking on my nipples, one after the other, and the room filled with the sounds of us fucking and needing this. Needing the connection.

I told her the only way I could stay married to Ari for a year was if we were together as little as possible,” I said, both of us mouth to mouth and panting. “I told her that I wanted you,” I went on. “That you loved me, because there was no faking what happened in that fucking video, and I told her that I loved you, too, and I was sorry for stealing you the way I did, but it was the only way I could get close to you.

Haha. I can hear you smiling.” I could hear his amusement. The laughter always present in his voice. “You can hear me smiling, huh?” He was the only one—the only one—who didn’t walk on eggshells around me, and I damn near killed him for it a few times, but now I barely did anything without him. “I told you,” he pointed out. “We’re connected. It’s spiritual and shit.” I let out a little grin he couldn’t see. “I fucking hate you.” Idiot.